Joon’s point of view

“Do you want to stay the night, the carnival is a bit closer to here.” I asked him the night before we were supposed to go. He looked up with wide-eyes, we’d just come inside and his cheeks were rosy red from the cold. “I can’t stay the night again, what about omma?” he said sliding out of his shoes even though we were only going to stay in for a short while. He dropped the “my” in “my omma” a while ago. Thing were certainly getting closer between us but I did agree I didn’t want his mother alone as her condition was worsening. It was far too cold for her to be staying in their house. I scratched my head with the cap of my ink pen, as I prepared to write down a shopping list. “Omma can stay the night too, she can stay in the guest room and you can stay in my room.” I sort of jumped the gun when I let those words leave my mouth. No one’s ever been inside my room, I felt way less tense and uptight with Thunder around. I wasn’t worried at all. “Or however long you two want, you can move in if you want I don’t mind.” After I realized that I hadn’t written much down, I decided to wander into my kitchen and check the cabinets and the refrigerator so that I could know what I needed in more of in the house.

                After checking both I closed everything and wrote down what was needed. I turned back to Thunder who had taken a seat on the couch. He was so silent I’d almost forgotten he was in the house, almost, because I was always warm inside when he was around so I knew he was there. “What’s wrong?” I asked looking at him with his glossy eyes. “You’re doing too much for us we could never repay you, just helping with your film will never be enough. I’m worried you’ll change your mind about us someday.” I was confused by everything that he was saying how could anyone change their mind about loving someone so pure and hardworking. He inspired me in so many ways. He sneezed into his sleeve “bless you, thunder.” I said smiling. “I won’t change my mind, get your shoes on we have to get to the market before it closes.” He nodded and walked slowly over to his shoes that he placed neatly beside the front door. “Do you think omma would want to go to the carnival too?” Thunder joked as we stepped outside. “I don’t know, under all that modesty I think she could be a rollercoaster maniac.” He said, half seriously but then giggled and covered his childish smile with his sleeves. “Yah, why are you so giggly today?” I asked, trying to sound stern, something I haven’t done in a long time. “I’m happy.” He stated simply as we walked down the hall to the building elevator. “What do you have to be happy about, you’ve been wearing the same socks for three days.” I commented. “I’m always happy when I’m with Joonie hyung.” He gleamed. There really wasn’t anyone on earth as pure as Thunder.

                “and I have not, my socks just get really dirty walking around hyung’s apartment.” He added cheekily. “aish, you.” I rolled my eyes as the elevator doors closed, he giggled again and the camera never stopped rolling. As soon as we got outside I pulled the black scarf around Cheondoong’s neck, around his mouth. “You can’t get sick, covered up and close your jacket.” I nagged as we began walking to the grocery store. In the store there were so many things he wanted to buy, he was like a little kid, eyes sparkling at everything. “Hyung can I have this too?” I looked over at the giant chocolate bar. He flipped it over in his small hands, examining it. “I’ve never had chocolate before and this one says it was made in the U.S hyung I really want to try it.” He looked up, he was talking more to himself than to me.

“Yah just put it up there.” I leaned my head toward the conveyor belt where the rest of the groceries we’d picked up were. Cheondoong really was still blossoming. He hadn’t had so many things, or experienced other things and he hadn’t been to so many places. I loved how excited he was about everything. “We’ll go and take these groceries back then we can get my car and pick up omma and her things and bring her over.” I said as we walked out of the store and crossed the street to take the path through the park. “Okay hyung.” He said looking down through the bags he was holding, clearly only searching for his chocolate bar. “Wait you have a car?!” he screeched suddenly “then why are we always walking everywhere?” “Because I can focus more on things when I walk, like talking to you. And think about it, I never would have met you if I just drove to school in back. I like walking. Tomorrow we’re driving to the carnival anyway so don’t whine.”

                I’d captured a lot of moments of just Thunder and his mother~ they were some of my favorite shots too. Sometimes, she was as spunky and saucy as a teenage girl you could hardly tell she was as seriously ill as she was and I caught great shots of just the two of them bonding. On other days she wasn’t feeling to well and Thunder was there every second whether she needed something or not. When I offered to help he wouldn’t let me. He would smirk off his exhaustion, but I could see he was in pain and he was tired and sad. I’ve known that Thunder is ill, for a while now but he is really healthy and won’t suffer from it. I made sure he got his medicine. He wouldn’t accept it, he insisted he was fine. I could never believe that. I slip it in his meals and drinks and force him to eat and drink. He isn’t suspicious but I just staring at omma is hard to bare. I could never let him get to that point. Omma left him in my hands and I needed to take care of him.

                “We’ve never had a family portrait before. It’ll be beautiful.” Omma commented as I set up the camera and lights to take a picture of her and Thunder. “You look beautiful omma.” Thunder said smiling at his mother as he stood in position beside her. “Joonie get over here, you’re part of this family.” I hesitated but she insisted aggressively and I hurried over. “You’re like my son-in-law.”

She said huskily, smiling. “Mooom we aren’t dating.” Thunder whined as the timer ticked. “Okay my Doongie.” She said pitched under his chin. I love the portrait Doongie’s omma pitched under his chin and pursing her lips toward him while he squeezed his eyes closed in pain and then there was just me, dazed by the mention of being called “son-in-law” as in the partner of her son. She said it so freely as if she knew my feelings. We all gathered behind the camera and looked at the display screen “Should we take another one?” I asked looked back up at them as I showed them the picture. “Yes!”

“No I love it, my family is beautiful, this is the one I want.” Omma said confidently. “Sorry Thunder, what omma says goes.” I stated saving the photo into my laptop to be printed at the print shop after we come back from the carnival. “Everyone it’s bed time we’re heading out early tomorrow lights out!” I called standing in the doorway of the guest room with Thunder behind me as I shut off the light. “Who does he think he is, my dad?” She said “under her breath.” We were still standing there. “No but if I were I would not be taking any Sassing in my house!” I shouted playfully causing omma and Doongie to laugh. “We’ll be right down the hall omma, and I’m leaving the door open so call if you need us.”

“Goodnight omma Saranghae.” Thunder said softly. “Goodnight my beautiful sons, I love you both more.”  Now the only thing I had to face was my sleeping arrangement~with Thunder right beside me.

……it actually wasn’t that bad, it was more like a sleep over. He faced me and I him, in bed. “My face hurts from smiling so much hyung.” He said cupping his cheeks. “Yah, go to sleep will you?”

“I love you Joonie hyung.” Aish, what was I letting this boy do to my heart?