Joonmyeon

They say that the past is beautiful where cherished memories are kept as a play but Suho thinks that the past is cruel, too cruel to be true. The past is so cruel that it is unbearable to have. Who knows that the once closed past will be reopened in the present? Who knows that the past is connected to the present?

No one does.

Zhang Ji.

The girl that he loved with all his life and gave everything to her; the girl that made him laugh and make his heart flutter, is also the one who made him cry buckets of tears and make his heart breaks into pieces.

“I love you. A part of me will always be with you.”

Zhang Yixing also known as Lay.

The mute and fragile boy that he took care of with all he can. The boy that  made his heart flutter and swell with affection and make him develop a sense of care and love.

“I’ll protect you. I’ll be by your side always.”

Broken he was, Suho had always known that a part of him is missing. That the part of him is buried along the grave. Even when he dated Kyungsoo, the young and cheerful boy, who mended him back even if it’s not on the right places; he never really loved him that much. Yes, he loved him, but not as much as he loved Ji.

“It’s okay, Joonmyeon. Even if you don’t love me back as I do, it’s okay. I understand. Just let me fix you back together. Just let me. And that’s all I need.”

He felt bad for the boy, guilty and ashamed of himself. Even though Kyungsoo told him that he didn’t use him, he felt that he used him just to put him back together. He wished. He wished that he could love Kyungsoo like Ji, but love doesn’t work that way. He broke off with the young before December, a month after their first anniversary. He quietly told him and Kyungsoo just smiled at him and he knew that he broke the younger’s heart, shattered it like his. But Kyungsoo proves otherwise.

“I’m okay, Joonmyeon. My heart is still whole. I refrained myself from falling too hard and eep to you, because I know that you love me yet you’ll leave me one day. It’s okay. It’s okay.”

They still meet, take Kyungsoo out on some dates and tell him ‘I love you’ to compensate. To repay Kyungsoo for his love and what he did for him. He thought that Kyungsoo would fall for his hopeless guilt but Kyungsoo saw through it.

“You don’t need to do this, Joon. I’m okay.”

“But you’re not Kyungsoo! You’re not!”

A sad smile graces his lips.

“I could handle it. It may take time, but I could handle it. Someday, someone would put my hart back all together and I could love someone again. I don’t regret loving you, Joon. I didn’t. It’s an honor to love you and meet you. So stop this. It’s okay.”

It’s hard, but Suho copes with it. He still sees Kyungsoo and talk like friends, but as he sees the past weeks, they don’t communicate anymore. That’s okay, as he thought of it, he heard from Sehun that Jongin is taking care of Kyungsoo, giving what he can and probably putting Kyungsoo back together.

A knock resonated in his office and he was brought back to the world. The door opens and comes in a brunette.

“Daehyun…”he utters and the latter smiled.

“Hey Joon,” Daehyun replies with his husky voice.

“What brings you here?”

“Oh, that…I came because Dir. Xing has a message for you,” he mutters as if the spoken words were dreaded. Suho quizzically looks at him and Daehyun took it as a sign to continue.

“About Yixing’s parents…he wants you to make an appointment with them.”  A frown is plastered on his face as Suho narrows his eyes on him.

“Make an appointment with the Zhangs?”

Daehyun gave him a lopsided smile, replacing his frown all of a sudden.

“He’s coming back in two weeks time.”

Flashback

“Well, tell me.”

Suho waited for the answer as the other line kept the hold of silence and Suho concluded that Dir. Xing is debating whether to say it or not. After a few minutes, Dir. Xing replies, “Yes, he’s not my son. And his name is not Lay but Yixing. I assumed that you met them again and that Ji’s words rushed back to you. Yes, they are the real parents of Yixing and he’s Ji’s older brother.

“How could you keep this from me, Dir Xing? Why did you let me be his private nurse? If you knew, why?” Desperation was in Suho’s voice, desperate for answers for the past and for the present.

“It was her favor. She asked me a favor, two nights before she died. She asked me to let you become Yixing’s private doctor and never tell you that he is her older brother.”

Tears flows out from the corner of his eyes, taking shaky pauses of breathe as he bites his lip, drawing out blood.

