As I go to school the next morning, I’m probably as lost as I was the day before.

The night ended awfully. There was me trying hard not to cry in front of Jongin, him trying to comfort me but failing everytimes because deep inside he was one of the reasons tears wanted to come out. There was Kyungsoo and Baekhyun talking in the kitchen and sometimes peeking through the door to look at us, not knowing what to do at all. After a while Kyungsoo just came to me and brought me home, much to Jongin’s complains but he let me go. He had no choices anyways.

Now here I am, standing in front of my opened locker and staring at absolutely nothing. The thought of Jongin simply using me to forget about another girl keeps popping in my mind and god it hurts.

I gasp as two arms suddenly wrap themselves around my waist, pulling me back to rest in a warm embrace I know too well. ‘’Hey, Sunji’’ A pair of soft lips kiss my cheek and I look down, taking two tanned hands in mine to put them away.

‘’Hey, Jongin’’ I mumble and turn around to face him. He looks at me and seems worried as he sees how I stare back at him.

‘’Please tell me something I could do to help you feel better.’’ He says softly, taking my hands in his, but I only shake my head and let go of his hands.

He sighs and looks away. ‘’Don’t you think it hurts me too? Don’t you think Kyungsoo telling you all this won’t affect me? Yes, I loved her, and yes I had bad intentions with you at first but can’t you see I changed? It’s the past, Sunji, it’s not suppose to affect you like this-’’

‘’Just look who’s talking! You’re the one who wanted to take a revenge on Kyungsoo! You’re the one who couldn’t forget your past! It haunted you and you stayed stick to it so much you never forgave Kyungsoo even though it wasn’t his fault!’’ I suddenly scream at him and quickly look around, scared people would still be there in the locker.

‘Calm down, Sunji, you probably don’t want to make a scene, do you?’

I bit my lip and look at Jongin again. He’s looking down, his bangs hidding his eyes so I can’t see them. I can’t pierce through them and I have absolutely no idea what he’s thinking about.

‘’You’re right… I shouldn’t push you like this, because I can’t push myself anyways. I’m sorry...’’ He mumbled and before I can stop him, he just walks away without looking back.

I know I probably should follow him, tell him that I’m sorry and that I’m going to try and live with it, because that’s probably what I’ll need to do anyways, but my two feet don’t manage to move. My eyes follow his figure as he disappears in the hallways and it’s only when I feel someone poking me on my shoulder that I come out of my trance.

‘’Hello…? Sunji...’’

I blink and turn my head to face Kyungsoo, who’s looking at me with worried eyes. ‘’Oh… Hey Kyung’’ I say without really thinking, a small, weak smile on my face.

I turn to my locker and start taking my books for the first class of the day and Kyungsoo just stays there beside me, staring at me.

‘’Are you… feeling a bit better?’’ Kyungsoo suddenly asks after a while.

I simply nod and keep staring at my locker, but Kyungsoo can clearly see there’s still something wrong.

‘’Look… I’m really sorry for yesterday.. Maybe we shouldn’t have told you.. But I felt like you needed to know. After all those years… I know I should have told you about it sooner, and I’m truly sorry about it. But since you’re… dating Jongin and all, I thought you’d need to know about everything that happened, and also why he’s been like this… I thought you could understand...’’

‘’Oh, of course I understand! He used me to forget her and to hurt you but then he fell in love with me for real. This is completly understandable, Kyungsoo, don’t you think so?’’ I say sarcastically and throw my hands in the air. I’m probably exagerating but…

I sigh and let my head hit the locker beside mine. ‘’What am I suppose to do, Kyungsoo… Do you think I can just forget about it and let it all go? I started accepting the fact that he wanted to use me a while ago, and I’m probably crazy for doing that. But now… Now i feel like it’s different and I really don’t know what to do.’’

Kyungsoo simply nods and pats my shoulder lightly. He’s about to speak but the bell rings, signaling the classes are about to start soon, interrupting him. I lazily stand correctly again and take my books before closing my locker and following him around the school.

‘’Do you think everything will ever come back to their normal state? Or problems will always come again and again until we can’t take it anymore?’’

Kyungsoo shrugs at my question. He probably doesn’t want to make it worse than it is, because I can almost guess what his words would be if he answers truthfully.

‘Of course it won’t, Sunji. Life is just a path full of s and problems, some worse than others. Normality could be consider as a bad thing, sometimes, because it feels like it hurts even more when bad things happen when everything seems normal. Because at that moment we’re more vulnerable, because we think everything is fine but it’s only a matter of time before the evils are ready to strike again.’