After the Jog

TO:Sehun Oh

FROM: Suzy Bae

Let’s talk. Meet me at the park by 5 pm.

                                                                                    _______________            

Sehun gulps as he mentally read the message.

“If it’s about what happened last night then I’m dead. I started it” He thought.

He quickly dialed Krystal’s number.

“Yah, what should I do, Suzy texted me” He asks pacing back and forth.

“OH SEHUN-AH! I’M TRYING TO SLEEP SO DON’T BOTHER ME WITH YOUR LOVE PROBLEMS!” She quickly ended the call.

“What should I do?” He thought as he placed his hand inside his pocket.

__________________

Later that afternoon at the park

Sehun sits in an uncomfortable position. His skin barely touches the park’s bench.

“I’m dead” He keeps on repeating as sweat starting to form.

“You’re what?” He hears her gentle voice from behind. He gulps for the nth time that day.

Suzy suddenly appeared behind the bench. She’s wearing a light blue dress and a turquoise colored cardigan to protect her from the cold breeze with her hair tied in  a bun.

She sat beside him and gets a “You look nice” as his greeting.

“Thanks” was all she could say. For a few minutes no one talked.

“You’re not going to ask me where I got these?” he decided to make the first move showing her his left hand which is covered with bandage.

She faces him and a smile forms on her face. “I know what happened”

“So, you’re not angry at me? We’re not here to talk about it?” he asks her again a smile forming form his lips.

She took out a disk player and asks him whether he wants to share or not.

He actually thought it was nice listening to the same music together and using the same earphone.

It was a compilation of Kim Taeyeon’s songs. Of course she’s Suzy’s favorite singer but why listen to it now? He thought.

He startled back as he felt her hand s to touch his bandaged hand.

His heart starts to go insane.

“Don’t let your hands hurt anybody and don’t let yourself get hurt by anybody” She said, her eyes closed as she rested her head on his left shoulder, still holding his left hand as they listened to the music.

He stared at Suzy whose eyes are closed at the moment.

He wanted to mouth the words but he knows he just can’t.

“Suzy-ssi, don’t talk to me with that tone, I might fall for you

Don’t my touch my hand like what you’re doing right now; I might fall for you even more

Don’t rest on my shoulder like what you always do, I might fall for you harder and I’m afraid that you won’t feel the same so don’t.” he thought as he continued staring at her innocent face.

Suzy slowly opened her eyes and looked back at him.

“Your heartbeat is abnormal, I can’t sleep with your chest pounding like that” She protested.

He wanted to say “If you’re not with me, this chest won’t be like this, if you’re not with me, this heartbeat would be normal, you did this to me so don’t you dare protest”

But instead he said “It’s because of the coffee.”

He watched as she slowly closed her eyes again and rested her head in his shoulder.

“I always convince my mind to stop thinking of you but it won’t, what should I do?

When I see music sheets, I think of you

When I hear beautiful melodies, I think of you

When I see my violin, I think of you

When I smell fresh flowers, I think of you

When something soft touches my skin, I think of you

Whatever I do, I always end up thinking of you

It’s funny how you did this to me without even knowing.”

His own thoughts were drowning him.

Sehun looked at how Suzy’s fingers fitted the spaces between his.

“Sehun-ah, if we didn’t happen to meet in Jeonju, what do you think will happen?” She suddenly asks with her eyes still closed.

“I don’t know, but everything happens for a reason, I mean if we haven’t met in Jeonju, you wouldn’t be resting your head in a very handsome man’s shoulder like what you’re doing now.” They laughed.

“Sehun-ah, what if I happen to be a different person, what if we were strangers?” She asks again this time with a serious face. He didn’t know what to answer. The smile on his lips slowly disappears.

“I’m happy that we’re friends” was all he could say. Was he really happy that their just friends? Even he can’t seem to answerthat.

“Sehun-ah, how did you do it? How did you recognize me that night near Han River, how did you know it was me?” Her eyes are now wide open and they’re looking at each other’s eye which is really awkward in Sehun’s part.

“Suzy-ssi it’s because I can never forget your face, even after a long time. It’s a face that not only my eyes but also my heart can recognize, because I liked you when I saw you enter the classroom in our art school in Jeonju, I liked you even more when you introduced yourself with a shy smile, we were 13 years old back then, because I loved you since I saw you play the violin and the feeling got stronger even if you walked away and I thought you’d never come back, because I loved you back then and until now.”

He intended to say those words but he ended up saying “How can I forget your face.”

Still looking at him, she said.

“Sehun-ah, promise me that you’ll always be my friend no matter what” She said raising her pinky finger.

And his mental soliloquy started again.

“I have the least idea why you’re asking me these questions. I’m sorry I can’t answer them properly because I can’t imagine a life without you or with you as a stranger because to the world you may be one person, but to one person who happened to be me, you are the world, you are my world.

Ah those eyes, that cute nose, your thin lips, you’re so perfect Suzy-ssi, even if they say nobody’s perfect, you are perfect to me.

Finally I felt how soft your hands are, I’ve always dreamed of this scenario for almost six years now.

I’ve always dreamed of holding your hand the first time I saw you playing the violin, but I never did

Because I could only admire you from a far, because I could only watch you, because I was scared of losing what I never had, because I was scared of losing you.

I was a coward back then because I wouldn’t dare take a step closer to you because I’m afraid that you might take a step back. I’m afraid to talk to you, because I’m afraid that you might notice that I can’t breathe when I’m in front of you.

But I consider myself a coward even today because even you’re with me now, even if you’re close to me, I still don’t have the guts to say the words that I want to tell you, the words that are left unspoken for almost six years now.”