April 3, 2014

YoungSaeng hadn't slept all night.  When he left Ilana, he had gone for a walk and didn’t return to HyungJun's house until his head was sufficiently cleared.  He wasn't really sure of the time but His friend was already in bed asleep.  Having purchased some notepaper and a pen, YoungSaeng went to work writing letters.  Words flowed freely from the pen that was just too difficult to say in person.  He had read the confusion in Ilana's eyes when he left without walking her to the hotel door.  He just couldn't do it.  He had to let her go, for both their sakes.  Had he stayed in her presence a second longer, he would forget all he said to her about wanting her to be happy and throw himself at her feet again; begging her not to leave, just to stay close to him.  This way he can be satisfied, he did his best.

Careful not to make any noise, YoungSaeng tidied his side of Maknae's room.  HyungJun was the least sound sleeper out of all of them and didn’t want to risk waking him up.  Was he being a coward?  Perhaps, but he had nothing more to say.  He'd said his goodbye's already; KyuJong and Maknae would understand.  He hoped. Taking one more look around, he headed out the door and turned off his phone.  He was taking the first bus to Chunan station and from there a cab to his home in Chungnam province.  His Mother would be surprised when he walked in their door during breakfast.  Actually, she'd probably still be in the kitchen making it.  Both his parents would be surprised their son could be up so early but when you haven't slept it's easy.  At least his Father would be happy, he was really looking forward to spending this last day with his parents.

Ilana dragged her feet to get out of bed with the alarm.  Not only had she gotten into bed after eleven but she didn't sleep well either.  The conversation with YoungSaeng replayed in her head all night; that and the Minister's voice telling her 'love covers a multitude of sins.'  "Maybe a multitude but not all," she stubbornly thought.  Why did she have to hurt YoungSaeng?  Why did he have to love her like that?  Why couldn’t he understand his love was a fantasy?  He'd just end up disgusted with her.  Could she just go back to being a recluse?  That way she didn't have to feel anything or deal with others feelings?

They had ridden back to the hotel in silence.  Each lost in their own thoughts.  She wanted to ask him what he meant when he said nothing was keeping him from enlisting.  She supposed he kept saying he'd miss her because he was enlisting.  How 'soon' was as soon as she left?  There was so much she wanted to ask him and say to him but just wouldn't open.

 - "Saranghaeo," he said, arriving at the hotel.  "Always, no matter what."  He drew her in for a tight hug.

 - "Can't...breathe Oppa."  He held her too tight.

 - "Bogoshipulgawya (I'll miss you)."  He kissed her gently on the forehead. "Annyeong," he said simply.  He wasn't going to walk her in.  Why did it feel like they were breaking up if they weren't even dating?

 - Jalja, see you Friday," she waved.  He gave her a half-smile and Ilana arrived at her room crying.

Ilana drowned her face in cold water to dispel the fog she felt and bring down the swelling of her cried out eyes.  Her head ached, just short of a migraine and her heart ached for her Oppa.  She had to get a grip on herself before Jihoo arrived.  She wasn't kidding when she told YoungSaeng she couldn't hide from him.

Finishing her makeup, Jihoo knocked on her door.  She felt so cold even if she wore warm clothes; leggings, tunic over a tank top and lace-up casual boots.  Tying a decorative scarf around her neck, she answered the door.

 - "Annyeong hasseyo," Jihoo smiled.

 - "Morning," Ilana answered sleepily.  She grabbed jacket and purse and joined him in the hallway.  They were already downstairs when she realized she'd forgotten to bring gloves.  "Jihoo-yah, I forgot my gloves, let me run back up, juseyo?"

 - "Gwenchana, I brought an extra set.  You will be cold when we get where we're going."   He took her hand in his, it was cold.  Ilana looked at him perplexed and he grinned, sticking both their hands in his jacket pocket.  She smiled a little, why were his hands always warm?

Jihoo had been studying her from the moment she opened the door.  Something was wrong.  Her face didn't have its natural brightness.  She had used makeup to fake it and her hands hadn't been that cold in months.  Jihoo's driver opened the door for Ilana, while Jihoo went to the other side.  Harabeoji insisted Jihoo take the driver and he would walk.  Thankfully, JanDi said she would go by and walk with him.  Harabeoji may think he was still young but Jihoo knew he wasn't and made sure to take small preventative measures like having a driver and making sure he didn't walk alone.

Again, he felt sure something was wrong; Ilana hadn't made a comment about the driver.  Staring out the window, she still nursed a headache and mulled over her thought from the night before.  The Seoul Marina wasn't far, but Jihoo would not hesitate to take her back to the hotel or the clinic.

 - "Gwenchana?"  Jihoo leaned over and placed his hand on Ilana's forehead, startling her.

 - "Dehhh!"  She pushed his hand away with a smile and a shake of her head.  "Overprotective Oppa.  Mianhae, I'm a little tired."

 - "Chincha?  You're pale and you look upset."

 - "Anieyo!"  Ilana laughed.  She wanted to call YoungSaeng and say 'see!’  Jihoo knew her just like he did.  "Where are we going?"

Jihoo was relieved, she was back to normal.  "Not far, we'll be there in another five minutes."

 - "Jihoo-yah is so mean!  Why won't you tell me?"

 - "It wouldn't be as much fun," He grinned.

 - "Tch."

Her complaints just made him grin all the wider.

A few minutes later, they arrived at the Seoul Marina on the Han River.  The Marina was a part of Yeouido Island they hadn't covered on Monday's excursion.

 - "Pali, we only have twenty minutes to get going."  The driver was already loading things into a small boat and Jihoo got busy redressing Ilana's outerwear.

 - "Wh-what are you doing?"  Ilana could feel her heart jumping in her chest.  He replaced her coat with a fleece Jacket and a life vest on top of that.  A scarf, hat, and gloves finished the ensemble.

