Chapter 1: Can’t help myself

 

Five years. Five long years had passed since the day she left him. Everyday was a torture and back then, he didn’t know how he will live his life. She just left without knowing the truth and until now, he still doesn’t know either why their relationship became like that. But he was almost contented in a way that he was able to confess. Even if she pushed him away, he can’t be angry at her because he knew he had his faults also. 

 

He was staring at her picture in his phone which he took at the party they attended several years ago. She was wearing a long, white gown that suits her body perfectly and complimented her beauty - that was his first impression. He remembered that it was the simplest dress among the other ladies in the party but she was the most elegant and prettiest at that time. She didn’t know his existence back then and he can only stare at her from a distance. He took a stolen shot and became alert when he saw her directly looking at him. She smiled but he just walked away. He was a total dumb, indeed, and he regretted it.

 

But luck didn’t left him. Several months after, he was able to meet her again from the reunion party of his parents and their colleagues and luckily, her parents were invited. He frowned when he didn’t find her inside the hall since she was the sole reason why he agreed to come. 

 

Some girls approached him and wanted to dance but he ignored all of them, He was thinking too much of her that he didn’t even lay his eyes on other girls. He became irritated to their voices, making him leave the place. He went outside to catch some fresh air and as he walked to the rose garden, it’s like time stopped when he saw her. She was sitting on a bench near the fountain and the view was magnificent. It was like a painting that he wanted to treasure all his life.

 

He didn’t know where but he got the courage to approach her and his heart was pounding hard with every step he took. 

 

He plucked a flower and showed it to her as beads of sweat can be seen at the side of his face. She was startled for a bit and turned around to look at him. He was in awe when he saw her, face to face. Her eyes gleamed in the night and her angelic expression made him calm. She smiled once again and he knew at that moment that he shouldn’t waste that precious time he had with her. He smiled back at her when she asked him to sit down beside her and from then onwards, it was the start of his fairy tale. 

 

She was the first girl who made him laugh wholeheartedly. He glanced at her, numerous times and can’t help but to admire her beauty more. Although there had been awkward moments, just being with her felt like a dream. She was his dream. 

 

Their conversation grew longer as they lost track of time and he became disappointed when her driver called her. They bid goodbye to each other and the last thing he saw was her smile. 

 

*

 

School year started and it was boring for him as usual but not until she came. Their third meeting was under the cherry blossom tree where he usually rest during break time or even at class hours. She approached him and from that moment, their friendship grew stronger. 

 

Many things happened and until now, even if the last part of their story was tragic, he can’t help but to reminisce back those memories. It was difficult for him to let go of her but he guessed that he need to move on just like what she did. 

 

But it kept him wondering how she is. Did she find someone who she truly loves and reciprocate that feeling? He was thinking that he’s right and wanted her to be happy even if that person isn’t him. 

 

“Boa” Jaejoong uttered and just by saying her name, he suddenly thrown back to depression.

 

He slid his phone to his pocket when a knock on his door interrupted his thoughts. He opened it and revealed his fiancée for months already. She was the one who made his smile come back again after all the pain he felt in losing the person he dearly loved when they first met two years ago. 

 

She was an irritating brat back then but he finally understood that it’s just what made her cuter. He smiled upon seeing her and suddenly hugged her which took her by surprise. 

 

After thinking about Boa, he needed someone to comfort his broken heart. It sounded like he is using her but truth to be told, he’s starting to like her when he noticed that she’s doing her best in cheering him up.

 

“Is there something wrong?” Hyo Joo patted his back and he remembered Boa again. He broke off the hug and shook his head. “I just miss you”

 

“Aww…you’re too sweet hun” She leaned forward and kissed him on the cheek. “Did you finish packing?”

 

“Hyo Joo, can you help me here?” They heard his mom called before he can answer. “I’ll go downstairs in a minute” He said and was left alone again.

 

He closed the door and leaned on it. It kept him thinking. Is he ready to let go? He picked up his suitcase and took a last glance of his room. 

 

*

 

They bid their goodbyes to his parents before driving off to the airport. “Have a nice vacation in Japan” his mom said and continued “I can’t wait for next month!”

 

He heard Hyo Joo’s giggle but a pain stung his heart. Even now, he still couldn’t forget her, all this time. Thinking about going to the neighboring country, he was contemplating whether to find her there or not.

 

“Hun, are you alright?” Hyo Joo nudged him and that snapped him back to his senses. “Umm..yeah” He assured along with his smile then looked at his parents. “We’ll be going”

 

He drove off and they kept silent during the ride but suddenly parked the car at the side of the road when he saw the significant place where many occurrences happened in his life. 

 

“Can you stay here for a while?” He asked her and she obliged even though was confused and all. He walked on the sand and felt the cold breeze. He stood there, admiring the aesthetic view. 

 

It took him a while before he deeply sighed as he made his decision. He’ll probably need to end it. 

 

‘I, Kim Jaejoong, will forget about Boa and will start my new life with Hyo Joo’ He made a pact to himself in his mind and promised not to break it.

 

“I’m sorry Boa...but I can’t wait for you anymore” and with that, he returned inside the car and turned to look at his fiancée. 

 

“I love you” He leaned forward and kissed her on the forehead.

 

“I love you too” She replied and he grinned. It’s the beginning of his life together with her. He then started the engine and drove to the airport.

 

*

 

The couple will be going to Japan for a month to have some vacation. At first, he declined because of the reason he kept in his heart but did gave up after Hyo Joo’s continuous nagging.

 

They arrived at the said place and are on their way to the Peninsula Tokyo hotel. During the ride, he just kept silent while his fiancée kept on blabbering about the sceneries. He’s trying to let him not to remember her even before they were in the plane. Even when he made a pact earlier, it’s just so hard. Every second, he was asking himself how is she?, what is she doing right now?, Is she happy? He thought to himself, he will be in denial if he ignored that feeling. 

 

This is a fact. He’s really missing her.