My eyes widened, as tear drops started to flow down my face. I know that i'm talking to Sehun right now. But my mind just can't process what he said....

"He's gone......H-He's nowhere in this world anymore..."  

Sehun's statement echoed inside my head. I can't seem to understand what he's saying. But deep inside.......I understood him completely.

"S-Sehun? it's you,i-isn't it? W-Where's Sunbaenim? A-Are you doing fine?" my voice trembled. I can feel my knees shaking. I also started to take deep heavy breaths, as my eyes watered. 

He did not answer me. Instead, I could only hear his sobs and cries. Silence ensued once more. I was now panicking a bit. I became restless and impatient for his answer. I could feel goosebumps through my skin. I waited and waited for his response. It felt as if forever had already past.

"S-Sehun wh-" "H-Hyung is g-gone..." Sehun cut me off, while his sobs got louder. My eyes widened once more. I then went down unto my knees. It's as if, I couldn't feel my legs anymore due to my shock. I started to release cold breaths from my mouth. My mind stopped working as my brain froze.

"W-What do you mean by 'gone'?" I asked, refusing to accept reality. "H-He's dead" he said as his voice was shaking. As I heard these two words from his mouth, I let out a loud cry. My whole body trembled as I thought of sunbaenim dead. Even though I don't have any romantic feelings for sunbaenim, he's still my friend- No! he's like my brother. A brother who stayed by me......who accepted me with no conditions.....who did not judge me.........who treated me with much love and care.....and most importantly......someone who loved me.........he who did not ask me to return the same favor.....

I felt my world collapsing as I drowned in my own ocean of tears. I wanted to see him......I wanted to hug him.......and most of all....I wanted to thank him. Thank him for all the things he had done for me.....for inspirinng me....and lastly, for loving me. 

Baekhyun looked at me with much worry. He was about to approach me, when he suddenly stopped. He stopped because...I showed him a fake smile. With that fake smile, he understood....that I wanted to keep some distance for a while. I showed a smile, hoping that I could reassure him that i'm fine. I never knew....that i'm such a big liar...

I hurriedly wiped my tears, as I grabbed my phone to talk to Sehun once more. "S-Sehun? are you still there?" I asked. I could hear him trying to stop his sobs. He cleared his throat and finally responded. "Y-Yes.." he softly said. "Sehu-" "I'm sorry, Hanna.." He cut me off once again. "S-Sorry for what? why?" tears started to flow once more. "I-I......I ...couldn't save hyung.." he stuttered. "If o-only.....if only he hadn't know.....if only.." he started to cry once again. "W-What? Sehun, what exactly happened?" "Hyung.....found out that I was the anonymous donor....." he paused, "I expected him to get angry when he found out....I expected him to scold me....but..." he stopped. "But?" " But......he simply smiled at me and patted my head....He hugged me and said....

"You've always been a good brother ........That's enough for me.....You don't have to do this- No! I won't let you do it.......I may have lived.....but my life would always be incomplete without you, Sehun.... .I hope.....i've been a good brother as well, after all these years we've stayed for each other.........Perhaps.....it's my time to rest.......and also...tell Hanna that our meeting might be postponed for a short while.......tell her that......I'll come back after a bit.......so please...tell her to wait...even just for a little while.. "

I have completely lost it. My tears shed continuously without stopping. I have cried too much, that my tears were about to run out. My heart continued to ache, as my head shut down. I didn't know what to think anymore. I was filled with too much pain and sadness, that I felt numb. 

"H-Hyung....immedietly called off the operation, after he discovered the truth. Though I insisted that he should stay at the Hospital, he begged for us to go home......h-he wanted us to act normal until his last moment....." he paused, "We watched TV and played some video games.......He even cooked for me my favorite black bean noodles" he lightly chuckled with much sadness. "My last moment with him......was a few hours ago. Just like the old times...he read me some old storybook we used to read together before our bed time. Though it was a bit early than our bed time before, he still read me the story with a big smile....But then....I made the biggest mistake in my life.." he cried once again, I could clearly feel that he's yearning to be with his brother once more. "W-What?" I asked. there was a long pause. "I......unconciously fell asleep....When I woke up......"

"He was already gone...."

Sehun's voice weakend, as he started to sob once more. My heart sunk, as I try to process what is happening right now......how would I tell Mari and Kai about this.....how would I comfort Sehun.......How would I......fully accept reality...

"When I woke up......I searched and searhed for hyung inside the house.....but I could not find him anywhere. Suddenly, a phone call was heard. It was our Mom who called. She informed me that hyung was already dead..." he stopped for a while, "Mom said that hyung had a organ malfunction earlier.....It first started with his liver,his brain, and finally....his heart..." he paused, "I..I-I didn't even wait until he finished reading....." he finally collapsed. He let out his loud cries and sobs. I as well can't sustain it anymore longer. We both cried and cried, when suddenly, I decided to speak.

