Report Card for Can I Love You -by loyal_kissme. Chapters 1-28

Story Link

Title : (1/2) Was it eye-catching? Does it fit the fic? Would I have clicked on it?

I personally wouldn't have clicked on it but it does fit the fic.

Description & Foreword : (1/2) Did it get me curious/interested? Did it give too much information or totally off topic? Was it a proper description and foreword?

I kind of narrowed my eyes after reading your description because i didn't really get it. I think that little chunk you have in your foreword is more of the description.

Originality: (3/5) Was it different from other fics out there? Were you able to make it your own in a way?

Hmm.. kind of the same but yet different than other fics I guess. Lots of cliches but eh it just felt different.

Overall Appearance/Neatness: (5/5) How were things like your background, poster, and font? Did I have trouble reading due to any font ?

Neat, font was fine.

Word Choice & Descriptiveness: (3/6) Did you have a wide range in variety with words? Was I able to visualize things in my head easily with your words?

Average range of words which wasn't much and there wasn't really much of a picture going on in my head. Lots of repetitive wording.

Story Flow: (7/10) Were things going by smoothly or was it confusing and jerky?

Frequent POV changes ruined the flow.

Grammar, Sentence Fluency, and etc : (13/20) I’m a semi-grammar freak GRAMMAR NAZI so grammar is a big thing for me. Grammar, spelling, and all the good stuff in this section. Except this part of the grading to be stricter. Seriously.  You will lose big points for this. Keep in mind, that deep within , I am probably a grammar dictator. D-I-C-T-A-T-O-R.

'I think I've write too much.' Should be past tense so either written or wrote.

'... not even bother by the slim blonde guy...'  should be past tense; bothered.

'It was twelve when there weren't' much customers so Kevin could get some relax.' Much sounds weird,I think that should be changed to 'many' and also that last half of the sentence seems incomplete.

"Someone wants to meet you."His workmate,Eli,beamed.  The period after you should be a comma, his should be lower cased and you need to space out the commas. It looks bunched up when you do it like that.

^ That particular mistake is common throughout the fic. Also you don't spaceout/ click the enter key when someone else started talking. Like Kiseop will be talking and then Kevin will talk but it's literally the next sentence right next to the one about Kiseop talking.

LOTS AND LOTS of tense mistakes that I'm not going to list. Few spelling, dialogue grammar mistakes. Some sentences missing a few words, plurals,  and etc. That's all really. I'm not going to list them all, example wise I mean.

Plot: (17/20): Very important. Was it interesting? Was it well written? Was I able to get into it or did I start losing interest? Etc.

Decent plot line, although honestly half the time I read it just because I had to. The other half I did get a bit into it though.

Writing Style and Format : (17/20) How was the layout/formatting? Was your style easy to figure out and read? How does it look? Was it professional looking? Etc.

Neat, nuff said.  Unless we're including how the talking was all clumped together and all that grammar jazz.

Overall Enjoyment: (6.5/10) How much I liked your fic overall.

Total: 73.5/100

BUT WAIT- THERE’S EXTRA CREDIT~! A CHANCE for more points and also a possibility that more points will get taken off…

Characters: (0/3) Were your characters well developed? Did they have a voice to them?

Lots of voice but a lack of development.

Chapter Titles: (0/2) Did you even have them? Did they go with the chapter? Were they creative?

My Feels: (0/5) What were my reactions to events? Did you get me to laugh, or crack a smile, resist the urge to throw something at the computer screen, cry, etc? All that good stuff. *Note- Points will be taken off if I ever had any “ What the hell did I just read” moments.

Right at the begging of chapter one when I saw 'No one's POV' I just went "Oh shisus.."

Okay was Kiseop on crack because he seriously would no stop giggling and giggled after every other thing that came out of his mouth. I couldn't really feel any sympathy for Kiseop or Kevin, or well -anyone. Don't take that the wrong way, I'm not some sort of sadist. They all had sad pasts. It's just I couldn't feel it. Yeah Kiseop was a abused and his father never took care of him and etc etc. I didn't feel anything. Sure there was that personal connection of being neglected by my parents but I couldn't' feel it. It's not like it came back to traumatize Kiseop, it didn't haunt his dreams or anything like that.

I don't really know if I worded that right. It's just I couldn't really feel anything while reading this.

Twists & Turns + Cliffhangers: (0/2) Did you have them? Were they creative or gasp worthy?

Lots of twist and turns but not really gasps worthy. I could see a lot of them coming.

Anything Else: (0/3) Anything else praise worthy or points off?

Notes/ Comments:

Really the only MAIN issues were the grammar and the flow. I totally understand why the grammar was like that though - English is a confusing language and I feel bad for everyone that has to learn it. Then again English is my third language but anyways. It's totally fine to be confused with all the tenses and plurals and etc. Other than that it's a decent fic. The chapters were a little short but it was kind of like a short and sweet kind of thing. I hope you don't mind I only reviewed up to chapter 28. I have to get to the other reviews and whatnot. On another note, you mentioned you usually update daily. Don't do that. Take your time with your writing. If it's a good fic than subscribers are willing to wait. Don't worry about the number of subs you have, just write it out, read it over and revise each and every chapter until you're happy with it. Trust me, you'll regret updating so often. I did that with my first fanfic and now i regret it because I feel like I could have done so much better. That's really the reason why I decided to become a reviewer. Anyways, I think I've covered everything but if you have any questions please go ahead and PM me ^^ I'll be glad to help with any questions you have.

Final Total: 73.5/100