“Aish, I swear, no wonder you hate soldiers”

I looked up at Kyuhyun a bitter smile on my lips.  Kyuhyun was pacing around the perimeter of the tent, obviously agitated.  I was perched on the sofa, simply watching as he walked back and forth.

Throughout the course of the day, I had been grabbed several times.  Each time Kyuhyun was able to mediate the situation, but it left him angry.  I wasn’t sure if he was angry at me, or angry at the people who attacked me, but I didn’t bother to ask.

He rubbed his forehead tiredly and finally said,

“Just stay in here for the rest of the day.  I can’t focus if I’m constantly worrying about you being jumped”

I nodded, hoping that this meant I wouldn’t have to report for duty tomorrow.  Unfortunately, Kyuhyun seemed to read my thoughts and he snorted,

“Don’t think you’re getting out of this, I’ll figure something out”

I glared at him, not pleased with the prospect of having to wake up early again.

“Why do you insist I be here!?  Do you really wish to taunt my master this much!?”

He looked at me, and I saw a flurry of emotions in his eyes.  I blinked, slightly startled.  I had seen flashes of emotion in his dark orbs before, but they were always faint flickers.  This time he seemed less guarded and I could actually see confusion in his eyes.

“That’s… that’s not the only reason I want you here.  I’m not sure myself, but I don’t want you to be in danger”

I stared back at him, trying to understand his feelings, but not quite being able to process.

“But I’m in danger here Kyuhyun.  You saw it yourself, I’m a walking target!”

He nodded and averted his eyes.

“I know that, but at least you’re close by.  What if Siwon were to attack the castle and I wasn’t there?  What if you got hurt?”

I pulled my knees to my chest, my hands trembling in anxiety.  I didn’t want to hear what he was trying to say, I really didn’t.  I didn’t want him to come any closer, he was already so close, so close to seeing the ugliness that was inside of me. 

I wanted to divert him, but I found that my defenses against him were weak.  I didn’t even realize it had happened, but he was already past my best barriers.

“K-kyuhyun…” I started, trying to stop him before he could break down anymore of the protective walls between us.

“Ryeowook, I honestly don’t understand.  I don’t love you, and I’m not even sure if I like you.  I don’t know what I’m feeling.  Maybe it’s because you entertain me, but I want you to be safe”

I bit my lip, not knowing how I was supposed to react.  He sounded so confused, nothing like the overly confident Kyuhyun I had come to expect.  I was startled to realize the same confusing feelings were swirling in my own chest.

I honestly didn’t know how I felt about Kyuhyun, but at the same time I couldn’t deny that he was important to me.  That knowledge alone should have alerted me, warned me that it was time to back away.  I had no business trying to get closer to him and he had no business trying to understand me.

We were not the kind of people that should have met, but now it seemed we had a connection.  It was a dangerous affiliation, a disastrous affair that could only bring mutual pain. 

I prayed that we never advanced past this point, this point of ambiguity.

But deep down, I knew that my wish would not be granted.  We were playing with fire, and it seemed we both knew it.  However, there was something alluring about the forbidden nature, something dark that attracted both of us. 

I had wondered before if I was slightly masochistic, now I was starting to wonder if Kyuhyun felt the same way.  Both of us seeking out pain to give us something, something to live for.

It was mere speculation on my part, but the idea seemed likely.  It seemed only natural that he was trying to escape his demons, trying to divert his thoughts so he could forget his past.

Maybe it was me empathizing with Kyuhyun, or maybe it was my own selfish desire to erase my own dark history, but either way I stepped into the flames.

“Okay, I’ll keep coming… I-I’ll stay…”

I hesitated to look up at him, but when I did he nodded and a faint smile colored his lips.  We didn’t speak after that, but I could feel my heart constrict slightly amidst the charged silence.  I was feeling more guilty than anything, guilty because I was slightly pleased.

I didn’t have the right to be happy and I knew it, but still I couldn’t help but feel faint hints of the elusive emotion.

**********

The next morning I dutifully followed after Kyuhyun as we walked onto the training grounds.  Just like yesterday, the men all stood and saluted him.  Kyuhyun walked to the front, grabbing my arm and dragging me with him.

I dug my heels into the ground, trying to resist.  I didn’t know what Kyuhyun was up to, but I had a bad feeling about it.  Kyuhyun ignored my obvious discomfort and continued to yank my arm until I was standing beside him.

The ocean of soldiers stared at me, no doubt wondering what was going on.  I honestly couldn’t blame them, I was just as confused myself.

Kyuhyun held onto to my arm tightly, making sure I couldn’t escape.  He cleared his throat and his voice rang out across the silent clearing.

“This is a warning and a threat to each and every one of you” he paused and stared each man down, his eyes cold and menacing.

He gestured to me with a nod before continuing,

“You touch him, harass him, or bother him in any way and I will kill you.  I won’t accept any explanations, I will simply end your life.  Do you understand?”

A resounding, “Yes sir!” answered his question and Kyuhyun nodded.

“Now get to work” he commanded, dismissing the men.

Almost immediately nervous whispers broke out and my cheeks burned as I felt the weight of thousands of collective stares on me.  I stared at my feet, not daring to look up.

“ you!” I hissed under my breath so only Kyuhyun could hear.

He began pulling me in the direction of his tent, chuckling in amusement.

“Right now?  Well if you insist, there is a bed in close proximity”

I growled hatefully and Kyuhyun only laughed harder.  I tore my arm out of his grip and stomped angrily, doing my best to keep up with his pace.  He shot me a sidelong glance and he smirked evilly as I glared at him in disgust.

“If you keep that up, your face will freeze like that” he mused, chuckling again as his own words entertained him.

I rolled my eyes and sighed.  I honestly didn’t know what to make of him.  The confused, vulnerable Kyuhyun was long gone, replaced by the arrogant bastard I knew so well.  It made me wonder if I had imagined yesterday’s conversation all together.

I looked back up at Kyuhyun, studying his face for any traces of the Kyuhyun I had seen yesterday.  He boldly stared back, quirking his eyebrows in question.

“What?  Am I distracting you with my godly handsomeness?” he asked, smirking devilishly.

I shook my head, pinching the bridge of my nose in frustration.  No, there wasn’t even a hint of the man that had appeared before me yesterday.

The fact that Kyuhyun was once again hiding behind his mask should have bothered me, troubled me immensely.  However, I couldn’t bring myself to feel anything but relief.

Things were better this way, easier,… safer.  It was much easier to deal with facades and illusions.  That’s why I wasted no time in slipping back into my normal, shallow banter.  The conversation and swirling emotions from yesterday were readily shoved aside to be forgotten.

Society didn’t like the truth.  Everyone wanted to be coddled, babied and comforted.  People wanted to believe that everything was okay, refusing to acknowledge the dark side of life in fear that they would lose their fantasy world of sunshine and rainbows.

I happily replaced the distance between myself and Kyuhyun.  Yesterday we had gotten much too close and I would do my best to make sure that it never happened again.

It was only natural.  Humans feared the truth and I was only human… I was no different from the rest.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

UPDATE!!!!

*maniacal laughter*

Don't hate me for moving Kyuwook's relationship at such a slow pace... it should all make sense... eventually!

*cackles*

-shot!-

Music: "Spoiler"- SHINee (the BEST troll sone ever!!!  first time I heard it on Pandora I thought my phone was broken!)