Credits: kickazzkris @ soompi

“PRIMARY”

-Kim SooJung

14 | Music of the Heart

EXCERPT OF KIM SOOJIN’S HIGH SCHOOL ESSAY ON PENGUINS

My science teacher once said that penguins mate for life. That really doesn't surprise me much because they all look alike. It's not like they're going to meet a really new, great looking penguin someday.But it’s different with humans. We don’t look alike. We have options. Some of us prefer the handsome ones while there are those who prefer personality over looks. As for me, I think I am just like a penguin because all my life, I only had my eyes on one person. No matter how many other guys had entered my life, my heart would always be for him. Although he had always rejected me, but my heart still belongs to him no matter how hard I try to forget him.

Maybe I am secretly a penguin.

**********

Kang JiWoon.

Ever since I was seven, just the mere mention of his name would make my heart flutter. When other children my age were still busy being children; I was already pining for unrequited love.

Anger hit me when the painful memory of our ‘love story’ came back to my mind.

All those tears wasted when he threw away the cookies that I had spent hours in making, when he went out with another girl, and when he refused to be my play-husband. The most heart wrenching memory would be of him telling me to my face to stay away from his life because I was a ‘nuisance’.

When Umma proposed him for me, I was embarrassed but deep inside there was a tiny part of me that wished  that he had acted differently. He could just decline her offer but no, he told the other students, “That Kim SooJin? Never in a million years!” while he made a disgusted face, much to the amusement of the other students.

On my high school graduation day, not only did I lose my pride, but my heart was shattered to pieces because of that conceited jerk.

And now that I’m ‘engaged’ to this Richie Rich y creature, he suddenly reappeared in my life and trying to complicate things further. Who gave him the right to boast to my ‘fiancé’ about our so-called history anyway?

That was when the feeling of anger rushed over me. Like a vulture eyeing on its prey, I glared up at JiWoon with scornful eyes, ready to attack him with my violent punch. However, before I could open my mouth to retort something clever to counter his childish boast, Mr. Kwon had said loudly before me in his manly voice–yes, manly—unlike that childish fool on the bridge.

“She did tell me that,” Mr. Kwon flashed him a coy smile, “but in case you haven’t known, her love’s all mine now.”

JiWoon’s face changed upon hearing that. There was no mistaken that look of hurting pride flashing all over his face.

Here we go again.

The glares turned nastier. If we were living in Rome in the first century, they would be the gladiators fighting it all out in a coliseum.

“The first cut is the deepest, haven’t you heard of that, city man?”

“We’re going to have our wedding in three weeks, in case you haven’t heard.”

I couldn’t take it anymore. I was so frustrated that I felt like pulling out all my hair. This wasn’t even about me anymore. It had turned into a battle of pride between these two men. One was trying to oust the other with one verbal attack after another.

“That’s enough!” I yelled furiously. I looked up at JiWoon in fume. Although my heart waivered when I saw how handsome he had looked with the sun downing on him, I was determined to make him go away. “Yah, Kang JiWoon!! Come with me! We need to talk!” I yelled, flicking my index fingers as I motioned for him to come down.

Mr. Kwon looked at me with disapproving eyes. “Miss Kim, what are you doing?” he asked in exasperation.

“I’m going to teach that good for nothing JiWoon a thing or two about respect!” I said angrily, making huge splashes of water as I hastily made my way out of the stream. Along the way, I was muttering obscenities as I headed towards the tree by the stream.

I could feel Mr. Kwon trying to follow me from behind. I stopped and turned around. My sudden move startled him and he stumbled as he made an emergency stop to his stride.

“Mr. Kwon, you stay there. Let me have a few words with that idiot alone,” I said.

“Stay here? In the stream?” he asked, his eyes wide. Somehow the idea didn’t seem to fascinate him.

“Yeah. Try to catch a fish or something,” I said and waved my hand dismissively.

“Catch a fish?!!” he scoffed. “Do I look like a fisherman to you?!!”

Here we go again with him and his rich boy tantrum. I think I had enough of it all. In Seoul he might be King, but it was time to show him that in DongHae Village, Kim SooJin was the Queen. This time around, he has to listen to me.

“If you come anywhere near us, I’ll call Aunt Mina and confess the whole thing, Mr. Kwon,” I said. I had learned that to make an effective threat, you need to make a big impact. Judging by the way his eyes looked like they were about to pop out, I think the big impact that I had in mind was working.

“Fine!” he grumbled, kicking the stream in anger, causing a huge splash of water.

I took out my cellphone from the pocket of my jeans. “I’m going to call Aunt Mina now!” I threatened, deliberately gesturing my fingers towards the call button on the cellphone.

Mr. Kwon’s eyes widened. “Aish, just go and talk to your first love!!” he grumbled angrily, sounding bitter when he said the words ‘first love’. In his mind, he had lost the battle of pride with JiWoon.