 - "It will be cold once we are on the water.  Kaja, I want to get away from the marina as soon as possible."  Jihoo walked towards the boat, but Ilana remained still.  Reliving a time ten years prior, a sailing trip with someone she shouldn't have been with, drinking what she shouldn't have been drinking, and then having no control of the things he did to her.  Things no self-respecting teen should go through.  But she didn't have much of that, to begin with, and that person took care to eradicate the little that what was there.  "Ilana-yah eeliwa, what are you waiting for?"  Jihoo's smile woke her up from her nightmare.  She took a deep breath and forced a smile, this was Jihoo, not the person who hurt her.

Minutes later, Jihoo had navigated them away from the marina and through the channel.  Ilana was cold, the sky was getting brighter, and the winds were kicking up.  Jihoo produced a blanket and tucked it around her.  She smiled at him, gratefully.  How did someone like her end up with such beautiful friends?

The sun was starting to poke its head sleepily out of the clouds.  Jihoo and Ilana hadn't said a word since boarding, not wanting to disturb the silence, so it seemed.  They watched expectantly as the orangey-red ball continued to crawl out of its bed of clouds.  By the time they crossed the Mapo Bridge the sun had shed most of its blanket and was playing peek-a-boo behind the 63 building.  It was exciting and beautiful and Ilana smiled brightly.  Jihoo's heart was happy to see her sweet smile that lit her entire face.

 - "I'm going to kill the motor and let the wind drive us."  Jihoo stopped the motor and adjusted the sails.  "Would you like some tea?"  Ilana was still buried under the blanket.

 - "Deh, it's cooold."  She shivered and he placed a still hot cup of tea in her hands.  "This is nice, gomawo."  Ilana meant the tea and also the surprise.

 - "The sunrises are better on the other side of the peninsula.  It would take three or four hours to get there; perhaps another visit.  Seoul is famous for its sunsets."

 - "Deh, we saw the sunset from the 63 building on Monday and now I got to see the sunrise.  Gomawo..."  She smiled at him but then realized there wouldn't be another visit for at least two years...maybe.  She wondered how she could smile at a beautiful sunrise when her friend was probably still hurting because of her doing.  Her smile faded and tears threatened to fall again.  Ilana turned her face away from Jihoo but it was too late.  He saw the single tear fall and traced it with his glove, surprising her.

 - "Yah, gwenchana?"

 - "Deh," she tried to smile.  "It's just...I won't have anyone to visit here for two years.  The guys are all doing their military service and the newlyweds might be leaving for California."

 - "Mianhae, I took you away from them today," it was Jihoo's turn to look away.  "I'll take you back early."

 - "Anieyo!"  Ilana panicked thinking he might think she disregarded his friendship.  She already hurt one friend and didn't want to hurt another.  "I made you promise to make time for me."

Jihoo was about to argue that they didn't need to spend all day together, and then he looked at her worried face.  Something was bothering her, he'd find out later.  "Arraso," he cupped her cheek with his hand.  "If you want to end early, just tell me.  It's not like we don't see each other every day."  He took his hand from her face and returned his gaze to the water.  Ilana's face still felt warm from his touch.  "Smile or I'm turning around and taking you back to the hotel."  

She did as she was instructed and wiped her tears.  "Cruel Ajussi."

 - "Nado choahyo," he made her laugh.  "Begopayo?"

 - "Jeogumyo."

 - "I brought soup, rice, and a few sides.  JanDi made us Gimbap for later."

 - "That was sweet of her."

 - "Deh, JanDi is the kindest and selfless person I know."  There was wistfulness in his voice that Ilana found a little odd.

 - "Anieyo, I think Jihoo is also one of the kindest and selfless people."

 - "Ilana-yah is also jagi," he took a strand of her hair and tickled her face.

 - "Yah!  That tickles," she rubbed her face to get rid of the prickly feeling inside her cheek, making Jihoo laugh at her.

 - "Mokeda," they had cleared the channel and were now on the open river.  It was beautiful as it was therapeutic, Ilana allowed herself to relax and enjoy the scenery as well as her friend.

YoungSaeng arrived at home as previously thought, just before seven.  His Mother was in the kitchen humming to herself as she fixed breakfast for his dad and her.  He snuck up behind her and covered her eyes.  "Guess who?"  She screamed and removed his hands from her eyes.

 - Aigoo!!!  YoungSaengie-ah, do you know the fright you gave me?"  She swatted at his hands, making him laugh.

 - "Mianhamnida, I couldn't resist."

 - "What are you doing here?  We didn't expect you home until tomorrow evening."

 - "Deh, we did everything we planned.  I wanted to come early because I made a decision."

 - "Mwo?  My son sounds serious."  She pinched his cheek.

 - "Umma!"

 - "Since you're here, set the table and wake Abeoji.  He'll be excited to see you."

YoungSaeng did as he was asked and about thirty minutes later, he and his parents were sitting down to breakfast.

 - "Adul, it's so good to have you home again.  You've had your break, what are your plans?"  Leave it to his Dad to get right to the point.

 - "Appa, let him rest, he just got home."

 - "Umma sees you as a child still.  Ara nae adul," his Father turned to look at his Mother.  "He's made a decision and is at peace with it"

 - "Abeoji, Umma, would you be willing to take me to Nonsan?"

 - "Mworago?  YoungSaengie-ah, wae?"  His Mother was on the verge of tears at the thought of sending her baby away.  His Father just nodded, knowing his son must not have made this decision lightly.

 - "It's time Umma; I've done what I wanted.  I can't say I have regrets.  If I delay any longer, I'll end up waiting until I'm drafted.  Maybe then, it won't be as convenient.

 - "Alguesumnida, you've matured since last we spoke.  Clean up and get some rest.  You had a long trip this morning and we'll have an hour's drive to Nonsan."

 - "Abeoji, I wanted to spend the day with you."

 - "And you will, Umma was just saying she wanted to go to the strawberry festival in Nonsan.  Umma can pack us lunch and we can head out just before.  Take Umma to the festival and we'll spend the night.  It's too late to enlist today, go in on a good night's rest."

