Story title: The Ghost-Sisters

By: hadonghoon

Reviewed by: teatee

Title: [4/5]

Comment:

The capitalizations are great. Although it wasn’t that eye-catching, people will scroll down and click it to check it out because the title itself might draw some of the reader’s attention.

Apperance: [4/5]

Poster:

The poster was okay.

Background:

Overall:

The whole foreword is okay. Readers get to know the little side of the story. You don’t reveal much about the story which is good.

Vocabulary/Grammar/Tatabahasa: [9/15]

I spotted many grammatical errors and spelling mistakes. And, instead of using apostrophe for the dialogue section, use quotation marks which I think it was far more suitable since it was a dialogue, right? Moreover, even in novels, authors didn’t use apostrophe for the dialogues.

As an example:

'Unni, what's this?'

“Unni, what’s this?”

I’m going to list some errors I found throughout the chapters (I corrected the terms so the words are explained clearly):

Chapter 1

-My sister is 4 years older than me. She is like my mom. We don’t usually argue that much, but when we do, we don't talk to each other for like 1 month. Since our death day, my sister became very caring; she always worried if I hurt myself.

-I went to my class. Now, we are having Maths which is BORING to me as always. I was good in everything at school but not in math. Math was always a problem. 

-The School day was boring. I went into the janitor closet where my locker was. Everyone in school was afraid because of the rumors about Ghosts and stuff. But it was all true.

Chapter 2

-I stormed inside the kitchen. “What do you think are you doing?” the man suddenly disappeared and Roomi looked at me. She was shocked when she saw me by the kitchen door after the man had vanished. “Jooyeon-ah, what are you doing here?” she tried to change the subject.

-“Unni, who the hell is that?!” I demanded. She has to tell me who that mystery man was.

Chapter 3

-On the next day, I went a little bit later to school than usually. So, it turned out that I was late. Oh, how could I have forgotten that Sehun was in my class too? I entered the classroom and went to my table. Sehun wasn't there. Is he ill or something? 10 minutes before the break, Sehun barged inside the class, “Sorry, I woke up late.”

The colored characters are the corrected ones. There’s a lot more. I suggest you should proofread your stories or find a beta-reader.

Originality: [8/10]

Honestly, I never came across a fic like this. So, I could say your fic is original.

Flow: [3/5]

You use First person in your story which mean this story was more focused on Jooyeon’s side. Using first person will requires a lot of emotions and feels to it so the readers would able to feel the same way like she does too. They are ghosts right? And ghosts exist everywhere. Do ghosts eat too?

I don’t think so. But since it’s your imagination, i don’t have the right to judge it.

Does Sehun realize she was a ghost? A ghost should appear paler and scary sometimes. Well, I’m not saying that ghost can’t be pretty since we don’t know what actually caused of their deaths.

Excitement: [4/5]

I have to say, I enjoyed your story very much. It is just that the grammatical errors were such a turn off for me.

 Bonus: [3/5]

Total: 35/50=70%

My notes:

Please don’t feel discourage by the review. Still, your readers love your story. You just need to fix here and there and WALLA! Good luck with your story^^