Songfic...~

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I bet this time of night you're still up.
I bet you're tired from a long hard week.
I bet you're sitting in your chair by the window looking out at the city.
And I bet sometimes you wonder about me.

Victoria, otherwise known as Song Qian, sipped some wine as she stared out of the window. She was watching the world move below her. The city was still vibrant, lit up prettily. China, so many small cars made their way around, signs and traffic lights were chasing away the darkness. How beautiful, how stunning, how ordinary.

With a little more wine poured into her cup, Victoria looked down as thoughts began to wonder. Life had become so dull, so pointless to live that it felt like a chore rather than a blessing. Suddenly, while sipping the wine, Victoria looked down. Her lower lip quivered at the thought, Cho Kyuhyun. It was the name of the man she had  been with about two years ago, and no longer contacted. He was a person, though ordinary to everyone else, was just a little more special to her. A nostalgic smile spread over Victoria's lips, eyes closing softly. 

When she had met Kyuhyun, he was a simple teenager. He was fifteen, she was sixteen. Victoria remembered when she and some other dancers were sent to Korea, to learn of the culture and teach the people of theirs. Kyuhyun just happened to be a person she met along the trip, Kyuhyun just happened to be the one to look after her during the stay, and Kyuhyun just happened to take her heart in the process. 

Victoria couldn't help but smile, not realising though her eyes going a little teary.

It was past midnight, almost one. Victoria sighed, laying her head on her hand. Kyuhyun was probably still awake, still being the busy, workaholic lawyer he had always set out to be. Or he was doing exactly what she was doing, wherever he was in Korea. Sipping wine, sitting on a chair while looking out the window. Or he could have been simply playing games. Even when that man was tired, he still would find time to play his precious computer games. A sorrowful sigh escaped Victoria's lips, she wasn't sure how Kyuhyun was such a perfect mix of seriousness, innocence and curiosity. He was always so interesting, so unpredictable. 

Victoria loved that about Kyuhyun.

And I just wanna tell you
It takes everything in me not to call you.
And I wish I could run to you.
And I hope you know that every time I don't
I almost do,
I almost do.

She eyed her phone, staring through pevious text messages. Victoria questioned how she could have ever been so cheesy, so cliche with her words when it came down to it. She also questioned how she could have ever loved someone so much, and how she still wasn't able to forget. It had been two years, and Victoria still had Kyuhyun's number on her phone. She was sure enough, he hadn't changed it, considering that Kyuhyun was never one to change for no reason. His old number was fine.

A cold breeze was felt. Victoria shook slightly, unsure of what direction her life was headed towards. It seemed that nobody was really sure of that though. She had an urge, every now and again, to call Kyuhyun. It was so simple, and she could have easily done it. But Victoria never did though, she never listened to what her heart wanted. Instead, her mind would attempt to block the request out, making her body go numb. The reason? Victoria simply looked at her reflection in the window, her glass was nearly empty again.

I bet you think I either moved on or hate you
'Cause each time you reach out there's no reply.
I bet it never ever occurred to you that I can't say "Hello" to you
And risk another goodbye.

A bitter laugh escaped Victoria's lips, her lower lip quivering slightly. So many missed calls, so many times did that familiar ringtone begin to play. And they were all from Kyuhyun. Victoria wasn't one to not pick up a call, but when it was him, she couldn't help it. The calls often came, Kyuhyun would call her every other day. Honestly, Victoria wanted nothing more than to pick up and hear Kyuhyun voice's calling her name through the phone, but never did.

She was too afraid, too scared, too pathetic.

Kyuhyun probably thought that Victoria never answered his calls because she had moved on, or perhaps because he thought she hated him so much now. Victoria was never able to hate Kyuhyun. It probably never occurred to Kyuhyun that, the only reason Victoria could never pick up his calls was because she would have never been able to say goodbye. Victoria then stared up towards the ceiling, her gown elegantly clinging to her figure, the word 'goodbye' was just too painful to say.

She didn't have enough strength to say it.

Not again.

And I just wanna tell you
It takes everything in me not to call you.
And I wish I could run to you.
And I hope you know that every time I don't
I almost do,
I almost do.

Victoria felt as if she was going to lose control ay any moment. When the ringtone came on, signalling Kyuhyun was calling her, Victoria wanted to just pick up the phone. And cry. Too bad though that it was never a reliable option. Victoria didn't want to seem weak, she didn't want to be seen as the same, pathetic girl who wasn't able to do anything and depended so much on his existence. Kyuhyun's existence. It was depressing at times for Victoria, since it was so true. She hated showing people her weak side, she disliked being seen in such a defenseless manner. Victoria couldn't help but feel a little resentment towards Kyuhyun, she couldn't help but feel it was his fault. He had turned her into a fool.

