Credits: kiki

|07| Double Trouble

“Hi there, you gorgeous y man”
- Haneul

Kwon MinWoo’s Thoughts after Kim SooJin Left

I’ve only known her for almost a week and I have already found out that:

She’s crazy when she’s drunk.
She pees like a dog.
She ruins my carpet.
She ruins my clothes.
She wastes my expensive imported aromatherapy shower cream to clean the floor with.
She talks like a stupid primate.
She’s a y bunny.
She always has stupid answers.
She’s a lousy kisser and a terrible liar.
She snorts like a pig.
She likes diamond rings.
She’s a terrible singer.
She’s the most clueless maid in the history although she does cook quite decently.

She thinks I’m hot.

Now, what am I doing cleaning after her urine??
Why am I even thinking about her?

KWON MINWOO, YOU MUST BE GOING OUT OF YOUR MIND!!!

************

There were so many embarrassing memories with my mother that still lingers in my mind.

Take this for example. 

During my kindergarten graduation ceremony, most parents would bring flowers or teddy bears to congratulate their children but my Umma decided that it would be better to sew flowers onto my kindergarten uniform. Yes, that’s right. Umma literally had brought the definition of ‘flowery dress’ to a whole new level.

Basically, I was a walking garden during my kindergarten graduation ceremony and I even had the cringeworthy pictures to prove it.

The second example would be when we were doing a musical during middle school and Umma came with a banner that says, ‘Kim SooJin, we love you!’

It was sweet and thoughtful of her, you might say. Well, not when she holds the banner right beside the stage, distracting everyone from the musical that was going on by chanting ‘Kim SooJin’ continuously. She was just like a fangirl during concert.

Needless to say, everyone knew who I was after the musical. The musical director had even sworn to take me off any other musical that he was going to direct.

However, nothing compares to the humiliation that she had brought me during my high school graduation. My toes curled even at the slight mention of this incident. This is even more embarrassing than when Mr. Kwon told me that I asked him to have with me whilst I was drunk. In fact, Haneul would always bring up this event if she wanted to embarrass me or threaten me with something.

So what happened, you might ask.

This is what had happened.

My Umma asked Kang JiWoon to marry me, right after our high school graduation ceremony, right in front of everyoneat school.

Not very embarrassing, you might say.

Well, let me rephrase that. Umma actually begged for JiWoon to marry me. Right after she told him that she’ll give half of our family’s farm to him if he agrees.

The worst part was when she asked him all of these right after she told him (and everyone else within hearing distance) that nobody was ever going to marry me and that I would die a lonely , eaten by hungry wolves.

I kid you not. 

My Umma said all those things. She was all, “My poor SooJin can cook really well. If she cooks only for herself, she would die alone and becomes really fat. No one will want my poor SooJin.”

JiWoon’s reaction?

Well, let’s just say that he looked at me differently after that. But you can’t blame the boy.
Actually, it was not only him. I think everyone in my village looked at me differently after that. I swear, even the insane boy who was dating cows looked at me differently after that.

To be honest, that was the first time that I had ever thought of killing someone. Even though she was my Umma, I nearly strangled her in her sleep that night.

That was the main reason why I was so excited to leave for Seoul. Even though, I had to admit that it felt good to be able to enter a college in Seoul and flaunt to the villagers about it, I was also happy at the prospect of not meeting JiWoon for a long time.

I hope it will be years before I will meet him again.

So, the reason why I am rambling about all these things are because I’m beyond afraid that Umma might embarrass me again, like how she traumatized my life during high school. 

Who knows what she’ll say once she sees y creature?
For all I know, she might want to divorce my father and marry him for herself.
Yes, my mother is that absurd.

Now, to make matters worse, she’s coming with Haneul, who is like the world’s most unsupportive and mischievous best friend. I doubt she would come to my rescue once I told my Umma about the ‘engagement’.

Example of Haneul’s unsupportive-ness would be during that said incident, she burst out laughing and gathered more people to come and listen to my mother. Her reason being, she thought it was funny.

But I got my revenge on Haneul. Well, I thought it was funny when I sent a baby picture of her complete with a mushy love letter to JaeHoon. Haneul had been in love with JaeHoon ever since middle school so that was definitely a great revenge. 

Okay, let me tell you something about Park JaeHoon. 