“He was discarded Suho. Discarded by his own parents because he is so weak and frail fusing with his handicap of being mute. They resented him so much that they left him near the hospital. He got nothing to do with this Suho. Nothing. Take pity on him. Don’t let the past hurt you no-,”

He cuts him off, gritting his teeth first before he loosens up and closes his eyes, tears still flowing out, “I know, I know. But it’s hard. So hard to handle that it hurts. I’m whole, yes,” he pauses,” But I’m still broken in the inside. My heart is still scarred, mended all together, but scarred. I’m still hurting, Dir. Xing. I’m still hurting.”

Silence enveloped them as Suho silently cries and Dir. Xing taking heed of his words. After a long silence, he spoke, “I’m sorry.”

End of Flashback

Yixing

Yixing looks at the picture of Ji and him, closely in resemblance but different in gender. They were smiling, happy and satisfied. Yixing smiles at the cherished memories, so short yet so sweet and treasured. He looks at the frame on the bedside, a picture of Suho and him taken back the day after the fear of being touched is overcome.

He takes it from the nightstand, admiring the picture with awe and affection, smile blooming on his face before it slowly vanishes and a tear slipped from the corner of his eye.

Flashback

“Yixing ge!” Ji cheerfully calls out to him as she entered his room. He smiles warmly at her, welcoming her before they hugged and Ji kissed his cheek.

“Ge, I have great news! Joonmyeon and I are going to get married soon!” Joon excitedly announced to him, eyes sparkling in delight and joy. Yixing blinked blankly at her before a delighted smile bloomed on his face.

He heard about Joonmyeon, caring and nice guy and a doctor at a young age. He heard pieces of Joonmyeon whenever Ji would come and visit him, but would bring the guy to him, but he thinks that it’s okay, that Ji would bring Joonmyeon to him soon.

He took a piece of paper from the drawer, taking out a pen, closed the drawer before he wrote.

“Congratulation Ji! I’m happy for you!”

Ji’s face broke out a wide smile, delighted at his brother’s acceptance.

“Thank you, Yixing ge. Thank you,” she whispers before she slowly enveloped him into a warm hug.

“Thank you.”

End of Flashback

The past is beautiful, yet tragic. It deeply pained him about Ji’s death but he copes with it, accepted it because that’s the only thing he could do. Difficult, but he has to.

Joonmyeon was a mystery. Suho is a mystery. Even  up to now, he never knew who they really are. Suho is a mystery in the past as Joonmyeon is a mystery in the present.

Two personas are one.

He never knew until his parents came that day and talked about his sister. He knew by that, that the Suho he knew is Joonmyeon, the guy that his sister loved.

Cruel, he thinks, perplexed and scary. Fate is scary, too scary. Coincidence or not, Yixing’s heart beat in pain. Because why of all the guy that he loves is the guy that his sister loved? Why?

Cruel just cruel.

Tears slipped out from the closed eyes as the room grows colder, emptier and silence.

Baekhyun

“Baekhyun hyung, try saying ‘ahh’,” Chanyeol tells him and he tried, but a static of nothing came out, a pained gasp is heard. Baekhyun sighs and Chanyeol comfortingly patted his back.

“It’s okay hyung. We could try again next time,” Chanyeol assures him and Baekhyun feels reassured, a small smile adorning his face. They’re at the meadow, Chanyeol took him there, saying that the calmness of the meadow will enlighten him. They tried several times, but all of it were futile, but Chanyeol tells him not to give up, that they’ll try again until he recovered his voice back.

As Baekhyun remembers more pieces of his past, important and cherished, the pieces are vague, but Baekhyun distinguishes two boys and he knows that one of them is him, but who is the other? He wished that he could remember him, wishes that he could meet him again as he sees that they had a great bond.

Regarding about Chanyeol, they have closed the gaps, becoming best friends and helping one another. Kind of sweet, as Baekhyun thinks of what Chanyeol had done for him. They have done a lot since the past weeks. Chanyeol took him to places that he hasn’t gone to yet. It was cherished moments, yes, but something is not right. Whenever Chanyeol would take him to new place, pieces of the pat would appear. It was disturbing him up to now and he doesn’t know why. It never happened before. His memories. It started to appear again after his first encounter with Chanyeol. He wonders why and he hopes he’ll get his answers soon.

