Chapter 48

破碎的心脏和混乱的感情

Pòsuì de xīnzàng hé hǔnluàn de gǎnqíng

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[Tuesday]

Yesterday. Yesterday was the most horrible day he had in his whole life. Yesterday. Yesterday was the day he saw the most uneventful event in his life and he wished he didn’t see it, but he did. Yesterday was the day he saw Taemin with another guy and to complete his set of grief, he even knows the guy who is with his ex-lover.

Yesterday was the day Taemin broke up with him.

He actually lost it yesterday. He grew berserk that is so unlikely of his true character. He actually did the things that he never thought of doing in his whole life, but he did.

He splashed the glass of alcohol to them, slapped Taemin at the face and stormed off the bar.

And Kim Jongin cried.

He wasn’t the type to cry over such things, even when he was young, he never cried when he got a bruise or so. He endures it all, fighting back the tears and throaty sobs that always threaten to escape his lips if he didn’t shut his lips tightly. He was the type of person who doesn’t like to show his weaknesses and hates being weak, useless and pathetic. He doesn’t like to be belittled, he doesn’t want to be worried over and most of all, he doesn’t want to be a pitied.

He hates those, thinking that he is seen being weak and such.

The last time he cried was when his dog died when he was 8 years old back then. He cried at the lost of his dog for the whole day and during that the same night, he vowed not to cry anymore after hearing the murmurs of pity and apologies from the relatives and non-relatives of the family. He was angered by the pities of the people around him and the mockery of the elders back then to him, saying how stupid of him crying over such a useless and pathetic dog.

It was around that time that he grew berserk and cried his eyes out of anger and grief. And after that day, he never cried anymore, even to those who are close to him died, he never did. Even though he wanted to cry, he would just bite it back and swallow it before putting up his blank and unconcerned face.

Now that 10 years has passed, he was once again crying. Crying over the fact that Taemin cheated on him, the fact that he just broke the seal of his promise to himself, the fact that he lost someone and by the fact that his heart is shattering into a million pieces.

He cried, yes because it is unavoidable, but the cry that meant here is different, a far deep meaning behind it and what Kim Jongin considered as the cry from the heart. Though he cried in pain recently (a bit by heart) and also for the past years, this time is different. This time, he cries his heart out.

He never wanted it to be this way, but it ended up this way and he wants to laugh at it; laugh by the fact that he is once again crying and the voices of mockery before once filled his head again, causing more grief and pain in his heart.

Such a cry baby.

How pathetic he is. Look at him! Crying over a mere dog. So pathetic.

Useless. He can’t be the heir of the Kim’s. He’ll only ruin the clan.

Look at the poor and weak Kim Jongin. So pathetic and useless.

Ah, what do we have here? Kim Jongin crying? That’s a record.

Boys, look at him. That piece of useless pathetic human being. Crying over his mere dead dog, pathetic isn’t he?

Such a nuisance.

You’re a shame Kim Jongin. You don’t have the right to be called a Kim.

He bears those words for his 8 years of life back then (before he could even vow not to cry again). He endured it all, swallowing the pain and grief those words the scarred his heart. He was a cry baby back then, he admits. He was sensitive and emotional to such small things that often cause him those hurtful words. His parents didn’t say anything, he was grateful, yet he was angry by the fact that they didn’t do anything to stop those nor did they console him.

After sealing the vow, he never cried again not until today that he finds it so cruel and painful. Why must this happen? He takes his phone that was beside him. Opening it up and pressed the speed-dial number 3 before pressing the phone on his ear; biting back the sob that threatens to escape his lips.

He shifts his head lower from the pillow that was currently cradling his head. The blanket is no longer on the bed but on the floor joining the other mess. Several things were scattered on the floor. Broken glasses, pictures torn into two or either crumpled, clothes dumped somewhere in the floor, water spilled with fragments of the vase not too far from it and others.

