The sky is still dark blue when I’m up and lounging around in my room, listening to music through my speakers. I check the clock on the wall. 5 minutes before I start walking to class. I dread going out again, the thoughts of yesterday replaying in my head. A huge part of me is bursting to tell Kris. Or maybe Lauren. Kai. Luhan. Baekhyun. So many friends, but… there’s also a part of me that’s scared. Scared of my past. Scared of repetition.  

When I was ten years old, I had many friends. I was the popular friendly kid. I loved talking to everyone and they loved talking to me. Until one day, news about my dad being drunk and getting involved in an accident somehow got to my friends. I don’t know why or when they started giving me funny looks. Even my best friends kept their distance from me. It hurts. These are the people I thought would be those that I would be laughing with a few years from then, when we graduate together. Apparently not, since their parents even told them to not play with me too much. Harsh words and pointing fingers began appearing. When you are a child and bullied like that, it…leaves a mark on you. Painful and time healed a little, but I don’t forget. I remember their stares like it just happened yesterday. Wait a minute, it did happen again yesterday. It’s the same thing, and the only people I’ve told about my traumatic experience is Kris, Lauren and Kai. Luhan knows I have a troubled past, but not everything. Baekhyun? No, he knows nothing. I don’t think I want to tell him. He might… be the same as the others. People disappoint me. And I guess this is why I’m not ready to talk to Kris yet. I like to get over things alone, fight through it alone. It makes me a stronger person. It worked for years, why shouldn’t it work now?

But then again, I haven’t talked to them for a few days now. I feel an empty pit of loneliness in me. I feel like I should be laughing, but I don’t think I can. I don’t even know why I’m letting those people get to me. I don’t know them; their opinion shouldn’t matter, should it?

Its 6:45. I grab my bag and walk out my room, trying not to think about it. I keep my head down again, rushing past the obnoxious intentional giggles and whispering. The morning crowd is smaller than the noon ones, so they don’t dare try anything funny. And I bet the news of Kris and that boy got to them somehow. I rub my temple, trying to get rid of the pounding headache I get just from thinking about it. Oh Kris, the things you do for me. I wish I can do something for you too.

Today, I only have one class with Luhan. I miss him a lot. Him and his loudness full of aegyo. When I get in the class, surprisingly he’s waiting for me. Odd, since he’s usually not this early.

“Kimmy!” he starts waving madly and patting the seat next to him.

I smile a big genuine smile and for the first time in a few days, I’m happy. Luhan has a way of lifting up my mood. I walk faster to him and sit.

“Hey Lulu, what’s up?”

“Kimmy! I missed you so much! Do I get a hug?” he looks like he is about to burst into tears so I sigh and give him the hug he so wanted. His hair smells really nice, I notice.

“Okay, now you have to tell me what happened to you and why you disappeared,” Luhan gives me a serious look after he pulls back. This is not fair. He completely trapped me. What a sly…

“Nothing, just some stuff,” I wave my hand airily and start busying myself unpacking my book and pencils. When I finish, I turn to look at Luhan but he is still giving me the same serious look with criticizing eyes.

I frown and turn away from him.

“Fine Kimmy, I’m sorry. I know you don’t want to talk about it. But answer me just this one and honestly.”

I turn to look at him and raise my eyebrow, waiting for him to move on.

“Are you doing okay?” his eyes are communicating so many emotions. He’s telling me he’s there for me, he wants me to cry on his shoulders, he’s waiting for me and worry. Like Kris, he’s worried for me. I never knew I made such good friends here.

I nod slowly and a smile reaches my eyes, “yes, I’m doing better Lulu. Thanks for not…you know,” I press my lips, a little embarrassed. He just grins like a boy.

“I understand, Kimmy. If you need anything, just let me know. I’ll help you solve your problems,” he salutes to me with a determined look and the next thing I know, I’m cracking up and it feels good. He laughs along with me. We stop instantly when the teacher marches in. I notice the other students beside us whispering and glancing at me, but with Luhan next to me, I feel stronger. I ignore them and just keep a smile on my face. He’s infectious…and I like it.

