Seunghyun ran off the subway. He couldn’t feel. He knew he had pain but he kept running. He couldn’t let him go. He needed him by his side. He needed to know how he felt, that he didn’t need to run from him. His heart felt like it was going to collapse from the stress. He had never run this much before. He really didn’t like to run. His adrenaline got him this far. He weaved through the people walking down the sidewalk, across several crosswalks, getting cursed at as he bumped into chatting ajummas, until he arrived in front of YG building.

He placed his hands on his knees, gasping for air, trying to get his vision to focus. He needed air. He looked up to see he was surrounded by several fans. They wore “Property of 1TYM” shirts and were talking giddily with bags in their hands. He was feeling really out of place. Looking up at the doors he saw 3 guards instead of the 2 from the previous day. His eyes bulged. The 3^rd guard looked larger and stronger than the other 2 combined. He had forgotten until now that the show was filming today. The guards eyed him suspiciously. They obviously thought he was some odd fanboy.

He sat a little ways off, as not to be included with all the fans but close enough to watch the doors. He tried to calm his nerves. Jiyong would come to work soon and then he would tell him everything. He would do anything, anything. He sat and waited and waited. He pulled out his bearbrick. He turned it over and over in his hand to help calm his nerves. He started to pace the sidewalk when he heard his name.

“Choi Seunghyun? Is there a Choi Seunghyun here?” The large security guard called out.

Seunghyun sprang up, raising his hand.

“Follow me.” He said while walking to the side of the building.

Seunghyun followed him scared. Was he going to be beaten? Arrested? Mugged? Did they remember him from before and keep his name and face to keep him from the building? The security guard led him along a short alleyway where there was a plain steel door. He turned his back to him and waited. Soon the door opened and Teddy’s head popped out. He looked both ways before stepping outside into the alleyway.

“Teddy!” Seunghyun shouted as he beamed. He had never been so happy to see him.

“Shh!” He loudly whispered, his eyes wide.

“Sorry. I’m just happy to see you. Can you get me inside?” Seunghyun asked giddily and with more than a little nerves.

“Seunghyun. I have to make this quick. They are about to resume filming but when they were touring the building these were found sitting in the recording studio. I know they were meant for you. Jiyong was accepted as a trainee today but he doesn’t start until tomorrow. I really wish you luck. If I had to root for anyone, it would be you.” Teddy said, patting him on the shoulder before taking his hand and pulling him into another hip hop man hug.

Teddy then gave him two things an envelope and Jiyong’s Cowon iAUDIO CW100 and earbuds. Seunghyun’s hands shook as he reached out to accept them. Teddy gave him a small smile before going back inside the building. The security guard then urgently walked Seunghyun out from the alley. They obviously didn’t want the fans to know about this door. These were Jiyong’s most prized possessions, how was Teddy so sure that he left them for him? He could have left them there on accident. He worked hard enough yesterday that it was a strong possibility.

As Seunghyun walked slowly down the sidewalk, like he was holding an unstable bomb on his way to the subway. His fingers itched to open the envelope. He wanted to know so badly what he wrote but he paced himself and waited until he was sitting on the train before opening it. He flipped up the flap to see a single sheet of paper inside. It was folded as neatly as the author’s hands could manage. Seunghyun slowly unfolded it to find a long note in the same neat scrawl that he recognized from watching him write all these times. Seunghyun’s eyes darted across the paper drowning in the ink and characters. It read:

Dear Seunghyun,

I know this is the coward’s way of doing things but I’m really not too brave. I know I’ve been avoiding you lately and I shouldn’t be doing that to you. Thank you for being so patient with me. You really are amazing.

The other day, I know you thought I was drunk but I wasn’t. I just wanted an excuse to be close to you and didn’t know any other way. You were so kind to me and I just couldn’t take it anymore and kissed you. I’m sorry if I hurt you. I have never liked a boy before so I don’t know what to do or if this is okay. I really do like you though, as hard as it is to say that.

I knew from the day that we met that my parents were trying to get me into a fancy arts school. I really wanted it. They knew that if I was in a higher level math class they would look at me closer. Anyways, the night that we kissed, you went off to the bathroom and my parents told me that I was accepted into the school. I didn’t know where to begin. I should have been happy but I felt like my heart was a crumpled ball of paper. My parents told me to share my good news with you but how could I tell you? So, I kept it to myself. I didn’t want to hurt you.

So, if you are reading this now, my 1TYM hyungs are really smart and if not then this is probably in a trashcan somewhere being read by no one. Today I cleaned and thought a lot about what I want out of life and my relationship with you and to be honest, I want it all. I can’t stand that I can’t. When I was done cleaning I worked really late in the studio with Teddy hyung. I recorded a song for you. I hope you like it. I asked him to put it on my music player for you. I hope he did.

I don’t know when or how but I will see you again, hyung. I’m so glad to have met you and spent all those good times together. We will make more memories in the future. For now, thank you, for everything. I will call you when I have things sorted or figured out. I will miss you and will be thinking of you everyday.

Jiyong

Seunghyun was curled in a ball and openly sobbing on his seat. He heard ajummas scoffing about how anyone can openly cry on the train like that but he was past caring. He knew he had missed his stop several minutes ago but he didn’t care. He would ride until the end of the line and even then, he knew it would be hard for him to move on.