I rolled my eyes and continued with my strides out of the stream. JiWoon was already waiting at the edge, reaching out for my hand to help me out. “No, thanks!” I snapped angrily, slapping his hand with a force.

“Ow, there’s no need to be so violent, SooJin!” he yelped, rubbing his hand.

I decided to ignore him and marched straight ahead towards the spot under the huge pine tree. I crossed my arms across my chest while I waited for him to saunter over. It was going to be a long wait, I decided, judging by the way that he was again immersed in a glaring contest with Mr. Kwon.

“Yah, Kang JiWoon! You get your here!” I yelled furiously.

“Okay, your wish is my command,” he said cheekily and gave a slight wave towards Mr. Kwon. Mr. Kwon’s glare turned nastier and he kicked the stream in anger again, causing another huge splash.

What is it with men and their huge ego?!

JiWoon chuckled as he watched the scene. He didn’t even remember that I was about to kick his shin for wasting my time. Furious, I bent down to take a small pebble and threw it towards his head.

“Ow!” he cried, rubbing his head furiously. “Yah, Kim SooJin!” he yelled.

My hands were on my hips as I gave his my nastiest, iciest glare. “IF YOU DON’T COME HERE NOW, I CAN’T PROMISE THAT YOU’LL LIVE TO SEE YOUR FUTURE WIFE!” I yelled angrily.

Overcame with fear, JiWoon immediately marched towards me.

I heard a deep laugh and I steered my gaze to look at Mr. Kwon. He was busy laughing at JiWoon, his body shaking all over. Once he caught me glaring, he immediately stopped laughing, made a serious face and turned towards the other side, with his back facing me.

On the other hand, JiWoon was muttering profanities under his breath when he reached in front of me. “In case you don’t know, your city man is a douchebag,” he grumbled, staring down at me with his piercing gaze.

“He is not a douchebag, Kang JiWoon! Mind you, he is one y, rich man. I mean, look at him,” I said as I flicked my index finger towards Mr. Kwon with disinterest.

JiWoon rolled his eyes.

Then, I began to realize how close he was standing in front of me. I felt my heart pounding and my palms began to sweat, a normal reaction that my body will get whenever I had met with Kang JiWoon in the past. I brushed off the feeling. I wasn’t supposed to feel this way anymore. I had moved on.

Right?

JiWoon cleared his throat, and the sound later broke my stance. I raised my gaze to stare at him in the eyes and later my eyes steered towards the scar on his temple, the one that I gave him. Suddenly, I felt the guilt rushing over me.

“I’m sorry,” I blurted out without thinking.

“Huh?” JiWoon said, crossing his arms across his chest as he gazed down at me.

God, why are my knees so wobbly?               

That wasn’t supposed to happen. I need to get over this infatuation that I had with Kang JiWoon. I mean, I had already survived sleeping on the same bed with the God-like y creature; thus meeting with JiWoon should not have this kind of effect to me. I took a deep breath, trying to calm my pounding heart. Out of the corner of my eyes, I saw Mr. Kwon staring, watching our every move.

“Never mind,” I said, waving my hand dismissively. Then, I started to make my serious face, looking him straight in the eyes. “Why the hell did you do that, JiWoon? I thought you told me to stay away from you before this, remember? You said that I was a nuisance to you, didn’t you? Now, why are you coming back and intruding my life?! I didn’t appear in your life after you told me that but why are you here now interrupting my life?!”

Damn it! Why do my eyes sting?

I blinked hard to hold back the tears that was already forming inside my eyes. I think I might have sounded bitter back then but being near JiWoon was really frustrating. It was like, I wanted to kill him and kiss him at the same time. Maybe I, Kim SooJin, was on the verge of insanity.

JiWoon just stared at me, studying my face. I looked back at him stubbornly, telling myself over and over again in my head to not let the tears fall. Suddenly, I saw how his face changed.

“You’re not going to cry now are you, SooJin?” he asked, his voice all soft and concerned.

“Don’t flatter yourself!” I snapped bitterly and looked away. “My tears are not that cheap!” I said, my voice quivering. I think just the sound of my voice was able to convince JiWoon that what he suspected was true. I should have learned on how to become a better actress. This is what I get for always sleeping during all those acting classes in high school.

JiWoon fidgeted on his legs and heaved a deep sigh. I don’t know why he looked so guilty; like after all these years and all those tears that I had wasted on him, he finally had the heart to feel guilty for what he had done to me.

Too late, mister!

“SooJin, I—” he started to say but before he could finish, I butted in.

“Go away, JiWoon. Please. Let me move on. Don’t let us see you again,” I said, near begging. I started to feel my eyes glistening again.

