Seunghyun got up after his dream, taking in his surroundings and slowly wading through the thick haze that was his memories from the night before. He looked to see a glass of water and pain killers waiting for him. He took them quickly to stop the throbbing. It was late morning and Seunghyun was still exhausted from the previous day.

Teddy and all the other members trickled out of their rooms. They all looked in the cabinets and refrigerator before groaning and sitting on the couch. They each, minus Teddy, took their turns to look at Seunghyun questioningly before noticing the glass of water next to him and giving him a pained smile. Danny even walked up to him to grip his shoulder and nodding at him like he understood.

Seunghyun looked out the window of 1TYM’s van as they drove through the city. They told Seunghyun they could drop him off before they headed off to some interview. He knew talking to his parents wouldn’t be fun. He had never done anything like this before. He was generally a good kid. He wrung his sweaty hands, hoping they would understand.

Seunghyun trudged up to his door and inside. He kicked off his shoes, not caring where they went. He smelled something that could only be described as blissful. Soon he drifted into the kitchen to see his omma stirring a small pot with a grimace on her face.

“Good morning, Seunghyun. I guess my baby is growing up after all.” She said.

“Huh? What do you mean? What are you making?” He asked, puzzled by her thoughts.

“Well, when you left yesterday I kind of figured that you’d end up hurt and back home or by some chance, not home and hungover. Don’t ask how I knew, I just did. Your friend who called just confirmed it for me. Go on, sit. It’s almost ready.” She said with a voice heavy with emotion.

Seunghyun slid into a cold chair at the kitchen table, feeling worse than dirt. His mother knew. He braced himself for punishment when the small pot of hangover soup was placed in front of him.

“I’m sorry, omma. I won’t do it again. Please be merciful on me.” He begged.

She sat down across from him, her expression unreadable. He slowly started to eat the dish to ease the silence. After what seemed like an eternity, she answered.

“I’m disappointed but not because you went out drinking.” She said coolly.

Seunghyun knew not to push her so he kept eating while she spoke. The hangover soup making his head feel more clear with each spoonful.

“I don’t like how you handled your pain. You went out with someone I don’t know and drank large amounts of liquor only to fall asleep at their house, wherever that is and who that is with, I don’t know. That scares me so much, Seunghyun. I would rather you stayed home and snuck our liquor. I may have even drunk with you.  Do you understand?” She explained.

Seunghyun’s mind was still feeling blank from lack of sleep, drinking, and his emotional turmoil so he shook his head slowly.

“I don’t want you putting yourself in danger. I know I can’t stop you from growing up and doing your own thing but at least let me meet the people you are drinking with before you leave. Just give me a codeword and I’ll know. Please, for your omma’s aching heart?” She pleaded, wiping at a silent tear.

Seunghyun didn’t know he would drink so much but he should have guessed he would. Plus, he knew Teddy but his omma didn’t. He should have just gone straight home instead of staying later than he should have. His stomach churned when he thought of his omma looking out the window and waiting by the phone while he widdled away the hours with Teddy. He nodded.

“Omma, I’m so sorry. I should have just gone home. I should have thought of you first.” Seunghyun said softly into the half empty pot.

“I understand, Seunghyun. You are young and make mistakes but I just wanted you to know the adult perspective.” She said.

Seunghyun nodded and continued eating his soup quietly.

“Okay. Now we are going to need to talk about more grown up things, Seunghyun, like paying for the bathroom and your father.” She said.

Seunghyun suddenly felt squirmy and wanted to leave. He felt really uncomfortable talking about these things.

“I’m going to make us a pot of tea, help you relax a bit. You don’t need to be afraid, Seunghyun. It will be okay.” She said before leaving the table into the kitchen.

Seunghyun breathed deeply, trying to calm himself down. She knew about everything he went through so hopefully she would go easier on him. That’s when it happened.

Seunghyun looked up and saw his father. He looked exhausted and irritated. His eyes emitted the same intense gaze he had inherited. He sat down at the table without a word, looking at the wood grain. Seunghyun’s heart rate escalated. His palms started sweating and he felt his whole being fill with fear.

“Oh! This is good. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you when you came in but we’re all going to have this little chat together, Seunghyun. Your father took a vacation day so we could sort things out.” Seunghyun’s omma said while carrying in a tray with cups and a hot pot of tea.

She sat down between the two sitting across each other in an awkward tense moment. She poured tea in the silence as Seunghyun’s mind went blank with numb fear.

