Baek SeungJo

You’re cute. Every now and then.

There are also times when you’re beautiful. From time to time.

But… Why do I like you?

You’re not that pretty and you’re only cute now and then.

Why would I always miss you?

You… What did you do to me?

 

~

 

I sighed heavily as the edges of my vision once again began to blur and falter. I let my eyes slide shut and leaned my head back in my chair. I tipped my head back and used my fingers to gently massage the inner corner of my eyes.

 

It’s been 3 days since I’ve slept, and a whole week since I’ve been home.

 

I don’t even remember the last time I changed into a clean shirt.

 

About 2 weeks ago Nori was admitted to the hospital once again after suffering a serious heart attack. He was operated on immediately, however they found that his heart was no longer in fit condition to support his body.

 

Nori always had a weak heart, ever since we met him when EunJo was admitted to the hospital Nori had been diagnosed with a weak heart condition.

 

Many specialists and doctors believed that his heart would become healthier with constant exercise, like a muscle.

 

That theory worked at the time, and Nori was discharged.

 

However, as Nori grew older his heart couldn’t keep up with his physical maturity, and almost gave out.

 

Nori’s heart had stopped beating for a whole 30sec before they could restart it.

 

Many specialists recommended a heart transplant, however considering his size and age; it is hard to find a suitable organ donor.

 

 I had already been assigned to several patients at that time, however when I heard that Nori had been admitted to the hospital I couldn’t help but think of EunJo, and the poor little boy who had spent his childhood strapped to a hospital bed instead of playing outside in the sun.

 

My heart ached painfully at the thought.

 

I immediately volunteered to participate in the group of specialists in charge of him.

 

They opened me with open arms, however they were all out of solutions for Nori’s condition. Unless they find a suitable donor, Nori had little more than 2 weeks to live.

 

With the thought that Nori could leave this world before he could experience a childhood, it propelled me to work even harder to find a solution for him.

 

I spent endless nights at the hospital, looking after my own patients, keeping up with my night shifts and ER shifts and in my spare time I would be cooped up in my office researching Nori’s condition.

 

I went to visit Nori the day after the surgery. His face brightened with joy the moment I walked in.

 

“SeungJo Hyung!” he smiled widley.

 

I smiled at him and pulled a chair next to his bed.

 

“How are you feeling?” I asked as I sat down.

 

“As fit as a fiddle!” exclaimed Nori.

 

I smiled weakly at him and ruffled his hair.

 

I sat there talking to Nori the whole afternoon as he explained his ‘adventures’ after he was discharged from hospital.

 

I sat there listening attentively admiring the way a young child could be so courageous.

 

After he finished telling me everything that happened from the time that EunJo was discharged till the previous night, Nori’s face turned serious.

 

“SeungJo Hyung, could you do me a favour?” asked Nori somberly.

 

I looked at him curiously, and nodded in agreement.

 

“I don’t want you to tell EunJo or HaNi Noona about me…” said Nori seriously.

 

“Why?” I asked confused.

 

“I-I… just don’t want them to worry. I understand that there may be no way for me to ever go outside again in this lifetime, so I want to treasure the memories of the people I love. I don’t want my last memories of the I love to be sad memories, I want my memories of  EunJo and HaNi noona  to remain happy ones.” Said Nori.

 

My heart thudded unevenly. But I gripped Nori’s hand tightly and pulled him into an embrace, “I understand and I promise…” I whispered.

 

I was bought back to the present with the beep of my phone, indicating I got a text message.

 

I sighed heavily.

 

I’ve been getting endless messages from mother complaining that I should go home and be with HaNi.

 

She doesn’t realize that that is where I would like to be the most right now. With Oh HaNi, hold her close to my chest and get her cute innocent eyes to smolder my heart and make me spill all my stress and worries out.

 

But that is precisely the fact why I cannot go home to see her.

 

She’s new to pregnancy, I can’t push any worries or stress onto her already frail body. She must be stressed enough with all the symptoms of her pregnancy.

 

Plus, I made a promise.

 

I reached over the table and grabbed my phone, unlocked the screen and was greeted by HaNi’s cute gwiyomi face on the home screen.

 

I smiled as I remembered that day on the car when she was playing a game on my phone.

 

She got so excited that she had beaten my high score (she didn’t really, I purposely lost so she could win and just get the game over and done with) and with that she wanted a prize.

 

Somehow taking a selfie and setting it as your husband’s home screen in her context is known as a prize.

 

I swear she took at least 50 selfies before choosing one to put as the home screen.

 

Fortunately, we got to our destination and I took my phone back from her before she could delete rest of the selfies.

 

So that she couldn’t delete them behind my back I even set a passcode on my phone.

 

Funny thing is she’s tried so many times to get into my phone, however it’s never worked.

 

Stupid little girl, if only she understood my heart.

 

All my passcodes are the same, her birthday.

 

I quickly viewed mother’s text message:

 

BAEK SEUNGJO!

 

PLEASEEEE COME BACK HOMEEE TT.TT

 

HANI HASN’T SEEN YOU IN AGES!!!

 

 SHE’S PREGNANT, WOMEN ARE THE MOST EMOTIONAL AND DELICATE DURING THIS TIME, YOU SHOULD KNOW THIS BEST, YOU’RE A DOCTOR FOR GOODNESS SAKE!

