Flash back to 2008

At near Taemin and Naeun house

I decided to follow them because I were worried with them. They didn’t talk each other since we met at Jinki’s Restaurant. I never saw them like this before.

“So..Why you with Jongin at Jinki hyung restaurant?”,

I heard a familiar voice. I know whose voice is. I make my step faster toward the source.

“and why you with So joong sunbaenim at there too?”,

This is her voice.

“Since when you called him ‘oppa’?, why you don’t tell me anything about this?”,

I just stare them from the far.

“Why I must tell you everything about what happen to me?”,“anyways you didn’t tell me anything about you too right?”,

What are they going to do?

“Are you two dating?”,

“Are you two dating too?”,

I feel my eyes become darker. I feel betrayed. Taemin is my best buddy and she is the precious ones for me. From the outside I can feel they love each other, but I hate to admit it.

I see her kneel down after Taemin leaved her. I heard her cry voices. Seeing her like this make me more pain. I want to make a step closer to her. But I give up. I think I can’t help anything or maybe I will hurt her more. I turn my back and go back home.

***

Times flies fast, it’s already six month after that revelation. Their friendship even become worse.  Every time we met, they obviously avoided eye contact, didn’t talk each other. Taemin made it more badly. He purposely pushed Naeun far away by closed to Soo Jung, and pretends they had relationship. He did obviously in front of Naeun. I clearly saw that. I can felt Naeun’s heart, she was crying in the silence. Me, as a person that knew the actual situation, there was nothing I can do.

How can I put myself in this situation? As victim? Or a person who destroy their friendship?  I feel the pain too.

That time I was selfish, the part of my heart, I don’t know, happy maybe. Taemin clearly made my way to close to Naeun easier. I had much time together with Naeun. She acted naturally, but I felt cold inside her. Why I didn’t realize it from the first place? I kept thinking she cared with me. Maybe I was blind, because of love. My delusion brought me into comfortable mind. It spelled, one day she will love me too.

But I am wrong. She never changes at all.

I think I must end this unrequited love. If Naeun don’t want take my hand, I will release her. Even though it's hard for me. At the end of my last day as middle school student, I decide, I will tell her.

***

I make appointment on the park near her house. While waiting me, she rides the swing. I look her from the far. She is always beautiful.

“Naeun..”, maybe this is the last time I called her name.

“Jongin oppa, what’s matter?”, she turned back her head and was facing me but she still sit at swing.

I don’t know how to start. I approach her and manage to sit beside her. I smile to her.

“mmm…how are you?”, I said awkwardly.

“I am fine oppa, why you acting strange?”

I bite my lips, how I will tell her?, “Naeun, all this time I am happy with you, you know that too right?”

“Yeah.. I am happy with you too oppa”,  is there a little hope for me?

“And all this time I always beside you, no matter bad or good”.

“Yeah…”, she gave me a signal to tell her more.

“I just want to you to know, I gave you all my cares and attentions, all to you, even…. my heart too”.

She was silent. Why? Is she never thought that I love her more as friend?

“I know oppa…”, I felt my heart out from its place. All the time she was knows. But why? I am confused.

“I am sorry”, I don’t know the reason why, but I hate to heard that.

“But why? I mean, you know how I feel about you, but why you didn’t tell me about it?”.

“I am sorry oppa”, why she kept saying sorry? I felt angry, but I still hold it.

“You better tell me the reason, instead keep saying sorry Naeun”.

I see a tears falling down from her eyes. What is that you keep inside Naeun? Tell me.

“I am sorry oppa, I can’t accept your feeling, I am a bad girl oppa. I just used you as my shield”

“A shield? From what?”

“From Taemin oppa”.

I feel my knees become weaker. I already was being knocked by reality. I am Pathetic. My delusion is tearing apart as well as my heart too. I thought I prepare for this, but I think I don’t. I leave with broken heart. My unrequited love has end.

As Naeun back to her house with teary eyes, she coincidence met with Taemin.

They just staring each other and passed like stranger.

In Naeun mind,

Even without my realizing,

I build a barrier wall higher, oppa.

I don’t know this is for your punishment,

Or this is my way..

In order to don’t look weak in front of you.

another uaaahhh story, T_T

sorry for grammar mistake,

please comment for this chapter.