Seunghyun looked at Daesung with an annoyed look on his face, “Why won't I grow up?” he gripped his collar and pulled his face closer to him, “I'm way more grown up and mature than you think.”

Daesung pursed his lips and shook, “You're way to over emotional to be an adult. People don't need to read you to know what you're thinking, you just tell them outright.”

“That's where you're wrong; you're always wrong about me. I'm only ever completely honest with the people who are the closest to my heart. I lay it all out for them because I don't want the people I know and love to ever think that I'm keeping something from or trying to exclude them from my life.” Seunghyun chewed on his lip and frowned, “You already know you're one of those people.”

“And who else?”

Seunghyun smiled, “Seungri.”

Daesung was surprised that that was it, “Just me and him?”

“My heart just doesn't open up to anyone. What? Did you think I went around telling everyone that I loved them?”

Daesung kind of felt that way about Seunghyun. He assumed he was this open with everyone, “Well, yeah. You're quite popular with...everyone.”

“Yeah, I know. I've made out with a lot of people in the hallways, I've flirted with a lot of people, and I've unintentionally led people on, but I've only done that because there was a time when I tried to get you out of my mind. I did all that because I thought it would help me get rid if thoughts for you, as you can see that didn't work.”

Seunghyun's face turned into a hard scowl. He had never wanted to tell Daesung anything about the time he had spent a couple of years finding different types of ways to rid him of his infatuation with Daesung. It had been a troubling time when he went through that face, he had been through many types of lips and bodies to replace Daesung's. Even through those couple of years of strained thoughts and a reluctance to even look at Daesung he never given his body up to anyone. To Seunghyun having with someone other than Daesung would mean that he had given up, it would mean that he would have lost all hope of them ever being happy together.

It was one of the reasons why he had always denied Seungri of . He did value their friendship and didn't want to ruin it with , but there was also the stronger reason of not wanting to give himself away to anyone but Daesung. Seunghyun would never let anyone take his most sacred possession besides Daesung, he was that sure that it would be him.

Daesung pondered over what Seunghyun had said, so he had tried to get Daesung out of his thoughts. This was a dilemma for Daesung because that meant that there was a possibility that Seunghyun was being serious when he said it was physically impossible for him to stop loving him.

Like Seunghyun was reading Daesung's thoughts he interrupted his thinking and asked a question that was floating around in his head, “Why do you want me to move on so badly?”

Daesung looked into Seunghyun's eyes, the question had stirred many of his own tribulations that he had had in his head for a couple of days. Seunghyun's eyes had brought up so many memories of his, since Seunghyun had told him about why he had fallen in love with him, Daesung had been going over that day multiple times. He remembered his eyes the most, the way they conveyed so much sadness and defeat had haunted him for years. He had always remembered Seunghyun's eyes and the weak boy he used to be; at least he thought he was weak then.

He could even remember the thoughts he had that day; what he was feeling. Daesung rested his forehead against Seunghyun's while thinking about his younger self. He had heard his question but he could not answer that right now. He was to wrapped up in his thoughts to be able to answer and he knew Seunghyun would be patient with him.

Daesung squeezed his eyes shut and wondered how the boy he had helped ended to be Seunghyun. The boy that was different from others, that was bullied by others. It had only been chance that he was there that day to step in, and look what that chance had brought him. A man that was completely infatuated with him despite everything that Daesung had said and done. The boy with the eyes that peered through your heart, the hands that clutched his binder for dear life, legs that were used for running away.

No, he did not forget that boy, but he did forget who he was. He had forgotten the name behind the boy, he had forgotten who had those eyes that had haunted his dreams many nights. He had forgotten Seunghyun, but Seunghyun did not forget him.

Daesung swallowed and looked at Seunghyun, he almost wanted to look away. His face reminded him of that day and he did not want to go there anymore. He didn't want to remember any further about how he had made a selfless act and helped someone he had admired from afar, because that day was when he had changed. This was why he could not have Seunghyun love him, he wouldn't let him love him because he could not bare to see his face past his dreams.

The one who was admired had become the one who admired, and the who had admired had become the one who did not.

He had lied to Seunghyun when he said he didn't know who he was when he helped him; he knew him well, and from the that he had never forgotten him. Daesung had changed, and Seunghyun did not; their roles had flipped.

Daesung leaned away from Seunghyun, “You want to know why I don't want you to love me?”

Seunghyun nodded his head, he was unaware of what his question had brought in him.

