September 11-17, 2013

Yoon Jihoo sat in the plane on his way back home to Korea for his monthly visit. He sometimes viewed it as a necessary evil with its endless meetings and paperwork. It wasn't that he didn't want to be home with everyone, it's just that he felt as if he didn't fit in anymore. Holding life and death in your hands every day did that to you.  Jan Di understood him, she was the only one. Unfortunately, he couldn't rely on her anymore as she now his best friend’s wife.  He had sacrificed his own happiness to make sure those two were happy and had no regrets. For the most part, he had no regrets as long as the two people he loved dearly were happy but on occasion, the cost of his sacrifice weighed deeply on him.

Jihoo's flight was only half over and thought he should attempt to sleep and not let his thoughts wander around in circles. Closing his eyes, he pictured everything he loved about Seoul:  his friends, his Japanese style home, his Harabeoji. He smiled at the thought of his beloved grandfather and the gruff greeting he'll give him upon his arrival. It was a game they played each time, grandfather pretended not to miss him even though Jihoo could see the smile in his eyes regardless of the gruff words that came out of his mouth.

Thinking of Harabeoji made Jihoo think of another face. The face of the mysterious visitor he had late one evening.

Curious to see who was at his door (he rarely had visitors), he looked in the monitor. The smiling face of a Halmeoni was staring back at him.

- "Can I help you?" He had asked.

- "Le prepare un plato de comida, me harías el favor de aceptarlo (I prepared a plate of food for you, would you do me a favor and accept)?" Nana asked.

Jihoo had been curious as to why he was being offered a plate of food, but his stomach reminded him he hadn't yet eaten. Since it would be disrespectful to leave her standing in the hallway, he opened the door.

- "Gracias Abuela (thank you Grandmother)," he motioned for her to enter. "A que le debo este honor (to what do I owe this honor)?" He had perfected his Spanish having lived in New York these last few years. He set the food down, which was several, plates not just one.

- "Gustas beber algo, Abuela (Would you like something to drink, Grandmother)?" He offered his guest.

- "No, doctorcito," she smiled kindly at him. "No le quito más su tiempo. Solo quería decirle... (I won’t take more of your time. I just wanted to say…)" she paused. "No sé cómo lo sé, pero cuidaras a mi niña, y que Dios lo bendiga (I don’t know how I know, but you’ll watch over my girl and may God bless you for it)." She turned to leave.

- "Perdóname, no entiendo (Pardon me, I don’t understand)?" He was left in surprise at her words. He didn't have any young female patients at the moment and he rarely treated children.

- "Ni yo, solo Dios sabe. Él es quien tiene nuestras vidas en sus manos (I don’t either, only God does. He is the one who holds our lives in his hands)." She touched his cheek affectionately. His eyes were open wide and Nana could see his heart. It was beautiful and fragile just like her niña. "Orare por usted (I will pray for you)." She said quietly before stepping out of the apartment.

Jihoo was left with an awakening in his heart that hadn't been there in a long time. Was it loneliness? He lived for his work and his patients, how could he be lonely? He told himself this. If he needed a distraction he had Jaejoong to take his mind off whatever was bothering him. Nonetheless, he was deeply affected by this visit and before he knew it, was in tears. He called his Grandfather later that night just to hear his voice.

Back in the present, Jihoo again had tears in his eyes at the memory. Tears gave way to a reluctant smile. "Maybe going home one week a month really isn't that bad." He slept the rest of the flight.

An opportunity to keep busy came to Ilana during Dr. Jihoo's monthly absence. SungRyung had called both Abigaíl and Ilana into her office.

- "Ilana, my dear, you've been here about a month now, how do you feel about the position?" SungRyung asked.

- "I have no complaints, Unnie. My co-workers have been both welcoming and helpful." Ilana smiled at Abigaíl.

- "Good, good, good, that's what I was hoping for." SungRyung clapped her hands together in her usual exuberant manner. "How do you find working with Dr. Jihoo?" She waited eagerly for this answer.

- "Dr. Jihoo?" What was it about his name that made her suddenly want to giggle? She was going to have to strangle Suzy on their next reunion. "He's...he's not difficult at all. I see his patients and their families have a high appreciation for him." Ilana hoped she wasn't blushing at her stammer.