“Well, let’s start talking but with something simple. We need to pay for the bathroom issues at the school. I’m willing to get a job to help pay for it but you’ll need to do something in return, Seunghyun.” She explained.

“What would I need to do?” Seunghyun asked quietly.

“Well, you need to promise me that you will pass not only middle school but high school as well. I know school isn’t really your strong suit but you need to do that for me at least and I will help with the bathroom. If you are not able to keep your end, you will need to pay me back for the repairs.” She told him.

Seunghyun gulped. This was simple? He didn’t know what to do or say so he kept sipping his tea as his hands shook slightly. His omma’s face didn’t look hardened but soft as she extended a hand and put it on his arm.

“We will help you if you need it, Seunghyun but you need to make it through school.” She said softly.

Seunghyun nodded. “I’ll do it.” He said while looking at his omma’s face. He heard his father exhale in relief.

“Okay…now I think your father has something to tell you.” Seunghyun’s omma said turning to the silent man who was staring into his untouched cup of tea.

She nudged Seunghyun’s appa who cleared his throat before speaking.

“I know you haven’t told me directly, Seunghyun but your mother told me you are experiencing some…um…homoual struggles. I was really rash and didn’t think about how it would affect you. I’m sorry you had to find out about my breakdown. It was wrong for me to have acted the way I did as the head of this family. I hope to set a better example for you from now on as to how a man should be.” He said strongly.

“Your father and I agreed that you need to attend those counseling appointments regularly and when you attend, talk about your feelings, especially those regarding the boy you like.” Seunghyun’s omma stated.

Seunghyun heard his father in a sharp breath of air. Suddenly he felt the air get really tense. He then realized that his omma and appa still strongly disagreed on how he felt. He poured himself another cup of tea and took a drink before nodding his agreement.

At that moment, Seunghyun’s father got up and left the table. Seunghyun guessed his father liked talking about these things just as much as he did. He was about to get up when his omma grabbed his arm.

“Seunghyun, I know this is hard for you. I want you to know that you don’t have to change. Your father is really traditional but he cares about you in his own way. I hope you’ll try to understand him and understand yourself as well when you go to the counselor.” She told him.

Seunghyun looked down into his omma’s shining eyes. She really cared about the man. His heart hurt to see his omma like this so he nodded a little before turning to go to his room.

He flopped onto his bed for the first time in several days. It felt like it had been ages since his eyes had seen the lumpy ceiling above him. He sighed and brought his spare pillow to his stomach. He crushed it in his arms for several minutes before reaching into his pocket, avoiding mysterious lint and used tissue to pull out the envelope and the small bearbrick. He looked at them and felt tears starting to form. Maybe he should call him. Would he even talk to him? Should he wait? Jiyong did say he would call him.

At that moment he remembered calling him the night before in his drunken state. He put his head in his hands ashamed. The first time he had talked to him after he left and it was drunk from a payphone. He was such an idiot.

He opened up the envelope that was now pressed against his forehead. He unfolded the once crisp paper and reread every word, although several were now difficult to read due to his tears the day before. When he got to the line about the song his breath caught in his chest. He had forgotten completely about it. He scrambled to pull out the player from his opposite pocket and turn it on. He skipped through every song on the player that sounded familiar. He was on edge. He didn’t think about anything else but hearing Jiyong’s sweet voice once again until it came.

He closed his eyes as the familiar voice flooded his senses. Tears overwhelmed his eyes and mucus leaked from his nose as he started to sob unwillingly at Jiyong’s real confession. The symphony of his voice expressing over and over again his confusion and his thoughts in the middle of the night while looking at him sleep. His tears and anguish but his overwhelming feelings he could not deny for this person’s smile and touch he craved. To top it all off at the end, Jiyong rapped their rap. The one they had worked on together that Sunday before saying a few words directed directly at him, laced with obvious tears, “Johahaeyo. Fighting, hyung.”

After the track ended, Seunghyun was a mess. He should have been comforted but it seemed that while Seunghyun never wanted to let go, Jiyong felt otherwise. He sobbed into his knees, not caring who heard his wails. Soon his door creaked open and his noona came in to put an arm around him while he sobbed. She didn’t say a word but let him know someone was there for him.

When his tears slowed he gripped the brick tightly. He will call. He will be his. He just has to act like nothing is wrong. At that thought a light bulb appeared above his head. He ignored his noona who was trying to say soothing words to him and started writing in his rapping notebook. He didn’t know if this would work but maybe rapping would help him bide the time before Jiyong would call him. Maybe rapping could ease his broken heart.