She hated it. She hated how every time she moved, the soreness was a reminder of what happened, hated that whenever she closed her eyes, she thought of Daehyun and his kisses, and his touch covering her body. She especially hated how no matter how hard she tried to block it out, the words he said to her the morning after haunted her. It was the punch line that she should have anticipated. Of course he was going to renege on what he has done.

            Despite it being a Saturday, she drove the four hours into Seoul so she could hide in the office. The Busan office was too suffocating for her. For hours on end, Jinli worked tirelessly, going through storage to physically sift through materials, and then going online to search for new designs, for new ideas, for anything to distract her mind.

           Everything brought her back to Daehyun. Whether it was the dark circled patterns that reminded her of a dress shirt he had, or a color scheme that matched his watch perfectly; he was an inevitable distraction.

          “.” She tossed the magazine to a corner and took in a deep breath. Perhaps working on the actress’ house was not the best idea. She, too, was tied to Daehyun somehow. Thinking about her nasty accusations during the consultation helped. It turned the confusion into something easier to handle: anger.

            She was angry at Daehyun, angry at him for everything he has ever done to her, angry at herself for still letting him into her heart even though she had told herself a thousand times that she shouldn’t. What contract? What wanting to stay out of filial duty? That was all her own way of lying to herself. There was something magnetic about Daehyun and she had allowed herself to be drawn to him, and now she was paying the consequences.

            The tears come down in torrents. The ache in her chest expanded so that it suffocated her. The pain battled with the logic and manifested itself as tears instead. It was cleansing and a good half hour later, she resurfaced. She took in a shaky breath and went to the restroom. She dabbed at her eyes, took out her compact and made sure any redness was covered.

***

            It was a miserable day at home, in his work study. The entire house felt too big, too empty. Jinli had left right after and he didn’t know where she was. It would be hypocritical to call her, so he only had to suffer in silence. He called Youngjae, praying he would be free and available.

            “Hey, did you find anything new yet?”

            “Yeah. Manager Lee just said that it was someone who worked at Mr. Cho’s who leaked the information to him. They bribed him to in turn put the numbers up and to spread certain rumors to bring down our stocks.”

            “Jinli’s father?”

            “He’s the only Cho Jinyoon I know of.”

            Daehyun sighed. “Who is this someone? Check his background.”

            “What are you thinking?”

            Youngjae was sharp. He understood Daehyun perfectly. “Somehow I doubt my father-in-law would be bringing me down. There may be no love lost between him and his daughter, but if he tried to do anything to side step me, this marriage would have been an empty chess move.”

            “Does it not bother you?”

            “What?”

            “That you look at your marriage like this. As if it were a strategy move.”

            “It’s not like it wasn’t,” Daehyun muttered.

            Youngjae’s eyes never left Daehyun. “Are things not improving?” There was no answer and Youngjae let out a tiny sigh. “You’re hopeless.”

            “Hyosung knows who’s behind all of this.”

            “Right. Her. What else is new?”

            “She said she would help me.”

            “Help you what? Indict her? Daehyun, please. I don’t know what type of poison she has been slipping into your head but she is no good for you. And you and I both know she’s the one behind all the things. We just need to find out why and how she’s been able to do it.”

            “Is it possible to like someone when you thought you loved someone else?”

            Youngjae leaned back on the couch. “You and I need to go out. Jinli isn’t home yet, right? I think there’s a lot you need to tell me.”

            “Gee, you know me so well, why don’t we just get married?”

            His best friend coughed. “I didn’t know you swung both ways. No thank you. I’m much more interested in those who can rock a short skirt and high heels.”

            Three rounds of shots and a half bottle of whiskey later, Daehyun had told Youngjae everything. Youngjae hiccupped and reached for his glass. “I need more alcohol to digest this.” When the bottle was successfully drained, Youngjae was staring in front of him in a stupor. “. I thought I would be less sober than I am now. So what are you going to do? Because you messed up big time.”

