I stood there in shock. My mind still can't process what just happened a while ago. My heart is still unstable from disbelief. Time slowly passed by, as if we were sitting there for about a year. Without me noticing it, minutes had already passed. Both of us were in deep silence, while my eyes kept shifting from left to right.  I can't bear to even look at sunbaenim. My mind was completely blank.

"W-Why s-so sudden? W-Why did you say that to me?" I stuttered. Suddenly, sunbaenim simply gave me a very warm smile. I didn't expect him to react that way. I had expected him to atleast get flustered, just like me. "I love you, Seol Hanna. At first, I....was really confused. But now, I really know that I really do love you, more than anyone in this world! I didn't expect that I would love someone so much more than Sheri. You complete me, Hanna...can you.....please be mine?" he sincerely stated. My eyes widened as he said those pure words to me. My heart is beating really fast, as if it were to explode. My cheeks were completely painted red, while my body temperature gradually rises. He suddenly grabbed hold of my hands. I gasped in shock while trying to hide my face. My hearts' pump accelerates, as my heart fluttered. I'm completely in a bliss.....but somehow......something wasn't right.......my true feelings says that it wasn't the case....

"Ye-" I stopped.

Huh? .....why can't I continue speaking? why can't my mouth spout 'yes'? why?.............I love sunbeanim.....I truly love him......but..... do I really?.......I admired him for quite some time now. From the first time I met him, I fell love at first sight. I can't keep my eyes off of him everywhere he goes. He's my dream guy....but is he really the rightful guy? I've always thought of him as the 'one'....the one i'll forever love, the one i'll grow old with, the one who i'll say my vows to, and the one...that will truly own my heart. isn't it him? isn't it Luhan? it is! or so I thought.... Why am I like this? when finally, my dream guy confesses his feelings to me. On top of that, he even wants me to be his girlfriend! Why can't my brain function at times like this? Why do I have to be so bad at situations like this? Why won't my mouth open?!?!?!?! AISH! i'm totally like this because I spend to much time with Baekhyun! arggghh!! That derp!.....  I stopped as I thought of Baekhyun. Suddenly, my mind flashed meories of me with Baekhyun. All the times when Baekhyun would show his support to me without me asking for it. Times when Baekhyun would constantly make me laugh and smile.....Times when he'd touch my heart. My face flushed deeply red. My heart beat faster than usual, while my head started to hurt because of confusement. B-Baekhyun? why did I suddenly started thinking of Barkhyun? ...i-is it because I have feelings for h- AHHHH NO! I DON'T LOVE BAEK!! h-he...he's like pet-ah I mean, a best friend to me! .......right? h-he can never......never....be mine....since he's gonna have to vanish sooner or later.... my face sadened. But...why does he have to dissapear? isn't there any other way for him to stay?