He trashed the whole place when he immediately got home.  Relieving his stress, anger and grief out by thrashing the whole place. He didn’t cry that night; he just released his emotions that night and immediately slept when his sore and drained body met with the soothing and comforting bed.

When he woke up, he thought it was just a dream but seeing the chaos of the room, he knew it wasn’t just a dream; it was reality.  He screamed. He screamed and screamed until his lost his voice. He screamed until he lost it. He screamed because it was the only thing he could do and he cried. He didn't care about his neighbors. He wouldn't give a for them. Not like this. Not when he is at his weakest point.

He waits for the call to be picked up as he wiped his tears away. His eyes stung a bit, but he didn’t care. He bit his bottom lip as he waits for the call to be picked up, chanting the person's name in his mind.

--the phone is currently busy. Please leave a message in the voicemail after the beep. Thank you.

After hearing that, Jongin lets out a whimper. He doesn’t know why, but all of a sudden, the tears flowed out from his eyes as he breaks down.

BEEP

“Hyung, hyung, hyung…” he cries out, letting out more sob, “Kyungsoo hyung, hyung, hyung.”

He shuts his eyes tightly, trying to regain his normal breathing before speaking up, “K-Kyungsoo hyung, hyung, please come to my house. Please, please, I need you. I need you hyung, I need you here. Help me. Help me, hyung. I’m hurting. I’m in pain. It hurts hyung, it hurts. My heart hurts hyung. I could feel and hear my heart shattering. Please, please, come here. Please, please, hyung, please.”

BEEP

Though he knows that Kyungsoo doesn't know where he lives, he just wish that the older would be by his side, because Kyungsoo is the only one he could think of and the one he and his heart is yearning for at the moment.

Jongin cries again, in pain and in grief. His phone slid out from his hand before both of his hands fisted into fists. Curling into a fetal position, he hugs his pillow, burying his face on the pillow as tears continue to flow out from his eyes and muffling his sobs and screams.

The room is cold, so empty and dark.

‘Hyung, where are you? Come here please, please, I need you here.’

 

 

Kyungsoo stays motionless on his bed, eyes trained on his brown with silver streaks ceiling. The room is quite dark for the curtains are closed and the lights are turned off with the coldness of the room from the AC.

Kyungsoo lets out a sigh.

He doesn’t know why, but somehow he’s been trying to figure out these confusing feelings from his heart for the past weeks. He doesn’t know how he had accumulated these feelings, but somehow he had and that’s confusing him.

He knew he shouldn’t feel this way, but somehow he can’t get away with it. He still loves Joonmyeon, even though the latter told him that he doesn’t love him anymore as a lover but only as a friend, but the love for the first love is just simply overwhelming and he still hasn’t break away from it. Or did he already? Kyungsoo doesn’t know. He’s confused, too confused to even sort out the problems in his shop and others. He’s busy with the feelings that’s been circling around him.

No. He can’t. He can’t like Jongin at all. Not that. After all, the young boy has a boyfriend already, namely Taemin, which turns out to be a close friend of Kyungsoo. And by the fact that he is to like Jongin, that’s impossible. He can’t have that feeling at all. Not that.

He can’t just take away Taemin’s lover at all and just. Even though Taemin and Jongin are having problems now, he couldn't. That’s not right at all. And i-wait. Why was he thinking about taking Jongin away from Taemin? Kyungsoo lets out a gasp of shock as his eyes widen that seemingly could pop out from the sockets.

No. He just did not think about that. No. Hell no.

Kyungsoo takes his pillow and screams at it and goes muffled. He sits up, biting the edge of his pillow while his mind was in a frenzy panic. Kyungsoo screams at his pillow again before dropping his body off at the bed again.

Jongin is just a nice young guy who he is fond of. Nothing more and nothing less. And they are friends, also. It’s impossible to in love with such a short time. They just got to know each other for a few months! They haven’t even known each other for years.

“Well, I guess I’ve known some part of his life already…Aish!” Kyungsoo shaked his head and buries his face on his pillow.

