*Heechul*

Heechul walked through the cemetery, he had been coming whenever he could, since he was the only one who wasn't under SMs careful watch, he came and took it as an opportunity to come and visit her often.  Finally as he reach her grave he stopped and laughed , "Really guys?. . seriously. .? " he stood there for a minute as he stared at Taeyeons grave, piled high with over a dozen bouquets of flowers. He walked up closer and placed his flowers down, "You must be loving this.. ." He whispered staring at all the bouquets, " You have the guys gifting you with flowers. . "

Heechul began rearranging some of the flowers and gifts from fans, a usual routine he did when he would come, and noticed some unopened bottles of Soju underneath the flowers, "Lee SoonKyu*. ." he muttered, shaking his head as he found some shot glasses. Suddenly something caught his eye. . it was a neatly folded letter that was placed under some of the bottles. . He smiled as he opened and read it . .it was Seohyuns acceptance letter . .

Heechul sat there for a minute feeling the cool early morning breeze. He began to clean Taeyeons name plaque, gently wiping it with his sleeve, and began crying, his friend was gone, leaving him behind with her hand written letters. .

"Taeng you're the first girl I cried so much for. . " he let out a loud but weak laugh as he tried to stop the tears. . ."The girls are leaving . .they are very brave for doing this.. I don't think I would be able to go  but anyway . .I'm sorry I won't be able to send them off,  but I promise I will take care of them in the future."

"Taeyeon  . you made me look bad you know. .  . Once in an interview I said If your life was in danger I would gladly . .without hesitation, give up my life to save you* . but look what happened you're gone. . Do you know how I feel now? I couldn't even do anything because I didn't even know.  . You should have asked for help. . You should have stopped pretending you were so strong. .  I guess what they say is true  . the saddest person, has the most beautiful smile. . ."

"You should have been more careful. . .You left us too soon.  . but I guess your heart must be at peace now. . . I miss you Taeyeon. .Thank you for always being there for us . .Thank you for being my friend. . . " He cleared his throat. .  

His phone began to ring. . He looked at the caller ID. and got up,  wiping his tears, "Taeyeon I'll be back. . He's here. . "He whispered before he answered the call. 

". . wait for me at the back entrance. . I'll come and get you. ." 

A/N: please excuse the brief language and violence (i'm sorry) 

Heechul began to walk faster, and looked around, it was still early but he was still on alert. Because of the press release, he was cautious, and worried that fans or the media would come in flocks but thanks to the cemetery they blocked this section off again. . 

Finally as he reached the back gate, he stopped for a second . . Park JungSu. .he muttered as he clenched his fist and walked towards him. 

"PARK JUNGSU !!!" he yelled as he grabbed him and turned him around, before Leeteuk could even react. Heechul raised his fist, and hit him across the face. .  Leeteuk fell backwards from the force, landing flat on his back.  

" Why?" Leeteuk  winced in pain, completely stunned. . he looked up Heechul and could feel the anger and hurt in his eyes. . 

Heechul huffed and clenched his fist again. . it felt good . .  he looked at Leeteuk who was lying on the ground . . he wasn't finished yet . . . he let the pain and the adrenaline in his blood take over. . 

Heechul qucikly walked over and grabbed Leeteuk by his shirt, pulling him up to his knees, "YOU ING BASTARD!! " He yelled as he punched him again, still holding him up by his shirt. . "THAT WAS FOR THE GUYS !! " 

"THIS IS FOR THE GIRLS!!". Heechul struck him again across the face this time drawing out blood. .  he paused as he looked into Leeteuks eyes . .

Leeteuk took every hit without resistance, seeing the tears flowing from Heechuls eyes. . .he didn't fight back. . he felt like he deserved every hit. . 

 " AND THIS. .THIS IS FOR TAEYEON" Heechul yelled, giving Leeteuk the final blow straight to his stomach, knocking the wind out of him. 