She wanted to see Kyuhyun, and shout at him. Victoria wanted to tell him why she never answered his calls, why she was never able to reply, and how he had wrecked her life. Victoria had never felt like such an idiot until Kyuhyun came, and turned her whole world upside-down. What was Kyuhyun to do? How would he react to it? Victoria could imagine the shocked look on his face, before slowly turning into an apologetic smile as he held her. Kyuhyun always had that expression after he had .

Victoria wondered if Kyuhyun appeared in front of her, would she run up to him or run away? Victoria eyed the glass of sparkling wine, the answer was so completely obvious. She would have definitely run to Kyuhyun, jump into his arms and have him embrace her once again. There was no question about it. Too bad they were never going to meet again. Kyuhyun was in Korea, perhaps with a new girlfriend. Or wife. Perhaps all he had been doing was calling her while drunk. There was no way to be sure. Victoria raised the glass to her lips with a sigh. 

She drank it all down in a single go.

Oh, we made quite a mess, babe.
It's probably better off this way.
And I confess, babe,
In my dreams you're touching my face
And asking me if I wanna try again with you.
And I almost do.

She didn't want to fall asleep, she didn't want another dream. Victoria often fell asleep as sbe visualised what she wanted to happen. In the dreams she had Kyuhyun was standing in front of her, his warm hand caressing her tear stained cheeks, asking if it was possible for them to try again. Victoria almost said yes, every single time. But before her lips were able to move, and before a sound escaped, Victoria always woke up. She wondered though what would have happened if she hadn't woken up, if she had said yes, and he had held her close. Honestly, Victoria was sure that if such a thing happened, she would call Kyuhyun up the moment she opened her eyes. Victoria had suppressed her emotions for so long.

Victoria felt dizzy, and she wasn't sure whether it was because of the alcohol or the memories. She and Kyuhyun made quite a mess in the past, the two of them had caused so much bitterness.  What mess? Nothing too destructive, just a huge mess of emotions and misunderstandings.Victoria couldn't help but look down, trying to hide the tears beginning to roll down her cheeks. Perhaps it was better like this, not being able to see each other. Who knew what would happen if the two met again.

And I just wanna tell you
It takes everything in me not to call you.
And I wish I could run to you.
And I hope you know that every time I don't
I almost do,
I almost do.

Another sip of wine was taken. Victoria was already becoming undoubtedly drunk, and she didn't want to do anything too stupid. She didn't want to become intoxicated on false hopes, which could end up with her calling Kyuhyun. She didn't want Kyuhyun to see her as an alcoholic woman who only calls him when drunk. Victoria  sighed. In her mind, she questioned whether that was really a bad thing or not to call Kyuhyun while drunk. She wanted nothing more than to tell him, hug him, scream at him, and love him once more. Victoria would have lived happily ever after.

Victoria couldn't help but have her hands graze her phone, she wanted it so badly.

I bet this time of night you're still up.
I bet you're tired from a long hard week.
I bet you're sitting in your chair by the window looking out at the city.
And I hope sometimes you wonder about me.

With a stumbling step, Victoria stood up from her seat. They always said it wasn't safe for a girl to go out somewhere by herself and drink, but no one ever went up to Victoria. No one ever wanted to interact with a famous dancer and actress. No one even bothered to write articles about her nightly visits to high class restaurants, often drinking a whole bottle of wine or two. Life was strange, but she wasn't ready to give up. 

Victoria still had an ounce of burning desire and hope in her, she still loved Kyuhyun. Another chill was felt, as Victoria placed a jacket over her body. It was oversized, and not very feminine. Though, it wasn't hers. It was Kyuhyun's jacket, and it had been part of her closet for two years. Strange much? Victoria couldn't help but feel embarrassed for being so attached, so needy when it came down to that man who she loved. She wiped her eyes, a slight smile on her lips. Victoria was sure enough, she hadn't yet faded from Kyuhyun's eyes, she hadn't yet become invisible and forgotten like a pile of old clothes. With all her heart, Victoria hoped that Kyuhyun still thought about her. She hoped that Kyuhyun wondered what she was doing on a day to day basis.

She hoped that Kyuhyun still loved her.

Victoria used her fingers to gently rid the hair away from her face, before hearing a familiar voice behind her.

"Qian?"

No one called her that anymore, except for Kyuhyun.


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Sequel, sequel, who wants one...?~ ^^