Silence is Not The way

Fear Itself

Hey ya! This is the tenth  chapter for ya~~ Enjoy! ;)

 

 

Tiffany's POV

"I think it's time we went to see my ex-boyfriend," I said in a deadly calm, emotionless voice as I tightened my grip on Sooyoung, drawing comfort and strength from her closeness.

Everyone's eyes jumped to me in wide eyed disbelief. Although Kris looked kind of excited because I think he really wanted to kick Siwon's head in. My Dad stepped forward and looked at me with concern, "Are you sure that's what you want to do?"

I nodded and gave him a reassuring smile, "I need to know why Dad, why he felt the need to try and hurt me like that. I don't think I can put this completely behind me until I know. Maybe I need closure, I'm not sure. All I know is that I need for him to tell me why." I felt Sooyoung hold my waist even tighter, expressing in that simple gesture that she was there for me and would support whatever I needed to do.

"Tiffany you do realize that even if we go to see him he may not give you the answers you want, he's such a jackass he may not give you anything but more pain," Yunho said gently.

"Yeah I know, but I'll have you guys there so it won't be so bad," I said with a smile for my big brother. I looked around at the people in the room, the people who love me and support me unconditionally and damn I felt blessed. I had hidden so much from them, pulled away and not let them close enough to help me, but that didn't matter to them they stuck around regardless. I love these people so very much.

The door to the bar was thrown open then and a frantic Jonghyun came barrelling in, gasping for breath. "Tiffany! You're ok? Oh God I've been so worried!" Jonghyun cried as she shoved Sooyoung out of the way and pulled me into a fierce hug.

"Yeah don't mind me Jonghyun-ah," Sooyoung said sarcastically.

"Um Jonghyun? I kinda need to breathe buddy," I gasped as his hug cut off my oxygen supply. Jonghyun released me with a sheepish grin and an apologetic shrug at Sooyoung who was already back in my arms, exactly where she belongs.

"So are you alright Tiff?" Jonghyun asked me with infinite tenderness. I smiled at him and nodded, tightening my hold on the brunette in my arms. Jonghyun took in our hold on each other and beamed, sending me a wink. I just rolled my eyes and grinned.

"So we gonna go see Siwon?" I asked looking around the room.

"Wait we're going to see Siwon? To kick his I hope!" Jonghyun snarled.

"Well I'm not gonna rule it out, but no I just need to talk to him, I need to know why Jonghyun," I said. Jonghyun nodded and smile with understanding.

"Tiffany if this is what you need to do then we'll be there for you," My Dad said softly.

"We're with you every step of the way, Hazel," Sooyoung murmured. I grinned at her and kissed her right cheek tenderly.

So it was decided that we would all go round to Siwon's, I had to stop Jonghyun from going home to get his baseball bat and Kris from bringing the bouncers who work at Seoul Pub. I didn't think going in there prepared to throw down was the best idea. I didn't want this to turn into a brawl, I just needed to talk to him.

I dragged Sooyoung over to my car, with everything that had happened I felt like we needed to talk. My family and Jonghyun all loaded into Jonghyun's and Dad's car. Once we were settled in the car I reached over and took her hand in mine.

"Are you alright Hazel, I mean so much has happened to you these last few days," Sooyoung asked looking at me with so much love and concern.

I gave her a tired smile, "Yeah I'm alright. I think I'm going to be ok. This isn't like last time, when Eunjung sent out the video. It's different."

"How so?" She asked my hand with her thumb.

"Well last time I was dealing with the immediate aftermath of what she's done and the video was just another blow. I guess with everything that has happened in the last few years I am just glad I finally stopped being scared of who I am. Oh and last time around I didn't have you," l said shyly looking out at the road as we followed my Dad towards Siwon's.

I chanced a glance at her out of the corner of my eye and she was beaming at me. I blushed and smiled. "Thank you Tiff, that means so much. You do have me, for as long as you want me," She murmured.

I looked over at her as we pulled up at a red light, "How's forever? Does forever work for you?" I asked softly.

Sooyoung's eyes filled with tears and she nodded, squeezing my hand tighter. She seemed too overwhelmed to speak, which I think was understandable. Given the whole drama I had put her through, the mixed signals and all the times I pulled away it must be a bit surprising to hear those kind of things coming out my mouth. I meant every word though and I was finally brave enough to say them to her.

Sooyoung swallowed hard and smiled a breath-taking smile that crinkled her nose, "Yeah I'm ok with that. Let's take things slow though ok? If we have forever then there's no reason to rush it." She raised my hand to her lips and tenderly kissed my knuckles.

