Kyuhyun’s lips were suddenly pressed against my own.

For a moment I was frozen, not able to process what was going on.  However, once the cogs in my brain started to turn again, I quickly pulled away.

I stared at Kyuhyun with wide disbelieving eyes.  He stared back, looking a bit flustered himself.  A sinking feeling settled in my stomach and I slowly brought a trembling hand to my lips.

“R-ryeowook, I didn’t m-mean…” Kyuhyun stuttered, looking shaken and confused all at the same time.

His words barely reached my ears and against my will, my eyes filled with tears. 

My first kiss.  He had stolen my first kiss.  He had taken the last remnant of my purity.

My whole body began to shake with suppressed sobs as the feeling of loss enveloped me.  It was entirely overwhelming to realize that I was now corrupted beyond salvation.  I had been used and taken in every manner possible. 

“Ryeowook!” I heard Kyuhyun cry when I crumpled to the floor, my hands covering my face as I felt my sanity slipping.

My mind whirled and the faint sound of hysterical laughter reached my ears, making goose bumps rise across my skin.  It took a few moments to figure out that the frightening sound was coming from me. 

I was so close to losing it, so close to falling apart at the seams.  There was nothing holding me above the darkness that I had been fighting for years.  I was tired and I had nothing left to fight for.  At this point I was ready to just give in and allow myself to be swallowed by the blackness that lived within me.

I closed my eyes, breathing sharply as the sobs and manic laughter made my chest constrict painfully.  My eyes shot open when I felt a warm pressure on my shoulder.  I turned quickly and found Kyuhyun leaning over his bed, his hand gripping me tightly.  His mouth was set in a tight grimace and the light sheen of sweat on his forehead told of his immense pain.

I stared up at him blankly, my dull eyes reflected in his wide ones.  Slowly, my mind cleared again, and I remembered Kyuhyun’s condition.  I fought off my destructive thoughts and forced myself into a coherent state of mind.  For Kyuhyun’s sake.

I got to my feet on shaky legs, swallowing the sobs that still threatened to slip from my lips.  Kyuhyun’s eyes were wide and in the back of my mind I noted that I had never seen Kyuhyun look frightened before, but now he looked terrified.

I tried to push him back against the pillows, but I was met with firm resistance.  Kyuhyun gripped my hand and his eyes bored into mine searchingly. 

“Lay down” I said in a barely audible voice, but the slightly frantic edge in my voice was unmistakable.

He hesitated slightly before slowly laying back, his hand still latched onto mine.  Once he was back in a comfortable position, some of the tension left his body, but even so, he still seemed rigid and on edge.  I closed my eyes again, taking deep breaths until I could speak without my voice cracking with the force of my frenzied emotions.

“Kyuhyun, let go” I said ordered calmly.

I opened my eyes and wasn’t surprised to meet Kyuhyun’s gaze.  He looked conflicted, obviously deciding whether he should listen to me or not.  I didn’t look away, doing my best to look assuring.  His forehead furrowed and he murmured seriously,

“If I let go, promise me you won’t run”

I gave him a short nod and slowly his hold on my hand loosened.  I pulled my hand away briskly and sighed when I saw that the bottle of medicine had spilled without Kyuhyun drinking a drop.  I walked towards the door, but stopped when Kyuhyun called out in alarm.

“Where are you going?!” he demanded, sounding panicky.

“To get the doctor” I replied shortly, breezing out of the room without a backward glance.

I shut the door behind me, letting out a shuddering breath as I heard the soft click.  Almost immediately my calm façade began to crack and I slid to the ground, my legs buckling beneath me.  I took greedy breaths, trying to stop myself from hyperventilating. 

“You’re fine, you’re fine, you’re fine” I repeated over and over, trying to convince myself.

I opened my eyes and looked around blearily.  The guards that had been previously stationed around Kyuhyun’s door were gone, and the usual rush of doctors and nurses was missing from the hall. 

I knew I could have run, escaped from the man that had stolen my last semblance of innocence.  But, it was Kyuhyun who was the thief, and that fact alone made me hesitate.  As much as I wanted to leave and never look back, I couldn’t.

I wanted to rip my hair out in frustration, not understanding why I felt so compelled to stay.  I finally pushed such conflictions away, not wanting to deal with them.  I willed myself to stand, focusing on my task of finding a doctor as a form of distraction.

I quickly started down the hall, finding it almost eerie at the overall lack of activity in the usually bustling hospital.  It was only when I passed by a window that I realized it was still dark outside.  I chuckled humorlessly as I realized that I had completely lost my concept of time while I was in Kyuhyun’s room.

The late hour accounted for the lack of doctors and nurses roaming the halls, but it didn’t account for the absence of guards surrounding Kyuhyun’s room.  I pursed my lips and continued to make my way towards one of the rooms that the doctors slept in when given the chance.

I knocked softly on the door before pushing it open.  My eyes had adjusted to the dark long ago, so I had little trouble finding Kyuhyun’s doctor on a cot positioned against the wall.  I quietly made my way over to the sleeping man, taking pains not to wake the other doctors in the room.

