Report Card - My Charming Key by kamikazexox. Chapters 1-28. Retake.

Story Link

Title : (1/2) Was it eye-catching? Does it fit the fic? Would I have clicked on it?

Not all that eye catching, personally wouldn't have clicked on it and fits.

Description & Foreword : (1/2) Did it get me curious/interested? Did it give too much information or totally off topic? Was it a proper description and foreword?

Description started off good but that quote shouldn't be included there. There wasn't much point in it and it confused me for a moment. Also I thought you should know that my name showed up like right above the foreword. Foreword was fine although I'm not big on fics that have that whole 'Characters' section.

Originality: (3/5) Was it different from other fics out there? Were you able to make it your own in a way?

Typical fic.  The usual diva Key, puppy Jong, sporty Minho, baby Taemin and chicken maniac Onew. I mean I guess every SHINee fic is like this but there's way to make it your own and that wasn't the case here. Hate then love. Etc.

Overall Appearance/Neatness: (5/5) How were things like your background, poster, and font? Did I have trouble reading due to any font ?

Good and font was fine. Although sometimes when you tried to use a horizontal line to separate things, I think you accidently messed up as to where that line should have been on many occasions.

Word Choice & Descriptiveness: (4.5/6) Did you have a wide range in variety with words? Was I able to visualize things in my head easily with your words?

Decent range, some 'fancy' words here and there. Picturing things is still blurry though. It gradually got better but it's still blurry.

Story Flow: (5/10) Were things going by smoothly or was it confusing and jerky?

Pretty choppy.  Don't transition with things like for example : Later at the Shinee dorm...

Don't transition your story like that and don't keep switching back and forth to each person's home because that ruins the flow. Author notes were unnessacary as well. All of that is making it choppier.

Grammar, Sentence Fluency, and etc : (15/20) I’m a semi-grammar freak GRAMMAR NAZI so grammar is a big thing for me. Grammar, spelling, and all the good stuff in this section. Except this part of the grading to be stricter. Seriously.  You will lose big points for this. Keep in mind, that deep within , I am probably a grammar dictator. D-I-C-T-A-T-O-R.

Grammar issues right on the description and foreword.

Little does she know he has his own way of dealing with things.

Should be past tense and some punctuation is needed. Suggestion : Little did she know, he had his own way of dealing with things.

Also the first sentence of the first chapter.

They always left without him. And it being the first day of school didn't change a thing.

It could just be ' They always left without him. It being the first day of school didn't change a thing. '

'Shinee was surprisingly chilling outside their dorm when he got out (except Minho; he had early morning soccer practice).' I feel that this sentence is a bit awkward. Maybe rephrase it to ' The rest of the boys but Minho, who had an early soccer practice, were  chilling outside their dorm when he got out. '

Okay on a side note, I feel that if the POV is third person than you should avoid using parenthesis because I don't know they're just awkward. Like here

'She was bright, clean, awake, and dressed in full (pink laced, frilly shirt, and knee-high-skirt) school uniform with her distinguished track pants underneath.

Track pants: the only article of clothing that made her uniform bearable to walk around in.'

A suggestion would be : '  She was bright, clean,and awake. She was dressed in full school uniform that consisted of a pin laced frilly shirt and a knee length skirt with her distinguished track pants underneath.

Track pants: the only article of clothing that made her uniform bearable to walk around in. '

The common dialogue mistake : '“Unni, you’re late.” Teased Saeyeon, her little sister, as she casually walked downsatirs in her pokemon pajamas.'

Correction and suggestion: "Unni, you're late," teased Saeyeon as she casually walked downstairs in her pokemon pajamas.

'Onew shuddered.“Oh God, save me now, he’s grossing me out.” ' There should be a comma after 'shuddered' instead of a period.

' "Hey." He smirk-laughed. " I said you're cute." ' .... smirk-laughed isn't really a word/phrase. Maybe phrase that to ' he laughed and a smirk crept on his lips, ' also fix the punctuation on for that. 

'Min Hee looked totally offended. Being a Queenka and someone not knowing your name is probably one of the most

humiliating things ever—and I knew that. I smiled at her. Ohh mann, was she pissed.' You can see the problem there right?

Lots of small typos, grammar mistakes like tenses, spelling mistakes, spacing problems, punctuation things, and etc.  Other things I'm going to let you look for.

Plot: (17/20): Very important. Was it interesting? Was it well written? Was I able to get into it or did I start losing interest? Etc.

At first I honestly was kind of out of it, probably because I read it already and I kinda knew what was going on and  nor did I see any significant changes. But after a while I got interested again. Enough for me to just read everything you had, one more chapter than what you requested haha. Decently written, just some touch ups needed.

Writing Style and Format : (17/20) How was the layout/formatting? Was your style easy to figure out and read? How does it look? Was it professional looking? Etc.

Style changed at some point but overall it was still neat and what not. Decent looking.

Overall Enjoyment: (8.5/10) How much I liked your fic overall.

Total: 77/100

BUT WAIT- THERE’S EXTRA CREDIT~! A CHANCE for more points and also a possibility that more points will get taken off…

Characters: (0/3) Were your characters well developed? Did they have a voice to them?

There's voice but there could be more voice and more development is needed. Like for example Annie. I'm aware she's not a main or anything like that but when I got to the 20's for chapters I got really confused about her background and then I pondered other characters and what not. Development is needed.

Chapter Titles: (0/2) Did you even have them? Did they go with the chapter? Were they creative?

My Feels: (2/5) What were my reactions to events? Did you get me to laugh, or crack a smile, resist the urge to throw something at the computer screen, cry, etc? All that good stuff. *Note- Points will be taken off if I ever had any “ What the hell did I just read” moments.

Maybe this is just so cheesy in a way or maybe I'm just easily amused - but I cracked a lot of smiles while reading and a chuckle here and there.

Twists & Turns + Cliffhangers: (0/2) Did you have them? Were they creative or gasp worthy?

Anything Else: (2/3) Anything else praise worthy or points off?

Although I've spotted some different grammar issues, I also spotted improvement. Each chapter got a little better bit by bit and I'm really - I guess I can say proud of you. The grammar problems lessened a bit and gradually the plot got better. Still room for improvement but it's better from the first time I read it. I compared this back to the old report card and you realy have improve, and you really did go back to fix those mistakes. Good job ^__^

Notes/ Comments:

I should have said this on my first review, but don't use a different kpop idol for your OC's picture. When I saw the poster I assume it was Taeyeon as the female lead. This is just a suggestion and you don't have to do it (Hell, actually you don't even have to go back and fix your mistakes and stuff if you didn't want to haha anyways...) I think you should take out the characters section in the foreword. I'm not fond of those simply because it takes away your chance to develop characters and grow an 'attachment' to them. Don't put an action in the middle of a speaking part like ' blah blah blah -cough- blah blah.. ' either. But everything is really just basically going back and fixing things. Nothing too big. I think I've said everything else in other sections. Keep up the good work : D You're improving, feel free to request again if you would like ^^ Oh and PM me if you have any questions.

Final Total: 81/100

* 18 point improvement. You went from a 63 to an 81. The higher score will be taken and fixed on the Almighty Ranking List. *