Seunghyun got off the bus by Jiyong’s house and sighed. How was he going to explain this one to Jiyong’s parents? He always accompanied him to work. He could say they had a fight but what if they asked about it to help them? He walked slowly and thought. He looked up at the cloudy sky. It masked any warmth and brightness from the sun while making a bubble of the earth’s own smells and temperatures. Maybe he could mask the truth the same way.

He pushed the button for Jiyong’s apartment. Jiyong’s omma answered in a chipper tone.

“Yobesayo?”

“Hello, Jiyong’s omma. It’s Seunghyun. May I come up?” Seunghyun asked politely.

“Of course!” She answered before buzzing him up.

Seunghyun climbed up to the apartment. He knocked before opening the front door.

“Hello, Seunghyun. Hope your school day wasn’t too terrible.” She said in a joking tone.

Seunghyun smiled at the sentiment. He was about to go down the hall into Jiyong’s room when she asked the question he had been waiting for.

“I thought you usually went with Jiyong to work after school. Did something happen?” She asked with genuine curiosity and concern.

Seunghyun gave her a small smile. “Not at all. I just told Jiyong that I was feeling a little too tired to help him out tonight. He understood and went alone.”

“Oh. I see. Jiyong does work long hours. It would be hard if you weren’t used to it. If you’d like a snack, let me know. It really is nice having you here. It gets lonely here during the day.” She told him with a smile.

“Thank you for the offer. I really do feel welcome here, I’m just feeling tired and would like a nap for now.” Seunghyun said with a bow before leaving to Jiyong’s room.

Seunghyun walked into the room and threw his bag at the foot of Jiyong’s bed before flopping face first onto it, enveloping himself in his scent. He smiled and snuggled the top blanket close to him. He knew he was being a slight bit creepy doing this but he missed the warmth in their relationship they had. Being patient came with that sacrifice.

He started letting his thoughts drift to Jiyong again. How his brown eyes looked so close to his, his smile in all forms, his voice when he spoke and rapped, the feel of those soft lips on his. Seunghyun flipped over onto his back. He couldn’t think about those things while inhaling his scent. It could be dangerous. He looked at the ceiling. So this is what Jiyong looked at when he laid here. He felt a small smile on his lips before he started to yawn. His eyelids became increasingly heavy as he fell onto his side and drifted to sleep.

When Seunghyun cracked his eyelids open he could see the room enveloped in the transition to night. He slowly sat up rubbing his eyes and stretching. Things really were dull without Jiyong around. Being without him would have to take some getting used to. He tried to fix his hair and shuffled into the kitchen for a glass of water.

“Seunghyun!”

Seunghyun looked up from his glass in the direction of the voice. Jiyong’s appa was sitting down at the table alone eating.

“You should sit with me and eat. It would be nice to have some company. My wife said she had already eaten.” He said pulling the chair next to him out from the table.

Seunghyun bowed a slight bit before taking a seat at the table. He laughed.

“You really are traditional. Don’t worry though. It’s a good thing. Most workplaces now days look for that.” He said handing Seunghyun a bowl.

“I guess that is one of the few things I have in my favor.” Seunghyun said with a grimace, dishing himself a bowl of rice.

“Don’t be too hard on yourself. You still have time to straighten things out if you wish. You are only in middle school! Good habits begin young though.” He advised Seunghyun.

“Yeah. I guess.” Seunghyun said, feeling uncomfortable about this topic. He never really liked talking about his future. It made him anxious.

They sat for a while in silence with only the clinking of utensils on bowls and chewing mouths. Seunghyun didn’t mind the quiet but he was sure Jiyong’s appa did. He always seemed to like friendly conversation.

“What made you okay with Jiyong taking his job?” Seunghyun asked.

“Well, I know he is out late for being so young and I do get worried sometimes but I am proud that he is working so hard for something he wants.” He answered, looking into his rice bowl as he spoke.

“What if he doesn’t make it?” Seunghyun asked quietly.

“I know that would make him devastated but it really is a possibility. It’s why I told him that he needs to keep his grades up or he can’t keep this job or work on his music.” He explained.

Seunghyun nodded as he absorbed what he heard. It made sense how Jiyong worked so hard at his schoolwork and his job too. Also, why he ditched school but still went to work. He shook his head and smiled.

“What is it?” Jiyong’s appa asked at his expression.

“Nothing. It’s just everything you said makes sense with everything I know about him.” Seunghyun explained, bringing some rice to his mouth.

“Jiyong must really like and trust you.” He said.

“Why’s that?” Seunghyun asked, puzzled.

“Jiyong really finds it hard to open up to people beyond small talk. He’s been like that since he was little. People would flock to him for some reason but he didn’t know how to be their friend. It was like he clammed up under the pressure.” He clarified.

Seunghyun sat in shock. Is that why Jiyong didn’t really have friends? He felt pressured by them?

“Anyways, thank you for sitting with me, Seunghyun. I know you aren’t much of a talker but I appreciate it none the less.” Jiyong’s appa said before getting up and walking into the front room.

Seunghyun sat and ate various banchan and another bowl of rice covered in seaweed soup.

Jiyong’s appa must have a good job to be home this early. He looked around his surroundings, comparing it to his own home. The appliances were newer, there was more space, the table was solid wood as opposed to the cheap table he sat at for every meal. His fingers ran over the wood grain. He wished his family had such nice things. They worked so hard. His noona has been working since she was his age. His parents thought he didn’t notice how much money they spent and that was true but he did know when times were easy and when they were hard.

When he sat down to eat, he would look to see if there was meat and how many banchan they had. When times were easy, they had beef and at least 10 banchan. As times got harder the banchan slimmed down and the meat got cheaper and cheaper until it disappeared from the table. Conversation was also lighter, the more food that was present.

As he finished he cleaned up his dish, rinsing it in the sink before going back to Jiyong’s room. He looked at the desk made of solid oak, matching the bed Jiyong slept on. He opened the drawer of music, remembering all the official tapes and cds. He closed it and went to his bag. He pulled out his only Notorious BIG tape and put it into Jiyong’s tape player. He laid on Jiyong’s bed and let the smooth rap fill his ears. He muttered the words along with, sometimes putting more feeling into the song than the song had itself. He just needed to let some things out.

By the time the end of the tape had come he had silent tears rolling down his cheeks and his throat felt like someone had punched it. He curled up and watched the clock, waiting for Jiyong’s arrival. The tape ended with a loud click and he still laid unmoving in the silence. He wanted to be awake when Jiyong came to bed. He wanted to take advantage of the cloud of darkness and ask Jiyong the questions that have been weighing on his mind. This was his last night here after all and he wanted to be sure to ask him because he wasn’t sure he would be able to after tonight. There was just something in the air telling him to do it and he was never one to ignore his intuition.