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Do you know the feeling of being hit by a bullet? It was the exact feeling I always felt whenever you treat me like this." 

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(please do play this song while reading. ^^ hoho. I found my inspiration in this song that's why I wrote this part. And it's break my heart.)

Flashback:

Jinwoon:  Yah! Open this door! *spanks his both hands in the door of Jiyeon’s house, he was really drunk, he still wearing his tux * Yah! I’m begging. *sniffs* please open this door! Jiyeon-ah! *He still spanking the door tears fell in eyes*

Then someone from behind opens the door.

Maid: Sir I’m sorry, Miss. Jiyeon was not here. *She looks at Jinwoon with pitiful eyes.*

Jinwoon: I know she’s here! *Yelled* Let me go inside we need to talked! *He pushing the woman in his front*

Maid: I’m sorry Sir but you can’t.

Jinwoon: JIYEON-AH!! I KNOW YOU’RE THERE. I’M NOT GOING not UNTIL YOU CAME OUT HERE! LET’S TALKED PLEASE! JIYEON-AH! *He still crying* If I did wrong, let’s talked about this, don’t do this to me please come out here. *Crying*

Maid: Sir, please come down, our neighbors might get mad.

Jinwoon: *Didn’t mind what the maid say and continue shouting* JIYEON-AH! JIYEON-AH!

End of flashback...

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Jinwoon POV:

*He was sitting in the floor besides his bed, leaning on his own bed; he was looking at the door without any reaction at all*

That day.  That day I helplessly waiting for her. But—But there’s no Jiyeon came out. She didn’t come out; I wait until all of my hope gone in an instant. I’ve waited for her until I felt myself being a beggar; wanting for her attention. I wait until I found myself being in so much grudge pity.

Three years. Three years past but it seems it came up again yesterday. After seeing her again, I felt myself drag again in the same feeling I felt three years ago. This kind of pain; the same kind of pain that I felt after she left me.  It’s clearly etched in my mind, her face—looking at her face again became enough for me to remind me what’s happened in past and it still flashing back in my memory.

And I hate this feeling. I hate the fact that just a blink of my eye, in just looked at her face would enough to be like this again. I feel hell again. And I can clearly recall all those times—the moment she left me up until the moment she spoke those words that break my heart. It is still in my head just like I’m watching my own movie at all. I can clearly saw her images in my mind like it was playing backward in my head.

And indeed, I didn’t expect to saw her again, I didn’t wish too, after three years. Three years of being in hell. Three years of pain. When she left me, my whole world collapsed in an instant. She is my world, my life, my everything. The only woman I loved most- but she wasted it. She drags me in hell, she broke my heart, and she let me feel I’m the most stupid person believing in her stupid lies of hers. It became a nightmare to me. And I don’t want to see her again EVER.

Jinwoon-shi…

Jinwoon-shi…

Jinwoon-shi…

Booggsss…

*He throws the bottle of wine in his side.*

And her voice still echoed in my ears. The same voice that becomes a melody in my ears, her sweet angelic voice that I really loved to listen whenever she calls out of my name years ago. But this time, after I heard she spoke again, after hearing her spoke again to my name; I can’t felt anything but disgust. How could she to call me by that? I hate hearing her calling my name.

 And I don’t know where she pulled her guts to even act like that. Like she was being in pain? Just like she suffered from the deep pain like I felt because of her.  Just she really turned to be in a great actress? And I really hate the fact that she can even looked at me straight in the eye like—she doesn’t did anything to me. Like she doesn’t hurt me at all. Damn her! Damn with all her stupid tactics.

And damn hell yeah; I manage myself not to look at her once, coz looking at her was enough for me to felt this kind of hatred towards her.  I act cool as I am; ignoring her at all, coz I really dont ing care to her at all. I want her to see  that I finally moved on and hell yeah, I saw how she looks at me, she looks like something that enough pissed me off. DISGUSTED PITY LOOK. I hate it. And was she was trying to go near at me?, For ing what reason? She dumped me, were nothing to need to talked about. I don’t care about her. I want her to see that now, I’m happy, I’m done with her.

And I can’t find anything in my heart except the fact how much I hate her.  How much I felt hatred towards her.

JUST HATRED. NOTHING MORE THAN THAT.

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Jiyeon POV:

 I was looking blankly in front of my mirror; I just kept on glancing in my face, but honestly, I can’t described my face right now, coz even I’m looking at this mirror, all I can see is his images, I can clearly saw his images that night. Last night after we see each other again.

Flashback:

  I felt my body stiffened; most especially when I saw him walks towards to my direction, I was shocked. My heart skip a beat, eyes still locked on him, I watch at him while he was walking towards to my direction.  Each step he take it took on me like a years—I do admit; I really want to step my feet towards to him; to throw myself a hug from him, but I felt myself being pinned on my spot.

And I don’t know what the first thing to do is. Every night of the day since I decided to go back here, I always thinking of his reaction might be after seeing me again.

Does he still mad at me? Does he willing to forgive me? Does he still love me?

Those are the only questions kept running in my mind; and although how many times I told and even think what am I supposed to do in his front- it feels like so much different right now.

Not until he walks nearer at me; all of my possibly want to say or do skip out of my mind, not because of nervousness, not because I’m afraid of hurting words he might say,  but rather what  I saw in  his reaction right now. How he looks something…

Something even me; myself, I can’t explain. He looks so different. He looks EMOTIONLESS.  His gazed still met in mine, but his way of looking at me makes me feel pain in my heart.—I felt being stone in my spot. The way he looks at me right now- is like I’m like a totally stranger at him.

I froze when he suddenly reaches at my side, and out of nowhere I called for his name

Jiyeon: Jinwoon-shi..

And I don’t know where I pulled my courage to speak for his name. I just found myself whispering for his name-- but he doesn’t stop from walking. He continues to walk as like he doesn’t see me or hear me calling for him.  I turned my head to his direction and saw him greeting his friends with a wide smiled in his face; I felt my body trembling, tears fell automatically in my eyes.

And how I wished, he simply hurt me by his foul words or hurt me physically, THAN THIS. Than to feel I’m not existed, I’m not here. 

End of flashback…

And I don’t know, how many times I tried to go near at him, but he looks like not interested at all, he keeps his distance away from me.

And I can’t even count how many times I looked at him. I just found myself looking at him. And in every glance I took to him, how I wished he was looked at me too. BUT HE DOESN’T. He doesn’t look at me at least once.

And even my presence? It took he’s not minded it at all, It’s like I’m not existing in his front as much I put my effort to be visible to him. For me to be notice by him.

And do you know the feeling of being hit by the bullet? That was the exact feeling I felt right now. I felt being hit by the bullet right here in my heart, it almost killing me, seeing him treating me like way.

And  I know I deserved it. I deserved it at all. I