 - "Deh, Abeoji, kansamnida," YoungSaeng went to his room to take a nap.  He really was tired.  Abeoji was right; he should go after a good night's sleep.  His phone was still off and he had no intention of turning it on until he was safely locked away inside the training center.

 - "Yeobo, wae does adul have to enlist today?"  YoungSaeng's Mother questioned her husband.

 - "You heard the boy, it's time.  Let him go and get over what he wants to overcome.  He made his decision carefully, we need to respect that."

 - "Aigoo, I just got him back."

 - "Just think of him going back to the ship."

 - "Yeobo, as if it were that easy."

YoungSaeng's Father took her hand and gave it an understanding pat.  "It's only twenty-one months; it will be over before you know it.  Now, what are you going to make adul for lunch?"

HyungJun didn't wake until his  Mother came into his room to announce breakfast.  He and So YiHyun had taken advantage of some quality time alone, having a bowling date, followed by Karaoke.  KyuJong had left them for his own entertainment, most likely to hook up with Emily again.  Her internship began Monday and would not have very much free time once it began.  When HyungJun returned home, YoungSaeng had not yet returned.

 - "Where is YoungSaengie this morning?"  His Mother asked.

 - "Mollahyo, he and Ilana went to Kim HyunJoong's house last night and he wasn't back yet when I got home."

 - "Perhaps he went for a walk; the morning is cool but nice for a walk."

 - "Umma, Hyeong doesn't like to get up early if he can help it."

  - "His bed is made."

HyungJun got out of bed and scratched his head.  Something wasn't right.  "Umma, his bag is gone!"  HyungJun ran to his closet.  "The suit he wore for the wedding is also gone."

 - "Did YoungSaengie tell you he was leaving?"

 - "Anieyo, Umma, he wasn't back yet when I got home."

 - "Give him a call and come to breakfast."

 - "Arraseyo Umma," he grabbed his phone and sent him a quick text.

Well after breakfast, HyungJun realized his Hyeong hadn't texted him back and sent him another one.  He was getting ready to pick up YiHyun for a day at the beach and in his hurry knocked something over on his table.  It was an envelope; two envelopes, actually.  One was addressed to him and KyuJong, the other to Ilana.  "Eottoke?"  He didn't know if he should open it or wait for KyuJong.  YoungSaeng still hadn't responded to either of his texts.  He figured something must have happened for him to leave without saying anything.  Starting to worry, he called KyuJong, who was still staying with JungMin's parents.

 - "Yeobosayo?  What's up Maknae?"

 - "Yah Hyeong, YoungSaengie Hyeong wasn't here when I woke up this morning.  He's not returning my texts and-and I just saw he left two notes."  HyungJun was close to tears.

 - "Yah, Maknae!  Get a grip on yourself.  What do the notes say?"  There had to be some explanation for their friend’s disappearance.

 - "I-I didn't open it.  The one has both our names and the other is for nae princess."

 - "Pabo!!  What are you waiting for, read it."  HyungJun clumsily opened the letter and began to scan its contents and sporadically read out loud:

Hyeongje (brothers),

Mianhae, I had to leave.  By the time you read this I'll be at Nomsan…

He paused.  "Mwo?"

 - "Aish!  Just keep reading!"  KyuJong was having a hard time controlling his impatience.

HyungJun continued to pick out the important parts of the letter.

...was something l had to do...hard decision...at peace.  It was time...nothing holding me back.  Mianhae...hope you understand.  see each other soon...maybe.

He stopped reading.  "We need to call Sunbae and Ilana and Min, they'll know what to do," HyungJun sniffled.

 - "I've been trying to call YoungSaeng and his phone is off."

 - "No wonder Hyeong hasn't returned my texts," Maknae pouted.

 - "Does the note say anything else?  Ilana and HyunJoong Sunbae were the last ones to talk to him."

 - "Deh, I think the note mentions them."  HyungJun scanned the note further.  "Eottokehhh?"  He cried.

 - "Maknae!!!  Stop crying and tell me what it says."

 - "He says not to tell the others...to let princess enjoy her vacation and Min the honeymoon and HyunJoong Sunbae is too busy finishing the drama.  Eottokehhh?"

KyuJong sighed.  "There's nothing we can do. His phone is off and I don't know number or address to his parent's.  If he says he's in Nomsan, he probably is.  Even if he isn't, we have no idea where to look.  He'll contact us eventually, not a word to anyone, Maknae.  Especially, Ilana, she'll be very hurt that he only left her a note as goodbye."

 - "Does Hyeong think he told her last night?"

 - "Maknae, why would YoungSaeng say not to tell her if he already told her?"

 - "Mollaaahhh!"

 - "Leave Hyeong a message with your best wishes, he'll appreciate it when he turns his phone back on."

 - "Dehhh."

 - "See you tomorrow."

 - "See you."

Both KyuJong and HyungJun called and text their Hyeong, wishing him the best and that they'd be joining him soon.

Jihoo and Ilana had been coasting the river all morning.  It was cold on the water but Jihoo had bundled her so well, she scarcely felt it.  It was peaceful and soothing, like the hospital rooftop.  Being a weekday and still a little chilly, there wasn't traffic on the river.  For the most part, she was able to enjoy herself and not worry about YoungSaeng.  Except of course when she wondered how she could be enjoying herself not knowing how he was.  Did he sleep well?  Was he angry at her?  She sighed.

Jihoo heard Ilana sigh yet again.  "Gwenchana?"

 - "Mmm."

 - "Ilana-yah, there's a shark in the water."

 - "Mmm," she continued to stare onto the water.

 - "Ilana-yah," he calmly said her name as he turned her face to look at him, startling her.

 - "Ji-Jihoo-yah?  Wh-what's wrong?"  She stared at him wide-eyed and swallowed nervously.

 - "Ilana-yah, where are you?  You didn't even hear what I said."

