Eulogy speeches were given on the last day of the funeral. His family told everyone about his childhood days, how he has grown. His personal friends talked about his school days, and how witty he was, his passion for rapping, everything we never knew about Choi Seung Hyun. The YG family contributed their part as well, but most were left unfinished in tears. Then it was Big Bang’s turn.

If you are thinking of how it would be like to witness your own funeral, my advice to you is not to try. It’s painful, so so so painful. Seeing people you love so much cry for you, yet you cannot console them, it’s so torturous. I want to hug them, tell them it’s okay, I’m fine, but I can’t.

Jiyong;

“TOP Hyung.. He may look cool on the outside, but he is seriously not more than five years old, his mentality. He disturbs us, messes up our stuff, just for the fun of it. Today, Big Bang lost a member, his family lost a son, his friends lost a friend, the YG family lost a part of us, his girlfriend lost her partne.. Everyone seated here today lost something in us. But that does not mean we should give up and let things fall apart. Let’s leave this place today, taking a part of him together with us, and live his life on his behalf. Thank you..”

‘Jiyong ah~ Thank you so much for everything. Thank you for appearing that day to stop her from killing herself. I cannot thank you enough. I know you must be confused now. Why did I send you a text asking you to come over in the morning.. I want to explain to you, but I can’t.. Still, thank you. Jiyong ah, be strong.’

The leader bit his lips as he walked down the staged, but that did not stop his tears from falling. CEO Yang pulled him into a tight embrace and consoled the boy. For once, someone is consoling him.

Youngbae;

“He was always there, whether you need him or not. I actually feel kind of apologetic towards him because when he was depressed, I couldn’t help him at all. But when I was feeling down, he managed to cheer me up, I still owe him a thank you for that. I don’t know how would our lives me after today. My tidbits would be overflowing, I doubt I’ll ever eat them again. Haha.. Let’s be strong, let’s all be strong.. Let’s pray for him.. Let’s send him off with a smile on our face. TOP Hyung likes to smile..”

‘Youngbae, you helped me a lot. You always cheered me up. Seeing you was a good consolation already. I need nothing more. Don’t feel apologetic, because you were always there. Thank you Youngbae ah~ Thank you for being my friend.’

He forced a smile before walking down. He pat Daesung on the back and went to join Jiyong and CEO Yang.

Daesung;

“TOP HYUNG!!! IT’S ME!! DAESUNG AH!! Can you hear me? I miss you Hyung.. I’ll keep smiling, I’ll smile on your behalf. Hyung, don’t wander off too far, you were never good with the roads. Hyung, I always say this, but I want to say it again. Hyung, saranghae! Hyung.. Daesung will never be the same without you around. I never said this, but Hyung, you were the best Hyung I could ever ask for. If I had another chance, I’ll want you to be my real Hyung.. Or maybe if you were my dongseang, it’ll be better. Then I can repay you for what you have done for me. I’ll shower you with all the love.. Hyung.. Daesung will miss you..”

‘Daesung, still so loud.. You want me to be your dongseang? No way! I must be your Hyung, so I can torture you! Daesung, don’t ever lose that smile. Because of your smile, I pulled through my darkest moments. Because of your smile, I feel so much more happier than I was before. Daesung, Hyung loves you. Hyung loves you so much.. Smile, smile on.. I love your smile..’

He gave his signature eye smile before walking down.

Seungri;

“TOP TOP TOP! TOP HYUNG! It’s me, your cute maknae. Hyung, you always said I would be the death of you.. Did it really happen? Hyung.. I’m going to take all your toys and wear all your clothes, okay? Hyung.. Although you hit me all the time, but I know you love me. I love you too.. I love you so much.. Hyung.. Would you come back, please?”

‘YAH SEUNGRI! Is this how you treat your hyung!? So rude, where are your manners!? But my cute maknae, that makes you, you. That devil may care attitude in you makes you Seungri. Take all my toys and wear all my clothes, they look better on you. My cute maknae, please continue to be witty and cheerful. Big Bang needs you. You are our pillar of strength, in case you did not know.’