Daesung got off of Seunghyun and stood up, he peered down at him and grimaced, “I don't want your love because I hate you, and it sickens me every time you say you love me. I hate you Seunghyun, I really do.” Daesung grabbed his things and stormed off, leaving Seunghyun with a bewildered expression.

Seunghyun stared blankly ahead of him. He was without reaction for a long time before he started hyperventilating. His breaths came in rapidly causing him to sound like he was wheezing. Seunghyun got up clutching his chest with a pained look on his face; he was breathing too fast. He ended up taking a few steps before falling back on his knees.

The carbon in his lungs was dissipating causing his blood vessels to constrict just like his heart was. A wail escaped his lips and he closed his eyes breathing heavily and dangerously. He cried, his breaths did not slow down and he was on the brink of passing out from too much oxygen. The pain he was feeling was unbearable.

Seungri had been walking to another one of his classes when he saw Seunghyun. At first he wondered what he was doing, but instantly became worried when he saw his body shaking uncontrollably. He briskly walked over to Seunghyun and knelt next to him. His eyes widened when he heard his fast rapid breathing and had to keep himself from also panicking.

“Seunghyun, stop breathing!” he had never thought he would ever tell someone that, but in this case it was necessary.

Seunghyun just looked at him while clutching his chest, his panic attack worsening by the second.

“You need to calm down, slow your breathing and tell me what happened.”

Seunghyun tried to slow his breathing down, his breaths were coming out shaky and uneven. Seungri coaxed him into to slowing down his breathing and relaxing. Once his attack stopped Seungri rubbed his back and asked him what happened. Seunghyun let out a strangled noise and started shaking again. Seungri didn't know what to do, he was afraid Seunghyun would start hyperventilating again, and if that happened he would definitely have to call an ambulance.

Seungri stared helplessly at his friend and he could only hold him to give him comfort. “Seunghyun.” he tried to get some type of words to form out of Seunghyun's mouth.

Seunghyun looked at Seungri and stared at him desperately, “Why do you stand by me?”

The question caught Seungri off guard, he didn't understand what Seunghyun was talking about, “What do you mean?”

“Why do you stay with me? Why are you the only one? Why Seungri, Why?” finally a tear trailed down Seunghyun's cheek which started a chain reaction and caused more to fall.

Seungri grew angry, there was only one thing that could have Seunghyun reduced to tears and he was getting sick and tired of it. He helped Seunghyun up to his feet and cursed under his breath, “Dammit Seunghyun, I'm going to kill him.” Seungri had never really been an angry person, but now he was extremely pissed off. He looked up to Seunghyun because he thought he was the best person that he knew, to Seungri there weren't many others that were as great and he couldn't figure out for the life hi what Daesung's problem was. He felt that Daesung must be absolutely out of his mind to be such an to Seunghyun.

Seunghyun leaned heavily on Seungri, he was having a hard time supporting his weight and was grateful Seungri that he was there to help him. “I never knew I was such a horrible person.”

“You are not the problem here, you are a saint for putting up with for so long. God Seunghyun, what did the do this time?” Seungri couldn't hold in his frustrations, he was having a hard time trying to keep himself composed enough to stay with Seunghyun, instead of leaving and going to find Daesung to kick hiss .

“You always say something like that, but who am I to believe? I must be an extremely ugly person.” Seunghyun was the epitome of self-deprecation.

Seungri held his tongue and walked Seunghyun back to their dorm. He sat Seunghyun on his bed and made hi lay down, “Seunghyun, listen to me. You're going to go crazy if you keep letting this happen, as your friend I have to tell you to let Daesung go. He isn't worth this.” Seungri enunciated each and every word to get his point across.

“Then what will I do?” Seungri didn't know that Seunghyun had based a lot of his life on Daesung, he wouldn't know what to do if he gave up; would he become an empty shell?

Seungri clenched his jaw, “You can finally be happy, you'll be healthy. This is not going to work, what will happen one day when he does something worse? What will you do then?”

“I, I don't know. Seungri will I be okay? Am I going to be okay?” Seunghyun could only take so much before he mentally broke down. He was too soft hearted to take all this pain, it was one thing to be rejected. It was another to be played with and confused; being taken in one second then shoved away the next. That couldn't be healthy for someone to go through, one person would only be able so much of someone's games before they completely broke down; shattered to a million pieces that no one would be able to put back together.

“You'll be fine, if you stop pursuing Daesung. He's trash compared to you, he's isn't worth any of your love, not even a single ounce.” Seungri's words were harsh and unrelenting, he thoroughly did not like Daesung, and for good reason.

