Kai is desperate. Very desperate.

"Kyungsoo, please listen to me."

Kai leans forward to level his eyes with Kyungsoo's, hands firmly holding the smaller's shoulder as he desperately begs for Kyungsoo's attention. It took him a few minutes before he could gather his bearings after Kyungsoo left his workplace. Never had he ran so fast, heart beating rapidly, and feeling desperate to reach his destination. Each step and each second passing is making him more frantic. He can't.  He can't lose Kyungsoo. He doesn't want to lose Kyungsoo.

"I've been listening to you, Jongin."

But Kyungsoo's eyes remain empty of emotions and Kai begins to feel more and more desperate. He feels scared of losing Kyungsoo. Never had he wanted to someone by his side as much as he wants Kyungsoo to be. All his life, he had been content with being on his own, never caring for anyone as long as he himself is fine. Never. Until Kyungsoo came to his life. For the first time, he realized that having someone by his side isn't so bad at all, if that someone is Kyungsoo.

"Please… I," he looks Kyungsoo in the eyes but even though Kyungsoo is looking back at him, it feels like the other couldn't hear him. "I don't want to lose you--"

"Jongin."

Kai gulps, eyes starting to waver in Kyungsoo's gaze. With a trembling heart, he waits for Kyungsoo to continue. 

"Let us stop this."

He didn't know that it takes four words to shatter his heart, the heart that was never complete in the first place. Not until Kyungsoo came to his life.

He looks at Kyungsoo with questioning eyes and it's when Kyungsoo smiles at him that he feels like the world stopped on its axis. Kyungsoo's smile doesn't reach his eyes and to Kai, it felt like everything froze. 

Everything stopped, except the tears he didn't know started to flow down his cheeks. 

"No..." Kai shakes his head. "D-don't say that, Kyungsoo..."

His voice cracks but he doesn't hear himself. All he is aware of is the thought of Kyungsoo wanting nothing to do with him anymore.

The usual warm small hands that he always likes holding in his are cold as they cup his face, thumbs wiping away his tears.

"Think it over, Jongin. This. Whatever we have. It's not real, is it?"

Kai holds Kyungsoo's hands in his. 

No. It's real. This is real, Kyungsoo. 

But he couldn't even say it out loud. All he could do is shake his head, vision blurry with tears.

"I'm sorry, Kyungsoo. I'm sorry I didn't tell you. I swear I wanted to tell you but—"

Kai grips Kyungsoo's hands in his tighter but the other wrings it out of his hold. He watches as his own hands fall down to his sides. Then he looks back up at Kyungsoo. His heart breaks at how Kyungsoo looks at him straight in the eyes, as if letting him go is that easy to do. As if he doesn't matter.

"Kyungsoo, please…"

But his plead doesn't get heard.

"Let's just go our separate ways, Jongin. It's for the best."

Kyungsoo's door closes, like his heart.

"Kyungsoo!" Jongin starts pounding on the door, desperate and scared of completely losing the other. "Kyungsoo, please open up! Please! Kyungsoo!"

Silence.

More silence.

Tears.

More tears.
 

***

"Kyungsoo hyung, I'm going off now…"

Junhong waits a couple more seconds before deciding to leave.

"Hyung, I know you don't want to talk to anyone so I just left a note on the table. I'll lock the doors for you, hyung."

 

***

 

[ Hyung, I locked the cash register after transferring the cash in your lock room. We didn't have that much customers last night because of the heavy rain. Luhan hyung kept trying to call you last night too but he said you weren’t answering.  He said to tell you to call him back. He said he'll come visit tomorrow morning.

P.S. Hyung, your friend waited for you outside for the whole night. I told him many times he can enter to shed himself from the rain but he said you didn't want him around. In case you want to know... ]
 

Kyungsoo takes a deep, shaky breath, closing his eyes firmly to stop himself from starting to cry again. His eyes are tired and puffy and...he's heartbroken.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you. I--he said he would tell you..." Luhan places a hand at the small of his back.

"It's okay hyung. I wanted to hear the truth straight from him, anyway... But I guess he was never really thinking of telling me..."

But just Kyungsoo's swollen eyes and his crestfallen face tells Luhan that his friend is nowhere near okay. This is Kim Jongin they are talking about. The one and only man Kyungsoo had been liking for almost three years now. He knows just how Kyungsoo loves the man-- or maybe he doesn't, because Kyungsoo had fallen deeper than he could imagine. So deep that he is willing to let him go if he knows he is only imprisoning him.

"What okay are you talking about? You look tragic. And have you been eating? You look pale!"
 

Kyungsoo smiles at him but his smile doesn't reach his eyes and it breaks Luhan's heart.

"Look who's talking. You look pale yourself."

Luhan touches his face before frowning. "I'm always pale, Kyungsoo. I'm anemic and you know that."

The way Kyungsoo looks at him bothers him but he didn't let it faze him. Kyungsoo looks away, sighing heavily again.

"He just never really felt the same way, did he?"

Kyungsoo looks back at him with so much pain in his eyes that Luhan couldn't stop himself from pulling him in for a hug. His poor friend. His one and only friend who had never experienced falling in love before. 