"I-Is something wrong, Hanna? are you feeling alright?" sunbaenim said worriedly, noticing my sad expression. "A-Ah..... yes, i'm fine...". "I know that right now... you're confused.." he paused, " it's okay if you can't give me an answer." he smiled. I was suddenly filled with guilt. I know that he gathered his courage in order to confess, and I would just leave it unanswered? I don't know.....to be honest, I'm really confused at the moment. Everytime I try to discover my true feelings, I'd always imagine Baekhyun and not sunbaenim. I would endlessly ask myself questions regarding my feeling. But inside my heart, I already knew the answer."U-Uh..." "You already know the answer, right?" he asked with a smile. I unconsciously nodded my head. "You....do not hold feelings for me the way I do anymore, do you?" he asked kindly. Once again, I nodded my head without thinking thoroughly. Inside my head, I wanted to slap myself for what I suddenly did. Just then, I remembered sunbaenim's heart condition. I was suddenly scared that maybe he'd experience a heart attack at the moment. "Y-You're heart...." I stopped as I remembered that this was supposed to be mine and Sehun's secret. "So Sehun really did tell you" he lightly chuckled, "It's okay....I had actually known it for quite a while now...." "huh?" I asked. " The way you look at me....changed. At first, your eyes would sparkle whenever we're together...but now.....there's no more spark in it. I was hoping that I would somehow return your feelings....but it seems like....you found another person that you like..." he paused, "Don't worry! I won't ask who it is. I just wanted to let you know my feelings and see your reaction." he smiled as small tears escaped from his eyes. Suddenly, tears also flowed down my cheeks. I was so sad at what he said. I could feel my heart crumbling and breaking. I couldn't even imagine what sunbaenim would be feeling rigt now. He's probably being crushed inside, little by little, until he becomes nothing more. Even though his feelings is badly hurt right now, he still didn't forget to smile and assure me that he's completely fine. I suddenly burst out to tears. "Yah! don't cry! I can't help but cry as well!" he chuckled, "Why are you suddenly like this? just be your normal smiling self! I fell in love with your smile and laugh, do you still want me to fall in love with your tears and sadness?" he joked. I sadly smiled and hurriedly wiped all my tears. Once more, we became quiet for a while. "Ah~ it looks like i'm not your Peter pan after all. I wonder why?" he smiled, " Still......I would somewhat still be a Peter pan! ....... Even though i'm left alone in the end.....I would still keep smiling and laughing anyways!" he chuckled. My heart sunk deeper, as another set of tears dripped down my face. "It seems that the stargazer failed! In the end, he still can't claim the star.....leaving him alone once more." he paused, " But hey! there are plenty of stars out there! it's not the end for the stargazer, right?!" he brightly said. I continued to be quiet. My heart was still too heavy for me to lift. I want to hug him right now.....I want to sincerely apologize.... "S-Sunbaenim....I-I'm s-so-" "Don't apologize! please......don't.....or else.....my heart won't be able to take it...i'm begging, Hanna..." he sadly smiled while a tear fell from his watery eyes. Even I.......my heart can't take it as well, sunbaenim....I feel like i'm about to go crazy......I feel like dying every second .... "Instead of  you apologizing, I'd like to just thank you." he paused, "Thank you, Hanna......for always staying by my side......thank you for always brightening up my mood and for always making me smile....thank you for your endless support.....and most of all...thank you for letting me love you...thank you.....for not vanishing from my life. " he ended. I just sat there, completely stunned. My brain stopped working for a long while now. At that moment, I was completely broken. I was filled by too much feelings. "In a few hours.......I'd be flying back to China." "E-Eh.....? " " I'll be having my heart operation. It seems like we found an anonymous heart donor. The operation is scheduled tomorrow morning. Right now, my heart is too weak. If we don't operate it now, I may die anytime very soon....." he stated. As he explained about the operation and the 'heart donor'. my heart crumbled once more as I think of Sehun. 

 "But...if ever anything bad happens...I would be willing to give up my heart, in exchange for my brother's life!"

This statement of Sehun echoed in my head, as I tried to hide my tears from sunbaenim. I know that I shouldn't interfere in Sehun's wish....but....I just can't take it! I-I.....I don't know.... I don't think I would be able to go back to sleep after hearing this. 

"W-When are you coming back?,,," I asked. Silence ensued. "I-I don't know. From today onwards, i'm moving back to China permanently. The doctor says that it would be better for me. Also, this operation would be risky.It may take me months, a year, or even more years for me to fully recover...so.. I don't think we would be able to see each other again soon.." he sadly said. I was shocked and at the same time sadened at what he said. I've been used to seeing sunbaenim almost eveyday. I've been used to talking and laughing with sunbaenim everyday through text messages and calls. Without sunbaenim, it's as if that a part of me would be missing. I don't like the feeling of saying our farewell to each other, but I also don't want sunbaenim to die and leave us forever! I seriously can't take it anymore! My mind is completely a mess. It's as if i'm going crazy right now.

"Hanna? are you okay?" sunbaenim asked. "U-Uh...-" "Go to sleep! rest!" he ordered while looking at me directly. "B-But you're going to leave a few hours from now! let me wait until you depart!" I begged. Sunbaenim simply shook his head while sighing. "Go! I'll be fine, don't worry. You need to rest!" "Bu-" before I could even beg once more, sunbaenim stood up and pulled me to stand up. He gave me a slight push, signalling me to go. As I was about to turn around to see his face for the last time, he suddenly hugged me from behind, enabling me to move. "Please.......don't glance back at me for the last time. If I see your face once more, I don't think....I would be able to leave for my flight later. Seeing your face while slowly walking away hurts a lot for me......So please...after I release you, just...walk straight and don't look back. Forget about everything that I said earlier....forget about what happened earlier this night, just keep walking with no turning back. I don't want you to see my face right now......Hanna, I love you. Even if.... you don't love me back, still I love you. This time around, it's the stargazer's turn to walk away. But remember....I will always come back and look for you....even if I can't ever have you."

"Goodbye, Seol Hanna.." he shakily said while releasing me.

I slowly walked away, while my tears shed like there's no tomorrow. Walking slowly away from sunbaenim hurts me...but  not even having the chance to see him for the last time hurts even more. As I grew farther away from him, I could clearly hear his cries from afar.

As I exited the final scene, I could hear his loud screams and cries as he let out all his sadness and pain. 

Little by little....

....I could feel that....

.....sunbaenim is slowly...

....slowly dissapearing from us...

......from me....

You're right, sunbaenim.....I didn't vanish from your life.........It was YOU who vanished from mine.