“I’ll think about this later. I need some sleep,” he mutters to himself before letting the sleep take over him. Not noticing that his phone is vibrating in his bag.

 

After an hour of sleep, Kyungsoo wakes up with a throbbing head. He doesn’t know why but his head hurts like hell.

‘Is this the consequence of thinking too much?’

He sits up heavily and let his hand cradle his head for awhile. It really hurts like hell and the churning of his stomach in a bad way didn’t really help at all. He felt breathless for awhile as if something was chasing him. He felt light-headed and the spinning room didn’t really help at all.

Kyungsoo shifted his gaze outside, finding that the day is almost down. He looked at the digital clock that is stuck on the wall with its bright red numbers indicating the time.

5:30 pm

Kyungsoo blinks. He didn’t expect that it’s been an hour already since he took his nap. He might have thought too much that his brain let him sleep for an hour. He sighs exasperatedly, ruffling his hair in the process before his head pounded in pain again.

“Aish!” he cries out before getting off the bed. He takes his towel with him, slinging it on his shoulder before he makes his way out of his room with wobbling legs.

 

Kyungsoo places down the bottle of tea after plopping up an aspirin to relieve his headache. He lets out a long sigh before slightly nodding his head, feeling his head a bit lighter than before. Shrugging it off, he makes his way to the refrigerator, taking a look what could be the food for dinner.  He finds some parsley, kimchi, pork cutlets, left-over fish and rice cakes in the fridge. He slams the door of the fridge shut before sighing.

“Ah, right. Jongdae is on his date. I forgot about that,” he mutters to himself. His stomach churned again in the wrong direction and he felt breathless and a bit pained in the chest. And in that moment, Kyungsoo realizes something.

“Jongin,” he murmurs absentmindedly. He doesn't know why he thought of Jongin, but it struck him to think about Jongin all of a sudden. He looks at the bottle of tea first before turning his heels away and makes a run to his room, ignoring the pain in his head.

Once he arrived in his room, the first thing he looked at was his bed. He lifted up the pillows and the blanket and still no sign of what he is looking for. Next, he checked his drawer, checking if it is there, but it isn’t.

“Aish, where is it?” he mumbles as he rummages the drawer.

“Wait, it’s in my…” he trails off, snapping his head on the white-silver streak back pack. He walks over it and rummages it inside and when he taps the item, he pulls it out. Kyungsoo face-palmed himself, muttering curses and words like ‘I knew it’ and ‘why did I put here again’.

Somehow, in the back of his mind, something was nagging him, like telling him not to open it and so. He shrugged, not caring at all before unlocking his phone. Once he unlocked, there is one miss call displayed in the center of the screen. Eyebrows furrowing, Kyungsoo opened the miss call and found out that it was from Jongin.

“Jongin? I wonder what’s up?” he mutters, opening up his voicemail to check if the younger left any messages. He found one from the younger and he smiled, wondering what it is. Not knowing what is ahead of him, he pressed the voicemail message before pressing it on his ear, wondering what the message is.

BEEP

“Hyung, hyung, hyung…Kyungsoo hyung, hyung, hyung.

K-Kyungsoo hyung, hyung, please come to my house. Please, please, I need you. I need you hyung, I need you here. Help me. Help me, hyung. I’m hurting. I’m in pain. It hurts hyung, it hurts. My heart hurts hyung. I could feel and hear my heart shattering. Please, please, come here. Please, please, hyung, please.”

BEEP

Kyungsoo almost drop his phone in shock. Eyes widen and mouth agape from what he had heard. He looked at his phone, blinking, regaining his composure before checking out his phone again, and checking what time the call was made.

4:30 pm

Kyungsoo curses under his breath. It’s been an hour and 15 minutes since the call was made. Jongin was expecting him since an hour ago! Kyungsoo ruffles his hair. Jongin is hurting and he was sobbing in pain and Kyungsoo hated it when the younger is suffering.  Gritting his teeth, Kyungsoo took his jacket from the coat rack and leaves the room with a slam.