 - "Mianhae, I guess I was a little distracted.  I promise it won't happen again.  Can you let go of my face now?"  He still had her face cupped in his hand.

Jihoo cracked a faint smile.  "Deh, tell me what's bothering you.  Ilana has been worrying over something all morning."

 - "Anieyo!"

 - "Ilana-yah doesn't want me to let go of her face?"

 - "Let go, pabo," she easily pushed his hand away, thinking for sure her face was red.

 - "We're not leaving the boat until Ilana tells me what's going on." Jihoo studied her face which wanted to form into a pout but thought it undignified.

Ilana thought for sure Jihoo would make good on his threat.  "If Ajussi must know, I was worried about nae chingu YoungSaeng.  He wasn't himself last night."

 - "Perhaps you can call him to see how he's doing this morning," Jihoo did his best to not let the fact that she was thinking of her friend bother him.

 - "Anieyo, that would be rude to call him while spending time with you."

 - "Paboya," he smiled at her.  "It's ruder to be somewhere else when you're supposed to be spending time with me.  I did clear my schedule for Ilana, today."  He decided to a bit.

 - "Mianhae!  I didn't mean to be distracted."

 - "Ara, call and set your mind at ease."

 - "Gomawo," she smiled gratefully at him before going to retrieve her phone from the cabin.  Dialing YoungSaeng, Ilana was disappointed that he didn't answer.  The call went straight to voicemail, so she decided to send him a text.  "Oppa, how are you?  Are you disappointed in me?  Are you angry at me?  I'll check in later.  Leave me a message or text me.  Saranghae, see you tomorrow."  Ilana put her phone away and went back to Jihoo, determined to push back her worry.

 - "All better now?"  Jihoo noticed she was a little more relaxed and smiling.

 - "Deh, I sent him a text and told him I'd check in later."

 - "Chuah, we'll head back in a few minutes.  There's something I want to show you."  Jihoo looked at his watch.  "Look over in that direction," he pointed in the direction of the bridge.

 - "Jihoo-yah, what am I looking at?"  Suddenly a geyser of water shot out from where previously there was nothing but an innocent-looking section of the river "Omo!  Where did that come from?"  Ilana was so excited; she almost tried to stand up.  Jihoo pulled her back down before she lost her balance.

 - "I thought Ilana might enjoy it."  In fact, the geyser doesn't usually operate so early in the morning but what good is being F4 if you can't ask for favors every now and then.

 - "Wau!!  Jihoo-yah, this is daeback!"  She forgot about the blanket and forgot about her worry, in the excitement.  Jihoo smiled at the very real glow on her face.  That was the look he'd been waiting to see all morning.  He couldn't wait to show her Baepo bridge at night.

After Ilana had her fill of the fountain, Jihoo started the motor and took them back to the marina.  Once in the car, the driver began to drive per his previous instructions.  Again, Jihoo didn't tell her where they were headed, much to her annoyance and his delight.

About ten minutes later, they arrived at Jihoo's family museum.  The sign on the door said it was closed for the morning due to a special event.

 - "Jihoo-yah, it's closed.  We don't have to go in if we'll be in the way of the event."

 - "Anieyo, Ilana is the special event."

 - "Andwae...pabo," she shook her head at him.

Once inside, Ilana found the museum a perfect reflection of the man that had become a very close friend in such a short time.  It was almost as if he had personally collected all the pieces on display.

 - "Your parents began the museum?"

 - "Deh, they believe in healing through the arts."  Ilana wanted to ask where his parents were but a strange fear settled in her heart.

It's easy to cover a large museum in a short amount of time when you have your own personal tour guide.  It didn't seem long before they ended their tour in the gift shop.  "Select anything Ilana-yah wants," Jihoo offered after they had seen most of it.

 - "Anieyo, if I want something I'll pay for it."

 - "Anieyo, na won't take your money."

 - "Someone here will take it."

 - "Not if they want to keep their job."  Jihoo wore his blank expression, but Ilana could see the hint of humor in his eyes.  He was enjoying teasing her.

 - "Arraso, I don't need a souvenir."  Take that Yoon Jihoo; her eyes challenged him.

 - "Since Ilana can't decide, I'll pick something for her."

 - "Omo!  You're incorrigible."  In the end, she picked out a lithograph of a painting by Monet, recognizing it as the picture that hung in her parent’s room.  "There, happy now?"

 - "Kansamnida," Jihoo bowed.  "Why Monet?"

Ilana shrugged, "Umma has a replica in their room."  Ilana didn't know how they always ended up on the topic of parents, his and hers.

 - "It must have been hard for her to let you move so far away."

 - "I think...it was harder for me to leave them."  Ilana's voice was thick with emotion.

He took her hand in his again and smiled at her.  He wondered why she didn't readily speak of her parents unless he asked her or something reminded her of them.

They walked to the third surprise on Jihoo's list was Gwanghwamun Square and Cheonggyecheon stream.  Ilana was enthralled.  Not only was there a very cool fountain but also a stream ran through a portion of the city.  Ilana couldn't help but want to run with the stream.  Her inner child had come out again and so did Jihoo's.  They ran holding hands like two children on school break.

Too tired to run anymore, they sat on a step by the stream.  "This has been the best vacation ever.  Do we really have to leave tomorrow?"  Ilana asked.

 - "Ilana booked the tickets, we could fly back Monday and still be at work on Monday in New York."

 - "Yoon Jihoo, don't tempt me.  You saw how I was on the flight and afterward.  I need that time to recuperate."

 - "Ani, this time Ilana is getting a good night’s sleep and I'm giving you a mild sedative."  Before she could open to protest, he covered it.  "I won't take no for an answer."  Her face was mutinous but she would not win this one.  "It's about lunchtime," Jihoo looked at his watch.  "Does Ilana want to sit down and eat or get snacks and go?"

 - "Get snacks and go!"  Excitement replaced the scowl on her face.

