Waking up next to him made me feel small and protected, but in a comforting sense that made him completely mine.

Completely mine.

Jiyong, my best friend, the guy that was like my brother, my partner in crime, he was completely mine. 2 years of friendship now changed. The ups, the downs, the fighting, the times of complete and utter randomness, the 6 months apart, all leading to this moment when waking up in his arms was just about everything I could ever want and more.

Dreams couldn’t even be this perfect. The fight from last night - forgotten. The fear of allowing myself to love him – gone.  All that was left was the sense of knowing that he was completely mine, he was my everything and he was giving me all the comfort in the world, even in his sleep. I could get used to this. These mornings beside him, in his arms, feeling as if the of everyday life was gone and all that was left was this. This comfort. I knew I loved him, but never imagined the feeling of waking up next to him.

I took in the moment, turning to simply watch him sleep. Look at that face. Aigoo, as if his face could not be any more adorable, dammit Jiyong. You’re lucky you know that MiRae? You’re so lucky. He could of chose anyone, he could have given up on you and chose someone else, but he waited for you. Don’t mess this up. I was lucky, I was thankful, and I was content. For the first time in months I was actually content and at peace. I had a big day ahead, but for these first moments in the morning, the feeling of peace and comfort, it made my day. I felt as if nothing could possibly go wrong.

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“Omo, Jiyong, it’s nothing. I like to cook and when it’s for someone I care so much for, I enjoy it even more.” I said turning around to my very groggy, messy haired, still adorable boyfriend.

“Thank you.” He smiled, wrapping his arms around my waist and kissing me sweetly. “Rarely do I get a home cooked meal like this from anyone other than my umma.”

“You wanna help? You could set the table and get the juice…if you want?”

“Sure thing sweet girl.” He smiled, breaking free of his hold on me and heading over to the cabinet to grab the dishes. I turned back round and finished working on the breakfast I was preparing. I still wasn’t great with cooking Korean dishes so I chose something to my comfort level. Veggie omelets with a side of turkey bacon and English muffins, if I could cook anything well, it was this. I plated everything up and we sat down, ready to eat.

“You are going to spoil me, cooking for me like this.” He smiled as he took a bite. “Omo, this is…this is insanely good.”

“Aigoo, it’s nothing.” I said, slowly eating. I had gotten used to pacing myself and eating little to nothing. I was scared to let Jiyong know of the issue I had, so I ate attempting to enjoy each bite, inside though, I was calculating every calorie and trying to, in-turn, calculate the best way to make the calories disappear.

“What are your plans for today babe?”  He said not looking up from his plate, but instead shoving more food in his mouth, as if he’d never eaten before.

“Well, I need to find a place to live and start looking at companies to get demos to. Then there is the matter of the demo itself.”

“Come with me to the studio, I have to record a song today, but after we will work on your demo. Even if you aren’t staying at YGE I’m going to help you through all of this, I won’t let you do this alone.” He smiled.

“Jiyong, I have to meet with a realtor first to look at apartments. I appreciate your offer, but I don’t know. I mean would it even be ok for me to make a demo for other companies there? Seems a bit…wrong.”

“Babe, it’s fine. President Yang loves you, he’s here to help you and it’s my studio, if I want to help my girlfriend with her demo, he can’t really stop me. And why would you not just stay here? Would you just stay here, with me, please? I have plenty of room and you would have all the private space you need. There is no need to…”

“Jiyong. I love you, but no, I need my own place. I’m not ready to move in with you. I told you that already. I appreciate the offer and I am sure I will be here often, but I want my own home, my own getaway.”

Jiyong smiled as he took a final bite and put his fork down. He pondered a moment and then sat forward resting his elbows on the table. “Then I am coming with you. I’ll call Teddy hyung and Choice hyung and let them know I’ll be a little late.”

“I don’t need you with me.” I said as I pushed my food around on my plate.

“Ok then, fine.” He said annoyed. “Would you eat your damn food? Why aren’t you eating? “ He wasn’t happy and as I looked in his eyes, I could tell that he was sensing something was off. He’d known me long enough, he could read me like a book so I smiled and took a big bite, hoping to deter him.