 

Kyungsoo arrives in Jongin’s house miraculously, thanking whoever thought of GPS. He arrived at the front door of the house, checking his phone if it the right house. He nods his head in confirmation when the red arrows shows where Jongin and where he is and it show they are in one location.

Fidgeting in his position as panic and worry course through his body, Kyungsoo knocks on the door, one and two but no one answers. He takes a step back from the door, checking if there is any lights but there is none.

Kyungsoo bits his lips, not sure what to do but the GPS says that Jongin’s phone is here and that means that the younger might be inside. Kyungsoo doesn’t know what to do as he paces back and forth from his place.

He can’t just break in to someone’s house that easily and the neighbours might think of him as a burglar or something. Kyungsoo ruffles his hair in frustration, worrying for Jongin’s condition and the decision of whether he is going to barge in inside or not.

After a few minutes of battling with himself, Kyungsoo finds himself choosing the former. He sighs, not really up for the thought of barging in into someone’s house. But before he barges in, he thought of finding the spare key of the house somewhere.

“There must be a spare key somewhere,” Kyungsoo mutters under his breath, looking for the spare key everywhere when he spotted a nearby bird cage, which seems no birds occupying the cage. He walks over it, taking a look if there is a key when he spotted a shiny metal inside the house of the birds that once lived.

He opens the cage, taking out the spare key inside the house before closing the bird cage again.  He smiles, amused by the fact that he never thought it would be in a bird cage. Normally for the people who have spare keys, they would put it under a rug, under a pot, under the soil or the bush, but he never thought that Jongin would place it inside the bird house.

He pushes in the spare key in the knob, twisting it before pushing the door open. He was greeted with a dark corridor and it’s deafening that it gives him the chills. He shivered for awhile, wondering why the house seems so cold and empty. He walks in, patting the wall to find the switch. Once he found it, he turns it on and the lights , giving light to the once dark corridor.

A gasp left his lips.

He didn’t expect the sight would greet him when he the lights. Picture frames were turned to the side or either on the floor with broken glasses, vases were long gone with water and flowers spilled not too far from it and small tables were turned upside down.

Kyungsoo walks in further, avoiding the fragments of glasses along the way. He finds himself in the kitchen and the sight isn’t pleasant either and Kyungsoo leaves the place. Next, he finds himself in the living room and Kyungsoo wonders if a tornado visited the place.

“What happened here?” he mutters, completely wondering how things end up this way. He leaves the living room and makes his way upstairs. Along the way to the corridor upstairs, the corridor is the same downstairs and Kyungsoo is worried more for Jongin than before.

He thinks that a burglar or someone might have break in and tried to kidnap the younger or steal something in the house that they didn’t find and might have hurt Jongin in the process that Jongin is asking for his help. Kyungsoo’s eyes widen at the thought, a gasp leaving his lips in the process.

“No. I shouldn’t be thinking this way. Jongin is okay. Burglar or not, something might have happened here that proved this mess,” he concluded as he nodded his head. He stops in the last door of the room finding a board with an intricate of J & T carved in the wood and Kyungsoo thinks he finds Jongin and Taemin’s room.

His hand held the silver knob before knocking on the door with his other hand. He pushes inside, before calling out.

“Jongin?”

He was greeted with a dark room and Kyungsoo looks for the switch and turns it on. Colour drains away from him as he saw the mess inside. Everything was in chaos, a mess and Kyungsoo felt like throwing up. He finds Jongin in the bed and a gasp of shock and horror left his lips as he rushes towards the young man.

“Jongin! Jongin! Oh my god! What happened? Jongin are you okay? Jongin!” Kyungsoo frantically says, cradling the younger’s head in his arms as he calls out to him. He taps the younger’s cheeks, attempting to wake him up but he stopped on the third tap. He felt the younger’s head and found him burning with fever.

“Oh my god! You’re burning up Jongin!” Kyungsoo shrieks. Jongin stirs a bit, opening his stinging and swollen eyes. His eyes met with a familiar, yet blurry face of Kyungsoo.