"Ok, let's go with that," I smiled warmly at her before looking back to the road as my Dad turned into Siwon's street. I felt the smile fall of my face and couldn't help the sick feeling in my stomach. I hated Siwon with an intensity that made me physically ill and part of me couldn't believe that I was willingly walking into the guy's life again.

I pulled up behind my Dad's car and sat gripping the steering wheel so tightly that my knuckles were completely white. "You ok Hazel?" Sooyoung asked laying her hand over mine.

I nodded and smiled, loosening my grip so I could squeeze her hand in mine. "I'd be lying if I didn't admit that I am kinda ting myself right now, Brown. After everything I'm scared to face him," I murmured. Sooyoung jumped out of the car and ran around to the driver's side. Opening the door she crouched down beside me and wrapped a comforting arm around my shoulder.

"Hazel what you're feeling is more than understandable given what you've been through. I'd be worried if you weren't scared. If you aren't ready to face him then we leave, no one will judge you. This has got to be on your terms Tiff, if you aren't ready or don't want to do this then we go," Sooyoung said gently, gazing seriously into my eyes.

"Thank you. I can do this. I can face that bastard and maybe get some answers. I won't let him have power over me anymore. He's not worth it," I said with determination. I slid my seat belt off and Sooyoung stood up, offering her hand to help me out of the car. I grasped her hand in mine and we walked over to where my Dad, brothers, BoA and Jonghyun were waiting.

I smiled at them all said, "We can't all go in, it will just make him get all defensive and act like a prick. And I am so sorry but you Sooyoung and Jonghyun can't go in, it will just set him off." Sooyoung looked as though she was going to argue with me and Jonghyun looked resigned to being left outside. I held up my hand to step in before Sooyoung got the chance to try and get me to change my mind, "I know you're about to argue with me Soo, but believe me when I tell you it will go better if he doesn't see you. It may surprise you but Siwon doesn't like you."

"Tiffany, I don't want you going in there alone," Sooyoung said with extreme concern on her face.

"I won't be, I'm taking Dad and Kris in with me. Chels and Yunho I think Siwon will be more intimidated by Dad and Kris in case things go up creek." I told them. Yunho, BoA, Dad and Kris all nodded and Sooyoung just looked scared. I took her hand and led her away from the others.

"Soo it's going to be ok, Dad and Kris won't let anything happen," I said with a soft smile.

"I know that, I guess I just don't want you to get hurt. I mean I don't know what we are, but I can't bear the thought of something happening to you," She said taking both my hands in hers.

I smiled and squeezed her hands before pulling her into my arms. "Soo I don't know what we are either, but I know that I love you and maybe it’s weird to say that when we haven't even gone out officially or when I am still not out other than to my family and well Jonghyun, but it feels right. We'll take things step by step and let things happen naturally," I kissed the top of her head tenderly (okay that’s kinda lame though, regarding to our dear Shikshin’s height. :p), "I promise you I'm going to be ok and that nothings gonna happen to me in there."

"It's not weird Tiffany, I love you too. Once this is done today maybe I should take you out on a real date," Sooyoung tilted her head so that our eyes could meet.

"I'd like that," I kissed her softly on the lips and led her back over towards my family and Jonghyun who were all beaming at the interaction between Sooyoung and I. It felt incredible to be able to act on my feelings in front of the people I loved the most and have them be nothing but supportive. God damn it, I was lucky to have such an amazing group of people around me.

I kissed Sooyoung one more time and then my Dad, Kris and I walked up to Siwon's door. My Dad gave my hand a squeeze and went to knock. I heard raised voices so I put my hand on my Dad's arm to stop him. There was a female voice in the house with Siwon which sounded far too familiar.

I stepped in front of my Dad and unlocked the door with the key that Siwon had forced me to take, not that I had ever used it before. I eased the door open quietly and we followed the sound of raised voices down the hall to his kitchen. As we neared we heard the female voice scream, "How could you do that Siwon?! What the hell is the matter with you?"

We stopped just outside the kitchen so we could hear what was going on.

"She broke up with me, no way in hell was I letting her get away with cheating on me with a girl and then dumping me! No way in hell!" Siwon yelled angrily. I had to roll my eyes at his poor bruised ego, really mad me sad for him…that was sarcasm in case you couldn't tell.

"That is no excuse Siwon! I know she did wrong and I am really not happy with the choices she has made in her life, but I worked so hard to hide what happened to her and now you've destroyed that! What that monster did to my little girl nearly destroyed her Siwon and in one moment of anger you have destroyed all the work I did back then to protect her!"

