Okay, so  I took more than an hour to post this chapter, sorry guys~ >w< Anyway, this is chapter 18 for ya~ Enjoy! ;)

Tiffany's POV

God Sooyoung was looking beautiful tonight, looking at her I just wanted to hold her, to feel her in my arms. I missed being in her arms. Oh and the way she looked at me, like I was the most beautiful thing in her world, it made me want to cry and tell her what a fool I was for letting her go and pushing her away.

I really am a foolish person, I let go of someone who truly loves me in the guise of protecting her. See even I can admit it was a guise. Sooyoung was right, about everything. I wish she wasn't, but she really was and I can't lie to myself about that any more.

I am stuck in the past and maybe I have gotten comfortable there, there are no highs but at least I'm not risking any more lows. I risked some highs and moved towards a future by breaking up with Siwon and being Sooyoung only to have it monumentally blow up in my face. Is it any wonder why I'm ting myself at the thought of letting someone in again?

No I couldn't think about all that then, I had to perform and that took all my emotions and focus. After the performance I could dwell on the ed up mess my life had become, but not now.

I followed the others into Seoul Pub via the back door. We slipped back stage and went over our set list one more time. I wasn't really nervous, I don't usually get nervous performing. When I'm on stage I feel free so I was looking forward to stepping through those curtains and getting into it.

I looked over at Sooyoung and she caught my eye and smiled. She knew what performing meant to me, hell she was the one who kept telling me that the real me was the woman you see on stage. So tonight I would reconnect with that part of me and see if I could find something to hold onto so I could drag the 'real me' out into the real world.

"Ok guys, it's time! You're going to be great!" Kris announced as he came up beside me. I gave my brother the briefest of hugs before he headed out on stage to introduce us.

"Ok ladies and gentlemen, guys and gals. I have a special treat for you tonight, in their return performance to Seoul Pub, back by popular demand….I give you….Fear Itself!" Kris called into the microphone. We headed through the curtain at the side of the stage, grinning and waving at the crowd, which was much bigger than the first time we'd played at Seoul Pub. According to Kris they were packed to capacity and had a line down the block all waiting to get in.

I walked to my microphone and scooped up my bass, I saw Jonghyun and Sooyoung out of the corner of my eye doing the same. I looked out over the crowd and spotted some familiar faces. I saw my Dad sitting with Kris, Yunho and BoA. I gave them a grin and a subtle wink.

Jonghyun stepped up to the microphone and said excitedly, "Hey guys thanks for coming out tonight! We're Fear Itself," Jonghyun paused as the audience clapped, "Let me introduce you to the band. On drums we have Minhyuk, on keyboard we have Yuri, on guitar and vocals we have Sooyoung and me, Jonghyun and last we have Tiffany on bass and vocals. We've got a lot of songs for you guys tonight, plus four new songs that we have never performed to an audience before. First off we're gonna start with one of our new songs, this one is written by our very own bass player, Miss Tiffany, redhead bombshell Hwang. This song is called The Resolution."

Jonghyun looked back at Minhyuk who counted us in with his drumsticks. Yuri started with the keyboard for the first few lines as Jonghyun sung and then Sooyoung, Jonghyun, Minhyuk and I came in with our instruments.

I put everything into that song, joining in with Jonghyun to sing the chorus. This was one of the few songs that Sooyoung didn't sing in at all. As I sang the words to the chorus I felt the emotions that inspired the song surge within me.

"Yeah I'm alive
But I don't need a witness
To know that I've survived
I'm not looking for forgiveness
Yeah I just need light
I need light in the dark
As I search for the resolution."

I sung those lyrics with every emotion I had. I had written that song when I was at my absolute break point dealing with Siwon and my mother. It was at that point where I knew it was Sooyoung that I wanted and that I had to break free of the chains that held me. It kind of hit me as I belted out the last chorus of the song. Like the lyrics said, I'd survived and I just needed light in the dark as I searched for my resolution. Sooyoung was my resolution, I just needed the light to help me get back to her.

I was torn from my thoughts by thunderous applause and cheers from the crowd. I beamed, my song had touched these people. It was unbelievable. Jonghyun leaned over and whispered, "That's all for you my redhead goddess!" I giggled as he winked and turned back to his microphone. Sooyoung beamed at me behind his back and I grinned back.

We played a few of our other songs and then Sooyoung and I were up to sing Leaving. I swapped microphones with Jonghyun so me and Sooyoung could be next to each other as we sung the duet. I beamed at the crowd, "Hey guys, you have been so great tonight! The next song was written by me and is about knowing when its time to leave. This song is called Leaving."

