Credits: kickazzkris

 

"I only wanted the best for my child." 
-Haraboji
 

19 | Trolling the Reporters

LIVE TELECAST ON CHANNEL tvN09
 

Reporter: I am standing in front of Seoul Superwoman, Miss Kim SooJin’s home in her hometown in DongHae village. It seems that there was something going on inside the household. Just now, Kwon MinWoo and his family were seen to be entering the house after leaving for Seoul earlier in the day. There seem to be some heated discussion inside the house but unfortunately no footage was able to be recorded. Later on, a drunken man, believed to be her brother, was seen entering the house accompanied by another male but they refused to be interviewed. There was some speculations that MinWoo and SooJin’s presence back in the house had something to do with the fact that Lee EunJae had been spotted to be leaving the Kwon mansion earlier. Rumours were saying that SooJin felt threatened by her presence and thus had tried to convince MinWoo to stick to her by her family’s persuasion. Just a few minutes ago, we saw MinWoo leaving the Kim’s house in his car alone, without SooJin and the rest. Could it be that the Cinderella couple is already heading towards doomsville due to Lee EunJae sudden re-emergence? This has been Lee HeeNim reporting to you live from DongHae village for tvN09. Back to the studio.
 

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This could work. Really, this is the best idea ever.

The only thing we need to do was to keep our mouths shut and no one would be able to recognize us. The reporters would never know for sure.

“SooJin-ah, my moustache tickles,” Haneul complained from beside me.

So much for keeping our mouths shut.

“Oh, just bear with it!” I grumbled, annoyed that she was ruining my moment of self-appraising. “It’s not like my beard doesn’t itch!!”

“But it really itches,” she complained again.

I turned to give her a death glare. “Shut up, Haneul!” I said angrily, “This whole thing will fail if they hear our voice. We’re supposed to be manly!”

The ‘ahjusshi’ beside me with the bushy moustache, dressed in a worn out black pants, big farmer’s hat, tai-chi shoes and flowery old-fashioned shirt—Haneul—frowned in protest while trying as discreetly as she could to scratch her philtrum by removing the fake bushy moustache before putting it back in place.

As you would have guessed, I came up with the idea to disguise ourselves when we go back to my house to fool the reporters. If the reporters found me, I was sure that they would never let me go until I had given them something, anything, that would fit their front page news.

However, this matter of disguising is no easy feat. We had to break into our old school’s drama club storage room to ‘borrow’ the fake bushy moustache and the fake beard that I was wearing. While Haneul was in her disguise as a middle age ahjusshi, I was the old, no fashion sense, death-is-coming-around-the-corner grandfather with my grey wig, walking cane, worn out pants and thick wool jacket.

At a glance, we definitely didn’t look suspicious at all, just like any other old countrymen.

“But why do I have to disguise as an old uncle?” Haneul complained yet again and I had the sudden urge to stuff with my fake beard, “The reporters don’t even know me.”

“Because I’ll feel silly doing it alone,” I said and Haneul groaned, “Oh, just shut up Haneul! You’re my best friend. You have to help me. One of the rules of being a best friend is to do every silly thing together.”

Haneul groaned again but then she decided to keep shut. 

We were walking past the orchards and was about to reach my house. From the distance I could already see the reporters camping outside my front gate. I shook my head. The disguise really needs to work or I don’t think I’d be able to overcome the number of reporters there.

“Psst.. SooJin,” Haneul whispered, “I think you should walk more slowly. You’re an old haraboji now.”

I glanced at my walking cane and nodded. “Right,” I said, “I forgot that I’m now the oldest man in the world.”

We were approaching the reporters. At first the reporters looked excited to see us but when they realized that we were only two old men, their faces fell and they couldn’t care less about us. My heart was thumping loudly when we walked past the reporters and I was beyond relieved to see that they weren’t even interested to approach us.

I walked to the gate and began to produce the keys from my pocket and fumbled to find the key to the gate. The tremor of my hand was certainly not helping. From beside me, I could feel Haneul’s intense stare at my hand, hoping that I’d find the right key soon and end her of misery caused by the itchy bushy fake moustache.

“SooJin, please do it faster,” she whispered.
“I’m trying!” I whispered back.

Finally, I found the right key and began to unlock the gate. We exchanged grateful smiles; grateful that our plan had worked perfectly.

In a matter of seconds, I could get behind the gate, away from the nosy reporters.

“Haraboji, what’s the connection between you and the Kim family?” a male reporter asked.

It took a moment for me to realize that he was talking to me. I stood frozen at my spot. Haneul nudged me with her elbow, her cue for me to answer.

This was definitely not in the plan. The plan was supposed to be us two ‘old men’, walking past the reporters and then opening the gate before going in without hassle. The plan didn’t include being interrogated by nosy reporters who want to know the reason why the ‘two old men’ were opening the gate in the first place.

I exchanged meaningful glance with Haneul and she nodded her head swiftly, indicating that she understood my telepathic message perfectly well.