He took her to Cheonggyecheon Plaza, which was the Fountainhead for the stream.  Ilana was equally enthralled by the streams beginning waterfall.  That's where they stopped for lunch.

If it weren't for JanDi, none of the F4 would ever have found themselves patronizing street food vendors Ilana tore into her kimchi pancake with relish.  Not realizing how hungry she really was and they had been snacking all morning.  "This is really good!  Masheesuhyo!  Greon, is Jihoo going to tell me, what we are doing next?”

 - "Anieyo but we will be meeting Harabeoji and JanDi for dinner."

Twenty minutes from Cheonggyecheon was Seoul Grand Park.  The fifth surprise on the list.

 - "An amusement park?"  Ilana asked.  "I didn't think Jihoo was into amusement parks."

 - "I'm not; there are two sections to the park.  We are not going to where the attractions are.  Now, close your eyes."

 - "Mwo?  Anieyo."  She was not going to give in this time, so she thought.

 - "Arraso, I'll take Ilana back to her hotel."

 - "Wae?  Just because I won't close my eyes?  Cruel Ajussi."

 - "Deh!  Is Ilana going to close her eyes or do I take you back to the hotel?"

 - "Fine," she said resigned and closed her eyes.  Jihoo was enjoying himself immensely.

Leading her by the hand, they entered the park.  As soon as one entered, they were greeted by a huge fountain.  Ilana could hear water running and music playing, but had no real idea of what it could be.  Jihoo guided her to the edge of the fountain.  He Saw her smiling in anticipation but still kept her eyes closed. He took her hand and leaned her forward, carefully keeping hold of her waist.  Her eyes flew open as soon as the water hit her hand.

 - "Oh my gosh," Ilana jumped back, slamming into Jihoo who stood behind her at a slight angle.  He grabbed her by the waist to steady her.

 - "Mianhae," she said and then realized he had her by the waist.  He too thought he should probably let go.

 - "Gwenchana, do you like it?"

 - "Oh!!  It's beautiful."  She took his hand in her excitement.  Ilana was practically jumping.

 - "Who is this woman?"  Jihoo thought.   She carries inner scars of a thousand lifetimes, but there's still a childlike innocence within that begs to be loved, regardless of what the now adult Ilana is thinking.  "Chuah, I'm glad you like it.  There's a garden and a zoo, I thought Ilana would like."

 - "Chincha?"  She said excitedly, but then a worried frown formed on her face.  "Oh, hajiman..., can we watch the fountain a little longer?"  Jihoo laughed at her.

 - "Greoum, we'll let the music cycle and then go exploring."  Her face broke into a huge smile but then realized she still had hold of his hand.

 - "Oops," Letting go, her smile turned sheepish.  "Mianhae, I got carried away."

 - "Gwenchana," wearing his famous blank-faced expression, he turned towards the fountain.  "Ilana has nice hands."

 - "Pabo!"  For some reason this made her crack up and she leaned on him for support until her giddiness subsided, eyes moist from the effort.

Leaving the fountain, they wandered around the gardens.  So far the day or maybe it was Jihoo's calming presence, had soothed her frazzled nerves; at least temporarily.

 - "Jihoo-yah!!!  Look at the roses, they're beautiful."  Jihoo remembered the story of her Mother's rose garden and knew she would enjoy the blooms.  "If Mama were here...she'd love it."  Ilana blinked back tears.  Why did she always have to dwell on the painful things when she was having such a good time?

Jihoo noticed the change in her face.  "Eeliwa (come here)", he pulled her into his embrace before she could protest.  Ilana stiffened only slightly but relaxed at the sound of his voice.  "Ilana is home sick again."  She tried to nod her head 'no'.  "Ilana is a crybaby and a terrible liar."  He had put both hands on her head to make her look up at him, even if she tried to avoid his knowing gaze.

 - "I can't help it," was her retort.

 - "Kaja," he said, tearing her away from the rose garden.  He led her to the traditional garden, which was his favorite.  They sat for a while on a bench overlooking the Koi pond.

- "Jihoo-yah," Ilana broke the silence of the last few minutes.  "What are your Umma's favorite flowers?"  She didn't know why she asked that question but she had a strong desire to know the people who had produced this wonderful person.

It was Jihoo's turn to feel the nostalgia, but unable to voice it just yet.  "Wae?"  He said hoarsely.

 - "Mollah, just curious," Ilana was suddenly shy, wondering if she shouldn't have asked.

 - "She prefers a traditional garden."  Jihoo managed to speak.  "I take her cherry blossoms every spring."  He spoke in the present, unable to bring up the past.

Ilana sensed something strange; he didn't want to speak of his parents.  "Kaja, let's walk around."  He helped her up from the bench before she could ask more questions he wasn't ready to answer.

They spent about an hour in the gardens before heading to the zoo.  They hopped on a tour so they could get off their feet and see as much as possible.  The shuttle stopped at the goats and Ilana just had to feed them.  She didn't realize they would all come running at her.  She ran from them squealing and laughing.  Jihoo stood guard while got up on a bench and administered her hoard of food diplomatically.  Two goats began to spar, trying to get her attention.  "Jihoo-yah", Ilana laughed, "those two are nae chingu Kim HyungJun and Park Jung Min.  They are always fighting and picking on each other."

Jihoo took up the commentary.  "The big curly horned one bullying the others is Gu JunPyo."

After distributing several rounds of food, Jihoo and Ilana watched from the safety of the other side of the fence.  "I want a pet goat," she said.  "They're cute.  I think there are wild goats in the hills near my house.  I need five."

 - "Five?"

 - "Deh, two little ones to fight with each other - HyungJun & Jung Min.  One like that one who's grooming his head -YoungSaeng.  One like that one that's trying to keep the peace - KyuJong and the handsome one everyone follows - HyunJoong."

 - "I don't think your chingu will appreciate giving their names to goats."  Jihoo laughed with her.

