Chapter 46

足够

Zúgòu

---

[Tuesday]

Jongdae silently stares at his food, untouched and almost cold. Minseok is sitting across him, eating silently his delectable food. Jongdae didn’t think the date would be too awkward to the point sanity is at the edge. He was prepared, yes, when Minseok brought him to a semi-newly opened restaurant that the older booked the whole restaurant for the night.

He wasn’t expecting to be having the date in a restaurant and to say that it’s been a long time since he’s on a date, Jongdae thinks that Minseok understand him.

It’s uncomfortable for Jongdae and he knows that Minseok knows that too. It’s been a long time, a wide span of time of healing of scars, and because of that, Jongdae has no time to concern other things except the café and his brother. Now, that he gave Minseok another chance even though his scars haven’t healed yet, he still gave him another chance, out of pity and pieces of love. But maybe because he’s tired. Too tired to even deal with anything that he finally gave in. It may be absurd, as he thinks of it, but he tries, for one last time, to let Minseok restore everything.

“Aren’t you going to eat?” the older asks, eyes focused on the younger, concern evident in his eyes. The younger male looks at him, a bit surprised before he nods his head.

“Yeah, I am.”

Jongdae takes the knife and fork, slicing the piece of meat before taking a bite and hums after, tasting the sweetness and sourness of the meat and he takes another slice—all actions watched by Minseok.

Minseok watches him eat and his eyes gaze at him sadly. Even though he is happy that Jongdae gave him another chance, but seeing the younger’s actions are restricted and uncomfortable, he knows that the younger isn’t ready yet, but only gave him a chance, because he’s tired. Too tired to avoid him, to resist him, and say ‘no’ to him.

It’s a bit cruel, but he tries to understand, in fact he understood it. It doesn’t take another thought just to understand it. He knows it by himself, that everything is bound to bite him in the future. Given a chance, okay, but what you sow is what you reap and it doesn’t miss any. He understands, accepts it, because that’s the only thing he could do, a bit painful, but he has to.

He bites back the painful whimper, lips decorated with a forced smile. He slices a piece of crab meat, dipping it into the sauce and holds it up to the younger. Jongdae slowly looked up, eyes gazing at Minseok in confusion before he shifts his gaze at the crab meat. He blinks, taken aback from the sudden realization that dawned on him.

“W-w-what?” he sputtered in disbelief.

Minseok grins at him, eyes turning slit.

“Say ‘ahh’,” he replies, ignoring the younger’s reaction awhile ago, but is amused by it.

Jongdae looks around, trying to sight if anyone is around and thankfully, there’s none. Jongdae breathes out a sigh of relief before he looks at the crab meat, hesitant and shy.

“Come on. Say ‘ahh’,” Minseok teasingly tells him and Jongdae took a reluctant bite. When the younger pulled away with a blush on his cheeks, a satisfied and amused smile decorates Minseok’s face.

‘He’s still the same.’ Minseok secretly smiles. ‘The old Jongdae is still here.’

Jongdae could feel his heart pound. The all too familiar warmth filling his cheeks and face. He wasn’t used in doing this kind of thing, even back then. Whenever they would do cheesy and romantic things back then, he would always be shy and embarrassed. Too innocent and naïve. He never would have thought that he has to do this again and an unexpected warmth of happiness fills a bit portion of his hollow heart.

The dinner went by smoothly, small talks were made but smiles were present under the light of the candles.

~

“Yah! Where are you taking me?” Jongdae demands, arms crossed on his chest, eyebrow quirked upward as his infamous pout appears.

After the wonderful dinner, Minseok took his hand and led him to the car, tucking him to the seat and locking in the seatbelt. All happened too fast that Jongdae could only remember was watching the road all of a sudden. They’ve been driving for an hour now and Minseok wouldn’t tell him where they are going which Jongdae isn’t surprised about.

“Yah! Hyung!”

Minseok gazes at him, unfazed by his yellings. He shrugged, completely ignoring the younger’s demands. He knew Jongdae is a persistent one and couldn’t handle his curiosity if he isn’t told to of what and where. And to see that happening now, he wasn’t amused by it at all, but he does love the reactions from the younger, though.

“You’ll see when we get there,” he replies softly.