- "Yes, they simply adore him!" She smiled affectionately. "And according to Dr. Jihoo, you are very efficient." Ilana wondered if SungRyung was exaggerating. Dr. Jihoo rarely spoke to anyone other than his patients. She was sure he had nothing to say about his clumsy admin. "Abi-ya," SungRyung turned her attention to Abigaíl. "How are you getting along with Dr. Jaejoong? Is he behaving himself?"

Abigaíl colored a bit at the thought of Dr. Jaejoong. She didn't know why he could get her so angry, but then she couldn't stay angry at him.  "Things are well, boss.  I think the slap you gave his arm helped."  Abigaíl couldn’t help grin, remembering that day.

- "Wonderful! He sings your praises all the time but you let me know if he misbehaves." SungRyung had a mischievous glint in her eye as she smiled at her two staff members.

- "Yes, boss."

- "Now that I know you are getting along well in your teams, my other reason for calling you two is, I'll be giving you more responsibility. Abi-ya, I already spoke briefly with you on this." Abigaíl nodded her head in acknowledgment. "Ilana-ya, Abigaíl will be helping me with my workload, so I'll need you to jump in and help her whenever she needs it, that includes any extra work I might need her to do."

- "I'll help out wherever I'm needed," Ilana responded.

- "I knew I could count on you. If you ever need to stay late to finish something, I'm fine with that. Like I said, the both of you will be very busy."

- "We'll do our best," Abigaíl responded.

Jihoo descended the plane only to be wrapped in a back-breaking hug by his friend Woo-Bin."

- "Yo man, wus up?" Woo Bin's so-called gangster speech was always a great welcome home for Jihoo. Hareoboji and Woo Bin took turns meeting him at the airport.

- "Busy as usual. You? Set a date yet?" Jihoo asked while they got in the orange sports car.

- "We're doing great. No, we haven't set a date yet. We're looking at venues, but we are also considering having the wedding in New York."

- "Even better."

- "Yah, when are you coming home to stay."

- "I don't know, WooBin, I don't know." They had this same conversation each time Woo Bin picked him up and each time Jihoo gave the same answer.

Jihoo's Seoul schedule usually began the moment he stepped out of the plane. The first and last day was set aside for traveling; days two and three were set aside for board meetings at the foundation and for the clinics that Harabeoji and Jan-Di ran. The weekend was set aside for fishing with Harabeoji and time spent with his F4 family, while Monday was an extra day for whatever was needed.

Bonding with his Grandfather was always something to look forward to. Jihoo wished he would come to New York more often but understood his Grandfather had his own patients that he didn't want to leave.  Jihoo and Harabeoji had sat on the boat in silence, enjoying the water. They didn't need to say much to enjoy each other’s company.

- "Was it a smooth transition to the new administrative teams you told me about last month?"  Harabeoji asked.

- "Actually it's working well. I like the fact that I only need to go to one person if I ever have a problem with a patient’s file. Thankfully I haven't had to do that; my new admin scares easily," he smiled at the thought of Ilana; she was always so jumpy around him.

Harabeoji took note of the smile on Jihoo's face; perhaps he'd have to visit him in New York soon.  "That's because of that stoic face of yours," Harabeoji said gruffly.

- "I inherited it from you, Harabeoji." He grinned. Harabeoji laughed and ruffled his grandson's hair as if he were still a child and not a man of twenty-nine and successful doctor.

September 18, 2013

By the time Jihoo had returned from his absence, Abigaíl and Ilana were knee deep in work. Abigaíl was working on a report for SungRyung which needed her entire concentration. This left Ilana delivering her patient ID's and setting up the files for Dr. Jaejoong as well as Dr. Jihoo. Ilana relished being busy and it left her working late, having less time in the evening to be alone. She still hadn't gotten used to being alone, but being so busy left her too tired to dwell on it.

Dr. Jaejoong was also busy; Dr. Jihoo would not be checking in until later that afternoon and he wanted to make sure everything was in order with his patients before his arrival.  Jaejoong realized he hadn't seen his admin at all these past few days. He had seen Ilana coming from the room of one of his patient’s.  "Ilana-ssi, Na haven't seen nae lovely admin in a few days, what's going on?"

- "Abigaíl has been working on a report for Unnie, so I've been helping her set up your patients ID's and files."

- "I'll walk with you, I need a distraction."

Ilana didn't mind, she had gotten used to his playfulness. She rubbed her temple as she walked; a headache had formed and was getting worse.

- "Gwenchana?" He asked as they arrived back to where Ilana and her co-workers sat.

