Chapter 17: He Doesn’t Want to be an Idol

“Great! You kissed her! That was a great kiss scene, Jung Taekwoon,”

“I didn’t kiss her, Jen.”

“Ha-ha-ha, you didn’t? But you seemed enjoy her lips,”

“Dammit, you are always being like this.”

“Being like what?! Why are you argue back, it was you who were cheating in front of my eyes and now you are saying that I am always like this, huh? Put your mind together, moron!”

“I’m not cheating!”

“Ha-ha-ha you kissed another girl in prom night and let your girlfriend saw it. Oh it was just great, Jung Taekwoon! You’re the best cheater, then!”

“You didn’t let me explain to you the real situation,”

“Real situation? Bull!”

“Okay, I cheated on you. Happy now?!”

“Stupid! You should’ve known that Yoojin loves you like mad, and you kissed her like you never know how much I got into troubled and fought with her!! You should pick another girl to kiss if you want to cheat on me, moron!”

“Who said I want to cheat on you, Jen! I never said that!”

“But you did!”

“What’s the point of my explanation if you don’t want to trust me in the first place? Whatever you say! Let’s end this! Let’s break up if this is what you want!”

“Fine! Who want to be your girlfriend, anyway! You nerd, stupid, jerk, I don’t even know why did I approve your love! I was blind back then! Go away you such an eyesore! I don’t want to see you again, Jung Taekwoon!! I hate you so much, you know!”

//

{ Junhee’s POV }

“Jen, are you sure about this?” I asked.

She opened a can of beer and I failed to stop her. She gulped a lot of them, something she never did before. She must be under pressured. I sighed, “You don’t have to back to Busan, Jen. You can live here with me.”

“But I’m sick of this city.”

“You still can’t remember anything?”

Jen stared at me, “Do I really have a reason to remember him?”

“Because you love him.”

“I’m not.”

“Stop lying to yourself. It’s not like Jen that I knew.”

“Then, I’m not Jen you used to know.”

I sighed again. She threw her second can of beer to the dustbin, “I’m going to meet someone and go to somewhere before I take my things in apartment and back to Busan.”

“Jen,”

I smiled, “Thanks, Junhee. I know how much you want me to remember, but do you think it’s better if I can’t remember? There won’t be any problem or issue or scandals between VIXX and common girl like me.”

“You’re not a common girl,” I cut her.

She chuckled, “I’ll call you later on. Bye!”

//

{ Jen’s POV }

As soon as I got into a bus, I pressed the play button. I should have known that it would bring my mood down, but I still wanted to listen to it. I wanted to listen to his voice.

Because of the endless schedules

It’s not easy to see your face

Me inside the TV, you watching me on TV

That’s how we date

Should I quit?

When I think about you, I keep getting weak

Because I’m an idol, because I’m a celebrity

I can’t hold your hand when we walk but

When I become more famous, when I become more confident

I will give you all the love I couldn’t give to you

I want to go out and go to the movie

I want to stick close to you and walk all day

Things that everyone else does, things are normal

Those things are difficult for us

I wondered if we should break up a few times

but I love you too much

As much as I love you

Music is so important to me so I can’t help it

After some time passes, after I become a bit more famous

I will reveal you to the world, I love you *)

The voice that I’ve been missed for a year, I listened to it—over and over. Tears flew down; I wiped them as quickly as I could. It was hard to do this, but I didn’t want to hurt him even deeper, even more. I couldn’t put him into trouble. So I decided to let him go.

This might hurt for now, but I was sure that years after this, both of us would be grateful. Farewell meant nothing. I still could catch him in every event they have, I still could see him in TV, and I still could hear his voice.

The only different thing was; we no longer lovers.

“Miss, this is the last bus stop,”

“Oh, yes, sorry,” I stood and went down from the bus. I swiped my eyes around, the cemetery was so quiet. I grabbed the flower bouquet with me and entered the gate.

I squatted near the tombstone where ‘Ahn Jaehyung’ was written there. This was the first time I visit my brother grave since the accident. I put the lilies next to the tombstone.

I caressed the tombstone, while whispering, “Oppa, I miss you. Today should be my anniversary with Taekwoon if only I didn’t declare to break up. But I’m sure I did what best for us. It’s hard for dating an idol, right? However, to know that he’s doing okay with his dream is enough for me.”

“Oppa, I thought Ken was my boyfriend until I kissed him. Those lips weren’t lips that drove me crazy, it tasted no sweet and I remembered Taekwoon. I remembered everything. But I won’t tell him that. Oppa, do you think I did something wrong? Am I selfish?”

I cried a lot.

As it started to rain, I ran to the bus stop and wait for the next bus before I soaked back home.

//

{ Ken’s POV }

Hongbin and Hakyeon extremely ignored me these days. Meanwhile Hyuk and Ravi still being quiet as Leo hasn’t home yet since that day—when Jen kissed me. Dorm felt more awkward that it was before. I didn’t know what should I do. Hakyeon lied to managers about Leo—again. Thanks God we have no schedule back then.

But we was going to have schedules a day after tomorrow. This was the reason why we held a sudden meeting.

“Guys we need to talk about this,” Ravi opened the conversation; “I don’t like this kind of dorm. I want my crazy VIXX dorm back again.”

“Okay.”

We gathered, sit around our kitchen table, after we finished our meals.

“Is there someone know where is Leo hyung?” asked Hongbin. I shook my head, “I can’t find him anywhere. I asked Junhee and she said she doesn’t know.”

“There is no signal of Leo hyung’s existence in the apartment, I’ve been monitored the screen all day long,” Hyuk reported.

Ravi sighed, “This is what I worried about. Our VIXX’s future. How we supposed to do if our two main vocals are fighting each other over a girl? This is not about the girl, this is about us.”

“Sorry,” I replied. “It wasn’t my intention. Besides, I let her go. She already remembered him.”

“She did?” Hakyeon jumped.

I nodded, “Ravi you don’t need to worry, Leo hyung and I won’t fight over this thing anymore. She kissed me to know what her real feeling was. And finally she remembered Leo hyung after that kiss.”

“How did you know?” asked Ravi.

Hyuk shouted, “She called him Taekwoon instead of Leo.”

“Yes. It was the first thing I realized that she already remembered him. It’s only Jen and Junhee who called him like that, right? Because they’re friends since high school,”I agreed.

I nodded, “Then?”

“We need to find Leo hyung. We need to let him know about this or Jen will ruin everything,” I added.

“Ruin what?” Hongbin got confused.

I let a sigh out, “She apologized to me for all the damaged she caused, I didn’t know why but I got a bad feeling about it. What if she put an act and pretending like she still can’t remember Leo hyung and….”

“Hurt Leo purposely so she will back off for Leo’s better life without her,” I cut him.

I nodded, agreeing.

“I can’t let this happen!” shouted Hongbin. Hyuk jumped, “W-why hyung?”

“Because lying to your own feelings and refused to be honest with your heart is the most painful thing,” answered Hongbin.

As expected, our Hongbin was getting wiser and wiser. I patted him, “I will try to call Junhee again.”

*) VIXX – I Don’t Want to be an Idol

because knowing that song is based on ken, my heart breaks a little.

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xx.