Jongdae narrowed his eyes on him, before he lets out a sigh and muttered a ‘fine’ before shifting his gaze back at the road. With head turned away, Minseok gazes at him before a smile erupts at his face, watching Jongdae through the rearview mirror outside, at daze and not sulking. He shifts his eyes back at the road, already thinking of what to do.

‘You’ll have fun.’

~

“You okay, Jongdae?” Minseok worriedly asks. Jongdae dazedly stared at the sight in front of him before he nods his head, lips parted to say something, but no sounds came out so he closed it back.

After another 20 minutes, they finally arrived at their destination. Colorful hues of lights and paints decorated the place. Music blared at the entrance and enchanting rides were seen inside. Jongdae was frozen in his place, too surprised to move from his position. He wasn’t even expecting that they would go here again, anyways.

Bittersweet memories were present at the place.

A warm hand slowly clasped with his and he gazed at the man beside him, the older’s eyes beautified with assurance and comfort. He smiles weakly at him, nodding his head and a slip of ‘let’s go’ escapes from his lips.

~

“Merry-Go-Round?” Jongdae asked incredulously at Minseok. Minseok grins at him widely and Jongdae feels the urge to leave the area. They tried several rides already and Jongdae, at all cost, avoided the Merry-Go-Round, because simply, it doesn’t suit him. And now that they are standing in front of the Merry-Go-Round, Jongdae resists the urge to punch Minseok at the face.

“Really now?”

“Yes, now, let’s go!”

Minseok pulls his hand and Jongdae screams in the inside and puts up a horrified look at the outside. Minseok smiles at the lady before he pulled Jongdae inside. Jongdae points at the carriage, but the older ignores him. He led him further away and they finally stopped. Jongdae could feel his eyes pop out of its sockets. In front of him, is a large poorly painted horse (the painting is fine, really, but Jongdae sees it in a horrible way).

“There’s no way I’m riding that thing.”

Minseok smirks at him and Jongdae regrets what he said.

“Oh, you will.”

~

Jongdae sulkily holds the pole, frustrated and embarrassed. Minseok had him on the horse and before he could even protest, the Merry-Go-Round has started already. Minseok looks at him, concern evident in his face. He slightly pokes Jongdae in the shoulder.

“Are you okay?”

Jongdae’s head snaps towards him and he blinks. The younger grits his teeth and tries to punch Minseok to show his anger when he lost his balance after taking away his two hands away from the pole. He waited for his face to crash at the floor, but nothing happened. He slowly looked up and saw Minseok breathes out a sigh of relief then looked at his waist and saw an arm wrapped around his waist.

“Grab the pole, please?”

With flushed face, he grabbed onto the pole, embarrased and flustered. Scolding himself for being so caught up into something like this that would hurt his pride as a man, he settled down this sitaution as something that is part of life considered to be the foolishness out of all. He would bite back his pride for this one time and Jongdae would make sure that this wouldn't happen ever again.

Minseok, on the otherhand, was feeling grateful that Jongdae had to humble himself out to just give in at this time of moment. The Merry-Go-Round wasn't really part of his plan, but he thought that maybe trying to test the waters of Jongdae would liven up the date they have. When a sudden flash of light caught his attention, Minseok turned his attention towards the people that have gathered with some holding with their cameras, picturing them with giggles and smiles.

He flashed them a smile and turned to glance at Jongdae, who seemed to notice the attention and resorted to hiding his flustered face and that sent him off chuckling.

"Shut...up..." Jongdae disgruntled and Minseok just laughs it off.

"Aye, aye, princess."

"Hyung!"

~

"Do you want to grab some bungeoppang?" Minseok cautiously asks the gloomy Jongdae, who in return glared at him and the older raised his two hands in surrender.

"I said I was sorry!"

"Sorry my ," Jongdae growls out and Minseok lets out a nervous chuckle. Obviously, after the Merry-Go-Round, Jongdae had unexpectedly bursts out on him on how he was ing humiliated among the people and that he was seen together with him. Though, the older knew that Jongdae didn't really mean any of those words, but it stung him a bit that it left him nodding to whatever nonsense of a lecture that Jongdae spouts at him and apologizes to keep everything cool; in return, it didn't work out at all.

