You arrived at the stadium at 6PM. It was already filled with VIPs, holding flags, banners, towels and other sort of cheering goods. Some who saw you smiled at you. You made your way to the backstage. You were let in without any difficulties, everyone seems to know who you are. You greeted everyone on the way. You stopped at the room with a paper at the door stating BIG BANG. You knocked and peek your head in.

“O! WA-SO?” (O! You’re here?) Jiyong pulled you inside.

“Yea..” You look around for your Tabi.

“Hyung is not here. I don’t know where he is to be honest..” He scratched his head, looking around.

“Ahh jinjja? I’ll go look for him. But first, food for you guys.” You handed him two huge bags.

“Omo! You didn’t have to. But we will eat well!” He bowed and thank you.

You smiled and went out to look for Seunghyun. You searched the entire building, but you did not see him. You decided to go up to the rooftop to try your luck since it was a place he always found you. Lady luck is on your side, the moment you opened the door, you saw him sitting in the middle, with his head down.

You went over and hugged him from behind, kissing his cheek.

“What is my star doing here when everyone else is busy downstairs?” You sat down beside him.

“Nothing.. Just.. You know.. Scared... Nervous..” He did not look at you.

You took his hands into yours, they were shaking badly. You supposed it was because he have not been onstage for three years, this seems like something new to him.

“Baby.. You’re TOP. You’ll do well. Rapping is not something you practiced to make perfect, rapping is inside you. It is here..” You poked his heart.

“Even at 70 years old, I’m sure all I need to do is to give TOP a mic, and he’ll be able to rock the stage, sending all the VIPs high high up into the sky..” You look at him.

He chuckled softly.

'I wish I could perform when I'm 70 years old..'

“No worries, okay? I’ll be down there, going crazy for you. Even if no one screams for TOP anymore, I’ll be screaming. I don’t care if I look like a fool, I’ll scream your name.”

“What if I make a mistake and the audiences get upset?”

“If anyone dares to make a sound of disapproval, I’ll make sure they make no sound ever again. I’ll punch them left, right, up, down until they beg for forgiveness!” You punched the air.

“Thank you...” He hugged you, crying suddenly.

You have never seen him so unconfident before. At this point of time, he is so vulnerable, so fragile. You wish you can take him away, forget about the concert.

“Tabi... My darling.. Don’t cry... Smile, for me..” You let him cry in your chest while you his back.

“You’ll do just fine.. If you’re scared, look at me. I’ll make sure you can find me. Just look at me, I’ll be the best audience I can ever be. For you, I’ll do anything for you..”

“This concert is for you, I’ll do well.. I promise..”

‘This is my last concert to you, I’ll do it well..’

“Go up there, enjoy yourself. Have fun like you always did. This isn’t a job, this is your passion, your stage. Go up and play for three hours with the other boys. They’ll lead you through..”

He dried his tears and smiled weakly at you.

“Damn.. Are my eyes swollen?” He covered his face.

“You look just right, as handsome as ever. I bought food, eat some before going on stage, okay?”

You took his hand and made your way downstairs. You made him wait for you in an empty room while you go take the food you prepared specially for him. You fed him, bit by bit, like a child.

Soon, it was time to go. His nervousness came back again. You hugged him tighter, assuring him everything will be alright.

“I’ll be right at the front row. It’s your stage, your show, don’t let anyone ruin it. I believe in you. Go on and have fun..”

He nodded. He suddenly kissed you passionately. You two broke apart when his manager knocked on the door, indicating that he has to go. He in a deep breath. You grab his shoulders and shook them hard.

“FIGHTING!!!!” You slap his cheek.

After he joined the other boys, you went back down to join your front at the VVIP area. When the lights went out indicating that the concert was about to begin, screams of the fans almost deafen you. You switched on your crown stick and like every other VIP around you, you were anxious.

The opening stage was magnificent. Despite three years, their popularity did not decrease. Fans were chanting their names so clearly you did not miss out any word. He seemed scared at first, but after half an hour or so, you could see that he was clearly enjoying himself. He ran around the stage, fooling around with the other boys.They performed their classic hits such as Haru Haru, Lie, Sunset Glow as well as those from the new album.

They had their solo stages as well. During the GD&TOP stage, Seunghyun went close to you, sticking his face into yours. You blushed almost instantly. Fans around were so excited, some even screamed for you and him to kiss. He almost did, but you shook your head and told him he was too sweaty. You used your towel to wipe his face instead. But being Choi Seung Hyun, he wanted everything his way. He somehow managed to give you a peck on your cheek, earning screams and cries from the other fans. The boys on stage laughed at their Hyung’s bold action.

After a few hours of high songs, the ending songs were more smoothing. You were so mesmerized when he did his solo for Oh Mom. If not because of the camera, you would not have seen the tears in his eyes. Fans screamed for him to not cry, while you just looked at him and smile.

How could this happen to me
But even worse, how could this happen to you
It began with a letter and was the beginning of pain
I'm a tell it to you straight
Hey look

‘Yes, how could this happen to me? The future I dream of having with you, I can’t do it anymore. Baby look at me, I have something to tell you. I’m so sorry baby.. I never wanted this to happen..’