- "Huh?" She had been thinking about her headache and truly didn't hear him.

- "Do you have a headache?"

- "Oh, yes, a little."

- "Ilana, did you eat lunch?  I just got back," Abigaíl asked. "You weren't here when I left.  I lost track of time working on this report and only took a half hour."

- "Lunch? What time is it?" Ilana looked at her computer it was more than two hours past her lunch time. "No wonder I have such a headache." She'd not only forgotten to eat but also hadn't had a snack. Her hands were starting to tremble slightly.

- "Abi-ya, your hubae should go to lunch."

- "Ilana go to lunch before you pass out," Abigaíl said to Ilana. "Can I help you with something Dr. Jaejoong?" She turned her attention to him.

- "Bogoshipta," he whined, making Uee and Shi Yoon laugh.

- "Excuse me?" Abigaíl asked not understanding what he said. Ilana hid her smile.

- "Abigaíl, I'm going to take my lunch, I'll only take a half hour."

- "Take your full lunch, it’s ok."  Ilana went to retrieve her lunch from the refrigerator and headed for the cafeteria and Abigaíl turned her attention to the annoying doctor standing next to her.  "Now, Dr. Jaejoong, I'd like to finish this report so if you don't need me for anything, will you please leave so I can get back to work?"

- "Abi-ya," he pounded on his chest in mock anguish. “Wae is Abi so cruel to me? I miss you when you're not bossing me around like this. My day is so lonely without you scolding me for something I've said. Ilana doesn't say anything; she's just as bad as Jihoo."

- "Dr. Jaejoong, did you need something?" Abigaíl was starting to get annoyed.

- "Just to see your beautiful face;" Abigaíl rolled her eyes at this. "Annyeong jjagiya, I have more rounds to do. Don't miss me too much."

Abigaíl sighed in relief once he had left.

- "I think he's trying to set you up as his next conquest," Uee observed.

- "Either that or he really likes you," Shi-Yoon added.

Mumbling something unintelligible, Abigaíl returned to work.

Ilana's headache was getting worse; heating her lunch she noticed her hands were now noticeably shaking. This is what her punishment was for skipping lunch. Gathering her things, she looked for a spot to sit and soon found a quiet inconspicuous corner.

Having waited too long to eat, Ilana wasn’t able to finish all of her meal; her stomach was now protesting the intake of food. Her stomach trying to process what it was given and cramping, she decided to put away what was left of her food and deal with her headache.  She rested her head in her on the table, using her arms as a pillow.

Dr. Jihoo had spent the entire day so far, seeing follow-ups. He hadn't even taken his lunch because he had been reviewing patient files. Finally having an opportunity, he headed to the cafeteria. Deciding on the spicy General Tso’s chicken, hoping the spice would boost his energy; he headed for the only quiet spot in the cafeteria. Unfortunately for him, it was already taken by none other than his admin. Was she stalking him? It seemed she liked to haunt his favorite places. She had fallen asleep at the table and he momentarily stared down at her sleeping form. He thought about going back to his office but he would just have to turn around and come back to this part of the hospital after eating. His thoughts drifted toward the idea of waking her up.  What if she had slept past her lunch hour?  Sitting down across from her with a sigh, he wondered how best to wake her without startling her.  Taking a good look at her, he noticed she was pale; perhaps she wasn't feeling well.  "Ilana-ssi, gwenchanayo?"  He asked gently; hoping the sound of his voice would be enough to rouse her from her nap.

- "Meoriapayo (I have a headache), Oppa," she mumbled in her sleep, rooting Jihoo to his chair.

He was now very much interested in this conversation.  "Wae?  Eodi apayo (Why, are you sick)?"

- "Anieyo, begopayo (No, I’m hungry)."

He didn't understand her response. What did she mean, by 'I'm hungry', when there was a lunch bag right next to her? He remained quiet, thinking; she too continued her nap, oblivious to his presence.  He asked her the most pressing question:  "What time did Ilana-ssi leave for lunch?"

- "Mullah...mianhaeyo, Oppa."

- "Sorry? For what?" He wondered. Obviously not getting an answer to his question, he figured it was best to wake her up before she was late. "Anieyo Oppa; jaega Jihoo Uissa (I’m not Oppa, I’m Dr. Jihoo)."