"Hey, I said I was sorry! I didn't mean t-" he stops when Jongdae shoots him a cold glare and Minseok knew he had to stop and get Jongdae to calm down. When he tries to think of something to calm Jongdae down, he resorts not to speak at all because from what he had remembered back in their highschool years, when Jongdae is mad, you have to leave him alone to cool down since nothing will work to keep him calm.

After a few minutes of walking, Minseok hears a mumble from his side and he turns to look at Jongdae who had his head down.

"Huh?"

"I said I'm sorry," Jongdae repeats, voice steady and calm now, and Minseok knew the stratedgy worked. Jongdae sighs and couldn't believe himself for being riled up like that. He went far saying regretting words and to be honest, he couldn't live up with the regret of saying those to Minseok when he knew that the older male just wants to have fun with him. He kept scolding himself when Minseok gave him a space to recollect and calm himself down. Now, when he realized his mistakes, he couldn't help but feel sorry a bit for Minseok for what he had said.

"I didn't mean to burst out on you like that. It's just...you could have given me a warning about it. At least I could have been prepared, you know. You do remember that I don't like these things, right?" Jongdae knows his spouting excuses, but really, if Minseok could have at least given him a warning that they are going to that despicable ride; he could have prepared himself mentally and physically for it. But even Minseok have warned him about it, he would have freaked out because of it and Jongdae sighs at his fruitless excuse of saving his lowly self and pride.

Minseok doesn't seem to be bothered, though. He seems happy, in fact. Just hearing Jongdae apology is good enough for him and that only matters for him. A smile graces his lips and he slowly, he laces his hand with Jongdae's and the younger looked at him with surprise and he just smiled at him softly.

"Let's get that bungeoppang, okay?"

~

Somehow, Jongdae felt a bit restless on his position. It's been 15 minutes since Minseok left him to grab some bungeoppang and the older hasn't returned yet and that made him restless. He doesn't like waiting especially when wild things runs up on his mind and it wasn't pleasant at all. It's also been long since he was out in public and the crowd makes him dizzy a bit, but that doesn't matter; all he wants is Minseok to get back. But when the older doesn't seem to return at any time, Jongdae sets off to find him, hoping he could at least get to wherever Minseok is now.

At the same time, Minseok was about to head back from the stall when he heard someone called him out. Whipping his head around, he caught sight of a young woman with a familair cheeky smile. He feels the air in his chest caught up in his throat and his eyes widen at who it was.

"Y-yeona?" he sputters in surprise and she hugs him in greeting. When she pulled back, she had this usual blooming face and Minseok rememebers the days he had spent with her. She still looked the same, in fact, nothing changed. She still had this usual blooming face and sparkles and flowers around her background, and the only things that differs now is the ring on her finger.

"It's been awhile, hasn't it oppa? I never saw you after graduation and look at you now! Still the same as ever! Chubby as hell!" She grins at him and Minseok couldn't help but grin back also. After all, her smile was contagious.

"And you're still the same cheeky brat. I see you got yourself a boyfriend, huh? Where is he, by the way?" Minseok asks, wondering where her boyfriend is. Yeona shrugs casually and points behind her.

"Buying some food along the way," she replies, then her eyes widen when something dawned on her. "Oh, right. Oppa, are you and Jongdae together? I know I have caused a lot of trouble back then, but are both of you..." she trailed off and Minseok realizes the hesitation in her voice. Of course, she would be nervous to speak it up. After the rough past, he knew that Yeona had somehow made a great scar on Jongdae and her hesitation would be natural.

He softly smiled at her and nods his head. "Yeah, we are. He's still healing, but we're doing great."

Yeona's tensed shoulder visbly eased down, a sigh of relief leaving her lips as she closed her eyes. Suddenly, she opened them back abruptly and looks at Minseok then to the plastic bag that he has in his hand then back to him again and her eyes widen again.

"I-I-I'm not interrupting your date, aren't I?"

Minseok chuckles nervously and Yeona gasps at the revelation flooded her.

"Oh my gosh. I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to caught you up here. It's just that...it's been so long and I-I-I-" Yeona didn't mange to continue her words as she panics and Minseok reassures her that it's fine and she wasn't intruding at all.

"Are you sure? I mean what if Jongdae found out? I...wouldn't he be mad? I mea-" she wasn't able to finsih her words when Minseok interrupts her with another chuckle.