“We are their gardeners,” Haneul said in a voice that was a mix between Gandalf’s and chipmunks, “We—uh—you know, garden, uh, stuff.”

I nodded my head like an old haraboji should. 

“They’re only the gardeners!!” the nosy reporter shouted to the rest of the reporters.

The others were murmuring among themselves and started to do their own things again. Haneul and I exchanged a look of relief and started to smile.

Our plan is working!

“Do you know anything regarding miss SooJin and mister MinWoo?” the nosy reporter decided to make my life miserable again by bugging me—an old, poor, haraboji, “We’ve been camping out here all night.We need something. Anything.”

Haneul nudged my arm again and I winced.

I cleared my throat. It was going to take my acting skill of the highest level to play this right.

“Ho ho ho,” I said and realized that I sounded like Santa Claus. “We don’t know anything. We’re just here to plant some mangoes. You want mangoes?”

I discreetly winked at Haneul who later smiled at me.

“Ahjusshi, your moustache—” the reporter gasped, “it’s—it’s getting off.”

I turned to look at Haneul and my eyes widened with horror. One side of Haneul’s moustache was dangling from her philtrum with the other side clinging desperately to her skin. Haneul quickly tried to put her moustache back in place.

The reporter blinked.

This is not good, I thought.

I needed something to distract them. “Look, it’s a tiger!” I shouted in frenzy, pointing at some invisible tiger behind him.

Lucky for me, the reporter was an idiot. When he was looking back over his shoulder, I quickly took Haneul’s hand to run inside.

However, of course none of my plan would work perfectly. 

When we were about to enter through the gate, we were suddenly showered with cold water.

“GO AWAY! WE HAVE NOTHING TO SAY!!” Umma was yelling in anger with a bucket in her hand. Beside her, I could see my sisters standing there in a straight line with a bucket in each of their hands.

That explains why we were drenched from head to toe. We were entering home at the wrong time, right at the moment when Umma had decided to chase away the reporters with freezing cold water.

“Umma!” I yelled as I wipe off the water from my eyes, “What the hell are you doing?!”

“Why are you calling me your Umma, old man?!” Umma yelled in frenzy.

My mother, although she had raised me for 21 years, she still could not recognize me even though I was only under a stupid disguise. It makes me wonder if she really is blind.

There was no time for explanation so I tried to get in but she stopped me by catching my upper arm. “It’s me, Umma,” I hissed loudly, “SooJin.”

Umma began to laugh like a crazy person. “You think I’m stupid?!” she yelled, “SooJin doesn’t have a beard. You’re just another reporter although you do sound like a girl.”

I really had the strongest itch to tell her that I really think that she is the stupidest person on Earth. One, can’t she see through the fake moustache?—and two, can’t she think that I might be a tad bit too old to be a reporter?

From behind us, the reporters were muttering among themselves, complaining of the freezing water and calling Umma evil, among other stuff. They were heading towards the gate and I started to panic. Umma’s grip on my hand weren’t easy to fight off and the beard was starting to get itchy.

Luckily, my saviour came. SungMin who looked like he was still suffering from a major hangover barged through us, grabbed Haneul’s hand and shoved us all inside the gate in one swift action. He let go of Haneul’s hand and locked the gate behind him before turning to look at us with an ‘Are you guys insane?’ expression on his face.

“Yah, SungMin! What are you doing?!” Umma yelled, “Why are you letting these people get in?!” she pointed towards me and Haneul.

“Umma, seriously?” SungMin said, looking bored, “You can’t recognize her disguising as a clown?”

“I’m not disguising as a clown!” I yelled angrily. “You’re the clown!”

SungMin still looked at me as though I had lost my mind.

I could not wait any longer. The itch caused by the wig and the beard was killing me so I took it off in haste and threw it to the ground. Out of the corner of my eyes, I could see Haneul taking off her white haired wig too.

Umma blinked. “SooJin?” she asked, her voice tiny. Then, she turned to look at Haneul. “Haneul?”

“Umma!” I yelled, “How can you not recognize me?! I’m your daughter, for God’s sake. Even a mother bear recognizes its cub. Shame on you, Umma!!”

“SooJin!” Umma shrieked happily, “I’m glad it’s you. I thought that SungMin had brought in some weird transvestites into our home. I mean, an old haraboji sounding like a girl? Talk about insane! Ha ha ha,” she laughed.

My three sisters giggled while SungMin and I rolled our eyes.

“Women,” I heard SungMin muttered under his breath, “It’ll take a hundred years before I can finally sleep in peace in this house.” He stomped off inside the house and the door closed behind him with a loud bang.

“Quickly come inside, SooJin-ah,” Umma said, completely ignoring SungMin’s outburst like he was a mere fly on the wall, “That old man wants to talk to you.”

 

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Aunt Mina was a bundle of nerves when I met her, pacing around in the house like a young father waiting for the birth of his first child outside the delivery room. She could not even sit still for a moment and my head hurts from following her with my eyes. 