Every breathless day frantically passes
At some point, meeting you became a precious bond
All of the universe appeared beautiful
I came to like what you liked
Within our perfectly stable days
Sharing our inner most feelings
I've been taken ill, There's no reply
Sorry I'm sorry bye TOP

‘ You are so precious to me. From the first day I met you, I knew it was going to be you. I knew it right away that you would be my life. You were unlike other girls, I don’t know how to describe them in words, just, very different. I don’t want to leave. I want to stay by you...’

Oh mom, What should I do mom
A selfishness hotter than a fire torments me, Oh my God
Oh mom, I promise mom, What can I do
Now, I now, Oh my God, Oh my God

‘Mom, what should I do? I feel so selfish. I’m going to leave her behind. She is going to hate me for life, would she? Mom, I’m lost, I don’t know what to do. I want to tell her everything, but I cannot bear to break the news to her. Mom, this girl, I love her so much, you love her too, don’t you? What is she going to do without me? Mom, what have I done wrong? Why must this happen to me? Mom, I'm scared..’

A desolate day, I receive a letter
Your circumstances make me tear
If my voice brightens your world
Farther and farther, I'll shout
Nananana Nananana Do you hear my heavy heart
Friend wipe your tears, I think you're prettier when you smile
Sorry I'm sorry, Oh my God

‘Baby, you know what I love about you? I love your smile, that smile that brightens up my day without fail. I’m going to miss it so much. Sorry for being selfish, I cannot bear to see you cry, therefore I’m keeping this to myself. I know you’re going to be shocked, but you’re going to be okay. I know, I somehow just know.’

Oh mom, What should I do mom
A selfishness hotter than a fire torments me, Oh my God
Oh mom, I promise mom, What can I do
Now, I now, Oh my God, Oh my God

‘I know I’m selfish, Mom. I know I cannot do this, I don’t have the rights. But I have to. Mom, you always taught me to not blame anyone for my circumstances in life. I cannot be greedy, at least I get to say goodbye. Mom, I love you, I love her, I love everyone. Even without me, please, please, please, be well, stay healthy. Mom, I never said this to you but I’m sorry, and I love you. I always have.”

Baby don't cry, You stand vacantly alone
Don't worry, It may be lonely but you're not the only one
Look beside you, you're not alone
Don't cry, You stand vacantly alone
Don't worry, It may be lonely but you're not the only one
Look beside you, you're not alone

‘My dear girl, it is perfectly okay to cry. It is perfectly okay to be weak. But always remember to pull yourself up after that. Don’t be alone. Go out, make friends, lead a new life, let the boys take care of you. It’s okay if you forget me, although I wish you would not. But don’t let me affect you. I love you, therefore I want to see you smile.’

Life is funny, It's a delicate play with fire
Playful obstacles are life's restraints, Everything is for your heart's resolution so
Keep your head up

‘I’m not kidding when I say you changed my life. I meant every single word I say. I don’t know if life is trying to play a joke on me or what, but it is not funny at all. Thank you for giving me the best relationship ever. Sorry for the fact our happiness is so short lived. I want to give you my entire lifetime, but this is all I’ve got. I’m so sorry, I failed. Although I cannot even propose to you, I wish you knew that from day one, I already see you as my wife, my life, my everything.’

Baby don't cry, You stand vacantly alone
Don't worry, It may be lonely but you're not the only one
Look beside you, you're not alone
Don't cry, You stand vacantly alone
Don't worry, It may be lonely but you're not the only one
Look beside you, you're not alone

‘Baby girl, be strong, for I’ll always protect you. Even if I’m not with you physically, I’ll be watching over you. This is my promise to you. Even if I was given a chance to make another choice, it'll still be this. I hope in my next life, we'll meet and fall in love again, hopefully by then, we will be forever...’

Oh mom, Oh mom 

After the song ended, he was already lying on the floor. He seemed so distracted, you were worried for him in fact. When the curtains fall, you rushed back stage immediately. He was in a mess, his makeup smudged, he was crying like a baby. You went to hug him despite the fact he was sweaty and you hated it.

“Hey... Shhh... Don’t cry.. Is something wrong?”

He responded by shaking his head. There was still some time before the encore. The people in the room left you two to yourself. You wiped his sweat and tears. He finally stopped crying. You handed him a bottle of water.

“Is something wrong?”

“No.. I think I just lost myself.. Haha..”

“Really? Don’t lie..”

“I’m fine, really..”

He looked behind you.

“Oh.. It’s Christmas. Merry Christmas, my love.”

He kissed you. You miss his touch, so much.

"OH! Yea! Haha! Merry Christmas!"

“Shall we, tonight?” He whispered into your ear.

You pushed him away, “ MAN!”

“Hehe.. Don’t you miss it?”

“Aish!!! GET ON WITH YOUR SHOW!!”

You covered your face in embarrassment as you ran out. He laughed at you, but his laughter died down the moment the door shut.

“It may be the last time... I just want to feel you one last time..”