I was in shock and couldn't bear to hear anymore without putting my side in the mix. I stepped into the kitchen with my Dad and Kris beside me to see Moon Ye Seul glaring angrily at Siwon who was smugly leaning against his bench. Both of them jumped when Kris slammed the kitchen door closed behind us.

"Tiffany, Kris, Sung Ki! What are you doing here?" Ye Seul asked, conflicting emotions reflected on her face.

"Well Moon Ye Seul we came to see Siwon, really didn't expect to see you here," I spat at her.

Ye Seul looked at me and I swear her expression was almost sad. For about half a second I almost felt bad for her and then I remembered what that woman had put me through and it was really easy to harden my heart.

"Why are you here Ye Seul?" My Dad asked angrily as he glared daggers at his soon to be ex-wife.

"I got an email from Siwon with the video and I came to round here to, I guess yell at him. I assume you are here for the same reason," Ye Seul said.

"In a manner of speaking. What I can't figure out Moon Ye Seul, is how Siwon got his hands on the ing video in the first place," I snapped taking a step closer to the woman I used to think of as my mother.

Ye Seul looked confused for a second and then horrified, "You can't possibly think I gave it to him?! Tiffany why would I do that when I fought so hard to get rid of it the first time around. Tiff, even after what's happened between us you can't honestly think I'd ever do that to you?"

I scoffed, "Why shouldn't I think that? I mean you made me so ashamed of who I was and what happened that I hid for years, not to mention the fact that you showed Siwon the video while I was dating him!"

"Hang on a second, that just isn't true! I never showed Siwon that video. I don't even have a copy of it. I didn't even know he'd seen it before today! One time me and Siwon had a conversation about your…uh past indiscretions but that's it. He came to me because he felt like something was off in your relationship so I told him you'd gone through a phase and it had ended badly for you, but that's the extent of what I told him I promise you that! Tiffany I may not agree with your choice of lifestyle but I would never show anyone that video, let alone let it go out into the world!" Moon Ye Seul exclaimed.

"How the hell can we believe a single word out of your mouth Ye Seul after everything you have put Tiffany through? You are unbelievable!" Dad shouted.

Siwon stepped forward from the bench with a nasty smirk on his face, "Sung Ki-ssi you really should have more faith in your wife's desire to avoid a scandal. There is no way she would risk people knowing the full extent of the ersions her daughter got up to." Siwon sneered.

I felt my blood boil at his words, "What the are you talking about Siwon?"

"Your mother didn't give me that tape and she never showed it to me. I have a friend who works as a clerk for the police evidence archives and he got me a copy. I had my suspicions about you and after I got that vague story from your mother I decided I had to get the full sordid story. I investigated, turns out one of the men who helped your Mom make it all go away is a golfing buddy of my Dad's and he was able to fill in some blanks for me. I can't tell you how ing brilliant it was to find out I was dating a filthy dyke." Siwon said arrogantly.

I shook my head as tears of pure rage filled my eyes. I saw Kris clench his hands into fists and take a step towards Siwon who just smirked. "Kris it’s ok," I murmured. Kris practically snarled and took a step back.

"If that's how you felt Siwon then why the hell didn't you just break up with me? Why the would you stay in a relationship with someone who was never going to love you back? You could have saved us both a lot of heart ache if you'd just let me go. You knew I was too scared of my mother to leave, although I should have long before now. I just don't understand why you made us both miserable by making me stay with you?" I asked angrily.

Siwon let out a humorless chuckle, "I wasn't going to lose another woman."

I looked at Siwon in confusion, "What the are you talking about?" I glanced around the room and the others were looking just as confused as I felt.

Siwon laughed humorlessly again and leaned back against his bench with his arms crossed over his chest, "You aren't the only one with a past Tiffany, not the only one who disappointed a parent. When I was in college I met a woman named Yoona. Now Yoona was this radical feminist who went to protests every week and volunteered at a homeless shelter on weekends. She was from a poor family and working her way through college. She was everything my father never wanted for me but I didn't care. I fell in love with her the moment I met her.

We were together right through college and while I was at law school. Yoona got a job with some non-profit organisation and my Dad saw her as only a poor little do-gooder who was using me for my money. I proposed to Yoona the day I graduated law school and my Dad told me if I married her he'd never speak to me again and would disinherit me. It wasn't a choice, I wasn't losing her so I told my Dad he'd never see me again and walked away from my family.