“K-Kyungsoo hyung?” he croaks out, feeling his throat constricts in pain from lack of liquid in his dry throat. Kyungsoo hushes him, telling him that he’ll be right back. He gently places the younger’s head in the pillow, before getting off the bed when Jongin caught his wrist, making him stop from getting off the bed.

“Don’t go…” Jongin pleads weakly, afraid and worried that the older would leave his side. Kyungsoo’s eyes soften as he smiles. The bed dips a bit as Kyungsoo looks at Jongin’s face with concern and affection. He brushes away the bangs that cover Jongin’s eyes as he murmurs an ‘okay’ before leaning in and leaves a peck on Jongin’s forehead and retreats with a smile plastered on his face.

“I’ll be back,” he says and Jongin felt eased as he nods his head slightly and closes his eyes.

“Okay,” he murmurs for the last time before sleep claims him again. Kyungsoo’s lips curves into a smile, finding Jongin so child-like. He clasped his hands with Jongin’s and squeezed a bit, telling him that he’s still here before placing Jongin’s hand on his stomach and leaves his side to get some basin and towel.

 

Kyungsoo looks at Jongin’s sleeping form. Jongin looks so weak, so innocent, so pure, child-like and so…vulnerable. Kyungsoo wonders why Jongin is like this. Did something happen? Was there anything that happened that it went like this?

Kyungsoo feels worried for the younger. He never saw Jongin like this. Yes, he has seen Jongin looks so weak before but he never saw him so defeated. And it hurts his heart when he sees the younger suffering like this and it breaks his heart when he sees the younger’s tears roll down.

Gently, he wipes the tears that continue to roll down from the closed eyes and Kyungsoo wonders what he’s dreaming about. He clasped his hand with the younger’s, squeezing it to give comfort to Jongin.

“Jongin, I’m here. I’m here, Jongin,” Kyungsoo whispers comfortingly to Jongin. The tears flowed for a little while before it stops and the corner of his lips tugs upward and a small smile of comfort and ease painted Jongin’s face, making Kyungsoo smile at him tenderly.

“K-K-Kyung…soo hyung…” Jongin mumbles making Kyungsoo blush, his heart seems to beat loudly and fast for some reason. He squeezed the younger’s hand tighter than before and he leans in once again and plants a soft peck on the younger’s cheek near the lips.

He pulls away with a red face, his heart beating faster than before and Kyungsoo thinks his feelings for the younger are revealed. He sighs, trying not to think about it and side-eyed Jongin before a smile bloomed on his face.

“I love you.”

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破碎的心脏和混乱的感情-Pòsuì de xīnzàng hé hǔnluàn de gǎnqíng-Of Shattered Heart and Confused Feelings

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"Innocent love forged by the broken love. The voice of the past echoes and new love blooms."

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And after seeing that all of you are in despair (especially Xiuchen), I decided to give a half-attempt nice ending for Kaisoo.

Yep, meanie author is half gone since their is angst and all, but I hope Kyungsoo's declaration of love for Jongin would make up for it!

So, let us make a round call. Taoris is done, Xiuchen also and Chanbaek, too! And now we have Kaisoo here. So we got 4 couples done. So that means, we got two more couples left. Hunhan and Sulay. Well, I hope  you get ready ^^

Oh, I bid you guys HAPPY NEW YEAR!

It's advance, I know, but still!

HAPPY NEW YEAR and May the odds be in in your favor!

Congratz to EXO for working so hard since their debut until now and for receiving bountiful awards as a reward for all their hardwork! Proud for our boys :D And thank you also to the exotics who had been working hard and let's always be at EXO's side no matter what!

And Happy New Year to EXO and us! Let's make another memorable journey for another new year together with EXO and fellow exotics and other fans.

We are one!

HAPPY NEW YEAR AGAIN!

[gosh...i need to staph this]

YEHET! XD <----courtesy to Sehun. XD