Report Card - Slave: Betrayal by KatyMikayla. Chapters 1-14.

Story Link

Title : (1.5/2) Was it eye-catching? Does it fit the fic? Would I have clicked on it?

Fits and I would personally be half and half on if I would click it.

Description & Foreword : (.5/2) Did it get me curious/interested? Did it give too much information or totally off topic? Was it a proper description and foreword?

Description was alright but it didn't get my attention or anything. Needs some revision. Foreword, I've expressed my dislike for the whole characters section as the foreword in numerous reviews. This was the same thing, it gave away too much and took away your chance to develop your characters. The preface did catch my attention though.

Originality: (3/5) Was it different from other fics out there? Were you able to make it your own in a way?

I guess the way you have this slavery thing going on is unique but the whole slave thing is overused.

Overall Appearance/Neatness: (4/5) How were things like your background, poster, and font? Did I have trouble reading due to any font ?

No problems with the font.

Word Choice & Descriptiveness: (4/6) Did you have a wide range in variety with words? Was I able to visualize things in my head easily with your words?

Nice range of words but it's a blurry picture in my head. The only real description I got was that Sungmin is blonde. Everything else was too general like innocent and cute.

Story Flow: (7/10) Were things going by smoothly or was it confusing and jerky?

When transitioning in and out of a flashback, don't put 'Flashback' or 'End of flashback' because it totally ruined the flow.

Grammar, Sentence Fluency, and etc : (13/20) I’m a semi-grammar freak GRAMMAR NAZI so grammar is a big thing for me. Grammar, spelling, and all the good stuff in this section. Except this part of the grading to be stricter. Seriously.  You will lose big points for this. Keep in mind, that deep within , I am probably a grammar dictator. D-I-C-T-A-T-O-R.

Oppa shouldn't be capitalized unless at the beginning of a sentence. It isn't a proper noun nor really a name so it shouldn't be capitalized every time. Same thing with appa.

' I whined. “It’s not like I won’t be surprised!” ' The period after whined should be a comma. A common mistake worldwide and in this fic, at least in the first half.

'I have Oppa a bright smile and nodded. “Thank you, Oppa!” ' I'm pretty sure you meant 'gave', oppa shouldn't be capitalized and it really should just be Eunhyuk instead of oppa, and that period should be a comma after nodded.

Some spelling typos here and there

“I think you’re going to say in the little bedroom by my bathroom."

'Lord, I’ve missed the way his body felt against mind when we fuc*ed and the way his voice sounded when he begged me to stop. Fuc*, I needed him now.'

I don't know if I should put this in this section but I'm going to anyways. This chapter with this excerpt is already rated M. No need to censor the word out like that. The same with other cuss words even if the chapter isn't rated M.

'  “K, I’ll be back then.” '

.... Never ever do that. This isn't Sungmin texting someone, he's just talking. Should be Okay or Kay.  Other than that, pretty flawless.

Plot: (17/20): Very important. Was it interesting? Was it well written? Was I able to get into it or did I start losing interest? Etc.

Interesting, I guess. I'm honestly not really sure if I was interested in it or not. Decently written.

Writing Style and Format : (18/20) How was the layout/formatting? Was your style easy to figure out and read? How does it look? Was it professional looking? Etc.

Formatted properly thus professional looking. Except for the whole chapter number in the text of the chapter and how the POV of a certain character was in a big colorized font.

Overall Enjoyment: (6.5/10) How much I liked your fic overall.

Total: 74.5/100

BUT WAIT- THERE’S EXTRA CREDIT~! A CHANCE for more points and also a possibility that more points will get taken off…

Characters: (0/3) Were your characters well developed? Did they have a voice to them?

Chapter Titles: (0/2) Did you even have them? Did they go with the chapter? Were they creative?

My Feels: (0/5) What were my reactions to events? Did you get me to laugh, or crack a smile, resist the urge to throw something at the computer screen, cry, etc? All that good stuff. *Note- Points will be taken off if I ever had any “ What the hell did I just read” moments.

I found it so annoying as to how the word 'oppa' was used every time Jessica's POV referred to Eunhyuk. It was overused when it wasn't needed and I just wanted to head desk myself while I was reading this because of that.

Headdesking myself the whole time during chapter 14. Call me stubborn but no, you are not in love with someone after a day.

Twists & Turns + Cliffhangers: (0/2) Did you have them? Were they creative or gasp worthy?

Anything Else: (1/3) Anything else praise worthy or points off?

I was surprised to see it properly formatted. Actually using the tab button for each new paragraph. It's rare to find that in fics.

Notes/ Comments:

Right when I got to the first chapter, I was questioning why that A/N was there. You should have had that in the foreword or at the end of the chapter. I found it so annoying as to how the word 'oppa' was used every time Jessica's POV referred to Eunhyuk. Author Notes should be erased after the next few updates because then they're just ruining the flow of your story. Plus they were quite excessive, you didn't need them because most of them were just gifs and etc.  One forth of the chapter was usually just this fun A/N that consisted of a picture or a gif or your random thoughts that didn't really have to do with the fic. I think I've covered everything else. But overall it's a nice fic. Keep up the good work ^^

Final Total: 75.5/100