This is more of a filler chapter, sorry. I needed to get Ilana through this so she could move on. I'm having trouble conveying her emotions, I apologize for that. Thank you for reading!

January 4, 2013

It was now late afternoon, but Ilana wasn't ready to return to the ship. Her conversation with her Brother had lasted over an hour; he was the only one in whom she could confide. He was the only one that never told her what to do and just stood by her side resolutely. Since the first day she met her Foster Parents and the band they managed, of which he was the youngest member, they bonded. He was homesick and she was just sick with grief. She reminisced about their early teen years together. Often inseparable, they were dubbed ‘the twins’.

Ilana had stayed in her spot and watched the sunset; It was getting late. The beautiful hues of orange, red, and golden yellow, made the sun look like a butterscotch candy in its wrapper. If only time would just stay still and let her be at peace like this beautiful sunset. Figuring she should get back to the ship, Ilana decided to walk.  It was early enough and she was too restless to try and find a cab. It was only about two miles away and the exercise would take her mind off her lonely thoughts.

Having had so little activity in the last three weeks, it had taken its toll.  It took her longer than she expected to return to the ship, having to walk much slower than she was used to and stop many times to catch her breath. By the time she made it back to the ship, she was a little shaky from the exertion.

Young-Saeng was waiting for her; he liked to greet the passengers on his deck when they returned from their outings. Everyone had checked in already, except Ilana.  Where was this girl? He was starting to worry since it was almost curfew. He didn't want to leave the priority boarding counter until he saw her safely boarded. For some reason, he felt slightly responsible for her.  On every cruise KyuJon, HyungJun, and he picked one passenger that really stood out to them. Ilana was that passenger; they really wanted to get to know her. There were so many intriguing factors: she traveled alone, scarcely spoke, usually never looked directly at anyone, she hadn’t come out of her room at all, and mostly, because of the sad look in her eyes. That is, when she let them see her eyes.

He sighed in relief when he finally saw the solitary figure pass by.  “Ilana-ssi! Cinderella made it back just in time. Was Cinderella enjoying yourself at the ball?” Young-Saeng joked with her. He was so relieved she was back safe and sound. He had started imagining every horrible scenario. “Aish,” he thought, "when did I become a mother hen?” He grinned to himself.

- “I…Yes,” Ilana responded with her usual short speech while looking past him. She would only be on the ship for 4 months and most of the time she planned to spend in her room. She did not feel the need to make conversation or get to know anyone.

Young Saeng took in her shopping bag.  “Ah...Cinderella went shopping and lost track of time. I thought you had met your Prince,” he tried teasing her into confidence.

That last phrase seemed to stop Ilana. She swallowed.  “I wish,” she thought to herself. “I-I had an errand to run.” She mumbled to Young Saeng. “It’s been a long day, if you’ll excuse me;” she began to walk away.

Young Saeng could see she was tired. She was also slightly breathless, what did she do? Run all the way to the ship? Little did he know she had just walked two miles.  "The last of my guests are back. I can go relax with the guys.” Young Saeng, Kyu Jun, and Hyung-Jun had a late shift the next day and they decided on video games, ramen and beer in Young-Saeng’s room since it was the biggest. In fact, they were already there waiting for him. He’d better get going before they wrecked the place.

Ilana got back to her room and put her things away. She had completely forgotten to cancel her old phone service. Utilizing the internet connection on her new phone to cancel the service, she didn’t have to talk to anyone. Her hands were trembling as she held a phone in each one. Her walk made her very tired and achy; she had really just recovered from the virus.  She also hadn’t eaten all day; she just didn’t have an appetite.  And though she was extremely tired, her body was used to being awake at this time. Grabbing a bottle of water, her leftover sandwich, and her NOOK, she headed out to the verandah. The air was pleasant and she loved the salty seaweedy smell of the ocean. She soon became so engrossed in her reading and the hours slipped away; her sandwich lay half-forgotten.

Past 1 AM, her eyes were getting heavy, but she couldn’t sleep. Every time she dozed off, it was only for a matter of minutes. It was nice and quiet outside; perhaps she could go for a stroll on the promenade deck. Her legs still ached from earlier in the day¸ but she was just too restless to sleep. She didn’t think she would run into too many people at this time.  Her conversation with her brother had also left her a little lonely and homesick; the walk would do well to clear her head.

The three crew members had been playing video games and eating ramen for hours. None of them had to work early the next day, so they took full advantage to enjoy some downtime together. They loved to partake of the different foods prepared on the ship, but every now and then they wanted a taste of home.   “Are there more noodles?” Kyu Jong asked.

- “Knock yourself out, there’s plenty. You know Umma always sends tons," they usually received regular care packages from home. "Maknae, komapta for stopping at the store on the way back to the ship. Na would’ve settled for plain noodles, but ramen with all the fixings is daeback!” YoungSaeng thanked his youngest friend.

- "Ara, ara, I’m a hero!"

- “Tch! Whatever!!” Kyu and Young Saeng yelled at once, as they threw pillows across the room at the offender.

- - "Yah! Mariyah (just saying)!”

Soon after, all three were beating each other with pillows in a hilarious display of male adolescence; considering they were all in their upper twenties.

