DONGHAE

Ring. Ring. Ring.

I groaned from the sound that disturbed me from my slumber; I chose to ignore it and went back to sleeping, hoping that I’ll catch it again. But it rang persistently and I am starting to get really annoyed that I grudgingly picked up my phone at my nightside table and answered it, not bothering to look at the caller i.d.

“What is it?” I hissed to whoever was at the other side of the line.

“Whoa. My baby brother woke up at the wrong side of the bed,” Heechul said teasingly; and upon realizing it’s my brother calling me, I took a deep breath to calm down before speaking to him properly.

“Sorry, Chullie. I just slept late last night,” I told him.

“Oh? Why?”

Before answering, yesterday’s happening replayed in my mind like a slow motion, every word spoken penetrating it’s way straight into me, affecting me more than necessary.

Maybe it was better if it’s not you I was arranged to be married with! Anyone’s better as long as they’re not you!

Why don’t you just go and die so I can be free from that stupid pact!

His voice played in my head; reminding me of why I slept late, why my eyes hurt, and why I feel so down. Why do I feel so down anyway? It’s not as if his opinion is important. It’s not as if he affects me. It’s not as if I actually care what he thinks about me. So why do I feel like right now?

“Home work,” I simply answered my brother and glanced at the clock; it read 5:30am.

“Why are you up so early, Chullie?”

“I don’t know. Last night I felt like something’s wrong, but my stupid phone doesn’t have a battery and I can’t find its freaking charger, and I can’t sleep well last night so I woke up early. I was worried something bad happened to you so I called you as soon as I opened my eyes,” he said, worry evident in his voice.

I smiled at how my brother felt that something’s wrong. He really is someone I can’t live without, someone I can trust, I can depend. But I don’t want to be a burden to him. I don’t have to make him more worried than he is now. He needs to pamper himself than worrying about me.

So, I chuckled. “Maybe you felt like you needed to have a boyfriend,” I joked, and he became silent.

“Chullie?” I said, “Oh my---you have a boyfriend already?!” I concluded, and when I was answered by silence, I concluded I was right.

“Silence means yes, Chul. Damn, why didn’t you tell me?” I asked, trying to sound hurt, but I am far from hurt, I am very happy that he finally found someone who’ll take care of him, someone who’ll be there with him, someone who’s not me.

“I was about to tell you but you have to beat me to it, punk,” he said.

“So---is he handsome?”

Silence.

“Did you two kiss yet?”

Silence.

“Did you have se---”

“Yah, Lee Donghae! How do you even know that stuff?!” He shrieked and I chuckled.

“Why? AM I not supposed to know? Hyung, you were the one who showed me one gay video before, remember?” I told him, and I know he doesn’t know that he did that.

“WHAT?!”

This time, I laughed hard at how girly his shriek sounded, “You—you did,” I started, having a hard time completing a sentence since I was laughing so hard. “But---You didn’t know…Remember ---when Kibum and the guys invited us to---- a party in New York? You were so wasted and when we reached home, you shoved your laptop to me and when I looked, there’s a site about gay , and you forced me to watch it saying it’d come---handy one day,” I informed him, enjoying the fact that he doesn’t know it.

“You---You, I--- Oh my god!” he said exasperatingly.

After calming down from laughing out loud, I told him, “don’t worry hyung. No one will know you influenced me,” I teased.

“Lee Donghae! I swear if you ever did whatever you saw to that jack- husband of yours, you will feel my wrath! is something people in love do, understand?! And just because you’re tied to him doesn’t mean you have to submit yourself to him and give him your V-card, you understand what I am saying Hae?” he said, voice turning stony serious that I stopped my teasing altogether. Heechul is rarely, I repeat, rarely, serious but when he is, he starts saying words that actually makes sense, and now is one of those rare times.

“Of course. I know that, Chullie. Besides, the jerk and I won’t go to that stage. Ever. I’ll do that to the person I love, Chul, and you’ll be the first to know if I ever found him,” I told him, dropping my voice thinking of when I’ll find him, or when he’ll find me. I hope he finds me soon.

