You can’t love me if you don’t love yourself. You can’t have me if you don’t even want yourself. Who are you to ask me to love you? What makes you so important to deserve this love? Didn’t you get what you wanted? Don’t you have everything you could have ever asked for?

Why do you need me?

Stop begging at my feet! Stop grabbing for my hand when I don’t want to touch you! You reach for me and I run, so stop making me feel repulsed! I will stay if I can stand the sight of you, I will stay with you if I can stand your sound, your smell, and touch…I hate it.

How can I stay with you?

Stop saying those words! Stop repeating yourself! You don’t want me, you don’t need me. You’d do anything for me? Please, don’t make me laugh. This situation isn’t funny, it’s scary, and you’re scary. Can’t you see you’re scaring me?

What do you want from me?

I have nothing to give to someone like you. You say you want everything, my everything. But what does that mean? Would you like my heart too? Do you want me to rip it from my chest, blood and veins’ dripping with life’s liquid? Would you want that as well? You said my everything, but I have nothing.

When can you have me?

Never, I will say it again…never. It will never change, I can never change. How could I give myself over to you? Didn’t I ask this already? Why did I ask it earlier? What was my answer? You can’t love me if you don’t love yourself. You can’t have me if you don’t even want yourself.

So start wanting yourself…

Jongdae stood straight, his eyes leaving the foggy mirror, his thoughts fading from his mind. Quickly he fixed his clothes, readying himself for the day. He unlocked the bathroom door, shooting his reflection a once over, the smirk, his smirk, forming unconsciously on his face.

~~~~~~~~~

Luhan stared at the blank wall waiting patiently for his ride to come. Just a few weeks ago he attended that wedding as a maiden’s . He was paid a hefty amount for being there throughout the whole event. And overall, he found it to be fun, a release from pent up stress. Just dancing, flirting with all the ladies old and young alike, and drinking his fair share. One of the maidens enjoyed his company so much she invited him to a party she was throwing tonight. He told her that she would have to pay for his company if it was to take place at night. She was shocked to hear such a thing, but paid for his companionship regardless.

She made it seem like he just had to be there, whatever that meant.

Luhan stood as he walked to the car that pulled up. It was a sent driver, the life of the wealthy. Sliding into the back seat of the car he found himself wondering where Cece was. He hadn’t seen her in a while, but he did appreciate her personal touch. Picking him up herself instead of sending a driver.

He turned his body to face the tinted windows, watching the night life pass by as the car drove off. In this part of town, it was always clean, quiet, and sophisticated. Nothing looked out of place, not even the way the pedestrians dressed. They all seemed like they belonged. All high heels and shiny shoes. Luhan was one of those people now. Not a hair on his head misplaced a hang nail in sight, a wrinkle present on his form.

He had always acted like he belonged somewhere high and mighty. All demanding but never giving in return. He just felt like he deserved. Whatever warrant it may be, it should be his. That was his attitude and he was never told any better, always shown, through the spite in his parents tone, their cold shoulders but warm hearts and smiles facing his brother on any given day.

He was thankful for the first real friend he has ever had in all his years. That friend told him exactly what his parents never did. He made sure Luhan knew that his attitude wasn’t acceptable, that he couldn’t continue to go around the way he did and expect things to be given to him. The world didn’t work like that, it never would. Humble was always the right way.

Luhan was thankful for Xiumin.

~~~~~~~~

Xiumin was burning.

Everything about him was on fire.

Even talking to Luhan left a searing in his brain. It seemed everything Luhan talked to him about lately dealt with . He could literally feel the uncomfortable stirring in his pants when he was just staring off into space. His breakfast was ual, the chair he sat in was ual he even found his own arm ual.

Whenever he saw food he thought of one person.

Whenever he sat down, he remembered one night in particular.

Whenever he looked at his arm, he thought about who is could be wrapped around.

Xiumin was ablaze and it was her fault.

She asked him a simple question almost three weeks ago. She asked him if it was a mistake for them to have left the room that night. He doesn’t know why that question seemed to set off all kinds of restraints in his brain. His simple thoughts of her before seemed to explode into a magnum of things people would never consider. At least not people he knew of. He himself had never thought such things before. Sure, he didn’t exactly have experience to base his thoughts off of, but he was still hormonal. But right now? What could one even call how he felt right now?

To him, this wasn’t simply hormonal. This was torturous. This was taking him back to a growing teenager, back to when he just couldn’t sleep for all the glorious dreams that wracked his brain. He was just thankful that that one night Luhan begged to sleep with him, the boy actually slept heavily.

Xiumin still found his face burning at the things he had done to the poor boy in his sleep. Thinking the warm body next to his was a woman, that woman. He would never tell Luhan how he basically had a dream thinking Luhan was said woman. That he had d the boy rather inappropriately where he imagined a woman’s would be located.

Embarrassingly he buried his head int