January 4, 2013

After the hilarity died down, it was near 2 AM and KyuJong was the first to call it a night. Deciding to take the long way back to his room, he took a stroll to the Promenade Deck. He was not prepared to meet anyone else along there.

Ilana had been on the Promenade Deck for a little while when she stopped at the rail and looked out at the ocean. It was immense, never ending and beautiful. There was only a half moon out, but it shone lovely on the water, almost making it look like glass. As if in a trance, she stared out onto the water and was getting very tired.  Taking her phone from her pocket to check the time, she realized it was her old uncharged phone.  She had grabbed the wrong one.  “Damn!” She was tired enough to utter a swear word, which normally was not a part of her vocabulary. Suddenly, her emotions went haywire as she looked at the phone and realized it was no longer a part of her. She had a new life as well as a new phone. A surge of homesickness, sadness, hopelessness, and anger came over her and tears began to fall once again. She stepped up on the small lift between the deck and the safety rail; one hand held onto the rail while the other held the phone. She threw the phone, as far away from her as possible, into the black water. “I hate you Juan Carlos! You took what life I had from me! I’ll never forgive you! Mama, Papa, why didn’t you take me with you? Porque no me llevaron?” She shouted her anger and loneliness into the sea and for a brief moment hoped the sea would just come and swallow her up like the phone. Hating when she felt like this, but not knowing how to stop, made her sob all the harder. Unfeeling, she slammed her fist repeatedly and with all her strength on the rail.  “I hate you!  I hate you!” Not sure whom she was yelling at; her cousin or herself. She didn't stop until her hand was battered and bleeding.  If she felt pain, then perhaps she was still alive.  She never understood why movies show people thrashing a room or punching a wall when they were upset, until now.  The temporary outlet for her rage now over, she slid down to the deck floor, battered and just as empty as before.  Huddling with her head down and knees drawn up; she didn’t care about her wounded hand.

Kyu could see a shape up ahead, as he was walking. It was highly unusual for anyone but crew to be out at this time. Hurrying his pace, he heard the sobs before he was close enough to see that Ilana was their owner.  “What could’ve happened to her?“ He wondered to himself.  Quickly closing the gap between them he crouched down beside her. “Ilana-ssi, gwenchanayo? Are you ok?” Remembering how she flinched when he took her hand that first day, he approached her cautiously and spoke gently. She gave no response or acknowledgment to his presence. He thought she might be trying to still her crying and he tried again: “Ilana-ssi...it's Doc Kyu.  What happened? Please..., talk to me, deh?  What can na do for Ilana-ssi?  Let me help you, please?”

- “P-please?” Ilana spoke, not having moved from her original position.

- “Anything, just tell me what’s wrong and what can na do to help?” He asked gently, the concern evident in his voice.

Ilana took a deep breath and tried again, shaking her head.  “Please? Can you just leave me for a little? Just...just pretend you didn’t see me.  I-I’ll get up soon, just...just...please let...let me be...for a little longer. I-I just need a little more time...to myself. Can...can you do that, please?"

That was the most she had spoken since she came on board, surprised KyuJong. It was also breaking his heart to hear the grief in the younger woman’s voice. Her speech was punctuated by stuttering and staggering breaths. “Ah, Ilana-ssi," he drew an inward hiss, "Na can’t do that. Na have a feeling you’ve had too much time to yourself. Why don’t we go down to my office and we can talk, hmm? I’m a great listener, ask Young Saeng & HyunJun“. Ilana just shook her head. He was doing his best to coax her out of her current position. The fact that she had spoken to him must mean she really did not want to be alone. He was going to have to be more direct.  “Ilana-ssi, look at me, I want to help you,” he said in a firmer voice. She just shook her head ‘no’, hoping he would give up and go away, but at the same time hoping he didn’t. She didn’t understand herself. “Ilana. Come. Eeliwah.” With one hand, he gently reached for hers (not knowing it was injured) and with the other, he lifted her face to his. She gasped, withdrew her hand and cradled it against her body; but not before he felt something wrong. “What happened to your hand?” He spoke calmly and soothingly to her as if she was a wounded animal; not knowing if she would bite at any moment. He took her hand again and saw it was swollen and bleeding from a cut. She was looking up now but still hadn’t said another word. Making a decision he stood up and said more brusquely. “Aish! Ilana-ssi, come with me to the infirmary now, or I’ll pick you up and carry you”. That seemed to have done the trick, now wide-eyed she was fully facing him

- “I-I’ll be alright, it’s nothing. I hit it against the rail by accident.” She bit her lip. The lights on deck made it bright enough for her to see his face. She could tell he was trying to figure her out, she was sure he could tell it wasn’t really an accident. This is why it was easier for her to stay away from people. She didn’t have to wonder what they thought of her, what they were thinking. What if they found out about what happened in the past? No. She couldn’t bear it and yet he was being kind to her.  “Ugh!”  Silently, she groaned in frustration; the tears were starting again. She wished they would go away. Without thought, almost as if her body was acting on its own accord, she took the hand and the help that was being offered.

- “We just need to go down to the dolphin deck. You’re going to be alright?” He gave her his sweetest smile. She nodded yes, he hooked his arm around hers as a way of reassuring her and also to make sure she didn’t bolt. He wanted to get to the bottom of this mystery girl, even if it took the rest of the night.