“I love you, Hae. You know that, right?”

I smiled, “I know.”

“Good because I don’t accept any man who’ll just use you. They have to get through me first before actually taking my precious baby.”

“Chul, you know I love you, right?”

“Yes.”

“Good because if you love me, I want you to focus more on your love life than worrying about mine. You’ve been with me the whole time, Chullie, and it’s not that I don’t want or like it, but I want you to find your happiness without me. Your man might be the one for you and I want you to focus on him, not me. I want you, of all people, to have a taste of happiness, Chul.”

“I---Donghae,”

“No, Chul. Please? Can’t you do that for me?”

“Hannie really wants to meet you, you know?” He said, changing the topic.

“Me too. I’d like to meet this Hannie of yours.”

~*~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~*~*

“Donghae”

I stopped from my tracks and looked at the person who called for me.

“Yes, Hyukjae?” I said, as I continued washing the dishes after eating our breakfast. The morning was quiet, like how I wanted it to be. We did not utter the word as we ate, did not even greet each other ‘morning’. Not even an eye contact was made and I was planning to keep it that way, at least for this day, but he decided to talk.

“About last night---”

I kept quiet, rinsing the bowls longer than necessary to have a reason to not look at him. I don’t want to show him I was affected. I don’t want to show him it hurt me. I don’t want to show him that I’m weak. I don’t want to show him that of all people. Not him.

“About what I said---I---Sorry.” He ended with a whisper.

What’s the use of sorry if the damage has been inflicted? I know I sound so bitter but its true right? Why does he have to say sorry? Did he felt what I felt? Did he cry like I did?

“I forgive you,” I answered. I know sorry is not enough, but if I didn’t accept his apology, he’d think I was greatly affected, that it was a big deal for me, which is not. I think.

“Really?”

I hummed in response, and finally, turned off the tap, wiping my hands and faced him.

“Let’s forget about it,” I told him and gave a small smile.

“And I’d really like what you said earlier,” he added, a small smile playing on his lips.

“What?”

“I’d like us to be friends.”

“Oh? Then,” I walked towards him and offered a handshake. “We better start this in a civilized way. Hi, I am Lee Dong hae, and you are?” I asked, and chuckled before taking my hands gently in his. A light electricity ran through the veins of my hand, but it didn’t hurt, as a matter of fact, it was soothing.

“Nice to meet you, Dong Hae. I am Lee Hyuk Jae.”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Being friends with HyukJae wasn’t bad. We started talking in school, but not much. During Biology, he’d sit with Kyuhyun and I when the teacher is not yet around. Sometimes, he’d join us at lunch. I also realized how popular he is. He’s constantly followed by girls, anywhere he went but he just ignores them. Kyuhyun told me that Hyuk Jae’s girlfriend is not around since they are in camp; the girl’s a cheer squad captain and they have training for 5 days and she needs to go to Australia for a month because it’s her sister’s wedding or something, that’s why he’s sticking to us for the time being. I also met some of his friends; Xiah Junsu, who I learned was the vice president of the dance club, Kim Kai, who’s also a dance club member, Kangin-hyung, who’s into Judo, and Shindong-hyung, who’s alsonin the dance club.

At home, we chat like friends. We learned things about each other. One of the many things interesting about him is that he is a strawberry-milk addict or a strawberry maniac in general. And he told me not to forget that when we go grocery shopping. Also, he hates bugs. At this one, I laughed out loud since it really doesn’t suit him at all. And I can’t help to look at him as he babbled at how creepy the bugs look.

“They are so freaking creepy! They stare at you with those big ugly eyes, and how their antennas go back and forth. Yuck! Look, just talking about them gives me Goosebumps!”

He also asked a lot of things about me in return. Like, what was the best place I went to; and I answered in New York. He also asked my likes and I told him I love chocolate, and I hate coffee. Heechul also became a part of our conversation and he told me how much my brother looks so much like a girl, in which only resulted me of laughing. Then he asked me something unexpected.