JiWoon studied my face quietly, a slight frown appearing on his forehead. I dropped my gaze, afraid that I might break down and my heart would waiver again if I looked into his eyes for a minute longer. I bit my lips and blinked hard to hold back the tears.

“Are you happy?” finally, he asked.

I don’t know why he asked that. He, of all people, should know that he should not be asking me that since it might lead me to fall for him again. I mean, why did he sound like he was jealous? He shouldn’t sound like that when he didn’t even like me.

“Of course I am!” I said but somehow I don’t think I sounded convincing enough.

“Really?” he asked again.

What is his problem exactly?

Did he really expect for me to cry and run after him like I would the last time we met? Well, too bad! I was the new and improved SooJin—the SooJin with a super rich, super y, drop dead gorgeous fiancé! Although Mr. Kwon might not really be my fiancé but JiWoon didn’t need to know that. All those bottled emotion of anger for all these years started to rush over me. I looked at JiWoon with fire in my eyes, all ready to eat him alive. However, as usual, the moment that I looked into his eyes, I started to tremble again.

“Honey! I’m bored!” all of a sudden, Mr. Kwon’s manly voice reached my eardrums like a lullaby, like a God-sent help that I really need at that time. I was never more grateful to hear his voice. I stole a glance at him and saw that he was making his way towards us from the stream.

“Honey?” JiWoon scoffed, rolling his eyes.

Before I could snap at him for being rude, the next thing that happened took me by surprise. Mr. Kwon suddenly slipped his arm around my waist and when I looked up at him in surprise, he was gazing down at me lovingly. I blinked in confusion when I saw him wink.

“I miss you, Honey,” he said tenderly and pouted his lips.

My eyes were about to pop out and I nearly choked on my saliva. Honestly, I was getting goose bumps all over from his sweet sugar-coated voice.

I turned to look at JiWoon to see his reaction. He looked like he was about to vomit, his face in a combination of red and blue. I turned back to look at Mr. Kwon and he was smiling sweetly at me.

What in the world is going on with this y creature?!!

Did Umma put some love potion into his tea just now? I blinked rapidly, trying to inquire his thoughts with my eyes but apparently, Mr. Kwon didn’t understand telepathic messages.

He winked cheekily and I choked on my saliva. It was just too much for me to handle.

JiWoon cleared his throat and Mr. Kwon looked at him. “Sorry, I’ve forgotten that you’re here. Nowadays, in my eyes there’s only SooJin,” Mr. Kwon said.

I felt goose bumps all over my body again. Seriously, what is going with this y creature?!

“We’ll talk later, SooJin,” JiWoon said, looking at me.

I was still in a state of confusion that I didn’t really hear what he said. I felt a nudge from Mr. Kwon.

“He said he wants to talk to you later,” Mr. Kwon said, giving me a meaningful look, as if to say that I should decline.

I bit my lips. I didn’t understand why Mr. Kwon was acting weird all of a sudden but I knew that I had to turn JiWoon down or else, I’d be stuck over him for a long time. “I’m afraid that won’t be necessary,” I said, trying to sound calm and collected, “I don’t have anything to say to you anymore.”

There was hurt flashing through his eyes as he gazed down at me. I looked at him stubbornly and deliberately put my hand on Mr. Kwon’s and forced a big smile to show him that I meant what I said. JiWoon heaved a deep sigh and turned around to leave without even saying another word.

I looked after his back as he walked further and felt my heart breaking. “Ji—” I started but couldn’t get the words out. My eyes were already glistening as I watched him walked across the bridge. Suddenly, I felt Mr. Kwon’s grip on my upper arm.

“Hold it in for a while, Miss Kim,” he said quietly, “It’ll get better.”

I couldn’t quite catch what he meant by that. Curious, I turned to look at him and saw that he was still watching JiWoon who was slowly vanishing from our sight.

“If you want him to like you, you have to be patient,” Mr. Kwon continued to say, looking thoughtful. He let go of me and started to fidget on his legs, “Trust me, Miss Kim. Or else, you’ll lose him for sure.”

I blinked rapidly. “B-b-but, I don’t want him to like me. I want to forget him,” I said, sounding desperate, “I want to move on.”

Mr. Kwon put a hand inside the pocket of his slacks and turned to look at the stream. “You don’t have to lie to me, Miss Kim. No one else is here,” he said softly, “There’s no need for you to pretend. I know how you feel for him.”

How could he have known that deep inside my heart, I was still pining over that jerk? I wanted so badly to deny what he just said but I couldn’t quite get myself to utter the words. Frustrated with myself, I bit my lips and went to stand at the edge of the stream, dipping my toes into the cold streaming water and looked down to stare at my own reflection in the water.

Then, I saw Mr. Kwon’s reflection standing beside mine, looking at me.

“If you want to cry, just cry Miss Kim,” he said, “You’ll feel better.”