“Hyung,” Chanyeol calls out. Baekhyun looks at him, eyes twinkled in curiosity. The younger stared at his eyes before he smiles.

“Let me tell you a story.”

Chanyeol

“It’s about a young boy, so broken and pained. He was broken and pained because he lost everything that he cherished. He had everything he could have wished for. He thought that nothing would go wrong. So naïve and young. He lost everything to soon.” The clouds floats around, the air shifts, but it doesn’t faze the two boys.

“In later years, he’s back on the game, new and quite healed. He had a girlfriend, nice and caring. He felt happy, feeling the familiar joy filling his heart. His girlfriend is all he had. He loved her with all he could, but he was robbed again. Broken once again, the boy is broken in half.”

Baekhyun took his hand, writing something in his palm.

“How is the boy now?”

Chanyeol stared at the horizon, his heart clenching in pain. The sky seems grey and the clouds are no more. Everything is dull.

He calmly forced up a smile to him, eyes turning crescent.

“He’s fine.”

~

He dropped Baekhyun at the house, the maid greeting him on the process. He was on his way home,  head lowered, thinking of buying some snacks for Myungsoo and him when a familiar bicycle screech of stops echoes in his ears. He looked up, sighting his friend.

“Jongin.”

Jongin got out of his bicycle and approaches him. While the younger is approaching him, Chanyeol narrows his eyes on him, thinking of what possibility the younger is doing at this place at this kind of night. Jongin halted in front of him; eyes stared at one another, strong and fiery when Jongin’s eyes softened, eyes circling with emotions. Sadness. He saw the strong stand of sadness in Jongin’s eyes despite the other emotions and from there on, he knew why he’s come.

“Come on, let’s talk at my place,” Jongin mutters. Chanyeol stared at him for awhile before he walks past him, purposely trying to ignore the younger, contradicting his acknowledgment earlier. He was a meter away when Jongin called out, “Chanyeol.”

He stops but he didn’t turn.

“She came back, didn’t she? She’s back, isn’t she Chanyeol? Ying is back, isn’t she?”

Chanyeol closes his eyes and took his time to count to 12 before he turns around, opening his eyes that immediately gazes at the other’s soft brown eyes. Even of he turned and showed no sign of running away, he still kept his silence.

Jongin approaches him again, eyes concerned for his friend. He halts in front of him, eyes gazing at Chanyeol’s eyes, hard and strong, but he sees through it, seeing the unexplainable pain beyond in his eyes. He knew that it wasn’t only because of Ying, but of something else, also. And he wishes he could know. Tears slowly left from the corner of Chanyeol’s eyes, showing how much he is having a hard time, silent and pained.

Jongin took his hand, gazing at it for awhile before he gazes at Chanyeol’s eyes. He smiles weakly at him, patting Chanyeol’s hand that is clasped with his other hand.

“You’re strong, Yeol…” he trails off, feeling the other;s hand tremble against his, so weak and so strongly pained and grieving, “Yet, you’re so weak in the inside.”

With an escape of a whimper, Chanyeol breaks down, dropping on the ground and crying on Jongin’s shoulder as the younger pat his back, soothing his pain.

Kyungsoo & Jongin

Kyungsoo sighs and Jongin smiles weakly at him. They’re at the garden park, sitting on one of the benches and him eating his ice cream. They just finished their session a few hours ago and it was futile. But Kyungsoo is okay with it, that sooner or later, he’ll regain his voice back.

He his ice cream while Jongin looks at his lap, silence enveloping them.

“Hyung…” Jongin whispers. Kyungsoo didn’t turn but he was listening.

“Hyung I’m sorry for today,” he pauses, playing with his fingers a bit before he continues, “We haven’t got any progress since a few weeks ago and until now…I’m sorry.”

Jongin feels sad and guilty. He told Kyungsoo that he’ll help him, that he’ll get his voice back, but they haven’t got any progress at all and Jongin feels frustrated about it. His semester is done and he got his vacation now, giving more time to Kyungsoo and his. And even if their time lengthened, their conversations got longer and their bond developed, the progress of getting Kyungsoo’s voice back is zero.

