“Hyung?” Jiyong whispered into the darkness.

“Mmm?” Seunghyun answered sleepily from the floor.

“Do you really feel safe here?” Jiyong asked with a little worry laced in his voice.

“Yeah, Jiyong. I really do. Now go to sleep.” Seunghyun said a little irritably. He was just about to fall asleep.

“Sorry. I didn’t mean to keep you up. Sleep well.” Jiyong said.

Seunghyun turned over. Jiyong’s family made him forget for a little while what happened earlier. His stomach twisted in pain whenever he thought about his mother’s face earlier. It all seemed like a terrible dream until he realized he wasn’t going home after spending time with Jiyong’s family. He closed his eyes tighter as if trying to get the images to disappear.

“Hyung?”

“Yes, Jiyong?” Seunghyun sighed.

“Have you ever thought about the future, not like science fiction or anything, but what you’ll be like and who you’ll be?” Jiyong said with a little weight in his voice.

Seunghyun let out a long heavy sigh. “I kind of have. I usually stop thinking about it before I think too much. I know it’s not likely for me to have my dreams so it’s best to stop dreaming and be surprised if it does happen.” Seunghyun said, looking at where the ceiling would be in the darkness. He knew Jiyong was looking there too by the sound of his voice.

“Well, that’s stupid. How do you expect to get your dream if you don’t try? Trying makes your chances for getting it higher than if you just decided to let it be.” Jiyong said a little frustratedly.

“I guess it also sets me up to hope. I’d be hoping for something so strongly that if I fail, I’ll be crushed. Having your dreams crushed, I don’t want that.” Seunghyun said.

“But aren’t you just telling yourself now that you’re going to fail by not trying? Your chances for failure are higher if you don’t try than if you do. It’s why I’m going to try even harder now. I’m ready for my dreams to come true.” Jiyong said with confidence.

Seunghyun laid on the floor trying to absorb everything Jiyong said. He was right but he wishes he wasn’t. He was too scared of the end result, too scared of the pain.

“Hey, Jiyong?”

“Yeah?”

“You’re crazy.” Seunghyun said with a smile in his voice.

Jiyong laughed. “I’ll take that as a compliment. They do say a synonym for crazy is passionate.”

“Jiyong, let’s go to sleep. It’s already really late and we can talk tomorrow.” Seunghyun whined.

“Arasso. Goodnight.” Jiyong said.

Seunghyun figured that they both knew they wouldn’t be able to talk like this during the day. There was something about talking to someone in the dark that made you talk about things you wouldn’t normally breach on. Sure, he was tired and just wanted to pass into dreamland but he was also scared of where all this talking would lead them. He was afraid of letting certain things slip from his lips. Maybe another night far into the future, maybe on his deathbed, but not now. He wasn’t ready now. He cinched up his hoodie tighter and his side, hugging his blanket and hoping sleep fell upon his eyes.

Seunghyun woke up to the sun in his eyes. He squinted his eyes shut before turning into the shadows to rub them open. He looked around trying to get his bearings until he saw the lump on the bed above him.  Seunghyun smiled a little thinking of the cute little lump that hid under the blanket from the early morning sun.

He sat up, not feeling comfortable enough to go into the kitchen on his own. He decided to meditate to get strength for the day. He went into the corner of the room after stretching. He let the darkness envelop him again. He searched for the strength he needed but ended up looking and finding more answers that he didn’t know he wanted.

Memories came to him of him as a child. His mother and father fighting over his grades. His sister defending him after school one day in 6^th grade because someone called him gay. He hadn’t understood the word before but they kept saying it because he didn’t look at girls. Remembering seeing a gay couple on the street for the first time, heads bowed, hands clasped, looking so guilty as people stared at them. Seunghyun remembered one of them looking at him and smiling before moving on. He suddenly felt warm in his heart, just like he wanted from the tea the other night.

He looked for strength but found warmth, something he didn’t know he needed. He let his eyes slowly open and noticed tears on his cheeks and Jiyong sitting across from him with fresh bed head. It was the perfect thing for him to see when he first opened his eyes. He knew then that he needed to gain the strength on his own.

“Morning, sleepy.” Seunghyun said, ruffling Jiyong’s hair.

Jiyong scowled. “I wish I wasn’t awake. It got too hot though.” Jiyong grumbled.

Seunghyun smiled at him. He was kind of cute when he was grumpy.

“You are the one who decided to dress like it’s winter before bed. Why aren’t you dying?” Jiyong said indicating Seunghyun’s attire.

He shrugged. He always wore lots of clothes so he never really thought about it. He also didn’t want to explain that he wore the hoodie and held a pillow to stop his sleepwalking. It was kind of embarrassing.

“Whatever. Let’s just go eat breakfast. You looked really peaceful sitting there, by the way. Made me wonder what was going on inside of that head of yours.” Jiyong said smiling and helping Seunghyun off the floor.

Breakfast went by comfortably, talking and laughing, searching for the perfect bite in the large pot of kimchijigae. Seunghyun even felt good enough to dish himself 3 bowls of rice, loaded with various banchan. Afterwards they were full enough that they went to Jiyong’s room to just lay and digest their meal.

“Seunghyun?” Jiyong asked.

“Yeah?” Seunghyun asked, holding his stomach like it might implode.

“What did you want to meet me at the park for yesterday?” Jiyong asked.

Seunghyun sighed. Guess the light doesn’t stop him from asking big questions. Should he tell him? The timing still didn’t feel right and thinking about it made his stomach feel worse, if that was even possible. He didn’t like to do this but he knew he had to.