His words were turning on the faucet to my tears. I blinked as I watched my reflection crying, the drops of tears from my eyes making its way into the water like the raindrops, distorting my reflection as tiny circular ripples cut through the surface.

“This is why I don’t believe in love, Miss Kim,” Mr. Kwon said quietly.

If he thought that his words could soothe my troubled soul, he was beyond wrong. His words had only made it worse. I know I shouldn’t be angry at him but for some weird reason, I felt like kicking his groin for saying that during that time.

However, before I could even blast at him with fiery words, I felt his strong hand on my back, lightly tapping it; like someone who was consoling a crying child. All of a sudden, I started to feel helpless again. I hated to feel so helpless like that over a boy but I couldn’t help it; all the emotions that I had held inside for God-knows-how-long came bursting through—all the frustrations, the anger, the shame; the heartache.

“Oh, I love you. You look so pretty today, my love.”

Suddenly, the silence was broken by a stranger’s voice, a boy’s, sounding all affectionate towards someone, presumably his girlfriend. I didn’t bother to look up, afraid that I might look at a young loving couple and later burst into tears.

Out of the corner of my eyes, I saw Mr. Kwon scratching his head as he looked at something—or someone—by the stream, presumably the affectionate boy. He cleared his throat awkwardly. “I’m sorry to disturb you now Miss Kim but,” he paused for a while, like he was unsure of what to say, “is the boy trying to woo the cow?”

My eyes immediately shot up towards the direction where he was looking at and all of a sudden, I started to laugh. I laughed so hard that I started coughing for air.

There he was, the insane boy, down on bended knees with a flower in his hand, looking like he was about to propose to the cow. I turned to look at Mr. Kwon and saw that he too was laughing when the boy puckered up his lips and leaned in for a kiss with the cow.

The sound of our laughter might have annoyed the insane boy for his head suddenly perked up and looked towards our direction with an annoyed expression on his forehead. “Hey! Shut up!” he yelled, “You’re annoying my girlfriend.”

Hearing the word ‘girlfriend’ made us burst out laughing out loud and the boy’s glare turned nasty, like he was ready to kill us.

Afraid that he might be murdering us by asking his ‘girlfriend’ to run over us, I bowed apologetically. “Sorry, sorry!” I said in between laugh.

The boy started to stand up and put his hand on his hip, still looking irritated. He then led his ‘girlfriend’ away by pulling the rope that was tied around her neck. I had to bite my inner cheeks to keep me from laughing at the sight. Once he was already out of our sight, we started to burst out laughing again.

“You once told me about the insane boy who was trying to hit on cows,” Mr. Kwon said in between laughter, “was that him?”

I nodded and we started laughing again. It was only until about a minute later that we were able to stop. I went to sit at the edge of the stream and Mr. Kwon came to sit beside me.

We stayed in silence for a while, just watching the sparkling water streaming. I was engrossed in my own thoughts about JiWoon, about how he looked when I told him that I didn’t have anything else to say to him. Could it be that JiWoon was hurt by my words?

“I like it here,” Mr. Kwon said suddenly, breaking my trance, “It’s nice.”

I turned to look at him. He was looking so calm and peaceful as he watched the scenery in front of us. From where we were seated, we could see the colourful tents of the hawkers and the small rows of shops.

“It is,” I agreed, nodding my head enthusiastically.

After a moment of silence, Mr. Kwon cleared his throat. “Are you okay?” he asked, sounding concerned.

I turned towards him and flashed a big smile. “Pftt.. I’m okay, Mr. Kwon. I’m not that small hearted,” I said.

He looked at me and the side of his lips curled up to form a smile on his gorgeous face. “Don’t worry, Miss Kim,” he said, “He’ll come around once he realise how special you are,” he grinned.

My heart was pounding in my chest and I felt the blood rushing to my cheeks. How special you are. The words kept replaying in my mind, leaving a soft, tingly feeling in my stomach and before I knew it, I was grinning like a fool.

“You must be so happy,” Mr. Kwon remarked.

He didn’t know—I never told him—that the cause of my joy wasn’t what he thought it was.

I must be out of my mind already.

**********************

When we got back to our house after spending the rest of the day showing Mr. Kwon around, my family were busy preparing for barbecue at the front yard. Umma asked me to show Mr. Kwon where to put his things which I was not surprised to find was my bedroom—Umma and her never-ending schemes of trying to become the matchmaker. I tried to bring him to my brother’s, SungMin, room but when I tried to turn the doorknob to open the door, I found out that it was locked. Frustrated, I instructed Mr. Kwon to wait there while I rushed to find Umma in the kitchen. She was busy preparing the ingredients to cook the vegetables when I got there.

“Umma, why is SungMin’s door locked?” I asked impatiently.

Umma didn’t even bother to look up. Instead, she continued cutting the