            “I don’t know if I should tell her. I don’t know if she’ll trust me or believe me.”

            The snarky grin on his best friend’s face irritated Daehyun but he said nothing. “Well, you didn’t exactly give her good reason to trust you in your nearly one year of marriage, did you? I can imagine how well she’ll take it. ‘Oh yes, I need to continue sleeping with the woman who wrecked our marriage because I need her to tell me what’s going on with the company.’ Yes, that will go down real well.”

            “I don’t plan on sleeping with Hyosung anymore.” The words were said quietly but caught Youngjae’s attention.

            He turned his shiny eyes towards Daehyun. “Wow. This is certainly progress. So why don’t you just tell Jinli that you’re going to be lying to Hyosung?”

            This was the catch. Daehyun stared helplessly at his hands. “I’m scared. I don’t know if she’ll think it’s an excuse, or if she will think that I’m lying.”

            “How do you really feel about her?”

            “I…I like her. That’s all.”

            Youngjae snorted and tipped the glass back, his tongue stretching out for the last remaining drops. “But not enough to tell her the truth. And yet something is making you worry. Okay, Daehyun. Listen, can I crash at your place? I don’t think I can functionally get myself back to Seoul tonight.”

            Daehyun’s throat yearned for some alcohol but he refrained. “Yeah. We have a guest room.”

            Youngjae batted his lashes. “Sleep with me tonight, Daehyunnie?”

            He pushed Youngjae away. “You’re disgusting.”

***

            Jinli was already home and sleeping by the time Daehyun finished dragging Youngjae into the guest room. He tiptoed to their room and winced when he thought about his cowardly words in the morning. The entire time as he showered, he thought about what he should do. Youngjae was right. He should tell her. But how?

            He slipped into bed and propped himself on one elbow to stare down at her. She looked neither sad nor happy. Her face was neutral, not calm. His heart twisted. She probably cried herself to sleep too. There was a dried track down her cheek. He resisted the urge to kiss her for all of three seconds. He allowed his lips to linger on her skin, hoping that in her dreams, he could have conveyed some of the apologies he felt.

            Daehyun slid down and tried to position himself so that they weren’t touching. It would probably be better this way. His palm tingled as he fought the want to reach over and hold her. Her presence next to him was distracting. He forced himself to turn his side, shut his eyes and counted in his head.

            When Daehyun woke up again, he stumbled into the guest room and saw that the bed was made up. There was a folded note. In Youngjae’s handwriting, Go make it up to her today. Remember, tell her. Thanks for taking care of me last night, bud.

            He crumped the paper and walked downstairs. Jinli was sitting at the stool by the kitchen island. She looked up when he walked in and pushed the bowl of oatmeal towards him. “Here you go.”

            “Good morning.” Daehyun sat awkwardly across from her. He mindlessly spooned the food into the mouth and watched her from the corner of his eye. Her hair was still wet, and she had it wrapped in a towel. A drop of water was trickling down her neck and he wanted nothing more than to reach over and wipe it off. It made him sad that the distance between their intimacy was because of him.

            As he finished up, she finally looked at him. “So Youngjae says you have something to tell me.” Her voice was guarded.

            Damn that Yoo Youngjae. This entire scene was exactly the same as the previous morning. He took a deep breath and took the plunge. “I want to apologize for yesterday.”

            “Just yesterday? And what about the other night?” Her tone was sharp.

            “No, not the other night.” This assertion made him feel braver. Maybe this would be how he could show his sincerity. Her eyes flashed dangerously, probably thinking that he was proud of what he had done and only saw her as a plaything. “I don’t regret that. I just regret what I said, and everything before that.”

            “Is that all you have to say?” She was being unresponsive.

            “No. There’s more. I wasn’t lying when I asked you to trust me. Things aren’t going well with the company, and Hyosung told me she knows how to help me.”

            “Great. Your future wife is being so useful in the business aspect too.”