Yoona and I were so happy, I didn't need my parents, all I needed was her. Then Yoona started getting sick all the time. She went to the doctor and it turned out she had leukemia. She battled it for about four months before she died in my arms. All I had left after losing Yoona was my family so I crawled back to my Dad who made me promise I'd never betray him like that again. Dad got me a job at a law firm his friend was a partner in and I put my life back together. About six months after Yoona died I met your mother while I was representing her friend in a divorce. My Dad knew your Mom from church and they decided that it would be good if you and I dated.

It took your Mom a while to convince you to actually date me but then you did. It made my Dad happy and you suited me and the life I was trying to build. Then I found out about your past and I was thrown for a loop. Part of me was so revolted that I wanted to run but then I realized that my Dad would never stand for it, plus you were mine and I wasn't going to lose another woman. You were mine Tiffany and you shouldn't have left me," Siwon said in a dead voice.

I couldn't get my head around Siwon's story, it was too much. All I knew in my heart was that no matter what he had been through it did not justify his treatment of me or releasing the video after I ended our sham of a relationship.

"That's sad Siwon, I'm sorry you lost Yoona like that, but it’s not an excuse of what you did to my daughter!" My Dad yelled.

"Maybe, maybe not. Either way Tiffany should have been grateful to have a man like me who was willing to be with her ever after her deviant, erted past," Siwon sneered.

"You are ing insane! Grateful to be with you? Are you kidding me?! The only thing I am grateful for is the fact that I finally grew a pair and dumped you. Siwon you thought you could break me by releasing that video, but you can't. My Dad was right, that tape is not something I should feel ashamed over. I was the victim, the only person who should be ashamed is Eunjung and now you for releasing it onto the web." I yelled at him. I couldn't believe how much I hated him.

"You should be ashamed Tiffany, really ashamed of what's on that video," Siwon snarled at me.

I was about to say something when Kris lunged forward and punched Siwon hard in the jaw. Siwon's head snapped back and he slumped against the bench. While he was on the ground Kris sent a forceful kick into his stomach. Ye Seul screamed out and Dad stepped between them to hold Kris back.

Kris stared down at Siwon and growled at him, "Don't ing say that to my sister EVER again you piece of ! You ever do anything to hurt her again and I will end you, you understand me?!!"

Siwon nodded and spat out a mouthful of blood.

"You know what I got what I came for, let's get out of here," I said calmly. My Dad smiled kindly at me and started to pull Kris to the door. I looked down at Siwon and said in an emotionless voice, "I feel sorry for you Siwon, you are so twisted by the past that I doubt you will ever move on. I on the other hand, will walk away from this and move on with my life. You can't hurt me anymore."

I my heel and started to walk out. Moon Ye Seul reached out and grabbed my arm which I immediately wrenched from her grasp, "What Ye Seul?" I snapped.

"I hope you know that I only ever wanted to protect you from making mistakes. I only ever wanted you to live a good life," She said in a broken voice.

I let out a little sarcastic laugh and shook my head, "Yeah that may be true but you wanted me to live that life on your terms and I can't do that. I am who I am and I won't hide that anymore. Goodbye Moon Ye Seul."

I turned away again and walked out of the house behind my Dad and brother listening to the sound of  Ye Seul sobbing into her hands. The whole way out I had to steel myself so I wouldn't run back to comfort her. Despite the monster she is, that woman is still my mother. She is the woman who kissed it better when I grazed my knee, who made me fairy bread for my birthday every year until I was 14, who went to all my violin recitals and who was my best friend while I was growing up.

I think Kris could sense my inner struggle because he slung his arm around my shoulder and whispered, "She doesn't deserve your compassion Tiffany, let her go so you can finally be free." I looked up at him and gave him a kiss on the cheek, before I let him lead me from Siwon's house. I threw the key Siwon had given me back through his front door and said to Kris, "So you think you can organize getting my locks changed today?"

"Oh yeah I think I can manage that," Kris winked at me, making me giggle.

Once we were out in the front yard a brunette blur launched herself into my arms and hugged the all air out of me. I didn't care, her arms felt like the safest place in the world to me after the drama I had just experienced. I sunk into her embrace and that's when the tears fell.

I felt my Dad's hand on my back, "Sooyoung can you get her home?"

"Of course Mr. H," She said softly as I sobbed on her shoulder.

My Dad gave my shoulder a squeeze and murmured, "I'm proud of you honey and I love you." Dad, my brothers, BoA and Jonghyun all left after that and Sooyoung gently led me to the car. After easing me into the passenger seat she went round and got into the driver's side. Pulling me back into her arms she whispered, "You are the strongest, most amazing woman I know Tiffany Hwang."