We began playing our instruments, I listened as Yuri played the haunting piano part of the song. I began the first verse. We sung the bridge together and then both belted out the chorus with so much emotion that I felt tears stinging my eyes.

We managed to get through the song, both of us pouring so much into it so that the song came out much more powerful than I ever thought it could be. As we sang the last chorus I moved behind Sooyoung and shared her microphone, much like I'd done during the final song of our last performance. The crowd seemed to love that. I could feel the heat radiating off her body and see the sweat as it ran down her neck.

As we sung the last line the audience clapped so hard I was expecting bruised hands. I stepped back to my microphone as Jonghyun took his place at his. It was amazing to me that the audience was actually getting into my songs. I even saw people singing the chorus with us. It was ing amazing.

We played about ten more songs and then had a break. We all ran backstage and drank thirstily from the bottles of water waiting for us. Kris came pelting backstage with the hugest grin on his face, "You guys are awesome, the crowd loves you! I've had about a hundred people come up to me and ask me when you're playing here again. I've never had a band get a response like this before!"

We all started chatting excitedly. Just before we were about to go on stage I felt a familiar gaze on me. I turned to see Sooyoung smiling softly at me. I titled my head and smiled back.

"You come alive on stage Tiff, it's magical to watch," she murmured.

"It's magical to feel. Maybe I can find away to take the stage me into the real world. That way I get to be alive in reality too," I said softly.

"I like the sound of that, now let's go wow them some more," She said with a beaming, nose-crinkling smile. I nodded and followed her back on stage to enthusiastic applause. It was such an unbelievable rush to be up there on stage singing songs that meant something real to me.

We played seven songs and then it was my turn to sing another one of the songs I had written. This time Sooyoung introduced me, "Next we have our red hair beauty Tiffany singing a song she wrote called Breakeven. Over to you Tiff."

I grinned over at her and we began playing. I let my body move to the music as I strummed my bass. Once the intro was done I began to sing. This song was so full of heartbreak, which I found all too easy to tap into. Recent events in my life made it far too easy to get to the emotional point I needed to get to do this song justice. As I was playing I looked out and my eyes caught those of a woman sitting at the bar. Even from this far away I'd never not recognize her. If I was blind I would know she was there. It was Jessica, my first girlfriend and first love.

I couldn't stop my eyes from locking on hers as I finished the song. I was wondering if she knew it was about her. I think she'd have to. I felt Sooyoung's eyes on me, probably trying to figure out what had caught my eye.

As I sung the last note Jessica got to her feet and gave me a standing ovation. Her emerald green eyes (fyeah Jessica with green eyes xD) bore into mine and I couldn't look away, even as I threw myself into the next song.

It wasn't long before we were preparing to play the last song of the night. It was the song Sooyoung had written about me. One of the bar tenders brought out three chairs and sat them in front of the microphones which we lowered. I took a seat on one with my violin in hand, Jonghyun on the one beside me with his cello and then Sooyoung on the last one with her acoustic guitar.

I smiled out over the audience and introduced the song, "For our last song of the night we have a new song written by our own Choi Sooyoung. This song is called Come Down To Me and has a special place in my heart, I'm sure it will in yours too." I glanced over at Sooyoung who gave me a smile of infinite tenderness.

We began to play the beautiful melody, which was only complete when Sooyoung's haunting, raspy voice began singing the heartfelt lyrics.

"Words fall out of my mouth
And I can't seem to trace what I'm saying
Everybody wants your time
I'm just dreaming out loud,
I can't have you for mine and I know it
I just wanna watch you shine.

Tripping up on my tongue,
It's all over my face and I'm racing
Gotta get away from you
Burning all the way home,
Try to put it to bed but it chases
Every little thing I do."

I felt my body bending as I got to my feet and tore the haunting notes from my violin. Jonghyun beside me had his eyes closed as the cello music took him over. The lyrics of the song were reaching into my heart, knowing a truly beautiful song is written for you makes it all the more amazing.

"When the light falls on your face,
Don't let it change you
When the stars get in your eyes,
Don't let them blind you.

You're beautiful
Just the way you are
And I love it all
Every line, and every scar
And I wish that I could make you see
This is where you ought to be,
Come down to me."

I could hear Sooyoung's pain and emotional turmoil in the lyrics. She was putting all of herself into the words and it was cutting into my soul. The lyrics had even more significance given the way things had gone with us.

"Spell it out in a song,
Bet you never catch on to my weakness
I'm singing every word for you.
Here I'm thinking I'm sly
Then you're catching my eye, and just maybe
You're thinking what I'm thinking too

When you see it on my face,
Don't let it shake you
I know better than to try and
Take you with me.