He eats like a pig, talks like a pig and acts like a pig. In conclusion, he is a pig. I have no idea why Haneul was so smitten with the guy. Yes, he might be cute in a way but every time he sees me and says ‘Wanna go boogie tonight?’ complete with the disgusting eyebrow wiggling really turned me off. But, my best friend is a weirdo herself so I guess her liking JaeHoon came as no surprise. The most interesting part was that, JaeHoon was JiWoon’s best friend.

So, during middle school and junior high, we were two pathetic girls, pining over some unrequited love towards two of the world’s most worthless boys. Even the memory of us, hiding behind a tree to stare at JaeHoon and JiWoon made me cringe with embarrassment.

I don’t think I can trust on Haneul to side with me on this whole ‘engagement’ thing. For all I know, she might want to steal y creature for herself.

So in conclusion for all these, I think Umma would make my life even more complicated and Haneul would spice things up to make it even more complicated.

Yep, I’m screwed.
I’m going to die of humiliation, if that’s even possible.

Whatever happens, I can’t let Umma and Haneul meet with y creature.
I will tell them about him some other time.
Maybe five years from now, when I’m happily residing far away, somewhere in Africa.

“SooJin! Why are you so pale? Who called?” J.Blige asked, breaking my train of thoughts. I looked up to find her staring at me in confusion.

“It’s my mother,” I gulped, still in my absent-minded state, “She’s coming.” I gave her a look, a look that says ‘I’m going to be dead soon’. 

“So?” J.Blige said nonchalantly before she caught a glimpse of my sparkling diamond ring and her eyes widened. “Oh my God! What are you going to do? How are you going to tell her?”

“If I knew, I wouldn’t be freaking out now, would I?” I said, “Oh, what am I going to do? This is all my boss’ fault. He did this.”

“Well, you shouldn’t have agreed. You can just say no,” J.Blige pointed out.

In a way, she was right.
But it’s too late to back out now, isn’t it?
It’s not like I had a time machine for me to slap Mr. Kwon four days ago.
“Whose side are you on?!!” I asked in frustration and she began to laugh, “This is not funny! My life might end tomorrow!” I barked.

“Sorry,” she said in between giggles, sounding nowhere sincere, “but you’re just too ridiculous.” I gave her a look and she stopped laughing. “Sorry,” she said, more sincerely this time, “I think you should ask your ‘fiance’ what to do.”

I sighed deeply. I couldn’t have told J.Blige that I was embarrassed to call him. She would ask the reason why and I would have to tell all those embarrassing things that I did while I was drunk.

Aish, my head hurts. 

J.Blige was still looking at me, waiting for me to call Mr. Kwon. I took out my cellphone and dialled for his number. I waited with bated breath for him to pick up.

“Yes? You forgot something? Perhaps your smelly jeans?” he said when he picked up. Even hearing his voice made me blushed and my toes curled. I don’t know how I could face him after this. 

“Mr. Kwon, my mother is coming,” I told him. I decided to make the phone call less awkward by going straight to the point. If not, I think I might just hang up. I was beyond embarrassed.

There was a long pause. 

“Ha ha. Very funny, Miss Kim,” he said flatly. 

He thought I was joking. Who in the world would think that would be funny? Will he still think it’s funny if I said, “Mr. Kwon, my mother’s coming to mutilate your s” instead?

“I wasn’t joking, Mr. Kwon! I’m telling the truth. She’s coming tomorrow with my best friend!” I said exasperatedly. If he still thinks that I was joking, I think I need to hit some rocks to his head.

“T-t-tomorrow?!!!” he stuttered. Finally, he got the message, although it took him quite some time.

He is quite dense sometimes, I must say.

“Have you told her?”
“Nope.”
“Why haven’t you?”
“Can’t we just lie to your grandpa that my parents have moved to Guam or something? That way, they won’t have to meet with each other.”

There was a pause. Maybe he was thinking.
“Hmm.. good idea. Except, my grandfather’s not stupid, unlike some people,” he coughed intentionally.

Aish, I knew he was referring to me. “So? You have a better idea than that?” I asked, “It’s your fault, Mr. Kwon. You need to fix this.”

Another long pause.

“I think you need to come here.”
“Why? You’ve thought of an idea?”
“No, my carpet stinks of your urine. I can’t think with this nauseating smell. Fix this NOW.”

With that, he hung up.

Well, isn’t he ridiculous or what?
How could he just abandon a really important conversation just because his