 

YOU CAN’T JUST LEAVE HER AT HOME LIKE THIS!

 

I CAN’T BELIEVE I GAVE BIRTH TO SUCH A HEARTLESS SON LIKE YOU!

 

IF YOU DON’T COME HOME SOON, I’M GOING TO KICK YOU OUT OF THE HOUSE FOR GOOD!

 

I AM SERIOUS THIS TIME! DON’T UNDERESTIMATE ME!

 

MOTHER

 

I sighed again.

 

She pretty much said the exact same thing in the previous 10 messages she sent me.

 

Threatening to kick me out of the house…

 

I closed the message and flipped to my photo gallery. I pressed on one of HaNi’s pictures, in this photo HaNi had her face pushed into a cute grimace, crinkling her nose and squinting her eyes.

 

I smiled and ran my thumb lightly over screen.

 

You have no idea how much I miss you… If only you knew…

 

At that exact moment a loud bang sounded on my door.

 

I quickly pressed the button on the side of my phone to lock it and stuffed it in my pocket.

 

My eyes slid to the clock hanging on my office wall and noticed that it was 3 am. What happened now?

 

Head Nurse Kim half fell through the door trying to catch her breath.

 

I jumped out of my seat automatically and reached out to help her.

 

“Doctor B- Baek…” she puffed.

 

“Yes?” I asked worried.

 

“Q-Quick! N-Nori… S-Something is w-wrong!” she said urgently between her harsh breaths.

 

My eyes widened in shock and immediately sprinted out the door and down the hallway to Nori’s room.

 

As I ran past the Nurse station, I noticed Nori’s room number flashing bright red. Something must be terribly wrong.

 

I raced down the hall and burst into Nori’s room.

 

Doctor Im, one of the specialists in charge of Nori was in the room shouting instructions to a crowd of interns and nurses that were on night duty tonight.

 

He looked up at me and I could see the worry etched into his face.

 

I rushed forward to Nori’s side and noticed his ragged breathing and light layer of sweat all over his body.

 

The heart monitor on the side was beeping wildly out of control.

 

“What happened?!” I yelled over the commotion in the room to Doctor Im.

 

“The time we calculated was inaccurate, his heart can no longer bear the weight anymore!” replied Doctor Im in a worried tone.

 

My eyes widened in shock.

 

I thought Nori would have at least another 3-5 days before…

 

No… We must save him! He can’t just go like this.

 

“Where is everyone else?!” I asked Doctor Im, who was busy checking his vital signs, sweat building on his brow.

 

Without looking up from the charts he replied, “They are all at home, we’re the only ones on duty tonight…”

Fear thudded through my heart.

 

Without thinking I whipped my head around and looked directly at Head Nurse Kim, “Prepare the operation theatre… NOW” I said.

 

I looked back at Doctor Im who looked back at me helplessly.

 

“We have to at least try,” I said.

 

Doctor Im sighed and nodded.

 

He placed Nori’s chart’s down on the table and released the brake on the bed.

 

“Let’s do this” he nodded firmly, looking me in the eye.

 

I nodded, and together we pushed dying Nori’s body through the door and down the hallway.

 

~

 

My eyes were stinging as sweat beads rolled down my forehead.

 

The only sound in the entire theatre was the uneven staggering beeping of Nori’s heart.

 

“Keep pushing Nori, you can do it,” I repeated in my head.

 

Doctor Im and I have been working hard to insert a temporary heart stabilizer into Nori, however, every time we get close, his heart falters dangerously.

 

“Doctor Baek, I don’t think this is going to work…” said Doctor Im.

 

“No, it has to work” I retorted angrily.

 

At that exact moment Nori’s heart gave a sudden hiccup and fell silent.

 

Everyone in the room froze, letting the continuous beep of the heart monitor drill into my brain.

 

“PASS ME THE DEFIBILLATOR” I yelled as the whole room burst into commotion.

 

~

 

“Time of death, 06:37”

 

My heart thudded painfully.

 

~

 

“SeungJo-ah, what’s wrong?”

 

I looked up to see the face that I was most longing and dreading to see.

 

Her eyes grew wide with shock as she looked at my face.

 

I must look horrible… I don’t even remember how I got here…

 

“SeungJo-ah, what happened?” she asked so worried that her voice cracked.

 

I can’t tell her. She’s going to be so heartbroken… I made a promise…. But, her innocent, worried smoldering eyes… my heart that was already half beaten up received another painful blow.

 

“I-I couldn’t save him…. H-he d-died” the words tumbled out of my mouth before I could stop them.

 

I stared, as her eyes grew wide.

 

“W-Who?” she stuttered, her voice falling soft.

 

I took a deep breath.

 

“N-Nori…” I breathed, as I closed my eyes and let the tears stream down my cheeks once again. Allowing my heart to take another beating at just the mention of his name.

 

I felt HaNi’s grip tighten on my shirt as she in a shocked breath.

 

~~~

 

 

 

I have absolutely no right to apologize….

 

I have no excuse for not updating….

 

I have no words to explain how sorry I am….

 

But..

 

I hope u guys like this new attempt chapter :D

 

Please tell me what u think!

 

(Anyone remember cute Nori? From da drama?)

 

Personally I think im a little rusty :(

 

Until next time

 

xoxo