"Woah, calm down. It's fine." Minseok tries to soothe her to the best of his abilities and thankfully, she seemed to calm down.

"Guess, you're right. Better go now. Oh, wait. I'll be getting married soon and I would like to invite Jongdae and you. You wouldn't mind, right? You could discuss it with Jongdae if you want. If he doesn't want to, then that's fine. I would just like you to know."

Minseok nods his head and softly smiled at her. Yeona smiled back at him and looked at the guy he had once fallen in love before, all mature and still the same. They hugged for one last time, as a farewell to the past and a greeting to the new beginning. When they pulled away from each other, they laughed one last time, but Minseok's laughter died down abruptly when he spotted Jongdae not too far away them, a pained look on his face.

Minseok found himself frozen at the spot and Yeona felt confused for a moment that she followed his gaze, a gasp leaving her lips when she saw who it was. When a quick turn of the heels, Minseok sees Jongdae botling out from the area and Minseok was pulled back to reality again, chasing after Jongdae after he said a quick 'goodbye' to Yeona, who in return looked quite scared and in panic.

~

Jongdae tries to run away as far as he could because it hurts. It hurts too much to actually carry the pain. Tears won’t even flow out from his eyes, but he could feel the stinging pain and it hurts but his heart aches in pain more than ever.

The senior girl is back.

 Yeona is back.

Why of all times, must that girl have to be here? Why must she be at the carnival? Why? Why do the heavens like to give him pain? Give him all the miseries of the world?

“Jongdae!” A faint yell is heard from behind him and Jongdae doesn’t spare a glance behind him, knowing too well who it is. He quickens his pace, trying so hard not to let Minseok to catch up with him.

Minseok grits his teeth. This is not what he had intended to do. In fact, this is not even part of the plan. He wasn’t even expecting Yeona to be at the amusement park at all. He knew that Jongdae misunderstood it all. By seeing his pained and broken look, he knew that Jongdae had it all misunderstood. Yeona already had a boyfriend; in fact, they are going to get married next year. Yeona saw him by chance when her boyfriend was away buying foods for them. She approaches him to drop him the news of that they are getting married and that she would gladly have both him and Jongdae in the wedding.

Yeona didn’t mean anything to him and Jongdae had it all wrong.  Jongdae still had his scars open and he knew that Yeona had been a trauma to him, seeing that Yeona had greatly affected the younger and had been one of the causes of his scars.

Minseok grits his teeth more, trying to quicken his pace to catch up with Jongdae. He’s a runner, yes, but Jongdae could be quick when he wants to and the younger could beat him in a race. He yells his name, trying to make Jongdae stop and hear him out, but the younger continues to be stubborn and that didn’t help him at all.

“Jongdae! Stop! Please!” he pleads to the younger and a sudden breathe of relief escapes his lips when he saw the younger stop at the other side of the road. The cars are still passing by and he hopes that Jongdae would stay at his place.

Jongdae shuts his eyes, painful and hard. He soothingly tends to his heart, trying to comfort and tries to tell his heart to hear Minseok out because that maybe, he misunderstood. But his heart is stubborn, yet he won’t let his heart prevail this time, instead he turns around.

Minseok runs.

Jongdae looks at the upcoming light that is coming from Minseok’s direction. He looks at Minseok in panic and an immediate convulse of energy drove him out of the side, running towards the light and Minseok.

No.

 

I can’t let him die.

 

I can’t.

 

Let me be the one.

 

Let me make it in time.

 

Please.

 

I love him.

 

Screeching is heard, shouts of people became the song of the day as the heavy truck took a painful turn, crashing to the trees. The cars crashed to one another and one bright red car stops at the middle of the road. A big crack on the glass with splatters of blood across and the sight wasn't that unbearable to have.

 

A body lies on the road, eyes wide in shock and body trembling at the sight.

 

A body lies on the scarlet road.

 

Scarlet hue dances under the glistening moon.

 

---

足够-Zúgòu- Enough

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"Chained in the past, the present is scarred and the future is missing."

---

Ahahaha........*laughter slowly fades away*

/gulps/

I'm back?

ah, yes...I know............

yep.......

you could leave your comments/death threats/and I will....surely look at them when I know that I won't be killed...yet.

Yep............ahahaha......ha.....yeah..............

BYE!

/leaves to hide in a hole/