You're beautiful
Just the way you are
And I love it all
Every line, and every scar
And I wish that I could make you see
This is where you ought to be,
Come down to me."

As Sooyoung sung the last line and the music faded out the crowd went ballistic. They were cheering, clapping, whistling, jumping in place and on chairs and chanting for more. We all stood there and just soaked it in.

Jonghyun grabbed his microphone and beamed at the audience, "You guys are absolutely incredible! Thank you so much. We're Fear Itself and it has been a pleasure playing for you!" We all rose to our feet and placed our instruments down so we could take a bow, wave out at the audience and head back stage.

I caught Jessica's eye one last time before I let the curtain at the side of the stage envelope me. As soon as I was backstage Jonghyun pulled me into a bone crushing hug which I actually returned. I was on such a high from the performance. Jonghyun pulled me off my feet and spun me around. I giggled and ordered him to put me down. As soon as he did Yuri grabbed me in a fierce hug.

Once I'd hugged Minhyuk I turned and found Sooyoung waiting patiently to see if I'd embrace her. I didn't hesitate. I pulled her into my arms and held her close. Being in her arms felt like coming home. It felt right. I was still holding her when I saw Kris come back stage leading someone I was hoping wouldn't hang around after the performance, as much as I wanted to see her. I stepped back out of Sooyoung's arms and focused on the girl behind my brother. She had changed her hair. It was dark blonde now, but her emerald eyes were still the same.

"Tiffany, look who turned up!" Kris called as he dragged her forward. Kris did not know about me and Jessica, only Jonghyun, Sooyoung and BoA did, all he knew was that she had been my best friend in high school.

I took a step forward, aware of Sooyoung watching this interaction intensely. I my dry lips and murmured, "Hello Jessi."

Sooyoung's POV

Wait did she just say Jessi? As in her first girlfriend and first love Jessica? Well this was spectacularly bad timing. I finally get Tiffany back in my arms and her ex shows up. Is the world out to screw me?! my life.

"Hi Tiffany, I uh I heard from some friends that you were playing here tonight and I had to come. I always knew that you were so much more than a classical musician. I'm so proud of you," Jessica murmured. Her voice was soft and gentle and even I had to admit that the girl was stunning. I mean she had nothing on Tiffany, but she was beautiful. Tiffany stepped forward and took Jessica into her arms.

I felt this jolt of pain go through me as seeing Tiffany so easily embrace her former love when it had taken over a week for her to be able to even touch me after what Siwon had done to her. I couldn't help the jealousy that was building up in me. I'd heard the story and listened to the ing song. I knew what Jessica meant to Tiffany and how upset she was about how things had ended between them.

Tiffany stepped back out of the blonde's arms and said softly, "It's good to see you, you look great."

"Thanks Tiff, you too Ginger. It's been far too long," Jessica said. I was waiting for Tiffany to have a go at her for calling her Ginger, but it didn't happen. I think that's when it got a bit too much for me.

I muttered to Jonghyun that I was going to get some air and bolted. I was outside leaning against my car when Tiffany came out after me. She walked over and asked, "Are you ok Soo?"

"Yeah I'm fine, just needed some air. Where's Jessica?" I asked, pretty bluntly.

Tiffany looked confused, "Um inside with the others I guess. I just wanted to see if you were ok."

I scoffed, "You know what Tiff, I'm not ok. As you once said I am so far from ok it's almost funny. It's hard to watch you with someone else like that, seeing you let her touch you when it has been a week and you have barely let anyone else touch you. It's just painful Tiff. It hurts, that's all."

She hung her head and stared at the ground, "I know Soo, I know. None of this is fair to you and I don't blame you for feeling the way you do. I'm sorry that all I seem to do is keep hurting you. You must wish you had never met me."

I shook my head and laughed harshly, "Even though my life would be a hell of a lot simpler, I can't regret meeting you Tiffany. I love you and that alone is worth all the pain, confusion and heartache."

I watched as Tiffany blinked back tears and then raised her bright hazel eyes to meet mine. "You know this has been one of the tiest weeks ever. Not just because of Siwon, but because I didn't have you. I have my reasons why I pushed you away, but I sometimes find myself doubting them," She murmured, her eyes staying locked on mine.

"What does that mean Tiff?" I asked gently, a faint glimmer of hope starting in my heart.

