Report Card - Au Revoir by WishinqStarXD. Chapters 1-3.

Story Link

Title : (1.5/2) Was it eye-catching? Does it fit the fic? Would I have clicked on it?

Fits, personally I wouldn't have clicked on it. That's just my tastes. Actually.. I might have.

Description & Foreword : (1.5/2) Did it get me curious/interested? Did it give too much information or totally off topic? Was it a proper description and foreword?

Description could use some revising. I felt like it kind of gave everything away. Forward was nice, perhaps you could take part of the forward and put it in the description. Starting from the 'she' in bold to the last 'be'. I think that would work nice too, but it's up to you.

Originality: (3/5) Was it different from other fics out there? Were you able to make it your own in a way?

Hm... it was alright. A bit cliche, orphans.

Overall Appearance/Neatness: (5/5) How were things like your background, poster, and font? Did I have trouble reading due to any font ?

There were some parts where I was debating on if the font changed but other than that no other problems. no background or poster.

Word Choice & Descriptiveness: (4/6) Did you have a wide range in variety with words? Was I able to visualize things in my head easily with your words?

Decent range of words, but after Luhan and Yoona met the picture in my head went blurry. Well was blurry at first, then  it cleared up at that tid bit and stayed blurry for the rest of the fic.

Story Flow: (8/10) Were things going by smoothly or was it confusing and jerky?

Fairly smooth but it could have been a bit less choppy.

Grammar, Sentence Fluency, and etc : (16/20) I’m a semi-grammar freak GRAMMAR NAZI so grammar is a big thing for me. Grammar, spelling, and all the good stuff in this section. Except this part of the grading to be stricter. Seriously.  You will lose big points for this. Keep in mind, that deep within , I am probably a grammar dictator. D-I-C-T-A-T-O-R.

'“It’s time.” He muttered silently under his breath.' It should be a comma after 'time' and the H in 'he' should be lowercase.

“To find my birth parents and also to escape the hellhole that I am stuck at.” Yoona answered blatantly.

Comma is needed instead of a period again~ There's some switching of the tenses too.

'She seemed so fragile and in need of somebody who really cares for her and loves her. Luhan was more than willing to be that person.'

Suggestions/Corrections:

1. She seemed so fragile and in need of somebody to really care for her and love her.

2. She seemed so fragile and in need of somebody who could care and love her.

etc.

'The hug made them melt into each other and Yoona felt safe in his embrace like in a perfect dream. . He seemed to possess an extraordinary ability to calm even the coldest of heart.'

Suggestions/Corrections:

The hug made them melt into each other and Yoona felt safe in his embrace, as if she were in a perfect dream.

That comma can do a lot.

'I could not be so selfish and kept you by my side knowing that a good environment for you to grow up is out of my reach.'

Should be 'keep' instead of kept and 'is' should be 'was'. that sentence seems unfinished as well. I suggest reading it outloud and fix it to how you would like it to sound.

'Her hand, interlocked with Luhan’s, became moist and starts to shake.'

Should be 'startED' - past tense. Tense things, punctuation, plurals and just small things to be fixed.

Plot: (17/20): Very important. Was it interesting? Was it well written? Was I able to get into it or did I start losing interest? Etc.

It was interesting at first, and I didn't think it would end so soon. It could have been longer but it was a decent plot that could have been built out more. It was in a way 'tragic' but unrealistic with a fast 'love'.

Writing Style and Format : (18/20) How was the layout/formatting? Was your style easy to figure out and read? How does it look? Was it professional looking? Etc.

Neat, easy to read and all that good stuff.

Overall Enjoyment: (7/10) How much I liked your fic overall.

Total: 81/100

BUT WAIT- THERE’S EXTRA CREDIT~! A CHANCE for more points and also a possibility that more points will get taken off…

Characters: (0/3) Were your characters well developed? Did they have a voice to them?

Not much voice, lots more room for development.

Chapter Titles: (0/2) Did you even have them? Did they go with the chapter? Were they creative?

My Feels: (-1/5) What were my reactions to events? Did you get me to laugh, or crack a smile, resist the urge to throw something at the computer screen, cry, etc? All that good stuff. *Note- Points will be taken off if I ever had any “ What the hell did I just read” moments.

At the end - not the South Korea tidbit- but the bit after the accident, it made me feel like this was one of those cheesy skits they show you at school. Like ' Okay kids and even though this happened always blah blah blah.' It gave off that vibe to me. Of course I also raged a bit and almost shrieked at my screen, "THIS ISN'T HOW LOVE WORKS ASKLJNF; MCHB." and stuff but that's just me. I have a lot of strong feels when it comes to the subject of what love is. A bit of 'wtf' moments because love can't happen in three hours and Luhan's little confession there. Call me stubborn or whatever but i have a firm belief that love at first sight and all that stuff doesn't exist and love takes a long period of time to occur. Not three hours.  I didn't feel any sort of sadness at all after the crash simply because I felt no emotional attachment to Luhan and Yoona in this fic. Also I was so confused with that random bit at the beginning of chapter three.

Twists & Turns + Cliffhangers: (.5/2) Did you have them? Were they creative or gasp worthy?

The very end keeps me wondering... haha.

Anything Else: (0/3) Anything else praise worthy or points off?

Notes/ Comments:

Everything was a bit rushed, I feel as though you could have taken some time to stretch things out and make it longer. Most errors are minor things that can be fixed by going back, reading it again and fixing it. Huge loose end at the end haha. Other than that, a decent fic. Keep up the good work.

Final Total: 80.5/100