Secretly

How is a person supposed to act to the person he lov—?

Wait... love?

No. He isn’t even sure if this is love.

Maybe liking, yes. He is sure he likes Kyungsoo... or... or an addiction.

But whatever it is, he knows that what he wants is to be always near Kyungsoo.

But how to act around Kyungsoo? He doesn’t know...

How could he be around someone as fragile as Kyungsoo? He doesn’t want to break him. He doesn’t want his sharp edges clashing against Kyungsoo’s smooth ones. But this doesn’t stop the swelling emotions surging in his body, telling his every nerve to reach out for the young doctor and keep him in his arms.

But then again...

How?

He leans an elbow on the counters and rests his head on an open palm, surreptitiously watching the couple behind the counter and the other couple at the far end of the counter opposite to him.

There’s a difference between Yixing and Jongdae’s way of wooing their partner.

Yixing would be standing behind a Minseok who is busy drying the glasses and snake his arms around the smaller man. A quick peck on the side of the smaller’s neck comes after before he detaches himself from the other to continue his work. Minseok doesn’t protest though. He continues his work.

 Jongdae, on the other hand, is the type that would follow his lover everywhere, cautious of anyone’s action in case someone tries to take his partner away and would be planting kisses here and there. Junmyeon would be telling him to stop but it’s not like Jongdae ever listens.

But the similarity is that, both Minseok and Junmyeon are left with a subtle blush on their cheeks after being showered with affection.

He wonders if Kyungsoo would blush like that to... or would smile like that too...

It’s the fourth time he checked his wristwatch. Every second seems to drag forever and he could not wait for the clock to strike quarter to 4. It’s not that he isn’t allowed to leave. He is. It’s just that he doesn’t want to appear too early in front of Kyungsoo while looking so eager. Wouldn’t that scare Kyungsoo? It would. Probably. The first Monday he visited that place, Kyungsoo looked beyond surprised that he actually showed up even though it’s not Monday. He doesn’t really like scaring Kyungsoo. Although Kyungsoo still looks endearing with those wide eyes looking at him in alarm but still... nothing can  compare to the smile on his face.

Kyungsoo’s smiling face is his most favourite expression the other could wear.

****

“What is this for?”

Surprisingly, Kyungsoo’s voice isn’t shaking anymore, like it would usually do. It surprises even him.

Kai’s hand arrests halfway through taking off his coat. It’s summer and the morning sun is shining brightly. He and Kyungsoo sat by a bench under a tree as they watch a few kids playing in the mini playground in front of them. This has become his and Kyungsoo’s meeting place whenever Zelo is around to look after the store.

“It’s… a cake.”

Kai almost groans. That was a stupid answer.

“I mean it’s for you.”

Of course it’s for him. You handed it to him, you fool.

When did he start being this foolish around Kyungsoo anyway?

“I know but,” Kyungsoo pauses to look down at the vanilla cake in his hand. “It’s not my birthday...”

“I... uh,” Kai looks away, rubbing his nape with a hand. “I passed by one of the new bakeshops and I thought about buying you one...” He looks at the smaller sitting beside him for any response but when all he gets is a surprised look, he clears his throat. “And I remembered you telling me before that you spent your last birthday alone because Luhan was out of the country.”

He looks back to Kyungsoo and gets a more surprised look. 

He doesn’t like this, does he?

Of course Kyungsoo would be surprised! Who wouldn’t? What kind of person would give a birthday cake to someone when his birthday was six months ago?

He internally groans for making himself look foolish in front of Kyungsoo. Again.

“Thank you...”

Kyungsoo’s voice had always been soft and low that sometimes he has to wonder if he is really hearing the other talking to him or if it’s just a product of his constant imagination about the man.

But when he looks at Kyungsoo, whose gaze is at the box of cake in his hand  and instantly picks it up, he gets surprised. He was so sure Kyungsoo would discard the cake, but that was until the man gently places it on his other side and scoots closer to him.

“Thank you for remembering...” and the warm hug that comes after makes Kai’s breath hitch.