Throughout the whole of two hours, Luhan and I played games. It was Hangman at first and then Bingo, and then we just started drawing on his notebook. Now, he’s admiring my new artwork…a picture of a giraffe and an elephant next to a train. Or more like trying to figure out what I drew maybe. His eyebrows are furrowed and his face scrunched up.

“What exactly is this, Kimmy?” he writes at the corner of his book and pushes it to me.

I chuckle and reply, “it’s a giraffe and an elephant next to a train. It’s obviously me and you after we had out train ride from New York.”

He starts snickering and the students beside him are shooting us with dirty looks, but not the girls. Luhan is popular among the girls afterall.

“I want to be the giraffe.” That was his next note to me.

“No, I’m the giraffe. You can be Mr. Fatty Elephant.”

He shakes his head and starts scribbling again. “No, the giraffe is brown like my hair. You are like the elephant, cute and fluffy. Can I pinch your cheeks?”

Now, it’s my turn to hold in my laugh. At the same time, my heart glows a little. Luhan called me cute. I shouldn’t feel like this. He compliments me a lot and today is no different. But somehow I find myself in glee.

“No, you can’t. I bet you class is going to be over in two minutes.”

Luhan’s eyes widen and he blinks. “How do you even know that? We were supposed to ignore him together.”

I don’t reply because sure enough, the teacher dismissed us. I smirk and Luhan just gapes in amazement. I think my ears have picked up Kris’ bad habit. I wait for Luhan and we walk out together.

“Bye Lulu, have fun in English,” I wink playfully and wave goodbye.

“Wait! Kimmy, um,” Luhan holds his hand out to stop me and I don’t walk away. He looks down on his feet, suddenly looking very interested in the dirty tiles. This can’t be good, I thought.

“Look, Kimmy, I know it’s not the time at all. But…um, do you… maybe um… want to go on a date with me?” the last few words spilled out of his mouth and he looks at me expectantly, eyes shining with hope. I can’t let him down…

“I promise I’ll make you forget these past few days. I figure I can distract you,” he mumbles and scratches the back of his head, like any nervous boy would do unconsciously.

“Okay.”

Luhan’s head whips up and I can see rows of perfect white teeth as he smiles, stretching from ear to ear. I swear I can see his body particles vibrating with giddiness as he jumps up and down and I laugh at his antics. He does a small winning dance move and then ends up on one of his knees and his hands holding mine as he gazes on my face. In shock, I look around me and to my horror, people are staring. Not good.

“Um, Lulu? You can get up now,” I whisper through my teeth and tugs on his hands. He just laughs and hops back up on his feet. He wraps his arms around me and squeezes me so I almost suffocate, but I don’t push him away.

“Okay, you can let go now,” I remind him after what must have been a whole century in his embrace.

He grumbles and lets me go. “See you tomorrow at eleven a.m. okay? I’ll be in front of your room,” he starts walking away and wave back to me. I put my thumbs up to signal okay and start walking back.

Of course, it didn’t hit me until later when I lie awake on my bed at night, that maybe I made a bad decision. Was I giving him hope? Luhan is always so cheerful and bubbly. Maybe…maybe I never thought he can be sad or shed tears. I scold myself for being ignorant. What if things go wrong between us? Can we still be friends?

All this…just because the idea of being away from it all was a temptation too big to ignore. But then again, why did I agree in the first place? Do i…dare I say it, have feelings for him? 

A/N: Hola lovely readers and EXOtics!!!!! I FEEL SOO UGH TODAY JUST BECAUSE SO MUCH FEELS IM DROWNING HELP. ohkai, anyways, i'm sorry if you guys are kind of confused about Kimmy's character and the plot. i'm trying my best to make it really really REALLY good, so yeah, i hope you like this chapter that explained some things!!!!! thanks for reading and supporting me and yeah 8)  

imagine Luhan looking at you like that as he bends down on one knee and holds your hand in his, like you are his princess.... ohkai, time to bury myself *cries*