"You are a miracle to this family"

-Kwon Mina

Credits: lanza1521

21 | Fish

Gossip Show ‘Say What?’ on Channel tvn09

MC #1: So what do you think of our famous real life ‘Cinderella Couple’?

Actress: Oh, I’d die to be in her shoe, pun intended. *Laughs* They are an interesting couple to watch. I wish them nothing but happiness although I have to say, I’m quite jealous of Kim SooJin. Kwon MinWoo is one fine man *Giggle*

Girl Idol Singer: *Nodding* He’s gorgeous!

MC #2: Nowadays, everyone wants to be like Seoul Superwoman. But the thing is, Miss EunJae who is also Mr. Kwon’s ex-girlfriend was seen at the Kwon mansion a few days ago. Does this mean doom for the couple?

Actor: I don’t think so. He doesn’t seem like the type of guy who’d cheat on his fiancée.

MC #1: A guy would know, of course! *Laugh* In today’s news, Mr. Kwon was seen in a rather haggard appearance and driving carelessly towards the hospital. The rumour mills are spinning that it might have something to do with Miss SooJin’s pregnancy.

Girl Idol Singer: *Gasp* I really hope she’s alright. I’m really rooting for this couple. I hope they’ll get married and have lots of kids together.

Actress: But why does he look so messy? Is he miserable because of Miss SooJin or because of Miss EunJae?

MC #2: Ah, it’s still a mystery. We couldn’t get any of the family members to talk. They’re maintaining their silence on this. However, we have an exclusive scoop for the viewers for next week’s episode.

Girl Idol Singer: Ooh.. what is it about?

MC #1: Well apparently, Miss SooJin’s first love has agreed to give us an exclusive info regarding the couple. He said the info will be mind-blowing.

Actress: Her first love?! Now this is going to be exciting!

Actor: Their first loves are appearing at the same time. That’s kinda strange.

MC #2: Indeed it is strange but exciting nonetheless. So for the viewers at home, watch out for the exciting mind-blowing scoop next week. We’ve run out of time. So thank you to our guests today for joining the show. Viewers at home, thank you for watching. This has been..

All: Say What?!!

MC #1: Good night everyone. See you next week.

***************************

If I was a real comedian, I would have cried and left. They might be the world’s toughest crowd to please. By ‘they’, I meant Haraboji and MinWoo. They did not even have the courtesy to laugh at my jokes and mind you, some were really funny, like ranked in the Top 10 of the World’s Funniest Joke— if such ranking really exists—kind of funny. Okay, so maybe not in the Top 10, but maybe in the Top 20, or 50 or 100. Maybe Top 1000? Whatever, that’s not the point. The point is my jokes are funny and I have numerous credentials to prove it.

Take this for example. Whenever Umma is abusing SungMin for being lazy, I would humorously, I repeat, humorously take the phone and pretend to talk to a Child Service worker about a ‘certain abusive mother of mine’ and would end up later being chased around the house by Umma. Of course stupid a.ss SungMin would not help me and just laugh at the whole thing even though I had just literally saved his life but at least he got the joke; he was laughing. Besides, I did get my payback later that night when I scribbled ‘I know what you did’ on his notebook and he freaked out because he thought someone saw him stealing our neighbour’s flowers to give to his crush; but that’s another story.

Another humble example of my ‘humorous nature’ would be that time when Haneul and I made a prank call to our Math teacher, Mr. Lee. It was payback for his decision to give us a ‘C’ on a pop quiz which he did not tell us about. Okay, so maybe not telling the students about the quiz is why it’s called a pop quiz in the first place but we were young and rebellious and thought that the world was against us. Thus, we, or rather, I made the phone call. I had pinched my nose to make my voice sounded funny and it made Haneul laugh like no tomorrow. When Mr. Lee picked up, I whispered in a low, scary voice and told him that ‘I will kill you in your sleep tonight’. When I had hung up, both of us had laughed like crazy because it was just too funny. Till now, Mr. Lee still does not know that it was our fault that he ended up being an insomniac.

I could go on and on and on to prove my humorous self but I think these two examples are adequate enough to convince you of how funny I am. Most people had agreed that I was funny. Most people laughed at my jokes. They always refer to me as SooJin the funny girl, not SooJin the lame-a.ss-unfunny girl.

I was confident that I was truly funny.

It must be them, not me.   