            Daehyun winced at the nonchalant reference to their impending divorce. “It’s not like that. I wasn’t lying when I said I liked you. But Hyosung will only help me if-”

            “If you continue sleeping with her. Go ahead. For the sake of your company, and for your unresolved desires, I encourage you to do so.”

            “Will you stop cutting in? I’m not finished,” he retorted. Goddamn, she was making this more difficult than it has to be. “I’m not sleeping with her. I just have to get in her good graces so that she will be willing to help me until the end. But I promise, I swear to you, I won’t sleep with her. I just need her to help me fix the company.”

            Jinli was quiet and he stared at her for any reaction. Her shoulders began to shake and his heart plummeted. Please don’t cry. She laughed out loud. “I should have recorded that for you and played it for you to listen. How do you plan on getting in her graces? Somehow, I feel like you’re already past the wining and dining part of courtship. You won’t sleep with her? Why would I care? You can do whatever, and whoever, the hell you want, Jung Daehyun. It’s what you’ve been doing anyway.”

            This was why he didn’t want to tell her. It was meaningless. Their relationship was already damaged beyond repair; she would be a fool to believe him. But even rationally knowing it was his fault didn’t stop him from getting angry. “Fine. If you don’t care, then I guess I might as well do whatever I need to do to make sure my father’s hard work doesn’t go down the drain.”

***

            His words bothered her the rest of the day and into the next day. Who did he think he was? There was no reason for him to tell her all of this unless it was true. But if it were true, what are the implications? She shook her head. There was no way. It just wasn’t possible.

            He loves Hyosung. The moment she came back, she was all that he could think about. Even when they first got married, the animosity was because of her. There was no rational way in a span of a few days, he could forget about Hyosung, and like her instead. That was the only sort of thing that happened in movies, and to people who wanted things for their own gain.

            There must be a new deal going on. Or he needed her father’s support to keep the company intact. Wasn’t that why he asked her to finish out the contract anyway? Jinli placed her head in her hands. It was better to not think about it. She would only come to the same conclusion each time.

            “Are you ready to head out?”

            Taewoon was standing outside her door. Jinli shut off her computer and stood. “The bosses will be there?”

            “Of course. You can’t not show up.”

            She grinned wryly. “You know me so well.”

            He laughed. “You’ve been so tense. I feel like some alcohol would be good for you.”

            One shot became two, and they continued to refill the pitcher of margarita in front of her. She smiled at her boss, and tried to focus on the drunken lectures he was giving. Her hands kept drifting to her glass. Taewoon’s fingers paused on the back of her hand.

            “Jinli, is this a good idea? You’ve had four glasses already.”

            “Don’t worry. These are so weak. I feel nothing.” But the moment he stopped restraining her, she grabbed her shot of tequila and tossed that back too. A lime appeared in front of her and she waved it away. “I used to do these all the time, no lime or salt needed.”

            She saw his brows furrow in concern and turned away. She wasn’t here to get drunk. She just needed to keep up with the bosses anyway. Three more shots later, and the two of them were standing off to the side. Jinli was crying. “I hate him so much.” Her mascara was smearing but she didn’t care, wiping at her eyes and making it worse. “It’s like everything is a game to him.” Taewoon had been at a loss, unsure what he could say, what would be overstepping.  She shrunk in on herself and cried, not caring that they were blocking the entrance to the restroom and that their colleagues were in close proximity.

           An hour later, Jinli was throwing up in the parking lot. Taewoon held her hair from her face, rubbing her back as another wave of nausea overcame her. Her stomach clenched, preparing for the next journey of acid reflux to leave.

            “Here, drink some water.”

            Jinli stumbled and clutched onto his arm. “Sorry. My bad. What time is it?”

            “It’s past midnight. I can drive you home, if you want.”

            She chuckled. Her eyes were closing and the world was still spinning. “It’s either that or I sleep here.”

            “Come. Give me your keys.”

            “In my purse.”

            Taewoon carefully lifted her and lowered the seat to a more comfortable reclining angle. “Are you done throwing up, or do you want to sit up?”

