Uruha pushes DooJoon back “I thought you weren’t gay” he wipes his face clear of tears with his hand.

DooJoon sighs “Well apparently I am… and I blame you” he smiles slightly and looks at Uruha’s lips. He has never kissed a guy before. Uruha smiles at him. One of those small tired smiles “You aren’t mad at me?”

DooJoon frowns and moves his eyes up to Uruha’s “No” He shakes his head and smiles “I’m not mad at you why would I be mad at you?”

“Because I tried to make you jealous” Uruha looks down. DooJoon smiles sweetly and uses a finger to lift Uruha’s chin “You didn’t try to make me jealous. You made me jealous”

He frowns a bit again “I beat up DongHae…”

“You did” Uruha grins and slides his hands around DooJoon’s neck “But I think he will live”

DooJoon nods “That should teach him to keep his hands off my guy”

Uruha’s smile widens to the impossible “Your guy?”

DooJoon smirks looking at how happy Uruha is “Yea…” He clears his throat “Go out with me Uruha”

Uruha crashes his lips against DooJoon’s. DooJoon, first a bit startled, has his eyes wide open but as he feels the soft comfortable lips of Uruha he relaxes and he slowly closes his eyes engaging in the kiss. His hands have a firm hold around Uruha and he tilts his head putting more pressure in the kiss.

The connection between them sends sparks through DooJoon who has never experienced anything like it. He retreats a bit thinking he could used to feeling like this.

“How was that?” Uruha smiles and opens his eyes looking at DooJoon’s closed ones. Doojoon runs his tongue over his lips and opens his own eyes slowly “Just right” He moves in initiating the next kiss. His tongue teases Uruha’s lip earning access which he hungrily takes advantage off. He presses Uruha up against the wall taking complete control of the kiss. Uruha is so happy he can’t even begin to realize what is going on.

DooJoon is just completely absorbed in feelings he never had before. He moves his head back “You really felt like this all along?” he looks Uruha in the eyes

Uruha nods playing with the hairs on DooJoon’s neck. DooJoon shakes his head slowly and softly “How could you stand it? A day with this and I was losing my mind”

Uruha frowns a bit “A… day?”

DooJoon bites his lip knowing that was a stupid thing to say. The truth is he had no clue how he felt about Uruha until today really. He feels how Uruha is trying to slip away from him.

“No Uruha don’t” DooJoon desperately pleads “Uruha give a me second to explain” he holds on tighter around Uruha who frowns “How would you explain your way out of that? God I’m so stupid” Uruha shakes his head “I shouldn’t have kissed you. I shouldn’t be near you. Let go!”

“Uruha don’t do this” DooJoon tries to look Uruha in the eyes but Uruha keeps avoiding him pushing his chest as he tries to get away.

“Don’t do what?” Uruha looks down “You don’t want me to like you and you don’t want me to stay away. DooJoon what do you want?”

“I want you” DooJoon softly says

Uruha looks at him in disbelief. How many times have he wished to hear that? “DooJoon you don’t. You made that very clear many times”

DooJoon looks down and frowns “I didn’t know any better”

 “I… I don’t want to be your fling” Uruha looks DooJoon in the eyes “I don’t deserve to be a fling, if you only liked me for… one day” Uruha frowns and holds on to his head “One day DooJoon, that is nothing, you can’t just…” he shakes his head and tries pushing DooJoon away again.

“I thought this was what you wanted” DooJoon pleads. Uruha stops fighting him and his hands which had been pushing DooJoon’s chest now holds on to his shirt as he frowns feeling like he is about to start crying.

“You have to go” Uruha closes his eyes “Please just leave”

“I can’t” DooJoon lets his hands drop down his sides “If I leave now I will regret it forever” he takes a deep breath and looks at Uruha’s profile “I can’t go”

Uruha shakes his head “Why now? Why today?”

“I don’t know…” DooJoon says but then everything seems so clear “… Because I have a feeling that I already lost you. I miss you Uruha”

“You’ll get over it” Uruha looks at DooJoon wanting him to fight harder and not buckle. He wants him to want him.

“I know I might have blown my chance. Hell one of my best friends don’t even think I’m worthy of you” DooJoon frowns “and he is right.. I know I’m not even close to being what you deserve, I know that. I… I just didn’t know that the reason I was fine dumping girl after girl was because in you I had what I needed. In your texts in the morning, when you hung on my back, the small touches, when you call me that nickname, when you remind me of things I have forgotten, your smile, your laugh, your eyes…. I had your love and I didn’t even deserve it” He looks at Uruha’s eyes “I was blind but I see you now. I’m sorry it took so long”

Uruha relaxes a bit and looks at DooJoon’s chest listening to his words

“Uruha you actually care about me despite what an I have been. Or at least you did and I miss it. I miss you!” DooJoon places his hand over his heart “I know I have been taking too long figuring it out” DooJoon moves his head catching Uruha’s eyes “I… I know that it might be hard to believe that I mean it but Uruha... I never cared for anyone. I never wanted to be with anyone, you know that. I have never committed to anyone but I want to commit to you”

Uruha lifts his head a bit “One day DooJoon… You’ve only been feeling like that for one day”

“I know. Just… give me the benefits of the doubt” DooJoon pleads in a soft voice “I won’t let you down”

“I don’t know” Uruha swallows a lump trying to get the courage to ask DooJoon an important question.