Whenever I had finished telling a joke, Haraboji would just stare at me with a deep frown on his forehead. MinWoo, on the other hand, would blink and shake his head whenever I was laughing at my own funny joke. To think that I even had to laugh at my joke, it was the darkest point of my life.

If anyone, or anything, should be blamed it would be the traffic jam. If not, we would have reached the mansion already and I would not have to be stuck with these two cold men with no sense of humour. It was really awkward in the car before that so I tried to lighten up the mood with my funny jokes. I really tried my hardest to make them laugh. Gosh, I really tried, you have no idea.

It was silence back then. Haraboji and MinWoo were both busy not talking nor looking at each other so I thought that it was the perfect opportunity to crack a joke.

“Haraboji,” I had called, “Can I ask you something?”

Haraboji shifted on his seat and looked up at me. “Sure,” he said cautiously, looking confused. From beside me, I could feel MinWoo suddenly looking at me as though curious with what I was trying to do.

“Why does a rooster watch TV?” I had asked with a big smile on my face. I had learned of this joke back when I was nine years old and it was still funny to me.

Haraboji blinked rapidly as though trying to figure out whether I was real or maybe he was thinking hard about the answer. Either way, he looked completely astonished for a full one minute. After a while, he cleared his throat when he noticed that I was eagerly waiting for his answer. “I can’t possibly think of a reason why a rooster would want to watch TV,” he said, “I don’t even think that it will understand a word.”

“You want to know why, Haraboji?” I asked and Haraboji nodded, “It’s because it wants some ‘hentertainment’. Hahahaha,” I laughed out loud, applauding myself for the funny joke.

Haraboji’s mouth gaped open and he was blinking rapidly. Out of the corner of my eyes, I could see MinWoo’s flabbergasted expression.

Seeing their mortified looks, I had stopped laughing and quickly had told another joke. “What do you call a crate of ducks?” I asked.

“I have no idea,” Haraboji quipped.

“A box of quackers. HAHAHA~” I laughed out loud.

Again, they were looking at me like I had completely lost my mind. There I was, gleefully laughing at my own joke while the two of them stared at me with their mouths hung open. Frustrated that they did not get the joke, I had to try another one.

“What do you call an arctic cow?” I asked.

Haraboji shrugged. “I’m afraid to know the answer,” he said with his poker face.

“An eskimoo!” I laughed out loud again, “Hilarious isn’t it?”

Of course the two did not share the same sentiment. MinWoo groaned while Haraboji scratched the back of his neck.

“I don’t suppose this is your idea of a joke, SooJin?” Haraboji asked.

“Of course they are, Haraboji,” I replied enthusiastically, “Don’t you think they’re hilarious?”

Haraboji did not answer me. Instead, he knocked on the window that connects to the driver. A few seconds afterwards, Mr. Shim opened the window. He was seated at the passenger’s seat. “Yes, Chairman?” he asked politely.

“Is it going to take much longer?” there was no denying the desperation in Haraboji’s voice, like he could not wait to get home, but that might as well be my imagination.

“I’m not sure but it might take a little while before we reach home, Chairman,” Mr. Shim replied, “We have taken a detour so it’s a bit far from our usual route.”

Haraboji nodded and without a word, he turned down the window. He looked so down so I decided to tell another joke to cheer him up.

“Haraboji, here’s another question for you,” I said and Haraboji looked mortified again, “What do you give to a sick pig?”

“I don’t suppose going to the vet is the answer?” Haraboji asked.

“Wrong!” I said excitedly, “It’s oinkment. Get it? Get it? Oinkment! Because pigs say oink oink. Hahahaha~”

Haraboji cleared his throat and shook his head. “It’s going to be a long journey home,” he said quietly. I swear I saw MinWoo giving me a snide smile, like he was mocking me for not being able to make Haraboji laugh with me. It was making me even more determined to make him laugh.

“Haraboji, I have another one!” I said. Then out of the corner of my eyes, I saw the tall golden gate to the Kwon’s mansion and the number of reporters waiting in front of it through the window. “Hey, we have arrived,” I lamented.

“That’s not a joke,” Haraboji commented, looking confused.

“No, of course not,” I said and pointed towards the gate with my index finger, “It’s real. We’re home.”

I swear I saw Haraboji’s face lit up like a Christmas tree. Then, I felt MinWoo leaning close to my ear to whisper softly, “In case no one has ever told you this, Kim SooJin,” he said, “You’re really not funny.”