Kyuhyun’s doctor woke with a start when I shook his shoulder gently.  He looked a bit bewildered at first, blinking up at me with a look of disoriented confusion.  It was only after I told him that Kyuhyun was awake did he become fully lucid.

He fumbled for his glasses that lay on a small stool situated beside his cot.  With a low grunt he hoisted himself to his feet and I quickly followed after him as he made a beeline towards Kyuhyun’s room.

As we walked I informed the doctor that Kyuhyun seemed relatively okay.  I also told him about the medicine and he said he would get more as soon as he could.  We walked in relative silence until Kyuhyun’s room came into view.  I questioned the absence of the guards and the doctor replied in a tired voice that the army couldn’t even spare the guards.  Everyone was needed on the frontlines to make up for Kyuhyun’s absence.

I bit my lip and nodded grimly.  Kyuhyun’s recovery was of vital importance, the whole kingdom rested on the return of the Commander.  This information helped me push away the aching desire to simply abandon Kyuhyun, and it helped me contain my internal darkness.

For the time being, I could force myself to forget and I could focus all my attention on helping Kyuhyun get better. 

I pretended I didn’t notice the way Kyuhyun’s head shot up when he heard the door open.  I pretended I didn’t see the way his eyes looked frantic until they settled on me.  I pretended I didn’t see the way his whole body relaxed.  And I pretended I didn’t notice that his eyes stayed locked on me the whole time the doctor was examining him.

“Well Commander, I’d be lying if I said you were in good shape, but you’re doing a lot better”

Kyuhyun finally looked away and focused his attention on the doctor and I relaxed when the pressure of his eyes disappeared from me. 

“Doctor, please don’t sugar coat things, how bad is it?”

The doctor lost his reassuring smile and I could see the exhaustion in his eyes.  The doctor sighed and rubbed the back of his neck before asking,

“By ‘bad’ do you mean your condition or the state of your armies?”

“My armies, I know my own body” Kyuhyun replied sounding slightly annoyed.

The doctor nodded, as if he knew what Kyuhyun wanted in the first place.

“Siwon’s army is quiet.  Obviously a direct attack was expected once you were taken out of commission, but there’s been nothing”

Kyuhyun furrowed his brow, looking contemplative.  The doctor cleared his throat, quickly directing the conversation back to Kyuhyun’s health.

“Now, physically, I’m not sure when you will be able to return to combat, however you will probably be able to start strategizing in a month or so.  It all depends on your rate of recovery”

Kyuhyun snorted and I couldn’t help but feel a little relieved at the familiar, sarcastic sound.

“Oh, I’ll be back much sooner than in a month” Kyuhyun replied back, sounding very assured.

I frowned slightly when Kyuhyun gestured the doctor closer, speaking so quietly that I couldn’t make out his words.  I watched curiously as the doctor nodded and turned to face me.

“Ryeowook-sshi, could you please refill the Commander’s pitcher?”

I nodded obediently even though I knew that the pitcher was still full.  I shot Kyuhyun a questioning glare, but he simply blinked innocently.  I knew he was up to something, and I wondered why he wanted me to leave the room. 

I shrugged it off, thinking that Kyuhyun wanted to question the doctor more intensively.  I respected his privacy and took my time in completing my assigned task.

I knocked before I entered, alerting the two that I was back.  When I walked in the doctor was pacing and Kyuhyun looked smug.  He caught my eye and a smirk played on his lips.  I was about to ask what was going on but the doctor spoke first.

“Ryeowook-sshi, the Commander has requested you be his companion during his rehabilitation time”

I glanced at the doctor before nodding easily.  I saw Kyuhyun visibly deflate, it was obvious that he had been expecting more of a fight.

The doctor nodded and sent me a relieved smile before taking his leave.  I busied myself with setting the pitcher down and pouring Kyuhyun another glass of water.  When I looked up, I wasn’t surprised to find Kyuhyun staring at me incredulously.

“What’s up with that?!” he asked, staring me down.

I sighed and shrugged before sending him a tired smile.

“I’m tired of running.  The way I’m going isn’t going to end up well, and I’m tired”

I looked at him seriously as I continued,

“I’m not going to push you away anymore, it’s not worth it and I’m just making myself crazy.  I trust you, and I’m thinking maybe you’ll be the one to save me”

His eyes widened slightly before a small, shy smile flittered across his face.

“Thanks Ryeowook, just… just thank you”

I couldn’t bring myself to kill that hopeful look in his eyes, so I simply nodded and smiled back.

“Don’t thank me yet” I whispered, but I was pretty sure Kyuhyun didn’t hear me.

Okay my other update to celebrate Wookie's birthday here in America!

I really don't know when my next update will be because I put off a whole bunch of to get this done

Sorry in advance

HAPPY BIRTHDAY RYEOWOOKIE!!!  I love you and will continue to support you no matter what.  Be strong, stay healthy, fighting!!

Music: "Heart Attack (Chinese Ver.)- EXO