The poor boy broke down on stage, bawling his eyes out while looking at the coffin his Hyung was in. Everyone could understand why he was behaving this way. They had a close relationship with each other. Seungri love his Hyungs more than he loves himself. Although he was always fooling around, he was a sensitive boy.

After they finally got him off stage, it was your turn. You were standing at the corner, looking out at the sea of people. You always had a problem with speaking to a crowd of people, that’s why you never did it. Never in your dreams have you expected your first time to be in such a situation.

“If you don’t wish to go, it’s okay, they’ll understand.” Jiyong said to you.

“No.. I’ll go..” You smiled weakly at him.

You walked out, crashing the piece of paper in your hand. You stood in front of the microphone for quite awhile, staring blankly at those people. Cameras flashing in your face, you felt so uncomfortable. You met the eyes of his parents and sister, they gave you an assuring smile. You turned to look at his coffin, then took in a deep breath before opening your mouth to speak. You bow down to the people.

“Sorry for not having greet you all yet. Firstly, thank you for coming. He once told me he wonder how many people would come to his funeral, because he did not have much friend, he said. He was more of a loner, he said too. But I doubt.. He wasn’t a loner, he never was. He was loved by more people than he could ever imagine. Anyway, Seunghyun, I don’t think I need to give more explanation on what kind of person he was. I’m not going to say anything about him today. Instead, I’m going to do something he always does for me when I am feeling down. I’m not a good pianist, neither am I a good singer, but please let me do it. At least for him..”

You went to the piano that was at the side and sat down. You put your hands on the keys and closed your eyes.

“Tabi, this is for you. Listen well..” You mumbled under your breath.

‘Okay.. Don’t make any mistakes, it’s embarrassing..’

You started playing the piano and singing the song he always sang for you when you were feeling down. You never knew the title, but you knew the music and lyrics by heart.

Give me a smile, Don't be sad
It's going to be alright. Don't shed a tear
The song that I am singing now
I hope that it can bring you a bit of comfort

Give me a smile, Don't get hurt
It's going to be alright, although you are going through a hard time now
Time will pass
Everything will look up again

Give me a smile
I am right here by your side
I love you, can you hear my heart?
Close your eyes
No matter what, I believe you
I am always here for you

Give me a smile, look into my eyes
I love you, I have always been looking at your heart
It has never changed
You can lean on my shoulders
Take a rest,
Give me a smile.

I am here for you, 
me who believes in you 
always and forever.

You bowed to the audiences as you finished the piece.

“Whenever I felt down, he would sing this song to me and ask me to be strong and carry on. So now, I want to pass his message along to everyone affected by this. Please be strong and carry on. Smile, for his sake. He may not be with us physically, but he is here, always and forever.” You pointed to your heart.

‘Thank you baby girl. Thank you for everything. Thank you for staying alive. Thank you for pulling yourself together. Thank you. I love you I love you I love you..’

You bawled your eyes out, hugging onto the coffin, unwilling to let go when it was time for him to go. Your heart felt as thou it was being ripped into pieces. This was it, this is really the final journey. You could not bear to let him go. You still have not come into terms with his passing. All these are still new to you and you have not accepted it a single bit yet. You passed out from all the crying and whining. Maybe it was better this way, for you not to see him on that final journey.

“Baby girl..”

“Seunghyun?”

“Baby girl, you did well just now.. Please continue to do well in future..”

“Seunghyun ah~ Don’t go.. Take me with you!”

“No.. I cannot.. Baby girl, take that song, whenever you are sad, please just let it give you energy. I’ll always be with you, in your heart, like you said.”

“It is easier said than done! I can’t live my life without you!”

“Be good baby girl.. Oppa loves you, so much..”

“Then don’t go.. Please...”

There was no respond anymore. You woke up in your bed, crying. You turn to your side and found it to be empty. This is real, this is reality. He is gone, forever. You’re alone as of now. You held onto the pendent at your neck and cried.

‘Yes, cry.. Let it all out, then stand up again and pull yourself together.. That’s my baby girl..’

***

If you are wondering why Seunghyun is still talking.. He may be dead, but his soul is still around. Words in black italics belong to him. And yes, apparently he witnessed his own funeral.