“Jiyong, its not that I don’t need you.” I said after my bite. “I totally need you, I just don’t need you to help me with my apartment search. I wanna do this on my own.” I could see the concern and disappointment written on his face so I put my fork down and stood up, walking over to his side of the table and sitting on his lap, wrapping my arms around his neck. “I’ll make you a deal. You go and work on your song, I’ll go look at apartments and when I am done, I’ll meet you at YGE and you can help me with my demo. Is it a deal?” I smiled as I said this and then kissed him, hoping it would persuade him.

“Deal, but you need to finish your food. I won’t have my girl not eating and being weak.” He returned the kiss back then had me go back to my seat to eat. I smiled and ate as if enjoying each bite while in my head still counting calories.

---------

“Anneyong maknae.” I smiled.

“How did the apartment search turn out?” He said walking up to me and sliding his arm through mine to walk beside me. “GD hyung said you were looking today and of course I hoped you would find the perfect place for you and James.”

“It went well.” I lied through my teeth when in all honesty I didn’t find any place that I could afford. I knew I was going to have to take Jiyong up on his offer. It wasn’t like me to just directly move in with a boyfriend, but I had no choice. Part of me was relieved I didn’t find a place, because I wanted to be with him always. The other part of me was not so thrilled, because I had a lot of emotional and mental baggage I had brought back from the States and living with him would make it hard to hide certain issues I wasn’t ready for him to know and was scared he’d not accept me because of. “I’m going to keep looking, I have a few more places to check out.” I continued to lie.

“Ah, good. I still can’t believe you aren’t going to be an YG artist anymore. You hurt me, give me many stress.” Seungri said smiling as we sat down in the lounge. “I wanted to watch my noona come back and kick with some new songs. Too many disappointed feelings.”

“Seungri, you still can watch me do that. I’m going to need you and everyone else’s support through it all. I’m still going to make music and sing and dance and go out there and be Choi MiRae, just not with all of you. Speaking of music, I need to go find Ji; he’s going to help me with my demo. I’ll catch up with you later? Maybe you, Youngbae, Jiyong and I could go get something to eat later?”

“Of course noona. Work hard, sing well, and have fun.” He smiled as I left the room and headed towards the elevator.

I was excited as I walked towards his studio and thought about all the songs I could possibly put on a demo to make some other company want me. It would have been easy to just take my two singles from the album I made at YGE months ago and send them out, but I wanted the companies to hear me now, as I was, with my new sound and outlook on music. I grabbed my notepad out of my bag and prepped it; ready to show him what ideas I had in mind. As I opened the door to his studio, the sound of her voice hit me square in the face.

“What the hell?” I said seeing Dara attempt to make a move on Jiyong, who was pushing her away.

“Oh, MiRae unnie. Sorry, Jiyongie and I were just…”

“We were just nothing, Dara. I told you to get the hell out, that I don’t want you and that I am with MiRae now.”

Dara turned around to look at Jiyong and give him a sad face. “Come on, you know she could never compare to me.” She said walking towards him in a y way that made me want to throw-up in my mouth.

“Don’t you think it was enough you tried to take Seunghyun from me? What, are you that insecure and that pathetic that you have to continuously go after your ex friend’s men? Can’t find your own man so you have to take mine?” I dropped my bag and notebook and walked up to Jiyong, throwing my arms around his neck and kissing him deeply in front of her.

“I was in their life first, MiRae. So it seems you’re the pathetic one for going after MY men.” She said obviously flustered from the display in front of her. “You know Jiyong will just use you like he does every other woman. He’ll just play you and make you feel like you’re the only one and then one day, you’ll see him screwing someone else.”

“You stupid .” I said, breaking free of my hold on Jiyong to launch myself towards Dara, pushing her back with a force I didn’t know I had. “I let you walk all over me before, but not anymore. Jiyong and I, we’re happy and not you or any other woman is going to take that from us.” I continued to attack her, pushing her harder and harder. “You ed with Seunghyun, trying to take him away and lost. You hurt me and you ruined our friendship because you had to have him. And now you think because for a couple months Jiyong turned to you as a friend you can just have him to, hell no, over my dead body.”