Ilana was taking a picture of her new goat friends and tweeting their human counterparts.  "Jihoo-yah, did I tell you Saengie Oppa and I got to see HyunJoong filming yesterday?"  Her smile faded as she realized YoungSaeng hadn't returned her call or text.

Jihoo was quick to notice.  "Gwenchana?"  He put a comforting hand on her back.

Ilana smiled half-heartedly.  "I think YoungSaengie is angry at me."

 - "Wae?"  This is what had been bothering her, did they quarrel?

 - "Mollah, I guess he's disappointed."

 - "In Ilana?"

 - "Deh."

Jihoo led her to a nearby bench.  At the moment, Ilana looked like she lost her best friend.  He really shouldn't ask, but he needed to for his own peace of mind.  "Wae did you quarrel?  Did you break up?"

 - "Anieyo Jihoo-yah!  He's nae best friend, not namja-chingu!"  Jihoo let out the breath he was holding.  "We didn't really quarrel, I think, just a difference of opinion."  He gave her hand a gentle squeeze, letting her know he was there for her.  "Jihoo-yah?"

 - "Deh?"

 - "Suzy once told me you and I were a lot alike and I think we have similar habits."  He smiled at the thought.  "Can I ask you something?"  He nodded, still holding her hand.  "Did you...ever feel like you didn't deserve to be happy or if you were someone else wasn't?"

 - "Deh," Jihoo sighed, earning him a surprised look from Ilana. "Maybe Suzy-ssi was right," He smiled.  "Nae chingu helped me; will Ilana let me help her?"  He looked at her with such tenderness, Ilana's moist eyes overflowed.  He used his handkerchief to wipe her eyes, but she pulled away from him.

 - "Mianhae, I don't think anyone can help."  She turned away from him to try and regain her composure.

Jihoo took her hand again.  He noticed that usually had a calming effect on her.  "Stubborn agassi," he tucked her hair behind her ears, "Kaja let's go to the penguin encounter, I think nae chingu are more penguins than they are goats."  That got her to smile again.  They spent another hour wandering around the zoo, Jihoo made her laugh by picking out penguins to represent his friends.

They left the park and traveled another twenty minutes to Jihoo's final surprise.  He had been on his phone with the Suam orchestra director making sure everything was arranged and that he and Ilana would be arriving shortly.  He wanted the orchestra to begin the second they were seated.

Ilana was excited to see the conservatory building. "Greon, this is what your building looks like from the front.   Jaekyung and I arrived from the back."

 - "That's how you arrived the night of my birthday.  Na was worried Ilana took a cab by herself."

 - "I can figure my way around."  She bristled, feeling as if he had called her incompetent.  "Just as bad as Kike and Brendon."

Jihoo laughed at her irritation.  "Who's Brendon?"  She had never mentioned that name before.

 - "He's kind of like an Oppa, he takes care of Nana and Is fond of giving me his opinion when it's not his place.  He was one of my options when Kike couldn't make it.  Brendon couldn't either, that's how Yoon Jihoo got stuck with me."

 - "In that case na am glad your Oppa-deul weren't able to make it."

 - "Na do.  Who needs Brothers when you have a great chingu.”  Ilana hugged him impulsively and then blushed.

Jihoo laughed at her red face.  He placed his hands on her cheeks.  "Gwenchana, Ilana can hug me anytime."  They had stopped in front of an auditorium or theater.  "Ilana has to close her eyes again or she doesn't get her last surprise.  You'll know when to open them."

 - "Arraso," she didn't protest this time.

Jihoo led her carefully to the best seats in the theatre.  "Anja," he helped her to sit.  He gave a nod to the conductor and the music began.  Ilana's eyes flew open as she heard the familiar music score; the title song for Pride and Prejudice, her favorite series.  Her Mother, an Austin fan before her, took her to London during the filming and got to meet Collin Firth and Jennifer Ehle.  Her Mother had come home and immediately memorized the score and played it constantly.  Ilana could no longer watch the series; It made her too lonely for her parents.  Even if she had no problem re-reading the book, Kike was the only one she could watch with.  If she cried more than she should he would understand.

Tears were already falling down her face unbidden.  How did he know?  How did Jihoo know it was this version and not the Kiera Knightly version that was her favorite?

Jihoo watched Ilana's face change from surprise to joy to sorrow and wistfulness.  Tears poured down her face, even though she smiled with wonder.  "How did...?"  This was all she managed to speak, too emotional to talk.

  - "Na have been in your apartment.  Ilana had the DVD laying on one of your shelves for the longest time."

 - "Kansamnida," she sniffled.  He wiped her tears with a handkerchief and brought his arm around her shoulders to scoot her closer so she could lean against him.  Ilana spent the better part of the next hour mostly with eyes closed, alternately crying and smiling.  at times she felt her fingers curl as if ready to touch the keys of a keyboard, something she hadn't done in more than fifteen years.

 - "Kansamnida," she told Jihoo again.  "I can't say it enough, Jihoo doesn't know what this means to me."

 - "Deh, I could tell by the look on Ilana's face, you were pleased"

 - "More than pleased, kansamnida."

 - "Hajima, Na just wanted to see you smile."  He took her hand in his.  "Kaja, does Ilana want to meet the orchestra?"

 - "Deh!"  Ilana shook her head excitedly.

By the time she was done greeting and thanking the orchestra members, it was almost dinner time.  "Go ahead and continue talking, I'm going to call Harabeoji and see if he's almost done."

 - "Arraso."  Ilana didn't realize she and Jihoo were beaming.  The orchestra members could all see there was something between their chairman and the woman that stood before them.  They had been surprised when they received orders that they would be performing a private concert and given the music to an English TV series.  Now they knew the reason.

Jihoo came back in after a short while.  "Mianhae Ilana-yah, Harabeoji and JanDi just got busy again.  Begopayo?  Or would Ilana mind waiting."

 - "Anieyo, we've been munching all day.  I can wait."

Jihoo was a little hesitant in his next question, not knowing how she would react.  "Would Ilana like to see our home?  It's not very far from here.  We can pick up rice cake on our way and I'll make tea when we arrive."