Kyungsoo is…. hugging him.

His eyes widen, his heart starts pounding louder than it usually does, he feels light-headed again, and had to pull himself together as he takes a gulp.

They pull away and their gazes met.

“I-it’s nothing... You’re w-welcome...”

And maybe it’s a peculiar occurrence. Usually the one who would be stuttering is Kyungsoo. But right now it is Kai who is stuttering, averting his eyes from Kyungsoo’s soft gaze. He doesn’t see the reddening of his cheeks. But Kyungsoo does, so he blushes as well.

“Do you want to share the cake with the kids?” He looks back at Kyungsoo. “It’s not fun eating alone when we can share it with everybody...”

Kyungsoo’s smile is bright. Very bright and it makes Kai’s lips curve at the corner as well.

He loves Kyungsoo’s smile.

“If you want to...”

He sees Kyungsoo’s smile again when he returns with a pack of paper utensils and it stays even while they started cutting the cake and handing one slight to each kid.

The kids were scared at first, seeing a tall man with scary, serious look on his face coming over to hand a piece of cake to them but then Kyungsoo comes over and places a hand on Kai’s shoulder.

“It’s okay kids. It’s my birthday today. Let’s celebrate together!”

And just like him, the bright smile on Kyungsoo’s face reaches the small kids and they began to smile brightly as well.

“You should smile more...” Kyungsoo says to him as he lifts a hand to gently pat his cheek.

The touch left a burning sensation on Kai’s cheek. He didn’t know what to call it.

The kids sang the Birthday Song to Kyungsoo after they’re finished with their cakes. Kai had never liked hearing any sort of music. He enjoys silence and any sort of sound that destroys the silence is considered a noise to him. But right now, there’s a smile on his face as he watches Kyungsoo happily clapping his hands together along the song.

 It was beautiful.

**

It’s almost noon time and he knows he needs to leave already, but he actually doesn’t want to. Spending time with Kyungsoo is something he likes to revel in. But Kyungsoo knows he has night shifts and he needs to get enough sleep to be ready for work. Especially since his work requires energy. Kyungsoo doesn’t know that. Of course he wouldn’t let Kyungsoo know.

“Thank you again... for remembering.”

They’re in front of the convenience store, gazing at each other’s eyes, not exactly wanting to be the first to bid goodbye.

“You’re welcome.”

He really has no idea what are the right words to say.

But it seems like Kyungsoo exactly knows what he wants.

A hug.

When they pulled back, shy smiles were exchanged before they bid goodbye to each other and he walks away, catching each other looking back and blushing as they look away again.

It’s a constant delightful fluttering of their hearts and they both secretly loved it.

****

One day turned two weeks... and soon turned to months.

The light touches didn’t change. There were few hugs exchanged that would send jolts of flattering electricity inside of them, even the light brushes of their elbows when they walk beside each other to the mini playground. The loving gazes, which they fail to hide, to each other stayed the same but aside from that, neither of them took the courage to take a step ahead. Both afraid of what’s to come if they do, for they already have become comfortable in what they have. The light touches, the warm smiles, the soft and loving gazes.

It was enough.

Kai had known lots of things about Kyungsoo. He had been making efforts to be always be around the smaller as much as he can. Of course he had met the few people around Kyungsoo. One of which is Luhan who seems to be still not comfortable around him. He can see the way Luhan looks at him with caution and is still very protective over Kyungsoo. But there’s nothing he really can do about that and even though he feels rather irritated when Luhan tries to block him away from Kyungsoo, he doesn’t do anything because of fear that he might end up hurting Kyungsoo’s feelings. Any hurt done to Kyungsoo is a sin and he will make sure no one will make Kyungsoo feel hurt.

Late night dinners or even more breakfast at Kyungsoo or the restaurants nearby isn’t something out of the extraordinary anymore. No matter how much Kai hates being around people, he doesn’t tell Kyungsoo of this. As long as he sees the other smiling, it is enough.