“Um---I hope you don’t find it rude or anything, but----when did you become---you know…gay?”

My eyes shot to him in an instant, but sighed and answered, “I don’t really know when it started. But I started doubting my preference when I don’t find any girl interesting for me, but cute boys always caught my attention, and when I told my brother that he concluded it for me. So, yeah.”

“Oh. And, um---you had, a---boyfriend right?” He asked but I shook my head.

“No? Really? No one dared to be one?”

“Well, there were a lot of attempts, but I rejected them gently since I don’t want to be in a relationship where we don’t feel the same, it just doesn’t seem right. Love needs to be mutual.”

After that, I found myself actually becoming talkative to him. We eat dinner at the living room most of the time, where we put on a random DVD and sit together on the sofa while eating. And we talk about our day, and other random topics. I really feel like we’re becoming close after a week, and it feels nice. I told Heechul that we’re friends, and I can tell from his voice that he didn’t like it but just let it slide.

Tonight is one of those nights where we just order take out because I felt lazy cooking since we finished school late, and I am becoming restless form the exams and projects so he allowed me to order pizza, he said whatever is fine so I ordered Seafood pizza while HyukJae took a bath upstairs. After calling I lied on the sofa and waited for the pizza to arrive and when it did, I placed it on the table and waited for HyukJae to come down. I put in a movie The Incredibles, and watched it when I heard the footsteps coming down from the stairs. I looked up and found HyukJae with his face looking a bit uncomfortable.

“Hey, Hyuk. Pizza’s here,” I called for him and he made his way to the living room, after grabbing a carton of strawberry milk in the kitchen and a carton of chocolate milk which he handed to me.

“Donghae,” he said as he eyed the pizza in front of us, and I already grabbed one and was about to eat but turned to face him.

“Yes?”

“I’m allergic to shrimp.”

“You are?”

He nodded and I placed back the pizza back to the box and stood up, and I can feel his eyes following me as I made my way to the kitchen, looking inside the fridge. I heard him sitting down on the metal stools, which indicated that he followed me here, but I continued what I was doing.

“Hae? What are you doing?” He finally spoke, and I can still feel the film playing in the living room, while we’re both in the kitchen.

“I am cooking you dinner,” I simply answered.

“No, it’s fine. Just eat the pizza, I’m not hungry anyway,” he said and I heard him slurp the last contents of his strawberry milk.

“You are eating dinner, whether you are hungry or not. You didn’t tell me you were allergic to shrimp. If I knew, I would’ve ordered something else.”

“I actually thought you’d order pepperoni or something. Only a few people like seafood pizza, and I guess you’re one of them. Sorry,” he said.

“Don’t apologize, it’s my fault for not knowing.” I answered as I cut the vegetables, “Just wait for about 30 minutes, it’d be done by then.”

“Sure.”  He said and I heard him getting another carton of his strawberry milk but stopped him right away.

“Enough, Hyuk Jae. You won’t have the appetite to eat this if you continue stuffing your stomach with that milk,” I reprimanded him. He looked down but put back the milk into the fridge anyway and sat back down to his seat.

After cooking, I placed a plate of omurice in front of him, and his eyes glowed with the food I prepared. This is something abouth Hyuk Jae and made me feel accepted. He looked like a kid everytime I cook him something and finishes it without even a grain of rice in his plate. I went back to the living room to switch off the TV which is already rolling the credits of the movie, and picked the box of pizza back to the living room. I sat down at the metal stool facing Hyuk Jae as he ate his omurice and I ate the pizza.

“I’d keep in my mind that you’re allergic to this thing,” I told him out of the blue, and he just answered me with a smile.

He finishes his food, with a content sigh and he looked at me.

“I really love your cooking. It’s so---I don’t even have a word to describe it,” he said and smiled at me, “Hae?”

“Hmmm?”

“Since I have finished my food, can I have another carton of strawberry milk now, please?” he asked, giving me an innocent look, and I can’t help myself to giggle at his childish sentence. But he looked at me with an amused face.

“What?” I asked.

“Did you just giggle?”

