Report Card -Beauty on Shore by Jessbian. Chapters 1-2.

Story Link

Title : (1.5/2) Was it eye-catching? Does it fit the fic? Would I have clicked on it?

Fits, personally for my own tastes, I would have been 50/50 on clicking it based solely off the title.

Description & Foreword : (2/2) Did it get me curious/interested? Did it give too much information or totally off topic? Was it a proper description and foreword?

Did what they were suppose to do. Nuff said.

Originality: (5/5) Was it different from other fics out there? Were you able to make it your own in a way?

Don't see much of it going around. Nothing cliche going on at all.

Overall Appearance/Neatness: (5/5) How were things like your background, poster, and font? Did I have trouble reading due to any font ?

Neat and attractive lol. Font is easy to read.

Word Choice & Descriptiveness: (6/6) Did you have a wide range in variety with words? Was I able to visualize things in my head easily with your words?

Wide range of words with a beautiful picture painted in my head. Had to look up lots of words.

Story Flow: (9/10) Were things going by smoothly or was it confusing and jerky?

Fairly smooth. A small chop here and there.

Grammar, Sentence Fluency, and etc : (10/20) I’m a semi-grammar freak GRAMMAR NAZI so grammar is a big thing for me. Grammar, spelling, and all the good stuff in this section. Except this part of the grading to be stricter. Seriously.  You will lose big points for this. Keep in mind, that deep within , I am probably a grammar dictator. D-I-C-T-A-T-O-R.

'Days after days' Shouldn't be plural. Should be 'Day after day'

Wrong usage of the word decelerated. Decelerated means to slow down: to reduce speed.

'the golden sun decelerated up into the sky'

Then's also a change of tenses at one point for a bit.

She was wearing a plain, beige trench coat, black cotton leggings, and long brown, leather boots which she soon regretted her choice of clothing she chose for the day.

Should be 'wore' as past tense not present. Also I feel like that comma separating long brown leather boots has to be there.  For some more sentence fluency perhaps cut that sentence apart and revise it to

She wore a plain, beige trench coat, black cotton leggings, and long brown leather boots. She soon regretted her choice of clothing she had chosen for the day.

That's just a suggestion.

'Walking through the sand that was over layered by snow...'

I understand what you mean by over layered but it sounds weird when it comes out of my mouth. Maybe change that tidbit.

'To Tiffany, the sight was breathtaking, so she..'

That sentence could end at breathtaking.

'..until something caught her eyes, she couldn't quite..'  That comma can also be replaced with a period.

'...releasing one of her hand.' Should be hands. Plural. Tiffany has two hands lol.

'...spare clothes and undergarment,'  plural again. undergarments.

'...in case she wakes up unexpectedly.' Should be past tense : woke.

'She had blonde tousled hair with fringes on the right side' That doesn't sound right. Try reading it over.

'...I am guessing I am still in Korean'  Ahem. Should be Korea.

'Bits by bits,' Shouldn't be plural if you want to use it like that. It should be ' Bit by bit,'

'....ready to haunt her in misery for all she knows.' Tense issue again, should be knew.

'...strangled with her emotions.' Perhaps revise that bit to 'strangled her emotions' or something like that.

'The urge to shriek for a savior to come and reassure her back to safety, but that was less than a percent chance in happening. Help nor luck was on her side, only aching from the blisters she received from sprinting barefooted in the icy, autumn night drove her into insanity. ' These sentence seems incomplete in a way. Re-read it and try to revise.

'Firstly, she never planned on to, ever, because she hated doing something involving effort,' This gives off a weird vibe too. Maybe it's the over use of commas in one sentence? Maybe ending the sentence after 'ever' would make it sound better?

'..made a sharp turn into an alley but only to have karma tricked her into a deadly move.' I would suggest to take out 'only to have' but you can revise it in a different way.

'Breathing out dejectedly, she set her now cold beverage on her coffee table, the auburn nearly jumped out from the blankets wrapped warmly around her when she saw the door slammed deafeningly.' That comma after coffee table can be a period.

"What took you so long Taeyeon." That should be a question mark since it's a question.

'Taeyeon glared at the bickering woman and breathlessly taciturn' Taciturn is used wrong, the definition doesn't make sense.

'It was embarrassing but she can feel..' tense issue. Should be past : could.

Plot: (20/20): Very important. Was it interesting? Was it well written? Was I able to get into it or did I start losing interest? Etc.

Captured my attention for the whole time, well written, never lost interest.

Writing Style and Format : (20/20) How was the layout/formatting? Was your style easy to figure out and read? How does it look? Was it professional looking? Etc.

Very neat and professional looking.

Overall Enjoyment: (8.5/10) How much I liked your fic overall.

Total: 87/100

BUT WAIT- THERE’S EXTRA CREDIT~! A CHANCE for more points and also a possibility that more points will get taken off…

Characters: (0/3) Were your characters well developed? Did they have a voice to them?

More space for development and maybe some more voice.

Chapter Titles: (0/2) Did you even have them? Did they go with the chapter? Were they creative?

Fancy.

My Feels: (.5/5) What were my reactions to events? Did you get me to laugh, or crack a smile, resist the urge to throw something at the computer screen, cry, etc? All that good stuff. *Note- Points will be taken off if I ever had any “ What the hell did I just read” moments.

A small smile from the ending.

Twists & Turns + Cliffhangers: (0/2) Did you have them? Were they creative or gasp worthy?

Slight cliffhanger at the end but I know of your plans about that.

Anything Else: (0/3) Anything else praise worthy or points off?

Notes/ Comments:

First off, I'd like to say that to anyone else besides Jessbian reading this : Usually the shop is a first come first serve, but today I 'broke' that rule but not because Jessbian is my best friend (and understand that I would do this for any of you) but because this is an entry for a contest and she just finished it last night and I could not get to it until now. If it is for a contest and you need it ASAP then I will review it right away for you. Should have put this in the rules. Sorry for the inconvenience to anyone who reviewed earlier ;~;

Anyways.

So the corrections with the commas and periods are all up to you. It all varies on how you want the writing to be displayed. Small grammar things (tsk tsk), oh and also you should check over some of those fancy words you used because sometimes it didn't make sense in the sentence, but other than that great work. Not much to say besides good luck~ ^^

Final Total: 87.5/100