Kai is somewhat relieved though that the other never asked about something personal. Through the months, it’s mostly Kyungsoo who is sharing stories about himself or others. Kai was around to listen and smile at every piece of information he learns. Kyungsoo is the most interesting person he has ever met. Kyungsoo smiles even when he speaks, and when his lips aren’t curving up in a smile, it’s his eyes that do.

Beautiful.

Truly beautiful.

It was enough for Kai.

Maybe for them both.

Maybe?

No. It apparently isn’t.

Kyungsoo wants to know about Kai too. Many times, he tries to share things about him and waits for the other to speak up as well. But the other keeps silent and only waits for him to talk again. Kai looks very attentive and interested to his every story so he continues to speak, ignoring the uncomfortable feelings settling at the pit of his stomach. He is afraid that telling the other to speak about himself as well will only make him upset. He waited too long to be this close to Kai for him to just destroy it with his greed. He waited for more than two years. He can manage to wait more.

Someday.

Maybe someday, Kai will open up to him. When they become closer friends.

Of course he doesn’t see Kai as a friend. Kai was definitely more than that but he doesn’t even know if he is already a friend to Kai. The warm gazes and soft touches tell him otherwise but unless he hears it from Kai, he isn’t going to jump into conclusions.

So he smiles, ignoring the things bothering him at the back of his head.

Being around Kai, like this, is enough for Kyungsoo.

****

The day one crossed the line of ‘just casual friends’ was a day Kyungsoo wasn’t expecting.

They are sitting beside each other in front of the mini playground again. The weather is cold and both of them watches in silence as droplets of moisture drip from the leaves.

It’s always like this.

They would be sitting in silence, drowning in the wonderful feeling of each other’s presence and maybe... also thinking of each other. Kai would usually be leaning back and staring at Kyungsoo. The smaller would usually have both hands resting on his knees, a pleasant smile on his face that always has the other smiling as well.

But today is different, it is cold and they stay silent for too long. Kyungsoo is hugging his arms, he turns to face Kai who doesn’t budge and keeps on staring at him. He feels his cheeks heating up but he doesn’t stop, he opens his mouth to say something but only a small yelp of pain manages to escape. His left index finger immediately comes to caress his lower lip.

He could taste the metallic flavor of his blood. His lips are dried by the coldness and lack of movement that his lower lip cracks the moment he opens his mouth.

Kai looks at him in surprise. “What’s wrong?”, he asks Kyungsoo as his eye trails to where Kyungsoo’s index finger  is placed.

He can see blood gushing out.

“Nothing. I just+ + +“, Kyungsoo isn’t able to finish what he has to say.

One...

Two...

Three...

Kyungsoo lost count. He felt lightheaded.

Kai was mesmerized.

He wasn’t able to stop himself.

He pulls down Kyungsoo’s left hand and gently places his lips on other’s soft ones, directly at the spot where blood gushes out. None of them really moved. Both of their hearts pound hard against their chest.

It is when Kai realizes what he did that he pulls a fraction away. The smaller man’s eyes are wide as they meet his.

No words are spoken.

Kai had to tear his gaze off of Kyungsoo’s lips and it took all of his willpower not to crush those pink lips with his again.

Kyungsoo, on the other hand, doesn’t know what to do. His eyes were fixed on the small stain of blood on his left index finger.

They both just sit there, their hearts pounding fast.

The day ended and both of them could only think of the other and the kiss.

Was that even really a kiss?

Both, secretly, wanted to believe it is.

Unexpected things like this aren’t so bad after all...

A/N:

Yes it's too cheesy, I'm sorry! I didn't even know how it ended up being like this.. hmm.. I mean the transition from the previous sad chapter with my name on it and to this.. too much skinny love i'm going to end up choking myself.  /giggles

The blood gushing out idea appreared because my lips got chapped because I was grinning too wide and flailing and fangirling while I was typing this. Lol. And I was and nibbling at my painful lower lip the entire time I was typing it. Because it was really painful.

This is still unbeta-ed. I apologize.

I hope you like this chapter! Thank you for reading c:

Comment/ upvote! :D

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