“Don't say things like that. Everyone needs love.”

Seungri practically melted, he couldn't believe how selfless Seunghyun was sometimes, even after being constantly hurt he still had some type of optimistic way of looking at things. He still had something nice to say. “He must be crazy.” Seungri shook his head, he hoped this would not damage Seunghyun's outlook on life.

Daesung flung his stuff on his bed and sat down and started to rub his temples. The look of shock on Seunghyun's face flashed in his brain and he repeatedly told himself not to care. He had felt nothing but loathing for the boy he saved ever since that day and he couldn't bring himself to start caring now. Many would say that he was weak minded for holding onto something that happened years ago. He was practically messed up from all the traumatic events that occurred over his lifetime from that incident, and he blamed Seunghyun for what had happened to him instead of the people who actually caused him the trouble in the first place.

Daesung had been a very popular boy before he had encountered Seunghyun. Now he didn't care about any of that, but it also meant that he had an easy life when he was popular. After he had helped Seunghyun his world went downhill quickly, he lost many people who were his so called friends and he had to adapt to that quickly. He ended being a lot less sociable due to the lack of people he could be sociable with and he spent more time on his studies because he never had anything better to do. People didn't just outcast but they also started bullying him.

Is was funny how much things flipped when he tried to be a good person, he ended up being prosecuted. Dirty toilets and grimy floors flashed through Daesung's mind. The images of being shoved on gross bathroom floors and his things thrown in the toilet crossed his mind. He had suppressed those memories but Seunghyun had brought them back. Every single filthy memory of being ridiculed as a child pounded at his skull and he just wanted to get it out of his head.

Daesung was not bothered now, he had good friends and people treated him well, he wanted to keep those memories but they kept getting pushed out with all the memories of him while he was younger. Daesung stood up and pressed his hands over his ears. He just wanted them go away, and most importantly he wanted Seunghyun gone or he would never get any peace with his mind. He squeezed his eyes shut and tried to concentrate on thinking happy thoughts, all he wanted was to be able to think happy thoughts.

Nothing was working, he couldn't get any of the filthy images out of his head. Laughing kids and lonely days surrounded him, he cursed Seunghyun for bringing them back to his mind. He had happily set them in the back of his mind for years and now they were flooding in like a bad hurricane. Daesung was getting a headache, he just wanted everything to stop, he wanted everything to be like it was before Seunghyun had entered his life. He wished he had just kept admiring Seunghyun from afar and never had stepped in. He hated Seunghyun for everything that was happening to him and he was thoroughly convinced that it was all his fault.

Daesung crouched on the ground and screamed while pressing his hands to his forehead, “Why can't you leave me alone!?” he was talking about his past and Seunghyun at the same time, he wanted it all to go away. “I don't want this, I don't want it, god please take it.” Daesung sat on the floor, his hands shaking and his body weak. He felt that everything he had worked for was slipping out of his hands; he was losing control.

He curled up in a ball with his squeezed shut muttering the word no over and over again. “Please no, don't do this to me, no, no, no!”

Youngbae walked in to see Daesung curled in the fetal position whispering things to himself in a broken manner. He walked up to him, leaned down, and touched his shoulder. Daesung jerked away from him and bolted up from his position. He wrapped his arms around his knees and buried his head in his arms. “Youngbae, tell them to go away, tell him to go away.”

Youngbae furrowed his eyebrows and moved closer to Daesung, this time he made sure to be careful when touching him. “Tell who to leave you alone?” he slowly grabbed Daesung's hands and pulled them apart, “What's going on Daesung?”

Daesung shook his head, “No, tell him to leave me alone. Make it go away.” his voice was cracking and was trying to restrain from tearing up and losing the little dignity he had left.

“Daesung what's vexing you? Use your words, I can't help you if you don't explain.” Youngbae was having a hard time trying to figure out what was going on with Daesung. He had never seen him like this and it was scaring him.

“Seunghyun! I can't go on with him around me. I can't, I can't, I can't!” Daesung shook the pain he had forgotten was slowly creeping up on him. It had been building up for years and was coming back with a vengeance, it almost seemed like his pain was a living being that was angry, for being kept away for so long.

Youngbae's eyes flared, “Seunghyun? Seunghyun is the problem? What did he do?”

