Winter of 2011:

With that year marking our two years since we debuted, we received a surprise of a lifetime. We won our first music program trophy and we couldn’t have asked for anything more. The wins just kept coming and we just kept on being even more thankful towards our fans. I was feeling burdensome about the wins because I didn’t deserve the win. I had a secret I was keeping away from our fans and it was hard standing on the stages acting like I didn’t have anyone in my life except for them. My confessions of love towards our fans became a habit and I was soon labeled the “grease machine.” . The fans are indeed our lives, but I wished they also knew that beyond them, we all have our own. We make up an image of ourselves on stage and then we make another one off stage. Haeri and I spoke frequently on the phone and she came over frequently to the dorm, well when we were in the dorm, but that was all I saw and heard of her that winter. I was too busy with my idol life that I forgot about my own.

Winter of 2012:

As Idol’s we were invited to year end events to perform and do all of those things Idol’s do, so that’s what we did that winter. Performing at year end events and of course, practicing non-stop. You see, we were told that we’d finally be having a world tour starting next year in August and all of us were beyond excited. I mean, it’s a WORLD TOUR!! Within our three years of debut, we were finally going to meet our fans from the other side of the world! This was a dream come true! A dream I always thought we’d never be able to reach, but I was proven wrong. America and Europe!? We have fans from over there!? No way! I’m very excited to meet them all. Haeri along with myself both became too busy to worry about one another, so we thought it was best if we just kept our relationship going on what it was already going on. Love was the secret to this relationship. My feelings for her never changed and I don’t think it ever will. She’s the first winter snowfall for me and she’ll always be. That winter, nothing changed except for myself and my busy schedule.

Winter of 2013:

Our world tour officially started back in August and here we are, finished with our Tour. In the midst of the tour, Haeri and I broke up. She said we were fading away and that I’ve changed into a working maniac and that I never was thankful for her. I guess she was right. I was busy living my dream that I forgot I had her. The break up took a toll on me emotionally. I wasn’t as greasy and happy as I was when this Tour started, rather I was ready for this Tour to end so that I could go back to being the Nam Woo Hyun I know I am. The Nam Woo Hyun everyone knows. Day by day I’d go on practicing for the concert as if I was happy because I had no other choice. I couldn’t show the fans that I was down because it just wasn’t me. They didn’t know of my secret relationship and I didn’t want them to know. I didn’t want them to know how much of a loser I was to let our 4 years of dating go down the drain. I didn’t want them to know how much she meant to me nor did I want them to know who she was. I was too selfish to realize I had something and someone I should’ve protected with my life. My dream became my desire and goal. It’s always been that way but it never came to this extent. I forgot about all our previous anniversaries after the first one and that was a jerk move. I didn’t care about her anymore nor did I pay attention to her, but I wasn’t ready to let her go. That dream of mine of making her my last love is still with me but I think it’s an unreachable dream now. I want to go back to that white winter season. The winter where I met her and everything started. She wasn’t my first love, but I wanted her to be my last. Her charming eyes and gentle but sweet smile was all it took to make me fall for her. She was all I ever wanted and a bit more. Maybe if I could turn back the time, I could have her back by my side again. The photo book with the photo of us in it made me realize that I did indeed love her. I fell for her and I kept falling for her over and over again. She left me this winter and that’s how I’ll always remember it. My winter of 2013 is only beginning and without Haeri by my side, I didn’t want the first snowfall to fall anymore. All I wanted was to see and hear her once again. This winter was a winter without love and a winter of regrets. A winter of waiting for her return.