“I did not.”

“Yes you did. Do it again,” he said, and stood up to walk towards me. As he reached my side, he tickled me.

“Stop it, Hyuk.” I swatted his hands away.

“Why?” He whined. “Come on, Hae. Giggle again,” he said.

“And why would I do that?”

“Because it sounded so beautiful and I want to hear it again.”

I looked at him, shocked with his words, and he looked back at me, confusion at first but realization soon hit him when his eyes turned round as he realized what he said. He walked away from me and took strawberry milk from the fridge before exiting the kitchen.

“Um, haha, I was just joking. Good night, Hae.” He said, and went to his room.

I stayed there, unmoving. Trying hard to explain why my heart is beating so fast.

And why it hurt to hear that he was just joking.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

“Baby, we’re having a party tonight. It’s nothing big, just us, Hyuk Jae’s family and some relative,” mom said through the phone.

“Okay, mom. I’ll tell Hyuk Jae,” I answered.

“See you tonight, honey.” Then the line was cut. Placing the phone on my desk, I slumped on my bed, closing my eyes; last night becoming a distant memory. I really thought that we’d be awkward after that but this morning; Hyuk Jae acted as if nothing happened. I guess it really was a joke. Why am I even thinking about it?

Ruffling my already messy hair, I went out of the room to walk to Hyuk Jae’s. It’s the room next to mine. I knocked and he told me to come in.

“Hyuk, mom said there’s a party tonight and we have to go,” I informed him and went straight to sit on his bed. He’s seated on his desk, with his calculus book open.

“I can’t believe you’re actually studying,” I teased.

“I can be smart if I want to be,” he retorted, still engrossed with the book so I just shut my mouth as he continued studying. Lying to his bed made my eyes flutter shut, and a few minutes later, I was off to dream land.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Yellow model chip, yellow bottle sipping

Yellow Lamborghini, yellow top missing

Yeah, yeah, that look like toupee

I get what you get in ten years, in two days

What the heck is that music? And why is it so loud? I forced to open my eyes, to find myself not in the corners of my blue walls, but inside a white and black room. Turning to my right, I saw Hyuk jae smirking as he held his phone right next to my ear as the song continued playing.

“Wake up, sleepy head. My bed too comfy?” he said, and I slowly sat up, scratching my head and squinting my eyes from the light of his room. It’s too bright.

“Hae, go get ready. We’ll leave in 30 minutes,” he said as he looked into his dresser, and I looked at him, confused.

“Why?” I asked, still sitting at the center of his bed, its covers on top of me; when did I have the covers on me?

He chuckled and faced me, “You look like a kid. Silly, remember the party?”

Oh.

“Right. Okay, then,” I said and made my way to my room to get dressed.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

“Hyuk, do we need to wear our rings?” I asked him as we’re about to went out the door.

“Oh my…of course we do! Good thing you reminded me! Go, and get your ring, I’ll get mine,” he said and bolted back to his room, while I remained standing. I already have my ring in my pocket since I thought it might be a necessity.

After wearing our rings we finally made our way to the Lee’s traditional house. We played some music in the car and talked about anything. And when the house came into view, there was a short silence.

“We have to act like a couple,” he reminded me.

“Yeah.”

“I know it’d be uncomfortable, but we need to. Just think if us being friends who likes to cling to each other,” he added and I just nodded. We reached the place, and he parked the car, but before I opened the door, his hands was on my shoulder pulling me back in the car gently and I looked back at him.

“What is it, Hyuk?”

“Are you okay? You’re so quiet.”

I smiled at him, and removed his hand from my shoulder gently, “I am fine, Hyuk. Don’t worry. Come on, they’re waiting for us, husband,” I said and he smirked as we both went out the car, and as we approached the door, he reach out for my hand and held it tightly. I gave him my best smile to hide what I really feel. Something so mind boggling.

I hope this night ends quickly, so he won’t feel uncomfortable anymore.

__________________________________________________________

It's been soooo long! I am so sorry! I'm caught up with my upcoming exams :(

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