“I just wanted to see you sometime this weekend and couldn’t think of anything else to do.” Seunghyun lied. He felt his chest tighten as he spoke. He didn’t want to lie to Jiyong but he couldn’t put all of these weighted feelings he has been having on him just yet.

“I see.” Jiyong said while getting up and stretching. He reached for his schoolbag on the floor. “I’ve got homework to do, then we can hang out afterwards. You really should work on yours too.”

Seunghyun rolled his eyes and sighed exasperatedly. He guessed he needed a temporary family and he got one. Someone to nag him about his homework, check.

“Arasso. I will later.” Seunghyun said, opening Jiyong’s drawer of music. He found some Jay-Z to put into the dusty tape player. He couldn’t really read the English titles so he decided to just let it play through. He turned up the volume and let the beats rattle the little player. He then opened up Jiyong’s toy drawer and got out all the Bearbricks and several bulky looking action figures.

While Jiyong worked diligently, occasionally looking up to look and smile at Seunghyun, Seunghyun was enacting a large battle scene between bearbricks and action figures. There were sounds of action clichés, imaginary swords, and machine guns, and of course they could fly.

Time went by and soon it was lunchtime. Seunghyun, having successfully completed his battle, was lying on his back boredly staring at the ceiling, occasionally groaning to try to catch Jiyong’s attention. Jiyong eventually, after over an hour of Seunghyun’s whining, gave in.

“What is it, hyung?” Jiyong grumbled while stretching his arms.

“I’m sooooo bored.” Seunghyun whined.

“Then do your homework.” Jiyong offered.

“That’s supposed to help my boredom?” Seunghyun refuted.

“I guess you’re right. I could use a little break anyways.” Jiyong said while closing his book.

“About damn time. I killed every one of your action figures 3 times over and listened to 3 tapes.” Seunghyun complained.

“You don’t have to stay here. It is your day off. You can go hang out with your other friends if you want.” Jiyong told Seunghyun, obviously a little offended by his comment.

“I would but I’d rather spend time with you. They like me around sometimes but most of the time they are just really different than me.” Seunghyun said, looking like he was speaking to the ground again.

“I guess I know what you mean. In my class at school, no one seems to like the things I do. I get good grades but I’m different so I’m not really a good or a bad kid. It’s like I’m floating around in space.” Jiyong said, his face lighting up at the end of what he said.

He fumbled open his bag and opened his notebook, scribbling things down. Seunghyun got off of the floor to sit on top of Jiyong’s desk, watching from above as he wrote. He read the words that were laced with pain and rejection. Seunghyun glanced across the room at his own bag. Should he get his notebook? Should he show Jiyong?

“You enjoying the view from up there?” Jiyong commented as he worked.

“Eh? Oh. Sorry.” Seunghyun said, popping off of the desk. He went over to his bag to get his notebook. He sat on Jiyong’s bed, his back against the wall. He opened it to read Teddy’s comments again but ended up rapping out loud some of his words. He tried to keep it quiet but soon Jiyong was hovering over him like Seunghyun had done to him not long ago.

“You should really up the tempo here.” Jiyong said, his finger brushing at a line on the page.

Seunghyun jumped. “Yah! What are you, a ghost or something?” Seunghyun gasped.

“Wae? Are you afraid of ghosts?” Jiyong teased, moving his fingers creepily at him.

“Ani. You’re just acting like one. Why should I rap faster there? Shouldn’t raps keep a steady rhythm throughout?” Seunghyun questioned, trying to get the ghost comment in the past. He really would rather not think about ghosts.

“That’s a common thought. Really, people don’t seem to like rap as much because they lack texture that so many other songs have. They have range but raps keep the same tone, just change the tempo. It’s like too much of one thing is never good.” Jiyong explained.

Seunghyun sat and thought. He never heard rap like that before. It was always the background melodies and beats that changed. His mind struggled to grasp what it would sound like.

“Here,” Jiyong offered, seeing Seunghyun’s frustration. “Let me rap this one for you so you can see what I mean.”

Before Seunghyun could protest, Jiyong had picked it up and was glancing at his lyrics, moving his hand to the beats he was imagining. Soon, Jiyong’s passionate voice filled his room. It was amazing. Every last drop of emotion that Seunghyun felt while writing was felt when Jiyong rapped it. His voice slowed and quickened, making him crave listening to his voice even more. It was like letting you taste a lollipop for a moment, before taking it away, the flavor was just never enough to fully satisfy.

Soon, Jiyong finished and looked at Seunghyun with a confident look on his face. “See? Leave flat and even to those looking to soothe. Getting a message out needs texture.” Jiyong told him.

Seunghyun was amazed. He could never…wait.

“Hey, Jiyong. Could you…I mean, would you…want to rap with me, help me out a little? I’m kind of shy and could use some work sounding more…well, stronger.” Seunghyun asked nervously.

Jiyong smiled. Seunghyun’s stomach flipped. Never mind. He could do this another time. Working with Jiyong could wait for another couple decades or so. He didn’t need to do this now when he couldn’t even think of how to open his mouth, let alone make words and while his palms were so sweaty.

Before Seunghyun could gain his thoughts back, Jiyong opened his drawer of music and pulled out a tape to put into the player, fast-forwarding to a song.

“I think I have a song with a beat that would fit this rap nicely, just have to find it. Damn it. I went too far.” Jiyong said, obviously concentrating hard on hitting play at the right moment.

Seunghyun breathed deeply, hoping his voice didn’t decide to go high pitched on him when he tried to speak.

“Finally!” Jiyong said victoriously. “Now when I press play just rap like you normally would with this one. Feel free to adlib.”

Seunghyun gulped. Okay. It was okay. He could do this. Fighting!