“A friend, you think he wanted me as a friend? Hahaha, you are delusional MiRae. Seunghyun was definitely all about you, but Jiyongie, please. Our times together in bed would bed to differ. He was far from just my friend hunny.” Dara said as she attacked back. Pushing me hard to the point that I feel on the floor.

“Dara keep your hands off her.” Jiyong yelled as he came to help me up.

“No, Jiyong. I got this.” I said standing up. “Well maybe he did you, but did he tell you that every time he did he was thinking of me?” I walked closer and closer to her as I felt the rage building. “He pictured me instead of you. I bet that feels so great to know huh?” I took a leap and launched myself at her, the force causing both of us fall on the floor where I began to attack her, pulling her hair and then smacking her face. “He wanted to me more then he ever wanted to you.” I said, my fists flying at her face as we rolled around on the floor hitting each other.

“MiRae you’re so ing delusional.” She said smacking me across the cheek, while pulling my hair.

“How’s it feel to know that I am still better than you?” I hit back.

“You’ll never be better than me .”

“Says the girl who was ing some guy that was dreaming of me.”  The fight progressed as we hit each other forcefully.

“Stupid .” She yelled.

“ you.” I yelled as I stopped talking and focused on hitting the out of her, enjoying every wince on her face.

“What the hell is going on in here?" I heard Teddy yell as he and several others ran into the studio. “Jiyong, what the hell are they doing?” Jiyong was frozen, his mouth open as if he couldn’t believe the fight that was going on in front of his eyes.

I pinned Dara down and hovered over her. “What now Dara? Huh? What’s it feel like to know that he was ing you but wanting me? What’s it feel like to know he chose me? Huh?” I said using all my weight to keep her below me as I let go of her arms and began to hit her in the face time after time with my fisted hands.

There was sick pleasure in watching her suffer and seeing her bleed. I’d put up with her for far too long, she’d crossed me once when she attempted to take Seunghyun from me, but this time, this time I wasn’t going to give her the satisfaction of seeing me cower and hide.

“Say it, say it, say that you lose again. YOU LOSE AGAIN. I’ll always be better than you.” I said, as Dara stopped fighting and attempted to hide her moneymaker face.

“MiRae, stop.” I heard Youngbae yell. “Jiyong, why are you not stopping this, come on, help me get them apart.”

“Say it, Dara. TELL ME IM THE ING BEST.” I continued as Dara still just lay there, trying to protect her face while I used her face as my punching bag. Dara said nothing, just winced and cowered as I hit her.

“MiRae, babe, stop this.” Finally Jiyong spoke up as he and Youngbae each grabbed an arm and pulled me off her and helped me up.

“You don’t get to walk all over me anymore Dara. Never again. He chose me, so get over it and find some other man to go after, but leave my boyfriend alone.” I said as Jiyong helped me to the couch and Teddy and Choice helped Dara up. I didn’t realize that everyone in the room had just heard my confession about our relationship, but I didn’t care. “You hear that, MY boyfriend. Not yours Dara, mine. Completely mine.” I yelled as Jiyong attended to me on the couch while I continued to hurl insults towards her.

“MiRae. Stop this, stop yelling. She gets your point. You need to stop.” Jiyong said, taking his hand and touching the blood that was dripping from my lip and the cut on my forehead. “Babe, you’re bleeding. Youngbae, I need something to put on this to stop the bleeding.” Jiyong motioned for a rag. “MiRae, baby, are you ok?”

“I’m fine Jiyong, I’m fine.” I said feeling weak, once again lying through my teeth.

“You don’t look fine, baby. Let’s get you to a doctor, I’m concerned about you, you look so white and you’re bleeding badly. Come on.” He helped me stand up and had me lean on him. As we walked out of the room I felt myself go weak in his arms.

“Jiyong! I feel...”