Heechul was huffing, and shook his hand as the pain was coming in. . .he let go of Leeteuk, dropping him back to the ground. 

"DO YOU THINK YOU'RE THE ONLY ONE WHO IS HURT OR GRIEVING? EVERYONE IS MOURNING HER DEATH. . HOW COULD YOU COMPLETELY IGNORE YOUR MEMBERS AND THE GIRLS LIKE THAT. . .DO YOU THINK IT WAS FAIR OF YOU TO JUST MAKE A PHONE CALL LIKE THAT AND LEAVING THEM HANGING. . NOT KNOWING WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU?!  . . .  THEY WERE SO WORRIED ABOUT YOU. . YOU SHOULD HAVE AT LEAST SENT THEM A MESSAGE !!!" Heechul yelled, shaking from anger. .

"I had to change my day off, so I could come here with you. . Now I won't be able to see the girls  before the leave. . its not fair. . " Heechul muttered as he looked away. . 

Leeteuk cried in silence and wiped the blood from his bottom lip, "I'm. .I'm sorry. . " he grasped in between labored breathes. . . 

Heechul shook his head, took a big breath in. .  and reach out his hand to Leeteuk, "come on. get up .. brush the dirt off .  . lets go now. . " 

*Leeteuk*

Leeteuk followed him through the black gates and into the cemetery. Heechul stopped and looked back at him, "we're almost there.. are you ready?"

Leeteuk just nodded he couldn't say a word. . With each step he took, he felt his heart was pounding in his chest . .each step he took was one step closer to her. . They continued walking down the small path, passing by a small gate . .  Finally after months being kept away from her, after what seemed to be a lifetime. . . He was just a few steps away from her. . 

Suddenly his heart stop as the were turning the corner . .  .he saw it. . .  it was Taeyeons grave. . he felt the air in his lungs leave again. .and slowly he began to walk straight forwards. . he felt his legs become weak . .with each step closer he felt his chest tighten up . . He was here . . 

He stopped as he stood in front of her grave. . and fell to his knees . reading the silver name plaque in front of him, surrounded by flowers. . . he reached out and slowly traced the engraved letters. . 

 ~Kim Tae Yeon~

03/09/89 - 02/01/13

Her memories and dreams will live on with us forever

. .She loved. . and was loved by many. .

Leeteuk couldn't stop his hand from shaking. .finally seeing it with his eyes. . . he moved closer placing both of his hands on her grave. . He was grasping for air as he was hovering over her grave with his blood dripping onto the plaque.  .

His tears were blurring his vision. . as he gazed at the flowers and back at the plaque reading it over and over again . . Not wanting but knowing this was real. .  his whole body began trembling. . . .shes gone and nothing can bring her back. .  his entire body become numb. .comepletely forgetting the pain from Heechuls hits. . 

"Tae-Taeyeon. .I-I'm here. . its me . Leeteuk . .its Park Jungsu "  he whispered. . "I'm out. . off base now. ." 

. "I'M SO SORRY . .I'M SORRY. . " he screamed as loud as he could. . wanting to be heard. . "GOD WHY . .. WHY?!!! . . ." 

Heechul stood still,  frozen in place, as he covered his mouth trying to muffle his cries as he watched and listened to his friends painful cries. . 

Leeteuk opened his mouth but no words came out. . . he cried and looked down reading the plaque again. .covered with small droplets of his blood. .he reached out and tried wiping it away. .but only ended up smearing it across her name. .

"Taeyeon you were right. . I was a selfish bastard who wanted to keep you by my side. .even after pushing you aside. . " 

 "You're gone. .. gone. . . I feel like I can't breathe anymore. . . my heart keeps beating. . . but I feel like a part of me has died. . " 

His tears were falling softly onto the plaque. . . "Taeyeon . . I am so afraid. . I'm afraid knowing you're not here any more. . I'm afraid not having you by my side. . "

"I feel like I'm breaking into a million pieces. .. ."

