Report Card - Aish! That Jung Daehyun! by kpoplistener. Chapters 1-38

Story Link

Title : (1/2) Was it eye-catching? Does it fit the fic? Would I have clicked on it?

Fits the fic, personally for me though? I wouldn't have clicked on it. I like B.A.P and all but not enough to read a B.A.P fic putting that aside, I think I would have been 50/50 on whether to click it or not.

Description & Foreword : (1/2) Did it get me curious/interested? Did it give too much information or totally off topic? Was it a proper description and foreword?

Hmm.. i wasn't all that interested since I felt like I could figure out what was going to happen. As for the foreword all I have to say is; DANG GURL SO MUCH OF EVERYTHING. I suggest maybe getting rid of some of all that you have there or at least make it more organized. Somehow.

Originality: (2/5) Was it different from other fics out there? Were you able to make it your own in a way?

Everything is a bit cliche. I admit there's some small points that make it a bit different but generally it's pretty cliche. For a B.A.P fic I wouldn't know but for fics generally? Cliche. The whole hate then love then throw in a girl maybe some guys and blah blah blah.

Overall Appearance/Neatness: (4/5) How were things like your background, poster, and font? Did I have trouble reading due to any font ?

The font changed every now and then. Background wasn't distracting and the poster - well you have a bunch haha.

Word Choice & Descriptiveness: (2.5/6) Did you have a wide range in variety with words? Was I able to visualize things in my head easily with your words?

Not much range of words. Not much of a picture in my head either. I don't even know what your OC looks like. Like when Daehyun admits your OC is pretty, what made her pretty? Her colored hair? A specific facial feature? There wasn't much of a picture going on in my head. Yes, your OC is on the poster and I'm not blind. But as the author you have to paint the picture in my head with words.

Story Flow: (6/10) Were things going by smoothly or was it confusing and jerky?

Kind of jerky. Also the constant author notes would ruin the flow.

Grammar, Sentence Fluency, and etc : (3/20) I’m a semi-grammar freak GRAMMAR NAZI so grammar is a big thing for me. Grammar, spelling, and all the good stuff in this section. Except this part of the grading to be stricter. Seriously.  You will lose big points for this. Keep in mind, that deep within , I am probably a grammar dictator. D-I-C-T-A-T-O-R.

Some mistakes started rolling in not too long as I started the first chapter. * Bold is the possible correction.

I was not enjoying this like the others.

Finally, Mr. Hwang, our principal grabbed the mic that stood on stage and faced the crowd. (I bolded a comma as 'Mr.Hwang')

There are a lot punctuation problems too as you forget to end your sentences properly. Some switching between past and present tense, and plurals etc. For example

Here comes the screams.  The s after come shouldn't be there. Also some minor spacing issues. Some sentences could have been together like

But it was too late, the damage was done.

There was one part where the narrator just changed randomly

“YAH! JUNG DAEHYUN!” You managed to shout as he flung you on the couch. He started tickling you. Yes, the great Daehyun instead of doing some horrible punishment to me, started tickling me.

Lots of wrong spacing for dialogue, 3/4 of the time it was together when it shouldn't have been and the other 1/4 of the time it was spaced out when it should have been together. Lots of this going on :

He said it in English, so no one in the room but me and him could understand.

Correct grammar should be ' he and I ' .

Sometimes, you would have someone random shout something to interrupt the conversation but sometimes you never cleared out who said it.

Etc.

Plot: (16/20): Very important. Was it interesting? Was it well written? Was I able to get into it or did I start losing interest? Etc.

I was a  bit confused at the beginning. Was Zelo referring to Minhwa as in your OC's cousin? If so, wouldn't she be a bit more acquainted with B.A.P? This has always been part of the grade but it was a bit far fetched. I mean, yes B.A.P are a group of attractive boys. Would I really want to get kidnapped with them? No. Would my mom strangely be okay with the idea of it overall? No. Etc etc. Decently written. I was pretty out of it, got into it and bit then got out of it.

Writing Style and Format : (16/20) How was the layout/formatting? Was your style easy to figure out and read? How does it look? Was it professional looking? Etc.

Layout was fine, although I think the spacing out thing isn't working much. But that's just me. Not all that professional looking but just decent.

Overall Enjoyment: (8/10) How much I liked your fic overall.

Despite all the grammar issues and lack of properly ended sentences, I found myself enjoying this.

Total: 59.5/100

BUT WAIT- THERE’S EXTRA CREDIT~! A CHANCE for more points and also a possibility that more points will get taken off…

Characters: (1/3) Were your characters well developed? Did they have a voice to them?

I really liked how much voice your characters had or at least, Namjoo. I grew attached to her pretty quick because I could kind of relate to her. I mean no I haven't been kidnapped by a boy band and all that stuff but if I were in  her situation, I probably would have done the same thing. I could just really feel how she felt and whatnot. There's still some room for development though.

Chapter Titles: (0/2) Did you even have them? Did they go with the chapter? Were they creative?

Nothing much to say here.

My Feels: (2/5) What were my reactions to events? Did you get me to laugh, or crack a smile, resist the urge to throw something at the computer screen, cry, etc? All that good stuff. *Note- Points will be taken off if I ever had any “ What the hell did I just read” moments.

I admit, most of this is really cute and I cracked a lot of smiles. However, there were also some "wtf how/why/what happened?" moments. Like this 'poison' thingy your OC has, where did she even get this shiz? Is this even real? Probably not and I get this is fanfiction and 'anything goes' but it still has to be somewhat realistic.

But this is seriously really really cute! Tao just got me all giddy and I laughed a bit when he showed up. Also, Sarang can go my non existent - I'll just stop. lol but that chick, I swear.. I could throw a car at her xD

Lots of feels while reading

Twists & Turns + Cliffhangers: (0/2) Did you have them? Were they creative or gasp worthy?

Nothing gaspworthy. So far at least.

Anything Else: (0/3) Anything else praise worthy or points off?

Notes/ Comments:

For the things in the grammar section, I highly recommend going back and reading your chapters to find those mistakes since I'm not going to list them all for you. That effort is up to you. Most of them are just small mistakes that piled up on you and took down your score. Going back and reading and revising your chapters should do the trick. Also regarding that whole 'poison' thingy, calling it poison just made it sound.. tacky. I suggest using the word 'drug' instead. This also reminds me a bit of my first fic.. I think that you should go back and erase your author notes because they don't have to be there and they ruin the flow. Author notes should be if you feel like you REALLY need to clear something out in the chapter that might be confusing and etc. If you do it to explain why you took so long to update, then that's fine. Just erase after a few more chapters in because you don't need it anymore. Anyhow! So yeah, just lots of grammar things to fix maybe some plot things and etc.Reading through it all and editing is really all you need to do.  If you have anymore questions about this report card, feel free to PM me ^^ Keep up the good work! I hope you'll request soon keke I'm at a cliffhanger o;

Final Total : 62.5/100