Ilana considered it for a few seconds.  She's gone to his apartment, what was the difference?  She just had to remind herself this was Jihoo, he would never hurt her.  "Deh, that would be nice."  She hooked her arm in his as they walked back to the car.

Jihoo's home was on the outskirts of Seoul.  Upon arrival, He took her through the Japanese gardens of running streams and small trees and even Koi fish. She couldn't resist crouching to get a better view.

For some reason Ilana didn't want to go inside, the garden was so lovely and peaceful, she envisioned herself sitting here, just her and the fish and of course her friend.  Giggling to herself, she patted the deck beside her.  "Anja for a little bit."  When he didn't readily comply, she looked up to see him smiling down at her but with a slightly far off look.  He had been thinking how perfect and natural she looked sitting there.  "Juse-yo!"  Ilana tried her aegyo, in hopes of getting a response.  It worked.

Jihoo chuckled as he sat.  "Ilana-yah has been watching dramas."  She rolled her eyes at his teasing.  "We can't stay out too long, the breeze is picking up and it gets cold by the water."

 - "Deh, overprotective Oppa.  I don't feel cold, there's something about this spot; I don't want to leave it."  Ilana's attention was still on the fish while Jihoo's was on her, intrigued.  "Jihoo-yah, this is your favorite spot in the garden, right?  I can see you sitting here with your Umma."  Again she was thinking of his parents.  Again, why did his presence always make her think of her parents and his?

 - "Mmm," he responded.  He didn't want to think sad thoughts at the moment.  He also didn't want to distress Ilana, she was calm at the moment, but usually, any mention of her parents made her homesick, what would happen if she knew about his?  "Kaja, it's getting cold, the sun is going to set soon. Na had Ilana out in the cold enough this morning."

Jihoo continued to walk her through the gardens until arriving at the main entrance of his home.  Ilana smiled removing her shoes.  If the gardens had been beautiful in their simplicity, the actual house was also.  It was magnificent in its splendor, yet suited him perfectly, a true extension of himself, a haven from the outside world.  This felt like home, although simple in its furnishings, it felt lived in not temporary, like his apartment in New York.  She thought it might be due his parents and Harabeoji.  The solid neutral whites and beige colors with a splash black, blue and red gave Ilana a warm peaceful feeling.  The main hall, lined with beautiful pottery and traditional tables, opened to a spacious sitting room.  Looking around Ilana noticed many pictures of his family and friends.  "Anja, I'll make us some tea while we wait for Harabeoji to call."

 - "Jihoo-yah can I look around?"  She had noticed a table full of pictures that she was dying to see.  Ilana giggled, thinking of Pride and Prejudice.  Was this was how Elizabeth felt seeing Mr. Darcy's Pemberley for the first time?  Could she gleam Jihoo's inner man from the objects in his home?  

 - "Deh, don't break anything," he teased.

 - "Jihoo-yah?  Is this your Noona?"  Her eyes had found a few pictures of Min SeoHyun and Jihoo as well as one with the rest of the F4.

 - "Oh..."  How exactly did he explain his first love?  "We grew up together."

 - "She's beautiful, are you still close?"

 - "A-ani, Noona is married and living in Paris."  He decided to walk to the kitchen and turn the kettle on.

Ilana continued to peruse the pictures.  There was a sweet picture of little Jihoo and Harabeoji, quite a few of the little rascals named F4.  She continued to look around and saw a sketched picture like the one he had in New York, but Jihoo was older and had long hair.  "Jihoo-yah, you were a cutie even in high school,” she mumbled.

Jihoo walked in at that moment in his usual perfect timing.  "Mianhae did Ilana say something?"

 - "Anieyo!"  Ilana jumped.  "Yah Goyangi!"

Jihoo laughed at her.  "Why does Ilana look guilty?"

 - "Tch," she rolled her eyes at him.  "Jihoo was such a sweet little boy."

 - "Not always," he said quietly.

Ilana noticed a few more pictures of little Jihoo and Harabeoji and little Jihoo and his parents, but none of his growing up years, except the sketches.  She wanted to ask, but something was stopping her.  She felt frightened, but at the same time, something was pushing her to ask.  She could hear her heart beating in her ears, even if she had a calm exterior.

Jihoo watched her, wondering what she was thinking.  He couldn't read her face as she looked over the picture frames.

 - "Jihoo-yah...where are your parents?"  Silence answered her back.

Jihoo let out his breath and spoke.  "They...there...was an accident..."

He need not say more, isn't that the same answer she always gave?  Ilana didn't feel well all of a sudden, but she kept her face looking at the pictures and not at him.  She was trembling, could he tell?

Jihoo was not looking at Ilana, but a picture in his mind of that day his world changed.  He couldn't see the color had drained from her face, nor the cold creeping over her.

He walked away towards the kitchen; Ilana heard.  Wait!  One more question!  She had to know, not that she wanted to, but the same force from the last question was pushing her to speak again, even though she felt like she couldn't breathe.  She stood from her crouching position, Jihoo was still quiet.  "How old...?"  Just as she understood him, he understood her.

 - "Four.  I'll get our tea."  His voice was void of emotion, but as soon as he was in the kitchen he wept.  It had been a while since he let it grieve him like this.  He wondered why today.

In the sitting room, Ilana was still having difficulties.  her head was hammering and she felt numb until a shooting pain gripped her.  She tried to breathe, move, or call Jihoo, anything.  Her body ignored her demands, only magnifying the pain until it consumed her.

Jihoo took his time preparing the tea; he couldn't let Ilana see him like this.  He had this feeling that she would hurt to see him hurting.  After composing his face and gathering the tea tray, he had a sudden urgency to go back in the sitting room.  Ilana had been too quiet.

Placing the tea things on the center table, he didn't see her at first.  He had a sudden fear as his eyes went to where he last saw her standing.  His entire being was screaming hurry.

