The boys came over that night. They all looked skinner and in a worse condition than you saw them at the funeral. Now you finally understood what Jiyong meant by if you would want to go to their dorm to take a look. You were not the only one badly affected by it, they were too. They were so close, and they knew each other before Seunghyun knew you. They have a special relationship with each other and losing one of them was like losing a limb.

You finally understood and you felt so stupid and selfish. You told yourself that you would pull yourself together, for yourself, for Seunghyun, as well as the boys. Now that Seunghyun is gone, you should take up his responsibility in taking care of them. At least, make sure they have food to eat, which is the least you can do for them.

The boys gathered in the living room with Jiyong in the middle. You just busied yourself in the kitchen, giving them time alone. Jiyong opened the envelope and took the letter out. He held it in his hands, while they all read, silently.

얘들아~ 안녕! (Hey, kids)

Have you been eating well? I hope you have... This is sudden, isn’t it? I know. I am sorry.. Sorry for leaving before I have done my part as your Hyung well. Yes, I knew all along. The moment I woke up, I knew I was going to die. Also, for these three years, I know what you guys have been doing. I cannot thank you enough for taking so good care of her. I hope this would not be a burden to you guys, but I hope you all could continue to take care of her when I am gone.

She has weird habits and a weird temper. She doesn’t know how to care for herself and does reckless stuff all the time. She needs to be controlled. If she is sad, buy her ice cream, she’ll smile almost instantly. If she is on her period, buy her chocolates and keep her warm, it makes her feel better. Take her out on your shopping trips, but I’m warning you, she spends a hell lot of time in the book stores as well as CD stores. Make sure she finds a good guy. Punch those who hurt her for me. Just.. Be her friend.. Love her, on my behalf. Please? I’ll be extremely grateful.

Seungri ah, my cute maknae.. My clothes and toys are yours. I have never told you, but you look much better in them than I do. Maknae, keep irritating your hyungs, it makes us smile. Maknae, you will go far, I trust you. Never lose hope. Even if you get lemons throw at you, pick them up humbly and make lemonade for everyone, you told me this before, remember? This sentence kept me going. I’m telling it back to you now. Maknae, you are very important to all of us, never let anyone tell you otherwise. I love you, maknae-ah.. Hyung loves you.

Daesung ah, I’m going to miss your loud voice and your random ‘HYUNG CARRY ME!’. Smiling angel, Big Bang’s smiling angel. Your smile has the power to make our horrible day turn beautiful. Your smile is so beautiful, it’s a gift from God. Keep that smile on your face, never let it fade away despite whatever that may happen. My precious dongseang, I’ll miss your smile, so much. Be strong and smile on. Big Bang needs your smile, VIPs needs your smile.

Youngbae ah, what should we do with your tidbits? Don’t stop eating them, eat them on my behalf. Remember to buy those I love, okay? Stop working on your muscles, they are huge enough! Go out with the boys and get a girl! Hyung wants to see you in a relationship, I’m pretty sure you will be a very good boyfriend and husband. Youngbae ah, never give up on your passion despite whatever that happenes. You’re gonna make it, I know. Saranghae..

Jiyong ah, our leader.. You’re younger than me, but I always look up to you. You give me strength when I feel down. Whenever I am on the verge of giving up, I look at you and tell myself I must strive on, because Jiyong is still striving. You being the leader of Big Bang is the most wonderful decision ever. I cannot imagine if I was the leader, what would have happened? I would not have as much motivation as you to carry on, bringing along four other monkeys. Jiyong ah, thank you for being such a responsible leader, such a wonderful friend. I cannot be physically here to comfort you when you are down or drink with you, but if you talk, I’ll listen. If you call me, I’ll come. Even if you can’t see me, know that I am here, with you, supporting your back. When you are tired or stressed up, don’t keep it to yourself, let it all out. We are brothers, we will listen. Big Bang will always be backing you up. So, let us share your sorrows, we are a team, and no one should suffer individually. Jiyong ah, I love you. Thank you for everything.

Lastly, Big Bang.. Please carry on Big Bang even without me around. I don’t wish my departure to affect anything. Big Bang was the best thing that happened to me in my life, apart from her. I cannot bear to see it disappear just like that. Because of Big Bang, my passion for rapping continued. Without Big Bang, there would not be TOP. Without you guys, Choi Seung Hyun would never have pulled it through. Thank you for such a wonderful journey in my life. I would choose death over forgetting you guys. Big Bang must go on, okay? I have a book where I wrote random lyrics in it. Use it, modify it, anything, I don’t mind, I hope it would be of some help to you guys. No matter what happens, keep the Big Bang spirit going.

I cannot emphasize enough how much you all mean to me. I am thankful for everything. I have no regrets in life, maybe only perhaps not being able to be with you guys again, that would be my one and only regret. Whatever it is, be strong. Hyung loves all of you, so much... Be strong, find good partners and lead a happy life. I will watch over all of you, I promise.

Love,
Your Hyung :P

Jiyong dropped the letter onto the floor. He wiped away the tears that were falling uncontrollably. Seungri was sobbing into the pillow behind. Daesung and Youngbae were both lost. You came out and smiled at them.

“Hey.. Be strong.. You guys should be hungry? Eat something?”

Jiyong smiled weakly at you. He slap his cheeks and got up.

“KIDS! Let’s wash up and eat!”

They followed his instructions without complain. No wonder he was the leader.

“What book with lyrics was Hyung referring to?” Daesung asked Jiyong.

“Honestly, I got no idea.. He did not mention it to me before. Aish.. Always so unclear..” Jiyong smiled as he grumbled about his Hyung.

“Book.. with.. lyrics?” You ask them, looking up from whatever you were doing.

“Yea.. He said he has a book with lyrics and we could use them.. But he did not say where is it..”

You look at the package and pulled out a book. You handed it to Jiyong.

“I guess it’s this one..”

Jiyong opened the book and look through it. True enough, there were lyrics written on every page.

“Wow.. He...” Jiyong smiled and closed the book.

“Thank you.. Can I have it?”

“It’s yours to begin with. So why ask?”

One by one the boys walked out to the dining table, looking at the table of food.

“Urm.. Shall we eat? I’m hungry.. Haha..” You laughed.

“We are hungry too!!”