            “I think I’m okay.” But her hands still clutched onto the plastic bag he had handed her just in case.

            When he pulled into the driveway, the lights in the house came on, and the porch lit up. A figure opened the door and Taewoon saw that it was Daehyun. He got out of the car, ignoring the confounded glare the other man was giving him. “Jinli, we’re here.”

            He put his arm around her and tried to lead her up the stairs but Daehyun was already there.

            “I got her,” he said sharply. “What did you do to her?”

            Daehyun was not expecting Jinli to be out so late. When he came back and saw that she hadn’t returned, he decided to sleep in the living room. He had called her but her phone was off. When he heard the car, the last person he expected to see was Taewoon.

            “We had a company gathering, and she must have drank a little too much.”

            “Why didn’t you call me? I’m her husband. I should have gone to get her.” There was a ripple across Taewoon’s face and Daehyun wondered how much he knew. He looked at how comfortable Jinli was with him, leaning against Taewoon, as if she trusted him. Daehyun reached between them and roughly snatched her arm away.

            “Please let go.” His voice was hard.

            Taewoon heard the warning but wouldn’t budge. “I would feel better if I saw her upstairs.”

            “Excuse me. You would be trespassing. This is our home. You two are simply colleagues. I have the obligation to take care of my wife. Leave her to me. Do you need a cab? I can call a car service and send you back. Thank you for bringing her back.”

            The other man allowed Daehyun to take Jinli but he didn’t move. “Do you know why she is like this?”

            Daehyun turned to face Taewoon. He rested Jinli against him. “You already told me.”

            “No. It’s because of you. Ever since your honeymoon, you have not treated her well. You don’t deserve her.”

            Daehyun’s jaw locked. He brought Jinli into the house and placed her on the couch before coming back. “Say that again, you er. How dare you come onto my property and say these things to me.”

            Taewoon was slightly taller so he easily wasn’t intimidated. “I didn’t want to say anything before, because it was not my place. But I’m Jinli’s friend, and seeing her constantly go through pain because of you; I simply cannot be quiet anymore.”

            “Do you only see her as a friend?” The jealousy that had been dormant came rearing up again. “Ever since the honeymoon, you have been flirting with her. Oh, you just happened to have a side job as an interior designer as well, and happened to end up at her company, and under her? You know, I can sue you for stalking if I wanted.”

            “Think what you want, but that doesn’t take away from the fact that you are a husband. I swear, if I see Jinli crying because of you again, I will come back here and find you.”

            “And do what?” Daehyun laughed mockingly. “Beat me up? That would be illegal. Yell at me? Sticks and stones can break my bones but words can never harm me. Leave her alone, and stay out of this. What happens between us is none of your business.”

            Taewoon looked like he wanted to retort but he held himself in check. “You don’t deserve her. I hope one day you will realize, and then it will be too late.”

            Daehyun slammed the door behind him. He seethed. Taewoon wasn’t wrong. He was a husband. In their nine months together he has done nothing but hurt Jinli. But he was trying so hard to make it up to her now. On the couch, Jinli had sat up.

            “Do you want some water?”

            Jinli shook her head and her shoulders heaved again. Daehyun slid the garbage can between her feet and patted her as she emptied her stomach again. “Take tomorrow off. I’ll stay home and take care of you.”

            His words, meant to be comforting, meant to convey how he felt about her, only made her cry. Taewoon was right. Jinli crying was the most heartbreaking thing. Her sobs echoed from deep within her. “Please just leave me alone,” she whispered, and he knew that it wasn’t the alcohol talking. This was what she wanted.

Officially registered for the September LSAT!

I have to make some more changes to the plot... heh. 

Also this story has gotten a bit more personal in terms of emotions. A few years back, I went through something difficult and the situational parallels make writing some of this a little bit hard. So I hope people can understand why I chose to make the characters make some of the decisions they do. Because we're all human, even if that means ty decisions.