"Sehun....it's not you fault that sunbaenim died. Always remember that..." I said with a reassuring voice. "But I-" " 'You're the best brother I could ever get, Sehun'.....i'm sure that sunbaenim wanted to tell you that.." I said while smiling. Again, Sehun cried. But this time.....it was tears of joy..

We told our goodbyes, as I hung up the call. Tears cotinued to flow down my cheeks. Without me noticing it, Baekhyun had already came closer to comfort me.. I cried for a while at Baekhyun's side, as he tried to brighten up my mood. I didn't want to accept reality.....I wanted to believe that....he's still here..with us. Sadly, I know that I shouldn't run away from my sadness and accept it sooner or later. Baekhyun suddenly smiled at me warmly, while I cried harder. "It's okay, Hanna" Baekhyun repeatedly kept telling me this. Somehow, I felt ease and secure whenever he would tell me this. I finally calmed down after a bit. My eyes was still sore and it's still a bit hard for me to breath. Though I somehow managed to go down and drink water in the kitchen, I was still too weak. Luckily, there were no more maids to watch out for. It was already late and everyone is sleeping tightly at this time. 

Though I tried really hard to sleep, my eyes can't seem to shut themselves close. I then decided to get some fresh air. Baekhyun accompanied me, as we walked side by side. We wandered around the city, going through different paths. I can't seem to get over the fact that my seemingly 'brother' had already died. We may have known each other for only a few months, but he was already engraved within my heart. I glanced again at his last text messages to me. I felt my heart collapsing once more. 

Luhan sunbaenim: Goodbye.....don't ever forget me :)).

A tear fell down my cheek, as I smiled to myself. I can assure you, sunbaenim.........I will never forget you.....even if....I'd have another amnesia... Suddenly, both of us were standing in font of the campus. We decided to enter, since they don't ever lock the school gates. We went to the back side of the big campus where the small pond was located.

"This place.......this is where we first introduced ourselves." Baekhyun said while smiling warmly. I nodded, as I dipped my right hand into the cold water "I remembered you getting angry at me for pestering you in class, when we first talked here" he chuckled. I lightly chuckled. "That was a few months ago! I've gotten too used of your annoying antics by now, that I don't mind anymore" I jokingly said. "Yah! i'm not annoying! i'm just a guy with alot of sense of humor!" he pouted. we both laughed loudly. We talked for half an hour straight. Baekhyun would bring up random subjects just to get away my attention from sunbaenim's death, Unfortunately, he was too obvious! besides, even if he's not that obvious, it's still a bit hard for me to forget what Sehun and I talked about earlier. After quite some time, I started to talk.

"Hey, Baekhyun.....where do you think sunbaenim is right now?" I asked while looking straight at his eyes. "Hmm..." he paused, "They say......when people die, they turn into a star..." he gazed into the starry night sky. "A star huh? it's funny how the stargazer himself became a star..." I lightly chuckled. "But......even though the stargazer did happen to become a star himself, it only made him farther from the star......it only made it harder for him to  reach.." I trailed off. Baekhyun suddenly became quiet. "I just wished that he should've atleast said his goodbyes properly......" I smiled. "Baekhyun?." "Yes?" he answered, 

"When you dissapear someday.....can I......at least say my goodbyes to you? Can you let me send you off properly?........Can we first watch the sunrise here in this spot before you go?......When I was still alone before, I'd always come here early to watch the sunrise, at this same spot....I want to at least bid my farewell to you here......I want to watch it together with you......at my favorite spot.....can you promise me this?" I sadly said while tears escaped from my eyes

Baekhyun's smile dissapeared. He stopped for a while looked at me with a very concerned eyes. "Yah! no one's dissapearing! even if you recover your memories, I won't go anywhere! How could I? didn't I tell you that my heart already belongs to you? I can't ever leave my hopeless and immature girl! Don't worry! I won't leave your side! So wipe those ugly tears from your face!" He smiled. Though he kept his bright smile on his face, I just can't ignore his eyes. His eyes full of sadness and despair......full of pain.... I just nodded, as we agreed to go home.

"tell Hanna that our meeting might be postponed for a short while.......tell her that......I'll come back after a bit.......so please...tell her to wait...even just for a little while.. "

Lies.....

Lies...

......Why do they have to lie?.......it only hurts much more once the truth is revealed.......It only hurts much more in the end....

....What hurts more is that you know that they're lying......You know that everything that they said were just lies......

......To believe in lies or to believe in reality? .......It's your own choice to make......

..........But one thing's for sure is that.....

.........You can't escape your fate.........