An expression of guilt and sadness spreads across Jongin’s face, hands and lip bitten hard. Kyungsoo gazes at him, seeing his condition before he turns his attention back at the pretty flowers on the bushes.

While Jongin is angry and has his mixed emotions, slowly, Kyungsoo’s other hand crept its way to Jongin’s fisted hand, enveloping it and patting it as for comfort. Jongin looks at Kyungsoo in surprise; face shocked and surprised. Kyungsoo continues to his ice cream and Jongin gazes at their hands.

“Umm, hyung... our hands?” Kyungsoo doesn’t react. Jongin feels his heart pound in his chest, racing for some odd reason and Jongin wonders why. Opening up the loose fisted hand, Kyungsoo writes on Jongin palm.

“Don’t be sorry, I’m okay. We’re still haven’t got halfway, so don’t be sad about having no progress yet. Don’t give up, we still have a long way to go.”

Clasping it slowly, their hands fitted together, matching perfectly and their hearts settled. Smile blooming on Jongin’s face as he felt assured and gained strength as Kyungsoo secretly smiles as he his ice cream.

The flowers sway lovingly.

~

They’re on their way back home, smile still on their faces as the night shone on them. They’re a bit far, but close enough to the flower shop, Kyungsoo wanting to give some flowers to Jongin as a gratitude for today. Hands, still together, swinging, Kyungsoo didn’t want to let go and Jongin doesn’t mind, liking the warmth from Kyungsoo’s hand.

A call was made and they halted their steps. Using his other hand, Jongin answers the call, suddenly feeling a dreading feeling in his stomach.

“Hello?”

“Kai?”

“Kris?”
At the sudden mention of Kris, Kyungsoo wonders why Baekhyun’s brother is calling Jongin and for what matter? He rarely saw Kris, but he had assumed him a nice, caring and gentle guy despite the cold exterior he puts up. He heard from Jongin that Kris, Chanyeol and him hanged out together and still now. So to hear Kris name is not a surprise at all, but Kyungsoo wonders why he is calling at this late hour of night.

“Jongin,” Kris breathes out heavily, a surge of panic filling his voice and heart. Jongin sensed it and he knows the news is not good.

“What’s the matter Kris? What’s wrong?”

Kris takes a deep breath, drawing up the courage to tell about her presence. There was a moment of silence before he speaks, “She’s back. She’s back and I saw her. I assumed that she’s been here for awhile and I need you to check on Chanyeol. Look for him.”

Jongin doesn’t need to be told twice, quickly he ends the call and turned to Kyungsoo. Eyes sad for leaving him, but Kyungsoo saw something beyond it and he understoon.

“I’m sorry hyung, but I need to go somewhere now,” he whispers to him and Kyungsoo smiles at him understandingly. Jongin felt Kyungsoo squeeze hi shand and loose, gazing at those beautiful orbs, he sees what Kyungsoo is saying.

‘Go’

With a brief gaze between each other, Jongin ran up, taking his bicycle from the flower shop that he parked last morning and quickly rode on it. He had to find Chanyeol fast.

Kris, Tao & Luhan

“And here’s my brother’s proposal,” Kris hands over the long brown envelope to Luhan who was sitting across him, eyes skeptic and firm, as the latter takes it from him, taking out the contents and skillfully reading it.

Brief knocks were heard in the room, Luhan and Kris unfazed before the door is opened and comes in Tao with two coffees in a tray. He hands over one to Luhan and one for Kris, a slight smile appearing for awhile on the younger’s face and Kris caught it and he muttered a thanks and a smile.

“I don’t need your lovely secret messages, you know. You could just expose it than keeping it as a secret. I’m fine with it,” Luhan says, a teasing tone evident in his voice, eyes still trained on the documents and the other two wonders what he is talking about.

With a hum, Luhan’s lips formed a smirk.

“I saw it. Don’t need to hide it.”

Tao blushed in red and quickly excused himself from the room to get away from the embarrassment. Kris stares at Luhan in surprise, still wondering what he is talking about.

As Luhan finishes reading the documents, he settles it at the table, before ing his gaze at Kris, the smirk still present.