Tiffany smiled sadly and took a step closer to me. "Tonight when I was singing back up on The Resolution I really thought about the lyrics I'd written and it became clear to me. In the song it says 'I need light in the dark as I search for the resolution'. Sooyoung you are my resolution, I know that, I just need to find my light so that I can find my way back to you," Tiffany said so quietly I hardly heard her.

"Why can't I help you find your way Tiff?" I asked, feeling teary.

She smiled kindly, "This is something I have to figure out on my own Soo. I know I love you, but I need time ok?"

I shook my head, "No, not ok Tiff. We seem to be talking in circles and not getting anywhere. I love you, you love me and you know I'm not going anywhere so why are you doing this to us? Why won't you let me in? Why won't you let me help you? Why are you pushing me away?" I practically yelled at her, the desperation evident in my voice.

Tiffany closed her eyes and when she opened them tears streaked down her beautiful face. "Just because I pushed you away doesn't mean I wanted you to be gone. Sooyoung, I'm so confused," She sobbed. I tried to take her in my arms only to have her pull away yet again, "I don't know what to think or feel or do. It's all so messed up and my head is this mess that I can't make sense of. I wish I could because I am so ing scared that I am going to lose you."

"You aren't going to lose me Tiffany, I've told you so many times that I'm not going anywhere. When are you going to believe it?" Frustrated and beyond tired I jumped in my car and left. I knew Jonghyun would get my stuff together and I could pick it up from him later. I didn't know where I was going I just knew I needed to get some space. I was getting sick of the circles we were going in. Tiffany was right, it was so confusing.

Tiffany's POV

I watched her drive away and knew I couldn't let this go on anymore. Enough was enough for s sake. I couldn't let Siwon ruin my life, that gave him power over me and I didn't want to be powerless any more. I heard the door behind me shut hard and spun around to find Jessica standing there.

"So she's the one who finally got you to actually start to come out of the closet?" Jessica asked with a smile.

"Not really, there was another girl before her but it was a kind of unhealthy relationship and I only considered coming out because I was scared of what would happen if I didn't. I told my family and as expected my Mom freaked out and kicked me out. After the relationship ended, badly I might add, I shut myself very firmly back in the closet until Sooyoung started to lead me out. With Sooyoung it is different, but it doesn't matter now because it's all ed up," I rambled.

Jessica walked up next to me and smiled as she grabbed my hand, "I can see how much you love her Tiff, you look at her in a way that you never looked at me. You will always be my first love Ginger and I know that I'm yours, but I can see that she is your forever love. Whatever is going on between the two of you, I say you fix it Tiffany. True love is a rare thing so don't you dare let it go."

I stared at my ex-girlfriend in wonder, "I never thought you'd ever be the one giving me relationship advice."

Jessica laughed, "Well yeah I guess its fitting now isn't it. I've been there with you so who else is better qualified to dish out advice?"

"True. You're right Jessica I need to fix this. Thanks," I smiled at her and began walking back into the club.

"Hey Ginger, call me sometime and we'll hang out. After everything we've been through I'd really like it if we could be friends." Jessica called after me.

I had always thought that the 'let's be friends' conversation with Jessica would kill me but funnily enough it made me smile, I guess I was really over her, "Yeah absolutely. I might need some more advice or something." Jessica laughed and walked to her car. I went inside and dodged questions about Sooyoung as I got my things and headed out. I dumped my bag and instruments in my apartment and headed down to my car. I needed to go for a drive and clear my head.

When I arrived at my car I saw Jonghyun waiting for me, "So again I ask you Tiffany, how far and how hard are you going to push her?"

I sighed, "I know Jonghyun. I know. I've hurt her and put her through more than anyone should ever have to endure. I love her, I know I have a funny way of showing it, but I do."

"I know you do Tiffany. Please just start letting her in. It's killing her to stand on the sidelines and watch you suffer. Let her help you," Jonghyun pleaded.

"I want to Jonghyun-ah, I do. I'm just not sure how anymore," I said tiredly.

"Well that is one answer I can't give you Princess. I love ya Tiff and I hate to see what all this is doing to you," Jonghyun murmured. I kissed him on the cheek

"I love you too Jonghyun-ah. I'll be ok, I just have to figure out what I'm gonna do now. I'm gonna go for a drive and think," I said softly.

"Ok Tiffany, I'll see you tomorrow." Jonghyun walked back inside, pausing at my door to give me an encouraging smile.

I climbed into my little blue SUV and started driving. I had a lot to think about.

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Lyrics used in this Chapter

The Resolution by Jack's Mannequin

Come Down To Me by Saving Jane

So, yeah, Jessica finally made her first appearance. How was it guys? :3

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