Luhan couldn't help but put the blame on himself. He only had Kyungsoo in his life, but he still failed to protect him, to care for him. He should really have told him earlier everything he knew about Kai. He knew Kai from even before that time Kyungsoo had cured him. He often visits their pub, not as a customer but to see Sehun secretly.  He had seen the Kai with the snarky laugh and a smirk. The Kai with the oozing iness he often sees in the pub is completely different from Jongin in front of Kyungsoo. He was just really not expecting that Kai's real name is Kim Jongin, the man his best friend had fallen in love with even before they could have a normal conversation. He has a feeling Kyungsoo will only get hurt if he enters into a relationship with someone who services people with his body. Especially because this is Kyungsoo,  his inexperienced with love-best friend. But who is he to stop Kyungsoo?  Even he had fallen in love with someone like Kai. Who is he to stop Kyungsoo from being happy with the person he loves?

The feeling is mutual. Luhan knows it. He sees it with the changes in Kai and the way his eyes twinkle when he looks so adoringly at Kyungsoo. Even though he knows that this could led to Kyungsoo being hurt again, he would never ever again hide the truth to Kyungsoo. 

"He feels the same way, Kyungsoo. I can see it in his eyes."

Kyungsoo buries his face on Luhan's chest.

"You don't know that, hyung. How would you know? How would I know..."

Luhan gently pulls away, cupping Kyungsoo's face to look at him. 

"And so do you. But didn't you know tell me you'd feel it? Here?" He points at Kyungsoo's heart. The words were from Kyungsoo but even he had to be told of what to do. Luhan finds it rather ironic that when it's not about himself, he knows what to say.

"That's different, hyung. This is about him, not me. I know I… love him." Kyungsoo looks down, a sad smile on his face.

"Then what does your heart tell you? When you're with him, how does it feel? Does it feel like everything he does for you is a lie?"

"I don't know hyung... I don't know anymore... at first I thought he felt the same way but ever since I found out he'd been lying to me, I don't think I'm sure what he really feels. What if he is only staying here with me for the same reason? Because he wants to thank me for helping him? Or because... because he can't find a way to leave me hanging because he feels like he needs to give me something in return or+ + + or what if I'm just a part of his past time+ + +"

Kyungsoo's pulse races at each conclusion he comes up with and Luhan can see that with the way his eyes widens as he frantically searches for words.

"Kyungsoo," Luhan says, cupping Kyungsoo's face again. "Talk to him. Give him a chance to explain."

Luhan looks into Kyungsoo's glassy eyes that are shimmering with unshed tears.

"I'm scared, hyung... What if he really doesn't want me around?"

Luhan smiles softly and hugs him. Luhan has gotten thinner but Kyungsoo still feels the same comfort when he hugs his best friend.

"Don't be... what you should be scared of is when you never find out the truth. What if he actually really loves you too? You don't want to regret it for the rest of your life, would you?"

Kyungsoo sniffles and nods in Luhan's chest.

Luhan Kyungsoo's hair as he continues. 

"You should treasure the rest of your remaining days with the person you love. Don't live the rest of your life yearning for him in regret."

Luhan has never been the deep type of person and Kyungsoo finds it quite unusual for Luhan to speak that way. There is a long silence as they wait for Kyungsoo's tears to stop. Luhan waits until his cries turns to silent sniffles.

"Now let's go and have dinner," Luhan pulls away, wiping Kyungsoo's tears with his thumb. "I know my cooking skills cannot compare to yours but still, I tried and so you must eat."

Kyungsoo lets himself be dragged to his little dining room, all the while staring at his best friend's bony fingers wrapped around his wrist. 

"And no crying while eating, okay?"

Kyungsoo tries to smile the best smile he could manage that night. Luhan notices and smiles back.

Heal now, Kyungsoo's heart.
 

***

 

"Kyungsoo..."

Kyungsoo was lost in his own thoughts again, the thought of Jongin still running in his head. It's the third day after he confronted Jongin and not once had he seen Jongin around again. It pierces his heart painfully and the tears threaten to fall again.  But maybe he did the right decision. Maybe Jongin had never felt the same way and had only been staying by his side as a sign of gratitude to him for healing his wounds and taking care of him... The touches. At first, it deluded Kyungsoo of emotions that he thought exist but now that he thinks of it, maybe he was just thinking too much about it. Jongin works as a host. How can he be sure that the touches was real? Jongin not coming back to explain things between them only confirms his conclusions.

The ringing of his phone pulls Kyungsoo out of his own thoughts.

"Yes hyung?"

There was a pause, as if Luhan was hesitating. 

Kyungsoo looks out the window. It's past dawn, the usual time that Jongin would arrive. The usual time his heart would be fluttering, his stomach full of butterflies because of the time he spends with him. He wished it had been real.

"I... I thought you might want to know that Kai had not been coming to work for the past three nights."

Kyungsoo's hands halt from picking up the mug of tea. 

"...Sehun said he doesn't usually miss work and the last time--"

Kyungsoo's reaction was automatic. It was from his heart, his head couldn't even think well before he spoke.

"Hyung, can you ask Sehun where Jongin's address is?"