He trembled as he wiped away the smeared blood. . He clenched his fists again. . "The last time I saw you. . I yelled at you. . and walked away from you again . . . . "

"Taeyeon.  . .I'm sorry  that I told you that we were a mistake. . I'm sorry I made you deny everything  about us. ."

"I'M SORRY I DIDN'T CHERISH YOU WHEN YOU WERE MINE .  . "

He looked up at the sky and yelled and screamed out in sorrow until he ran out of breath . . feeling angry at the heavens. . at the cruel fate they were bound by, " I'M SORRY FOR EVERYTHING I PUT YOU THROUGH". . . 

" I would trade my life  and go to the pits of hell . . . just so I can have one more moment with you. . to see you again. .  "

 "Taeyeon. . . I never told you. . but I'll tell you now.. .  there were many times in the beginning were I wanted to run after you and hold you in my arms again. . but I was afraid everything I worked so hard for all those years would be taken away from me. . . As time went on. . I told myself over and over again that I didn't love you, and told myself I had to do this to achieve my dreams and protect what I had. . . and eventually I began to believe that lie .."

"But now that you're gone . .I realized you were my everything . . You were the one I loved. . but its too late now. . Taeyeon. . I . .I never stopped loving you. . " he cried . . "I should have known that . . being idols and being in the same company but the way you smiled and the way you made me feel. . I couldn't stop . . I wanted you close to me. . I wanted your heart. . but when you really did give it to me. .I was so afraid. . . we could have been easily destroyed and lost everything. . . so instead of staying close to you and keeping my promise I chose to protect my image "

". I hurt you. . I lied to you. . I broke my promises . . but in those letters you tell me you still loved me?. . WHY . .WHY DID YOU STILL LOVE ME AFTER ALL I DID TO YOU? . . "

". . I know I have no right to say this but hank you for loving me.. and I'm sorry that I'm even saying I'm sorry. . " 

"Taeyeon. . I couldn't be there for you. . you must have been suffering alone.you must be at peace now. .you worked so hard . .but just know I really did . . and I still love you. .  I was just a coward who couldn't fight for us. . "

"If we could only go back to the beginning. .I would held on to your hand tighter. . I would have held on to you longer and told you I loved you more. . I miss your touch. . your smile, everything about you. . but its too late for me . I can't turn back the hands of time. . its like you said. .don't do something you'll regret later. . Taeyeon I regret everything . . " 

He cried. .and sat up,  as he was trying to breathe. . he slowly began to feel the throbbing pain that was pulsating through out his body. . evidence that he was indeed still alive. .

Heechul stepped forward. and gently placed his hand on Leeteuks shoulder, "Its time for me to go . . We have to go now. .you still have to go with the guys . " he whispered but ended up as small cry. . he didn't want to separate them but it has been hours now that had passed. .

Leeteuk nodded, but his heart felt torn. . he didn't want to leave her again. . he lowered down, and softly kissed the engraved letters. . . "Taeyeon. . . please I beg of you. . don't stop appearing in my dreams. . .don't tell me to forget about you. . just like you still loved me after all I put you through. . I'm going to keep loving you even after you're gone... so don't tell me I can't love a dead person. . " he cried as he stood but his legs were limp he was exhausted . . .. Heechul helped him up, grabbing by grabbing his waist. . . Leeteuk stood up and looked down at her grave. . 

"I'll be back again. . " he cried as his tears wouldn't stop. . "Taeyeon . . I love you. . " 

A/N:  disappointing chapter. . ? 

* Lee Soon Kyu = Sunnys real name

** There was an old article where they were interviewing Heechul and (I forgot the exact words & what not but )he  mentioned that If Taeyeon and/or Donghae were ever in trouble he would risk his life for them (or something close to that) so I sort of used that here. . 

***sorry for the "language & violence" ( it was horribly written but i thought it was necessary . . .) o.o 

Next chapter : . . ?. . . 

Thnkx <3

& thankx to the new SUBs :))