Daesung grabbed Youngbae's hands and pressed them between his own, “Everything, it's all because of him. I can't go on normally with him bringing everything up. His presence is digging up things that should be left alone, he's stirring up trouble.” he looked at Youngbae and tried to convey what he was feeling with through his eyes. He wanted him to see a glimpse of what he was feeling, just so he can know why he wanted Seunghyun out of his life permanently.

“You want him gone. Out of your life.”

“Yes!” sinister laughs swept across his mind, he winced and rubbed his forehead letting small whimpers escape his throat.

Youngbae looked at Daesung and formed a deep frown on his face. He was frightened at what he was seeing and didn't know exactly how to approach the situation. He had never been prepared for anything like this and it was all new to him. All he knew was that somehow it had to do with Seunghyun and that made him a little angry. Seunghyun had been messing up things between him and Daesung and now he was tearing Daesung apart. He couldn't understand what was wrong with Seunghyun to do something like this.

Both parties were torn and divided by Seunghyun's and Daesung's pain. Youngbae thought Seunghyun was the only problem in the situation and Seungri thought Daesung was ruthless for no reason but to be cruel. They both didn't know what the other was going through and that would only worsen things in the long run.

Youngbae stood up and assured Daesung that he would handle it. He walked out of their dorm and headed to Seunghyun's and Seungri's.

Seungri patted Seunghyun's back and tried to sooth his aching heart, “Everything will be alright in the long run. You just have to hold up for me okay?”

Seunghyun nodded and tried to calm his feelings, but they were just to strong. It hurt too much to move or speak. He moved back with a pained expression on his face. He was in agony right now and he could do nothing about it. He cry from the physical pain he was feeling along with the emotional pain.

“Seungri.” His voice was low and Seungri had to strain to hear him, “Do I deserve this pain?”

“No. Absolutely not, you do not deserve any pain that comes to you, even if it's just a little cut on your finger, you don't deserve any of it.”

“I must have done something in my past lives then, I must have been a truly horrible person.” Seunghyun leaned his head back on his people and closed his eyes, “If I sleep will the pain go away?”

Seungri scowled, the pain would not go away with sleep and he didn't want to have to tell him that, “It'll go away with time. You just need time to heal.”

“I'm so tired Seungri.”

“I know Seunghyun, I know.” Seungri smoothed down Seunghyun's hair and wiped away the stray tears on his cheek. He sighed and looked down at his friend, this was breaking his heart in so many ways. Seeing him like this always made Seungri mirror Seunghyun's feelings. He could never know exactly Seunghyun was feeling but he would have empathy for him and his pain.

A sudden burst of tears overcame Seunghyun, he tried wiping away the new tears that were flowing but he couldn't stop them, “I'm sorry Seungri, I must look like a mess for something so little.” he rubbed at his eyes, to no avail, the tears did not stop. Seunghyun gave up and just let it sink in, Daesung hated him, and there was no way to change that. He cried in his pillow and clawed at the sheets, “Why?” his question came out long and drawn out, he just wanted answers clear and concise answers.

Seungri leaned over him and rubbed his shoulders, “Please stop crying, you're going to make me start to. You know how easy it is for me to start crying.” even as he was speaking Seungri could feel his throat closing up from the familiar sensation of budding tears, “Please Seunghyun, you don't want me start or I'll never stop.” a tear drop slid down Seungri's cheek and fell onto Seunghyun's; mixing with Seunghyun's tears, “Please...”

“I'm sorry Seungri, I'm sorry.” despite his apologies the salty liquid kept sliding down his cheeks like an unrelenting force.

“Don't apologize, it's not your fault.” Seungri sniffed and rubbed at his eyes. His voice was quivering and hated how weak he could be around Seunghyun. He wanted to show him that he could be strong for the both of them but instead he ended being reduced to a blubbering mess in front of him. “I should be the one apologizing for not being stronger, I'm supposed to be comforting you and now look at me.” he frowned at a tear that fell on his shirt and wiped it away.

Seunghyun pulled Seungri in one of the bear hugs that he liked and hugged him tightly to his chest, “You are comforting me, you never fail to do so.”

Seungri gladly hugged back and rocked in Seunghyun's arms, “This is what friends are for, right? To cry on each others shoulders and look like complete messes.”

Seunghyun nodded his head, “Yes, this is what friends are for.” he nuzzled his head into the crook of Seungri's neck, “Never let go okay. Never let me fall, do you hear me?”

“I hear you, I won't ever let go, we'll be each others rocks till the end.”

“Till the end. You pinky promise?”

Seungri surprised himself with a wet laugh, “I pinky promise.”