“You like him, don’t you?”

Kris raised an eyebrow on him, eyes judging and feeling ridiculed.

“Luhan, really, I don’t know what you a-,”

“Cut it Kris. You like him and stop denying it,” Luhan cuts him off, voice firm and demanding. Kris narrowed his eyes on him, before he sighs and Luhan smiled triumphantly, knowing that he had won.

Kris sighs another, feeling dejected that he lost just because of the feelings. But yet again, no matter what he does, he’ll lose to Luhan eventually, making him a bit frustrated.

“So tell me. How did you figured out that you like Tao?” Luhan excitedly asks, eyes glinting in delight and anxiousness.

“Don’t get the wrong idea, Luhan,” Kris sneered at him, “I like him as a friend only, nothing more and nothing else. So stops your delusions because it’s not funny.”

Luhan scoffs mockingly at him and the younger glared at him.

“So what? Don’t tell me, you still like Chanyeol? I thought you had gotten over your feelings for him? So that’s a lie?” Luhan retorts harshly.

“No, it’s not that. I-I don’t like him anymore, okay? I…I just like Tao as a friend, okay? What do you want me to say? That I like Tao beyond that? You can’t force me to say that, Luhan,” Kris reasoned out. The silence of the night envelops the dim room. The silence is thick but tense and neither of them broke their stare from each other.

“You’ll regret what you said Kris. Don’t come to me when your heart breaks into pieces,”

“Luhan, listen, I-,”

“Go. I’ve finished reading Minho’s proposal. You may leave now,” Luhan bitterly says, voice firm and demanding.  The latter could only shut his mouth, respecting his decision and escused himself from the room. On his way back, Tao approaches him with a child-like smile as if he’s happy to see him alive from the devil’s trap.

Kris remembers Luhan’s words and an aching feeling filled his heart for some matter. He smiles at him, forced and fake, because he hast to return the smile somehow.

“Hey there. Sorry about Luhan there, he's sometimes like that.”

Tao shakes his head and Kris takes it that Tao is okay with it. He smiles comfortingly to the younger, patting his raven hair0head.

“Take a good rest for tonight. We had a long day together today. I’ll picke you up at 9 am. Dress nicely, we’ll go somewhere nice.”

Tao’s eyes glint in delight and excitement and nod his head, putting up a smile of appreciation to the older. Kris’ heart beats for some matter, but he ignores it, smiling at the younger and excused himself.

~

For some reason, Kris had this mixed emotions lately. He had been spending a lot of time together with Tao and he knew that Chanyeol and Kai don’t mind because they are equally busy.

He’s at the café, drinking an espresso that reflects his feelings, bitter anf confuing. There are some customers, three or four including im, the café is sweet, warm and comforting with the essence of a homey feeling. It’s the café that he brought Tao to when they firt met. They’ve been visiting the café a lot because Tao took a liking on the strawberry cake and he, somehow, took a linking for it, also. When he thinks about their first metting, it was awkward and embarrassing, but somehow pleasing for him when he was able to make the younger stop crying.

He learned a lot from Tao, knowing a portion of his life and the common question of like and dislike. The blonde depicts Tao as an open wall, freely telling his stories, but  hard to get out off when you get inside. Like an addiction. The blonde admits that he like Tao’s company, his presence every time and it’s kind of an addiction to meet everyday like a dose.

He doesn’t understand Luhan, wondering what the older is trying to say, Luhan is complicated to understand. Too complex to unveil. Even though they are friends, Kris doesn’t really undersyand him at all and his mind wanders back to what Luhan said, when a familiar laughter fills his ears. He turns his head to the source of the laughter and his eyes widen at the sight.

“What is she doing here?” he mutters to himself, shocked and surprised. His eyes landed on the man across him and Kris recognized him as Chanyeol’s older brother.

‘Why are they together?’

Suddenly, he remembers Chanyeol and with a quick glance to the two, Kris took out his phone and dialed Kai.

---

 

A/N: So sorry for the long wait. Hope you are satisfied with this. Laptop not working anymore T-T. So I hope you enjoyed this. Thank you and lots of love <3

Comments are appreciated~