“Why can’t you?” DooJoon sighs

“When did you last hook up with a girl?” Uruha asks looking DooJoon straight in the eyes

DooJoon grits his teeth and frowns.

Uruha takes a deep breath “DooJoon with all the times I have been right next to you when you flirted with some girl... You really think telling me this will be more painful than that?”

“3 days ago” DooJoon says looking ashamed. Uruha looks away shaking his head.

“But it wasn’t good” DooJoon looks at Uruha with eyes begging for forgiveness “I wasn’t really into it. I was mad at Gi Kwang because he had just given me the worst tongue-lashing ever over you and I was frustrated and I just wanted to go back to how things were when you would still smile at me and not DongHae. It was just ”

Uruha looks back at DooJoon “That is just it isn’t it? There is never anything in it. It is all just to you” He looks at DooJoon, serious and collected “Don’t get me wrong I have been waiting for you to come around for a long time… but all the pain I have suffered watching you go home with one girl after another will be nothing compared with the pain I would feel if you treat me like you do them”

DooJoon feels Uruha’s words stabbing him.

you don’t even see how lucky you are because you are too busy screwing over one nice girl after the other as if they aren’t worth anything

Gi Kwang’s words start coming back to him

You are not good enough for him DooJoon. You know that as well even though your head by now is so full of yourself you probably think you are worthy of anyone

DooJoon closes his eyes and nods “You are right” he steps back and starts pacing back an forth “I have been a jerk and a dog and things even worse than that to you”

Uruha crosses his arms and looks at DooJoon

“I have been so full of myself that I didn’t see what I could have had. Gi Kwang was right I’m not good enough for you” DooJoon sighs “But I want to be… How can I convince you?” he scratches his neck “I just assaulted DongHae because I thought he was taking you from me, I spend a night talking about you instead of sleeping with a girl, I can’t focus on my work because I’m looking at you, I get jealous when I see you with another man, I hate that you don’t treat me like you used to…” DooJoon starts rambling and Uruha places his hand on DooJoon’s arm making him go silent “I won’t be a fling?”

DooJoon shakes his head looking unhappy “No. You won’t be a fling. I had my flings and I don’t feel like this with flings”

Uruha narrows his eyes “How could you know? It’s not like you haven’t lied to girls making them think all sorts of things”

DooJoon looks down ashamed of the fact that Uruha knows that.

“You aren’t some girl!” DooJoon is really getting frustrated. He holds on to his head with both hands “You are not just…” He looks around searching for something to give him some kind of clue of what to do “Uruha… You are… I have never gone this far for a fling Uruha. Do you not see how messed up I am? I will do anything to prove to you that if you still want me I will do whatever to become a man who deserves a guy like you. Anything!” DooJoon places his hands on Uruha’s cheeks looking him into the eyes “I’ll do anything”

Uruha closes his fists restraining himself from not just throwing himself at DooJoon telling him how much in love with him he is and say that he is fine with him the way he is. He loves the DooJoon who showed up the first day for work more than a year ago and that hasn’t changed but he is still scared of getting hurt. He is scared of feeling like the girl did when he led her to the cab.

DooJoon can see how conflicted Uruha is and he moves closer to him so their body’s just graces each other “Uruha… Just tell me what to do”

Uruha looks into DooJoon’s eyes realizing that he doesn’t really know if he could ever believe DooJoon and the thought pains him more than if DooJoon hadn’t shown up.

“I don’t know” Uruha lets another tear fall from his eyes “I don’t know if I could ever believe you. DooJoon do you even realize that some of your girls come to me when you dump them? The sweet ones come to me, the ones who aren’t just in it for come to me and ask me why you dumped them. I have heard all the lies you told them and I have seen the pain you conflicted and then I’d see you and listen to you talk about them as if you don’t even realize that you are playing with people’s feelings”

DooJoon drops to his knees and his head drops “They go to you?”

Uruha nods “I don’t know why but I get stopped by your girls all the time in and outside the club. Can you imagine how bad I feel when I have to listen to a girl talking about being with you when that is all I want myself?” he wipes away a tear.

DooJoon looks down shamefully feeling worse than he ever has “I…I didn’t know. I would have told them not to”

“No you wouldn’t DooJoon” Uruha sighs and crosses his arms “You would have laughed it off and said I should stop liking you. Don’t lie to me DooJoon that is what you always do”

“I’m so sorry” DooJoon lowers his head even more and starts trembling as he tries to fight the tears building up in his eyes.

Uruha looks to the side “I-I think you should leave”

I bet this is just as unexpected as the last chapter. Uruha is turning down DooJoon. Will DooJoon give up?