Haraboji on the other hand had remained quiet for quite some time. He was playing with his trimmed moustache, his forehead in a deep frown as though he was deep in thought. I wonder what he was thinking but did not have the courage in me to ask him.

We were waiting for the driver to pick us up and bring us back to Seoul. There were only the three of us in the living room. The rest of the family were at the back of the house, helping Appa to set up his storage room. Umma had insisted that I wait with Aunt Mina and Haraboji in the house and to try to “bond with the old man while you’re at it.”

When I met with Haraboji and Aunt Mina earlier, the first thing that came out of their mouths was to ask me about MinWoo’s whereabout; something that I myself did not have the answer to. I did not want to appear suspicious of our lies so I told them that MinWoo had gone back to Seoul to take care of some business, about which he did not specifically tell me in details. The two of them seemed to have accepted my explanation and thank God they did not enquire any further regarding his exact location.

I just did not know how to tell them that when I had called him numerous times earlier that day, all of my calls had been transferred to the voice mailbox. It was like MinWoo had intentionally turned off his phone in this critical moment. Thus, Haraboji had decided that the three of us should head back to Seoul too since our presence in DongHae village had brought some unwarranted attention towards my hometown. He thought we had troubled my family enough with the reporters camping out of our front yard.

Well, I did not tell him that although Umma had acted as though she hated all the attention, I could definitely see that she was paying more attention towards her appearance whenever she headed outside. I mean, when she had drenched me and Haneul earlier, I swear I could see the tint of foundation on her face and the red lipstick on her lips. 

I think Umma secretly liked the attention that she had been getting.

I stood still at my seat across Haraboji and tried hard not to stare at him but I could not help it since he was the only thing in my visual field. I could see how he looked troubled about something and could not help wondering what was the cause of his worries. I mean, MinWoo told me that Haraboji did not care about him but I swear all I could see was love and worry in his eyes whenever he looked at MinWoo although he had tried very hard to disguise it under the cold exterior. For now, I think he looked like any other anxious parent, or grandparent for that matter.

I cleared my throat loudly to catch his attention. When he looked up, I tried my hardest to force a smile upon my face. However, his face remained stoic and the deep frown was still evident on his forehead.

“What are you worried about, Haraboji?” I asked, trying my best to hide the tremble in my voice. Heck, what do you expect? I would always be a little afraid of this old man. It’s not like he and I were the on good terms prior to this.

Aunt Mina stopped in her tracks and her head perked up at my question. She turned to look at Haraboji, studying his expression.

Haraboji blinked and I could see how he tried to mask the worried look in his face. “What makes you think that I’m worried, SooJin?” he asked, trying his best to sound indifferent.

“Well, you were frowning,” I started hesitantly, “and I could see how you’re deep in thought about something. What is it? Is it about MinWoo?” I asked and then a sudden thought crossed my mind, “or is it about Lee EunJae?”

Haraboji looked uncomfortable by the mere mention of her name, like hearing her name really disgusted him. “I won’t waste my time worrying about that imbecile’s daughter,” he bellowed.

Aunt Mina gasped and came running towards her father. “Appa,” she shrieked, “You must control your temper or your blood pressure will rise again. Listen to what the doctor said. Remember, you’re going to meet him for your medical check up later this evening. Don’t make him think that I don’t take good care of you, jebal.”

“I was not angry,” Haraboji sounded defensive, “I was just stating the fact.” Aunt Mina gave him a look. “Fine, I will control my temper next time. You nag so much like your mother,” Haraboji said in defeat, shaking his head.

I blinked. I really was not expecting that kind of relationship between Aunt Mina and Haraboji. I thought the two of them were not close but I could see how wrong I was judging by how loving they acted to each other just now. This shows how little I knew about MinWoo’s family and it brought a sudden discomfort at the pit of my stomach.

I pushed away the thought. Pitying myself would not give me any advantage whatsoever in this war that I was prepared to be on. Although I did not really know what kind of person my enemy is, my aim was clear; it was MinWoo.

“When are you going to tell me about her, Haraboji?” I asked after I had finally mustered up the courage, “I want to know about Lee EunJae.”

Haraboji exchanged meaningful glances with Aunt Mina and the latter nodded her head, as though giving him permission to reveal the big secret.

“She needs to know, Appa. She’s his fiancée after all,” Aunt Mina said, “I think it’s time that we tell her about EunJae.”

Haraboji still looked hesitant when he turned to look at me but after looking at Aunt Mina’s reassuring smile, he sighed. “It will break MinWoo’s heart if he knows this, SooJin,” Haraboji said with much difficulty and paused for a moment, “I’d rather that he blames me and hates me than to know the truth. It will be too much for him to take after his parents’ death.”

Aunt Mina’s eyes were glassy and she sat beside Haraboji on the couch, putting her hand on his for some comfort.

Haraboji was about to