- "Andwae…Kyu Oppa Uissa-nim...pabo."  Jihoo watched her grinning in her sleep. The problem with conversing with a sleep talker is you only get fragments of what they are thinking; especially if they're speaking in a language that they weren't fluent in. Entertaining as this one-sided conversation was, he was feeling guilty for not doing more to wake her up. They weren't exactly on familiar terms and nudging her didn't feel appropriate.  Looked around for an answer to his problem, his eyes found nurse Oh Hani.  She was a bubbly thing with a smile and a vivacious answer to any problem. He left Ilana snoozing at the table and went to intercept her path.  “Hani-ssi,” he greeted, “mianhaeyo if jaega intruding on your lunch, je would like to ask a favor, juseyo?"

- "Deh, uissa?" If Hani was surprised at the unexpected request from Dr. Jihoo, she didn't let on. She answered him with her sweet good-natured personality as always.

- "I've discovered nae admin sound asleep in the corner over there. It would be awkward for me to try to wake her and I'd hate for her to be late from her lunch."

- "Guerae, uissa, I'll wake her up." She smiled reassuringly and proceeded to her task.

Jihoo walked to the opposite side of the cafeteria with his food that was now cold. It was his own fault for getting involved where he shouldn't, he grinned. His admin was both amusing and puzzling. Why would she hide the fact that she could speak a little Korean? He wondered if her boyfriend was the doctor she mentioned.  He shook his head to clear it. "Jihoo-ah, mind your own business," he gave himself a light scolding.  From his seat, he could see Ilana jump up and go running to the cafeteria door. He couldn't help let out a chuckle; his day suddenly seemed less dreary and tiresome than it did prior to lunch.  Quickly finishing his food, he proceeded to his floor. He had work to do, other than getting involved in his admin's personal life.

Nurse Hani had woken Ilana from her sleep. Realizing she had taken more than the half hour she had planned, she thanked Hani and went running for the door. Ilana arrived back at her desk, an hour after she had originally left.

- "I'm sorry, Abigaíl, I lost track of time or I would have been back sooner."

- "Chica, were you running?" Ilana was breathing hard.

- "Yes, I'm so sorry. I wanted to be back early; do you need me to do something for you?"

- "Can you set up an ID for me, please?"

- "Sure, I'll work on it right now."

- "Ilana, if I ever have to leave early for an audition, will you help with my coding?" Uee asked teasingly. Everyone hated coding. It was long stretches of time spent at the computer. Ilana, who would rather sit at the computer than talkYah to people, loved it.

- "I don't mind, really."

- "Oh! When you get back, remind me to give you an invitation to Isabel's birthday party. I hope you can make it."

- "Oh? Sure." Ilana was touched at Abigail's invite. After all, they had only known each other for a month. She really wanted to meet the little girl, whose beautiful brown eyes opened up a deep longing in Ilana's heart.

Ilana worked a little late finishing some coding, not wanting Dr. Jihoo's files to fall behind because of helping Abigaíl. Truthfully, she just didn't want to go home. She was most efficient at coding files and could be done with that work in half the time it took everyone else if she wanted to. Today, it was a good excuse to linger a little longer at work. When she finally left her desk, she wandered around the campus before going home. She stumbled across an ad for volunteers and put a copy in her pocket for later, perhaps she'd think about it.

Arriving home finally, she heated herself some food.  Not wanting a repeat of earlier, this reminded her of the dream she'd had. Who had she been talking to? Someone was speaking to her in Korean, but she couldn't put a face to the voice. Finding it easier to tweet and therefore talk with everyone at once, it had been a while since she had heard her Oppa's voices.  It was rare for them to have actual phone conversations these days, perhaps she would call before bedtime.

Ilana got herself and her things ready for the next day and decided she'd sit outside for a little while. Taking a blanket and her phone with her, she headed out to her patio. Too late to start a fire she her newly acquired patio heater and sat right in front of it. Once settled, she was about to call YoungSaeng but the sound of violin music distracted her. Someone was playing close by, a sweet, but mournful piece. The songwriter kept repeating the same sorrowful sentiment. Ilana closed her eyes in order to appreciate it better and immediately her parent’s faces were before her. Tears began to fall as the piece continued.

The tune was over too soon, and also the sweet memories of her parents. She could scarcely remember their happy lives because the nightmare that ended it always overshadowed any happy memories. She turned off the heater and went back inside to bed, thoughts of making a phone call now forgotten.

Her dreams that night were of her parents; both happy dreams and also sad dreams. She woke in tears several times that night.