 - "Ilana-yah!!"  She lay on the ground, extremely pale and face wet with tears.  She wasn't responding; he felt her breathing but it was labored, her pulse, it was too fast and something wasn't right.  Picking her up, he carried her to his room laying her on his bed.  He removed her tunic not knowing or caring at that point if she had a shirt underneath, he wasn't any man, but a doctor and Ilana, his patient.  Thankfully, she did wear a tank top underneath, preserving her modesty.  Jihoo took out the stethoscope from his bag next to the bed. and listened to her heart; it wasn't beating normally.  Her blood pressure was low and her fingers and face were icy; her temperature at least was normal.  He flashed a beam of light Into her eyes and a tear overflowed.  Whatever happened, he'd find out when she regained consciousness.   Harabeoji had an ECV (portable EKG); Jihoo retrieved it from the other room and proceeded to attach it to Ilana, needing to monitor her heart.  He knew anemia patients could develop heart problems but she had shown no symptoms until now.  It could possibly be an isolated instance but what caused it?  She had been crying, her face was wet and even now a tear clung to the corner of her eyelash.  Could it have been when he told her about his parents?  Why?  How?  He could never tell her the rest of the story.  He hadn't planned to tell her anything, but she asked and he just couldn't stop himself.  He had to call JanDi; he needed medication to slow her heartbeat.  One thing was for sure, they weren't leaving tomorrow after all.  He got the quilt out from under her and covered her.

Jihoo left Ilana in his room while he made phone calls.  Harabeoji and JanDi were on their way, he spoke to Harabeoji's cardiologist and he'd be taking Ilana to the hospital for some tests tomorrow.  He also took Ilana's phone and sent a message to Ilana's friend KyuJong advising him they wouldn't be flying out in the morning after all.  He'd cancel the tickets later when he knew for sure Ilana was well enough to leave.

About thirty minutes later, he returned to check on his patient.  Everything was slowly going back to normal; the crisis was passing; again a tear had escaped her unconscious eyes.  While checking her blood pressure and pulse, he noticed her eyes opening.  He smiled in relief and returned his instruments to their proper place.

Ilana tried to focus her eyes, her head hurt; actually, she felt everything kind of ached.  Jihoo had her hand in his, smiling down at her.  "Down?" she thought. Why was he smiling down at her?  Alarm set in, not knowing where she was.  She sat up abruptly in a tangle of wires.  The only thing stopping her from tearing them from her body was her head was being shattered into millions of little pieces.  She cried out, grabbing her head with her free hand.

 - "Ilana-yah, lay back down, you're not well."  He laid her back down gently, she was trembling.  The ECG was going crazy again.  "Does your head hurt?"  She closed her eyes again, the room was spinning.  Was that answer enough?  "What about your chest, does it hurt?"

 - "A-a little, I'm, I'm just achy all over."  Ilana managed to find her voice.  "What, what happened?"

 - "I don't know, can Ilana tell me?"  He wasn't speaking in Korean to allow her to fully understand and be able to respond correctly.

At first, Ilana shook her head 'no', she didn't remember what happened.  Then she opened her eyes again, remembering.  As she remembered the tears began to fall again.  She squeezed his hand tighter.  "Mianhae."

 - "Wae?"  Jihoo wiped her tears again.

 - "Just mianhae."  She knew that 'sorry to hear that' wasn't a proper response, but that's all she could think of.  Now she could never tell him about her parents.  She couldn't add her sorrow to his.

Someone ran into Jihoo's room.  "Sunbae!"  JanDi shouted excitedly.  "How is she?"

 - "Ilana-yah will be just fine if she relaxes," he said smiling at her.

 - "Ilana-yah, I brought you abalone porridge, but first you need to take some medicine."

 - "Gwenchana," Ilana said weakly.

 - "Anngwenchana (It's not okay)," Jihoo said.  "JanDi-ah, I'll give it to her."

 - "Arraso Sunbae.  Ilana-yah, get better, juseyo?  Sunbae, is not traveling tomorrow, right?"  Jihoo just shook his head.  "Arraso, I'll be in the sitting room with Harabeoji."

Jihoo turned his attention to his stubborn patient.  "Ilana-yah, na need you to take this."

 - "Shiro."

Jihoo read fear in her eyes; her heart rate was speeding up again.  He had released her hand briefly, but now he took it up again.  With his other hand he helped her to sit up and adjust the pillows.  "Ilana-yah," she looked away from him.  "Ilana-yah," he took her other hand.  "Na think someone used Ilana's trust in them to hurt you...repeatedly and severely."  She stiffened, giving him a good clue that he made an accurate assessment.  "Na am not that person.  I swear I will never hurt you."

 - "Ara, but...it's still hard."

 - "Na have no problem reminding you.  Now, be a good agassi and take your medicine."  Still hesitant, Jihoo squeezed her hand.

Ilana knew she could trust him, but it was still so hard to let go of her fears.  She sighed and took the medicine, much to his relief.  He took the bed tray; JanDi had brought in and placed it near her.  "Now eat, it's late and agassi needs rest." Ilana forced herself to pick up the spoon and eat.  She didn't really have an appetite and she couldn't hold the spoon steady.  "I'm not really hungry," putting the spoon down.

Jihoo was not letting her off the hook.  He spooned some of the porridge himself.  "Open."

 - "Anieyo!  Gwenchana," Ilana spoke through gritted teeth, not wanting to open .

 - "Ilana-ssi needs to eat."

 - "I can do it!"  She tried to get the spoon from him.

 - "Anieyo, Ilana is still trembling, na don't want porridge in my bed tonight."  His face was perfectly serious and for a second she fell for it, but she knew him well and began to laugh.  The headache and other pain began to go away.

Lots of drama in this chapter.  How will Ilana react to her missing Oppa?  Thank you all for your lovely support to this story.  Even my silent readers, I know you are there.  I can hear you breathing.  LOL!  I used to be just like you, but please give me a shout out every now and then.