When he returned back to his normal sitting position, I could see the amused smile on his face.

*********************

“So what did the doctor say?”

It was dinner time and Aunt Mina had just returned from her meeting. The first thing she did when she arrived home was to ask about my health. If only she knew that it was not me that was dying.

“He said everything’s going to be fine,” MinWoo answered for me instead and I gave him a grateful smile. I had found it harder each day to lie to Aunt Mina, like there will be this weird feeling in my stomach. Maybe it was my conscience speaking, telling me to end it all soon.

“Oh, thank God!” Aunt Mina cheered. She then turned to look at her father at the end of the table, “Oh Appa, what did Dr. Park say this time?”

Haraboji just gave her a look of mock anger. “I thought you have forgotten to ask about me,” he said.

Aunt Mina sat down at her seat opposite mine and smiled at Haraboji. “Of course not,” she said, “I was distracted about the baby,” she turned to give me a sweet smile and the weird feeling in my stomach reappeared.

Haraboji briefly nodded and resumed to eat his rice. Aunt Mina waited patiently for him to finish chewing. “I’m dying,” he joked.

Unluckily for me, I had just shoved a spoonful of rice inside my mouth and did not really notice the playful tone of his voice so I thought that he was being honest and so I choked. I was coughing and gasping for air, feeling like I was going to die any moment.

I thought that Haraboji had just admitted the truth about his dying condition to the family.

“Omo omo, SooJin!” Aunt Mina gasped, “Yah MinWoo, hand her the glass of water and pat her back. Why aren’t you doing anything?!” she had yelled. MinWoo immediately did as told and I gulped down the water. “Appa, look at what you’ve done,” Aunt Mina nagged, “SooJin doesn’t know that you’re joking.”

“I’m sorry, SooJin,” Haraboji apologized, “It’s a bad joke.”

That was a joke?

It wasn’t even funny.

“He always says that he’s dying each time he comes back from hospital,” Aunt Mina explained, “It isn’t even funny but I don’t know why he keeps on saying that.”

“I’m an old man, Mina,” Haraboji retorted, “Of course I’m dying.”

“Appa!!” Aunt Mina protested and Haraboji chuckled.

I frowned at the scene happening in front of me. Haraboji chuckled at that? I had told a number of funny jokes and he did not even smile but he was chuckling at that? Seriously? What was so funny about him dying?!

“Haraboji, you call that a joke?!” I asked, not able to disguise the shock in my voice, “but that’s not even funny! When I told my jokes earlier, you weren’t even smiling!”

Haraboji did not say anything to that. Instead, he just smiled to himself and resumed to eat his dinner quietly. From beside me, I could see MinWoo’s body shaking like he was holding back from laughing out loud.

Feeling the need for revenge, I put some vegetable on his plate and said, “Eat this, Sugar Bun. It’s good to stop the milk from coming out from your s.”

MinWoo stopped laughing almost immediately and gave me a nasty glare which I pretended not to see.

Aunt Mina gasped. “You’ve got milk coming out of your s, MinWoo?!” she sounded shocked, “Why is that so?! Have you seen a doctor?!”

“No, Aunt Mina,” he said, still giving me a nasty glare, “SooJin’s just joking.”

Aunt Mina turned to look at me and soon after, we were both laughing like mad. “Oh, that’s hilarious, SooJin-ah,” she had said between giggles, “I thought MinWoo’s turning into a woman.”

I think in the Kwon family, only Aunt Mina had a good sense of humour. The two men of the house were completely useless in the humour department. I decided to tell her the jokes that I had told on the limo earlier. She laughed at every joke that I had told, clapping her hands enthusiastically. I have to say that she is one of my greatest audiences thus far.

When it came to the third joke, the ‘Eskimoo’ joke, both Haraboji and MinWoo had decided that they were full and excused themselves to go to their respective rooms. Although MinWoo was no longer an occupant of the mansion, his old room remained the way it was. According to Aunt Mina, it was Haraboji’s wish in case he might want to stay for the night.

I had no more jokes to tell so I decided to tell Aunt Mina about our fishing trip tomorrow.

“My father actually agrees to have a day off to go fishing?” she uttered in disbelief and shook her head, “How did you do it, SooJin? I have tried to make him do that for years but he never had listened.”

I felt a certain pride hearing that. Of course Aunt Mina did not ha