I held her tighter and cried. I cried for all that had just transpired and for all I had been through. Once my tears had slowed I raised my head. My eyes caught sight of a sad figure on Siwon's front lawn. Moon Ye Seul stood staring at us with tears streaming down her face.

Our eyes locked and I felt fresh tears start to spill down my cheeks. Ye Seul raised a hand up to wipe away her tears and touched her fingers to her lips and blew me a kiss just like she used to do every morning when she dropped me off at school. She gave me a sad smile and turned and walked away.

With a trembling lower lip I looked up and met Sooyoung's mocha eyes. "It's been a hell of day, you think we could get out of here?" I said tiredly.

"Of course Hazel, let's get you home," Sooyoung said laying a kiss on my forehead. I leaned back in my seat and closed my eyes as Sooyoung started the car and pulled away from the curb. I never wanted to see that house or the man that lived there ever again.

I put a CD into my car stereo and let the music start to comfort me as only music could. It was a CD Jonghyun had left for me with a new song he and Sooyoung had written. As soon as the music began Sooyoung hit stop.

"Why'd you stop it for?" I asked confused.

"That song might be a little too close to home for you today," Sooyoung said keeping her eyes on the road.

"Why? Is it about me?" I asked, already knowing the answer.

"Yeah it is," She said. She already knew I was going to listen to that CD, I'm stubborn like that.

I leaned over and hit play again, ignoring the look of trepidation Sooyoung was throwing my way. After everything a song wasn't going to break me. I closed my eyes as Jonghyun's deep voice began flowing out of the speakers and the words washed over me in an oddly cathartic way.

'"You in the dark
You in the pain
You on the run
Living a hell
Living your ghost
Living your end
Never seem to get in the place that I belong
Don't wanna lose the time
Lose the time to come

Whatever you say its alright
Whatever you do its all good
Whatever you say its alright
Silence is not the way
We need to talk about it
If heaven is on the way
If heaven is on the way"

I felt a tear leak out from behind my closed eye lid and trickle down my face as the lyrics and music took me over. This song was full of anguish and the pain of people who have had to watch someone they care about suffer.

"You in the sea
On a decline
Breaking the waves
Watching the lights go down
Letting the cables sleep

Whatever you say its alright
Whatever you do its all good
Whatever you say its alright
Silence is not the way
We need to talk about it
If heaven is on the way
Well wrap the world around it
If heaven is on the way
If heaven is on the way

I'm a stranger in this town
I'm a stranger in this town

If heaven is on the way
If heaven is on the way
I'm a stranger in this town
I'm a stranger in this town"

After the last note of the song faded out I snapped my eyes open and looked over at Sooyoung who kept glancing at me out of the corner of her eye as she tried to concentrate on the road. I dried my eyes and leaned over to kiss her softly on the cheek. "That song is incredible. I could feel the pain behind it and I am so sorry I put you through that," I murmured as I her cheek with my fingers.

"Tiffany you have nothing to apologize for, nothing," She leaned slightly into my hand and kept her eyes on the road. I brought my hand down and rested it on her knee as I leaned back into the car seat and let my eyes drift closed. I was asleep within seconds.

-----------

Song in this chapter:

Letting Cables Sleep by Bush

 

Idk why but when I re-read the part where Moon Ye Seul blew a kiss for Tiffany kinda made me teared up.. hbu guys? :']

 

 

p.s have you guys watch Breaking Dawn Part 2? I watched it yesterday and it was..  FAWKINNN' ARHGHGVSHFSVABFAF AWESOOOMEEEEEEEE!!! Like, seriously, go watch it yourself!! xDDDDD

 

Like this story? Give it an Upvote!
Thank you!
SoostersFanytastic
gotta post an early update in a few minutes! XD

Comments

You must be logged in to comment
maikimause123 #1
Chapter 26: This story is absolutely amazing. Please continue
far_awaySONE
#2
Chapter 26: author-nim...~
where are you???
its been years.well since the last update sam...are you alright?
jaekwons
#3
Chapter 26: i hope you don't abandon this fic as it's developed quite nicely :-)
Va_asianloverz
#4
Chapter 12: Please update soon
Bluesky235
#5
Chapter 26: author when you will update this story again??
i will waiting author ^^
jungbanhap
#6
Chapter 26: I miss this fic T.T
I missed you too~
poly_pala #7
Chapter 26: Continue!!!!
Sammy1020
#8
WHERE ARE YOU, AUTHOR????????? TT.TT
SooFany10113979
#9
Chapter 26: Continue AUTHOR-SSI
soosicfany33
#10
Chapter 26: LET'S CONTINUE THIS AUTHOR-SSI!!!

we're all here..hwaiting!!